Confessions - II

Raju is an old friend. If I can recall it right - I remember him from my days in a Nursery School called Sishu Aakash somewhere in South Calcutta. Hence, he was the person there whom I had known for the maximum numbers of years now. Not that we were the best of friends but somewhere we both were proud to know each other for such a long time now.

And as Raju said ' “Guys, I need to confess something …” ' my head turned and my jaw dropped automatically, with a faint ' "Kya? What?" coming out of my mouth.

Raju had held his head low for sometime now. He didn't even bother to acknowledge my odd "Kya?".

"You crying?" Vicky said.

By that time, Lee had supposedly finished his puke. His face seemed much sobered now. He stood behind Raju, held his shoulders and asked ' "Whats the matter?"

"What happened?" said a surprisingly composed Shayan.

"I don't know if I will be ever able to forgive myself." Said Raju looking straight to my eyes. The look was so piercing ' I had remove the eye-contact before I questioned again ' "What the hell happened, Raju?"

By the time I asked ' Raju had started howling. Howling fiercely.

Vicky got up. Held Raju's shoulder and tried telling something but stopped.

Lee & Ashu were as good as statues. Didn't know how to react.

I was frantically trying to find words but couldn't.

Me & Vicky stared at each other ' dumb. Shayan closed his eyes and was breathing heavily. Lee had already finished his next can of beer. And, Ashu was too, drunk I guess to even react

"Will you talk, for God' sake?" ' Suddenly shouted Shayan breaking the silence and his image of a patient head.

Shayan rose gulped his peg in one shot and said ' "What the fuck can be more horrendous than getting screwed by your own BROTHER? ' Yeah!!! Man your own fucking BROTHER!!!"

He shouted the words 'brother' enough loud for it to echo & break the drowsiness that set into Ashu.

Vicku got up ' pushed Shayan onto his seat and said ' "Sshhhhhhhhh . Please .. Please .. Please".

"Hhhhmmmmmmm " ' gurgled out Shayan.

"Do you remember ' in Class 7 ' we went to Mumbai for a couple of months for our vacation to our Pisi's (Paternal Aunt) place." ' Raju said suddenly ' looking at me directly.

"Yes" ' I replied ' without thinking and recalling anything about his trip. He was talking about a time about 15 years ago. I frankly didn't remember anything. But, I had to answer in affirmation at that stage ' I did.

"Tinku" ' stopped Raju.

"She was my Pisi's daughter ' just one year younger to me and perhaps my best friend then " ' said Raju as silent tears rolled his trembling cheeks.

None of us ' uttered a single word.

"You know guys, we waited the entire year to see each other at the end of the year. Wow!!! We had shared the best time together. I still remember the castles we made on sand and ofcourse those paper balls we used to hit people with" ' Raju was smiling.

"But you never told us about her" ' Vicku said, as he lit up his imported cigarette.

"Never had a chance, Vix" ' replied Raju.

"Ya! We were on this usual year-end trip to Mumbai. And then " ' fumbled Raju.

"And then ?" ' Lee involuntarily asked.

"Babri happened." ' Raju was stern. His face hardened.

"On its aftermath ' we got stuck in Mumbai like many families. Nowhere to move. We kept ourselves closed and hidden behind the doors." ' Raju stopped for a deep breathe.

"One morning ' I woke up to a huge sound outside our room ' a pistol it was. As I ran towards the door my mother caught me by my neck & pushed me onto the ground and shoved me below the bed. She hurriedly joined me there. I could clearly see the next room from where I was "

"What happened Raju?" ' asked a concerned Shayan.

"I saw a few men. They were jostling with my father and uncle. I couldn't see what they were fighting for. But these men were pulling something from the hands of my father and uncle. They were fighting. Suddenly someone kicked my father in the stomach. He fell down. And that loosened my uncle's grip. These men pulled it from their hands ".

Raju looked blankly at us.

"Yes ' that was Tinku." ' tears rolled down his cheeks as he started fumbling and searching for words.

"Ahhhhhhhhh Whaaaaaaaa " ' gasped Vicku as he tried to hold his shoulders. Raju pushed him off.

"I am not finished Vix ' I am not yet finished".

"I saw my father and uncle wriggle in pain as these men dragged Tinku out of the house. I don't remember Tinku shout ' I think she was by that time senseless or maybe dead." ' said Raju.

We didn't dare interrupt him.

"I was itching to go out and fight those men. My mother held me tight. But I guess at that age I could over-power her ' and I did so. I broke off her hold and ran behind those men. They jumped onto a jeep and drove away. I didn't give up. I ran behind them. Mumbai was burning. We never stepped out of our houses after the demolition. This was my first time. But I ran. I ran and ran and . Suddenly the jeep disappeared into a corner. I ran and entered this big dark building. The jeep was parked." ' stopped Raju.

"I mustered all my courage and entered it. By that time I was scared. Scared to my bone. Then suddenly someone came & held me from behind and took me to a corner. I turned around to find an old fat dirty woman. She smelled foul. She looked at me with piercing eyes. Then she said 'Why are you here? Go! Just run away from this place ' save yourself, boy.' Then suddenly I heard a cry no a shriek actually ' yes! It was Tinku. She wasn't dead. I looked at the woman ' as tears rolled down my eyes. She said ' 'Run you bloody Hindu. I can't save her. I won't save her. You will listen to more such squeals of your mothers and sisters ' we will do the same that you did to us. Run away - you bastard. Go!!!'. And I ran."

"Yes I ran away. Scared. Shattered."

Nobody spoke. Nobody had the courage.

"I am sorry, Raju." ' Shayan muttered.

I saw Lee was holding Ashu. And Ashu was crying. Nobody heard him crying though. Raju was amazingly calm.

" And my dear friends, this bloody Raja Ray ' came back empty handed. Without my sister. Without my best friend. Without "

"Did she ever ???" ' interrupted Vicku.

"Nahhh !!! She never came back. I could have saved her. Couldn't I?" ' asked Raju looking at me.

"No . Yeahhh errrrr ummmmmmmmm . You were too young then .. I mean you couldn't have fought with .. uummmmmm " ' I was searching for words to come. But they didn't.

No one interrupted me. I stopped all by myself ' I ran out of my emotions to say anything more.

Everyone including me kept their heads low.

"We can never fight destiny. We can never fight life." ' I spoke to myself.

I suppose we were not even moving an inch. The air from the AC seemed colder. We just drank. As if robots. We just kept quiet and drank.

Then as I thought it was all over, Ashu said ' "Can you tell me ' was I wrong ?"

And we all looked up to him

(… to be continued)