I think i forgot
do you remember when had i last met
i think it was a monday,
yes i remember i was late then,
and you had said,
its ok for once
yes! you said that.
But do you know what??
i aint searching for that either,
do you know what am i searching for,
don’t worry,
i will call later, may be you don’t even know
what i am looking for.
i have been here before,
next to this page,
just may be across the last line,
but you know i was here.
i was there with your last word,
and i too had written some for you,
but some how i just inked them off.
I am here back again reading you,
but i aint here to write back,
i just want to tell you,
i am missing,
i aint lieng,
i am just not there with your words,
i am not here with mine either.
i am leaving today,
with a note
back for my door,
hope when you wake up,
and read it loud,
i will be up for a tea,
and we will meet in the sun.
i hope the ink lasts that long,
i hope that i do too…
HI,
writing been a good hobby you know. i really can not say why..but it helps when you feel lonely. you feel like life is slipping out of your hands. It helps.It does..but still sometimes, you dont want to push that button on the keyboard. you are so lonely that you dont want to share.
you are that much of lost that you think that the way is not there in the world of words, something else is missing, i am telling you sir, if it is not there then it is somewhere else..but where you wonde…may be i ain’t even wondering ..but i am working on it. but every day when i reach back to my home.
i again feel lonely, want to call some friends, not the coworkers..but someone else, may be some one from past, looking for peace, but when you have spoken with the one. you feel a wastage has been made..its difficult to understand but it happens…everyday you make a resolution, make up your mind but you end up no where.
life is not about falling down it is about doing things, but what if you dont want to wake up, you know this will not do, but to try something else is difficult for you…..the feeling can be detrimental…
i am loosing health, i am loosing my face, my heart, my smile…
i havn’t had a run since last marathon. i am there, but no longer a cheerful man, but a man who is good at his work and responsibilities..but not a happy man, there aint no regret in my mind, coz i have choosen my place, and the choice is correct. but still when a man has quit, it is difficult to understand, how to come back…
still i believe in hope, in answers, in freedom, in persuit of happiness.
and i finished a book ” hotel rwanda” yesterday, and am reading another…i still believe, that a day is still possible..may be, may be tomorrow when i will be up, i will be up by 5am and i will be out for a run.
i am still alive, you know!
…amen.
Hi
Till now i have only written for my self,
but may be complementing others is a better goal, rather then self
analysing. i ain’t saying it should be the ultimate goal, but its
atleat better then self analysing…all the time…
just some comments i made, i would like to remember…
A tear may not wither,
may be even a scream can
never
change the heart of the dead,
still i pray for a new sun,
for
hundred new hearts to rise,
a ten with smile, yes will,
yes, can create a
better day….amen!
Let us not blame the sun,
let us not say that the land forgot to bear a great child,
may be it was me,
who forgot to raise my hands,
when i was supposed to carry the load of a sweat.
I just read a story from one of our frnds…
it was a moral one ..a good one.. but found it difficult to consider it
real..i must say my lack of experience..but it did made me remember an
old one.
This was told to me by a really sweet lady..a really good lady. At that
time i had just moved in my old apartment(last time i was there i was
13 years old now i was 20). She said i used to look cute then. She
meant i looked horrible now. and she was right, i looked tired, and old
and horrible(hahaha) but yes i did so, i really was like
that….But there was nothing that i could do about that .
after that i got busy in my daily routine. Then one day when i went
there to meet here PG son. She told me a great story(some thing
like the one i just read) .
It was about a king who looked used to be really sad all the time he
was a kind king, but he was really sad, because he had no one to look
after him, or to take care of him, he took a whole lot of care of
everyone but not actually, did he loved everyone. One day a
sadhu came to his home, and asked him ” dear king what is your trouble”
and king told him about it. Then the sadhu gave him a mask. And said
just wear this everyday and your problem will solve. It was a smiling
mask. And then he started wearing it and then his life went on happily
after.
After the story i said, its good but its absurd.
She said that may be it is, but you know if you really go on wearing a
mask all your life then you really become like the mask and if this is
true for everything else, why cant it be true for good things, like
smile and happiness.If you can just keep on smiling every day, wearing
may be a mask of false smile, one day will come when you will really be
smiling.
You know what?? She had a point. And she is right. …apurva
hi,
you feel i must write about something right!!, well let us discuss…what is it that we can discuss about…
..i dont know…i am kind of fed up of my daily schedule.. i know i can
write some really good poems or…articles….on some really good
matters..but then again i ain’t happy abut current
happenings…its not what i like..i still remember mange
saying..if you want it then you just have to ask for it..looks like its
time for the test, of the concept, its odd..how can you be bored ..when
everyone thinks i can do the things..i want to even with so much of
work…even when i too think at this very moment too that i can do
anything under any circumstances…its odd….but its true …i
really think this and that can change…so does it mean i am dead????
its difficult..but its more of odd…!!…apurva
Hi,
It happens all the time, i think it has to be this way and
it turns out the other..i think it will be that way and it turns out to
be that..but you know its ok…i think if my life was as ok so many so
told ..ok people it would have had been so dull for me to become
machines like them…i
Hi, I have been here sitting here in front of my computer, still i am not able to write, i wont say that i can not but its a different time, when more then expression, action is on your mind. Its different you know, and it really feels fabulus…though lonely..only sometimes..
apurva
