aday’s blog

where were you my heart,
when I searched for you
in that mirror, in those snaps
I looked deep in my pockets
pages, and my bags.
over the shoulders of my blood,
and in hands of men paying me bread.

But there never was a me,
anywhere I looked,
there never was a me,
whatever I cooked (in my mind).

I tried sleeping on stones,
bury my hand in sand & snow
kissed the trees & caressed the
wind with my hands.
The pleasure, the sleep
a me resting, relieved
never stood for long.

And here I am,
another cafe, another road
another day, another way
smiling at what i am
a man, living his day.

हो पत्‍थर- दूर दुनिया से,
लिए क़लम मैं लिख रहा हूँ;
ए हमसफ़र! तोड़ रिश्तों के पुल
मैं बीच सफ़र लिख रहा हूँ|

आता है ख़्याल पल दर पल,
मालिक शायद कभी माफ़ ना करे
तौहीन उनकी, जिनको कर आँसू
मैं कई अरमानों को दफ़न कर रहा हूँ|

मुहब्बते जिंदगी भी खूब नशा है,
जो आसुओं को कर महसूस भी,
मैं बेअदब कर रहा हूँ|

दर्द है, डर भी है कहीं
लेकिन मान हुक्म-ए-ज़मीन मैं
बरसते दर्द में भीग,
अल्फ़ाज़ कलम कर रहा हूँ|

अरमान नहीं, मुहब्बत की भी खबर नहीं
एक कलम है और साथ अल्फाज़ों के समंदर,
है खबर तो सिर्फ़ इतनी,
मुलाज़िम हूँ मैं जिंदगी का,
तेरी बंदगी में सफ़र कर रहा हूँ|

……………………अपूर्व

मैं सफ़र

कितनी ही बार भूल जाता हूँ
कि हूँ मैं भी
एक मामूली सा इंसान,

कितनी ही बार भूल जाता हूँ
कि हूँ मैं भी
बस मे घूमने वाला एक इंसान,

कितनी ही बार मूंद लेता हूँ
मैं आँखें, भूल कर  कि हूँ मैं भी
रोज़ कमा कर खाने वाला इंसान

कितनी ही बार गाढ़ देता हूँ मैं
सच को, भूल कर कि हूँ मैं भी
खोया हुआ एक आम हिन्दुस्तानी.

लेकिन हर बार मिलता है सुकून,
कुछ मेरी रगों में बहते खून को
कि भूल कर मैं क्या हूँ,
कि भूल कर मैं  क्या था,

लिख रहा हूँ एक कहानी,
जो कहती है,
जिंदगी कोई कितनी भी लिख ले हमारी,
हर मोड़ पर कदम, मेरे हैं,
हाँ!! कदम मेरे हैं|

….अपूर्व

मैं सिर्फ काग़ज़ नहीं

What it takes to change your life? 

Event- wanted 3 y sem a attempt 1 mark sheet. Instead had applied for sem b mark sheet. Had been working to get them.

What it revealed was my regular life. I was amazed so big of mistake. Repeated in my life. Again had to beg. Tired of begging.

i look back, and find me begging. The routine goes a lot inside. But i ain’t quoting the incidents here. It won’t help. The feel already is killing enough. Enough to make me lay down.

there are a million things on my mind. But the most importent - can it go on.

The answer is a no. Today’s incident, my behaviour during the past few weeks show that my mind is not as has been designed for everyone.

Lekar kuch zakhm,
nikla tha mein
Thi aarzoo ki bahe jo aashq
kisi ke kaam aa jaye.

khushkismat tha mein,
har bund se, kavita ho gai

Khada hun mein aaj phir
us chowrahe par,
aanshuon ka silsila
Jitna likh gaya

muskurahat usse,
Kahin zayada hasil kar gai

kuch pal dard,
Kuch pal khushi
Kyon samandar nahi
Mein tuzhe khushi
nazar kar du

Ki abhi haalat kharab hein.
Lekin maut e khwab manzoor nahi.

khade door anjan, parchai bhee anjani sahi,
khauf e zindagi lekin manzoor nahi.

kholi hein aankhen
bharose mein dil
ki Zindagi mein dard ka ilaaz
hai maujood,
ladkhada kar maut ka intazaar
kia hai namanzoor.

daar to hai dil ki phitrat
sun kar khabar mere janaze ki
Doobna kia hai naamanzoor.

ab bas tamanna hai,
Mein hun, peeche chodi
Kai galtiya, aur kuch pal
Jaa e safar- mera raasta
Mein khud banaunga

Kosle ki kitno ke armaan
Hote hein ghayal
lekin jeete ji marna
Ab manzoor nahi

Hi,

Date: 13th, august.

How it feels to be lost. It is not easy. But if you trust the authors. well! that is the way it is supposed to be. More terrible you feel, best chances you will find your way.

Dreaming, is a tough job. But i am taking it easy. May be, that is still walking in shallow waters. Not good. Having money gives a cusion. and you can go easy.
well 15th is coming. I like the day. Stay tuned in, if I am good to myself and my dreams. I do will write another article on 15th this year.

Hope i am able to do that.

Anyways, i had 4 cups of coffee today. feeling at least good. But the money! well. Got to do something about myself. i am still playing it safe.

see you guys!

…………..Apurva

Since last two days i been trying to touch my deepest emotional outbursts. A zero success rate.

amazing! a man who has lost is not ready to accept that. Been travelling since last 2 days. Today here, moved to part of city. But no effect. A machine. Feeling lost, due to loss of security. I mean, it is evident in my method of walking. i am feeling abrupt. Trying consoling myself. But no effect.

But then again- should i give up? no, to loose would be a better option. Then again to get a few smiles is also better then giving up
.
so what is my dream? i don’t know. I told Amy so too. She was like- OMG.
you don’t know your dream. The call of soul. And then i felt, to get a job is easy, to get a right one matching me difficult. But realizing a dream. That is a challenge.

i mean life only comes only once. What is the meaning of a perfeat life- if there is no legend to be told. I mean- why do we live for?.
my answer would be - Dream.

. . . . . . . Apurva