This is a different day,
this is some thing that i always wanted to happen to me
I wanted it to happen all the time, one day when i will be serious
for my life, i ll be serious about my work, where i want to go,
what i want with my life, what are my principles in life,
my reasons will get clear,
this is the day ..Am I happy!!
quite frankly writing, no!! why? well this type of day has happened to me too many times.Happens with every one..this is one day i always wanted to have..it happened to me so many times..
today…i feel, matured to one more level..(just as every one of us does)
take it as a joke ..even i am taking it the same…how can one decide his level of maturity, this is one day, this is just like another day…
God in his own ways gives us chances..he gives them each moment..he never specifies a moment..what is different in such days ? well this is one day when i am feeling my own strength in myself..its one day when i feel my heart pounding, soul screaming that i want to work hard..its not a cry saying God ! come save me..Its my heart saying to me start your life..slow down your pace of thinking…kick your pace of working..
There is a kind of restlessness in my heart. that comes out everyday..
i beleive it comes in everyone..it comes in everyday..Its day when the body is not ready to accept the death of the nerves ….death of the blood in my veins, wants me to start to never to stop.
Yesterday had a chance to watch Coach Carter
one thought burnt my bones..
my greatest fear..
its of facing ourselves..its facing our own sun…
the light we carry..of doing what we can…its not the darkness inside us that scares us the most …but its the power that we carry of changing..that makes us hide us back..
One time was there when i didnt like to share such deep thoughts that i have…but today i am sheding this fear to mine..i am giving up my fear to not to share my thougth ..because i am still not following..
but here i am searching for answers.
..i am searching for my heart. i have made my words on a page.This day on there is one fear that i will not carry with me.that what i write, am i worthy of writing it or not.
A man’s life is full of fears, shedding them one by one..
will help..i dont know will it help me is getting back on trek ..
but atleast i have dropped one load, i need not carry..
see you God..
have a nice day..and thank you..
Always wonder what you are all about,
its hard but i wonder,
what are we all about,
i wonder who i am
i wonder why you are,
its not that hard to understand,
its hard to accept ,
He went off saying,
you cant be done,
you cant go off,
I still wonder what i am about,
Do you know i was there,
near to your heart and life,
wont lie came there not for you,
i never knew you were even there,
but i was there searching for a wind of life,
i found you thought it was something bit about u,
one fine day even you went off,
i still wonder what i am about.
I was standing there,
came there living my moment
i came by your heart, thought you were the one,
but you went away,
i realized life is not about you,
i never was about you,
questioned the Father,
what i am about,
he said ” I wonder”,
and i came to the next door,
wondering what i am about,
who are we
who am i
what am i
till yesterday i was searching the answer,
today i felt for how long will i,
time just is flying ..answers too are,
some time here and some time there,
i go on searching,
i go on thinking,
what are we about,
its about u and its about u,
i dont want to wonder about who i am,
still a day passes by,
i am alone,
and i realize i am still wondering what i am about.
In my last post i wrote some things about JRD.
I had not finished it.even my words were raw.First let me get it clear why this post. I have heard it lot many times.even i used to say so. this country has been shit. This bureaucracy is the one that has ruined the nation..I want to work for the nation but due to the reasons i just can not do it, i am angry..and so on..
well friends ,
when the country was born.say in 48 or in 51, your choice, the conditions were worse than today..by 70s’ they has grown to hell.
but still this man kept on trying ..no one was ready to listen to him..Nehruji, Indira Gandhi or any other person in the govt.they all were stagnant in their thought process.Not ready to learn frm his experience..his analysis, bombay plan..or less on of airline players in india ..or a free economy..or less control on private sector nothing was accepted then.
this man could have had remained happy in himself. Satisfied with being the chairman of largest group on india who was running the indians major sectors..but still he has that zeal,india must go on..where his ideas were not accepted he started himself..where his thoughts were not taken he did it himself..if govt did not approved he had to shut the project..but he kept on trying..he has everything ..still he kept on researching..he kept on thinking and acting for india…..
when he at such a good position can try why not us..we dont have so many constrains withs us we dont have that bad of beauraocracy today..
we are ..we can and i must say ..i beleive we will, some have started ..some are left..some are there..lets join the group…
i will, for i know that its the only way that there is …Apurva
some are good friends,
some are great ones…here something that i wrote for a friend,
you know of the moon,
it still looks silent to me,
do you know of the sun,
it still gives me a burn,
i do know of the wind,
but she comes just at the night,
i do have seen the greens,
but they just dont dance with my heart,
but there is this guy,
a head of kid who is there
to chear me with a tear
and make me cry with a smile
friends are so many,
but one like you is some one
who i ll have to remember
for more than a while….
thats what i say each and each good frend must be like..
this is a different fond that i am using but its cool.!!
why am i here tody is a different question…
what is a strugglge , anyways?? what is a boost, i spend so much time on thinking and s
anyways i am writing this page for several reasons ..but i am in a mood today..
Have been going through too many thing ..i, my self have strted them all.
learning,new job, new thoughts , new prespective, new company, new city, new culture, new economics, new ideas.. i am here for too many things..
i want to write too many things today..
i have been reading in length about JRD tata…a great man.
i used to thing too many times i want to change the country..i want to shift the society…but it was when i was a teen..a life in itself..with my college .then my job my prespecitve changed ..i started realizing .that i cannot change the society..because i must not!…i started feeling the society is just serviving…the society has got nothing to do with the right or the wrong in whole..first thing that is, is the servival…
and if a new thought has too come it has to come from the society itself….my work..hence today is only of influencing the thoughts of others and controlling my actions that is it ..its what i am too be about..it is what i have too be all about…
coming back to JRD..the man stood on for so much time..Sir was been there, and fighting the economics for somuch time…..when we talk about what development was done in india we talk about JRD.He was a man of his life. The recollection of his afforts show us correctly..what was happening in india during the 50 years of the independence..on paying attension we find out there were efforts from all sides to develop the country ..but some essencials were missing..that was the only reason why we were pulled back..we could not go ahead.its really difficult to understand that the world can be so different ..the world can be so hard or difficult to develop even selfs nation can be difficult.it is really hard..but today none of those constrains are there..and the economy is also free(in several respects)..the main point is if JRD can run the development of the country..under such bad conditions, can act so much..can fight so much ..why not us..we hve a better world in front of us….we have better oppertunies with us..than we must also..
embracing the 2020 dream ..is what is left.what is left is just to leave the old days back..and look at the new sun..we have a very big mission ahead of us we are already 1 billion..and we have only 13 years left in the bucket…it no longer matters if APJ is selected as president or not..a dream has been concieved its time for us to go for it ….Apurva
Its my first experience.Its my first time..and i am done.
I wanted to meet a girl, being on frank side.wanted to date one.its cool..she is in a different city..i decided i ll get my other works done too…i am prepared with a leave..world is cool..that was 2 hrs before…i submit a report..the boss finds it is cool..great!!..and decides a session on the same..on which day?? .the day i was supposed to be on leave..i go to him .say this is that and that is this..he!! says this is this and that is this..i cant say ..i want to go and meet a girl…pls ..dont do it..pls….!!!..i am meat..i am a clown…i am here…i’ll be cancelling my date..i ll staying here because i am here to learn.because i am here to be do work…i agree..but what about me the person..the day has been great but ..the end its killing me…
..should i laugh ..or should i smile..eh! i cant decide..
some feeling like helping me..!!!
Hi this is one more day but now the patience is running out..its asking me to start living…its pushing me ahead..its boiling with strength..its boiling with electricity..its time…
energy needs to be burnt..energy has to be used..its time…the life was ok..till now!!!!
The weekends was one different thing..well! i didn’t met a girt(its still a far off catch).But what it was a great voyage for the winning.As fas as my struggle of the last two weeks was concerned ..it was a success..its not that it was without a failure..but it was with a success…as R H Schullar suggests ..it was not that my field had not weeds ..but it produced a crop ..thats what happened..
I finished my first week of the marathon traning successfully..thats 6 miles.and i welt no heavy exhaution..i did a lot of reading..
no calls as such to the girls or the people just to feel that i have a friend(well! earlier i used to make calls to so many people without them responding back to me..just to have some one talk to me).i did just little bit of that only…..
….i wouldn’t say it was my best weekend..or the one i enjoyed much..but it was different..i was alone ..i felt it too..but it was
different ..as i didn’t burdened myself or others with it either..thats the catch of the day…though yes did felt lonely(how would u like if u were just sitting in a room whole day..just reading a book and listening to old english..when tv is down too)
i didn’t feel great about it but the thing the stuff i was aiming at was a success. as per as my mantor…things need 21 days to get in habit ..well 2 weeks to go this is a new week ..i hope it turns out great….Apurva
P.S.-THERE’s another one i am adding that is about the experience more of the feeling part..but its different thats why i am putting in the ..heart section….
Its been some thing, its been a heart it has been lying there..
it still is ..difficult to understand ..but it is still there…
alienation, it can bring disastrous results..more disastrous if you just come out of it…just like a kid who had been convicted when he was just 10 ..and now he comes out of it when he’s 22…..and he watches too many people around him..too many feelings …there…
i have tried to express it..but its difficult….but lets say if u can pour it out what’s the issue….
Just around the corner,
just around a pass,
I have a heart,
lying in the street of loneliness,
Some say its a choice that i made,
some say its a heart i bread,
some define it a coward man,
one says its a child loosened out,
hundreds say its lost cause,
But its still lying is the street of loneliness,
He sent me a flower,
i smelt it a heart,
it died away with the harsh winds saved in my pockets,
he sent me an eagle,
he died with the fire bedewing my soul,
Strangers passed by,
so did the smell of a new year,
but it still stood there in the shade of the dark sun,
with the setting sun
i still look at the rising star,
remembering that just around the corner,
there is a heart still crowned with loneliness,
i love the sun,i do love the moon,
as i walk with wind,
dream and run just as the birds fly by,
still when the sun is about to set,
still when the moon is about to rise,
and the moment when the shadow is larger than my heart,
for a momemt may be,
i realize, I have a heart,
lying in the street of loneliness,
and a stranger is passing by…Apurva
What you see in the way are only stones…only some lucky guys get to see a mile stone.now the choice is on you .do u want to keep head searching for a mile stone left by some one else or want to define your own mile stone.
There one special thought associated too .it there is a mile stone in the way that means some one has already been there.This makes u a follower only.If i am a sailer of unknown land..that is i am trying to look behind the unknown..then there can not be a mile stone.Because i am the first one..so my friend .if u really are a traveler of unknown no meaning of being disheartened that u can not find a milestone to define your success.Here u have to define your own milestones..u have to pick up the best looking stone from your own collection..and let it go and define it as your milestone.
I had tried to achieve my goal last week ..Things went right till the weekdays were there.But as soon as i was left alone..and there was a leave ..i broke again..i wanted to let go but i could not.I was very upset by Saturday-”was it a set back”..Then i thought on the lines as i have mentioned in the former part.I never had been to that point as i had reached last week ..4 days i was the winner.only i lost in the weekend…In the end i came out happy..over my achievement.God Thanks very much!!..
I have tried it this week.This week has been tremendous.I have achieved a lot..though i ll be true..i did lost it yesterday night too…but i rather would say today..i understand the issue better..i have a better mission then last week, that time it was 5 days ..and then 3 dumps..this week i have had 4 successful,1 dump and 2 left to go.If i can win for 2 more days it will be 6 days and only one dump..That better than..last time…
I am the man..lets see how it goes…
I’ll not go down for i was sleeping when the sun was rising ..
I’ll not go down for i was weeping when the sun was shining..
I’ll not be on knees for i was hiding when the sun came down…
But i’ll be up tonight.
for the moon is up with its light……
for the moon is shining bright..
and even if he sheds in the middle of the night..
there will come a star, in north, to tell me..
night has still not given up…