1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tyred.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

4. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

5. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

6. A calendar's days are numbered.

7. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

8. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

9. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

10. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

11. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

12. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

13. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class

 because it was a weapon of math disruption.

14. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

15. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

16. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. 

The police are looking into it.

17. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

18. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

19. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, 

a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

This poem was nominated
by UN as the best poem of 2008, written by an African kid



When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white(white)
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored ?

Sometimes, we try too hard to get to the greener
grass. 
 
In the process, we end up in
trouble…….. 

And when you find yourself in trouble and
you’re stuck in a 
 
situation that you can’t get out of, there is one
thing you should 
 
always
remember…….

Not everyone who shows
up……. 
Is there to help you!!!!
   

I have an habit of immediately recording some interesting
articles, especially the interesting paragraphs. I do not remember from where I
got this one – but I wanted to share it with you. So please read on…

Thinking is Association

FREUD says: all your thinking is association. If you see a dog in
the street, you start thinking about all the dogs you have seen from childhood.
Then you remember your childhood, you remember a teacher when you were a child.
There is no logical connection. When you start verbalising you miss reality.
Every day the sun rises; every day the sun sets; every day something new
happens. To you it’s one more Friday, one more Saturday, another Sunday. The
moment you label it as Friday, you think you know everything about that day.
You just take it for granted. Because you take people for granted you don’t
enjoy your relationships. You judge people first and collect arguments to
support your judgment.

 You can never step into the same river twice, because by that time it
has moved. People also move, they change, they are not the same as who you met
before. By the time you meet them again your husband/wife has changed;
something is added to them; either intelligence or foolishness. But you don’t
agree. You hold on to the same mental setup.

Sushruta wrote 5,000 years ago. He talks about open heart surgeries and
transplants. He was a great enlightened Master. He said: every six months your
liver replaces itself completely. Not even one part is same. Once in 21 days
your intestine replaces itself. Modern day physiologists agree. Every cell is
replaced continuously.
 
Sushruta says: your mental structure plays a major role when these changes take
place. A disciple asks him: why do we carry diseases over a number of years?
Why does the new liver carry the same disease? Sushruta replies: you don’t
believe you have changed, that’s why. You carry the same mental frame despite
body change. That mental frame retains the disease. You don’t let go of that
frame, you don’t let go of that disease. You don’t let go of your samskara.
Samskara is the powerful mental root that drags you to travel the same. path.

 Like Pavlov’s dogs which came running and salivated even when no food was
served but the bell was rung, whenever you remember that past situation or
person you react the same way, you move in the same rut. In the morning you
worry about office, by evening you worry about your wife and children,
unconsciously, without reason. The mood remains low even if you do not realise
why. You do not live based on intelligence, you live based on information.

__._,_.___

Everybody congratulates you

But nobody knows

How many times you were fuc_ _d…

HAS
ANYBODY SEEN A COCK???

The
priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the
hen house behind the church.

One
Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the
cock was missing.

He
knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in
church.

During
mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock?’

All
the men stood up.

‘No,
no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?’

All
the women stood up.

‘No,
no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t
belong to them?’

Half
the women stood up.

‘No,
no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?’

Sixteen
altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

The
priest fainted.

SHIP.HIGH.IN.TRANSIT.

In the 16th and 17th
centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before
commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were
common. 

It was shipped dry, because
in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit
it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of
which a by product is   methane gas . As
the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did)
happen. 

Methane began to build up
below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern,
BOOOOM! 

Several ships were destroyed
in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of
manure were always stamped with the term ‘Ship High In Transit ‘
on them.

This was meant for the
sailors to stow it high enough, off the lower decks, so that any water that
came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production
of methane. 

Thus evolved the term
S.H.I.T which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very
day.

You probably did not know
the true history of this word. 

Neither did I.