People around me, friends & foes alike. have chosen their tracks. Satisfied or not, they have accepted the track they walk on and give it all of theirs.
Second thought, if they have one, it reflects not in their dealing with the life.
I on the other hand, still find second thoughts engraved in my mind. I try to convince my heart of the reality that is around, the truth that exists on the ground, in front of me. But it listens not.
I know not that the people around me think about, me or my day but I know, that I am still a simple man. Apart from my excursions around the world, via words and thoughts, I still am a simple human being, yearning for the same life that everybody around me errs for.
What to do with this second thought. Osho, in his audio’s once said- ‘mind; when it wants to avoid something, it pushes you for the impossible.’ [wordings not exact]
is that what is happening to me? is my mind playing games with me?
Life can not be simpler for me, I have learned of that. Words weave the world around, whether I write them or not.
Everyday, i wake up, have second thought about my day. thoughts which bind me to my bed and to my room until the clock commands a decision and my brain chooses the logical option and my day begins. I like my best self thus goes on- lives the day or should i say- spends the time. until the hammer of schedule lightens and I am alone again. since the hours are mostly over, so is the load of clock.
Then, I decide to die again, into my tomb knowing what the body and my brain leisure- food & entertainment. as the night falls. sometimes i wake up, sometimes I rest in peace. But the whole lies dead in the tomb. Everyday, I do the same thing. A day, like today, when I resist and thus break off the chains of schedule, break myself free. the brains but still lies dead. For it knows not what it must do, except of cursing me for letting it out of its daily misery.
The sun has already traveled half the sky. The body yearns for food, or rather the mind wishes it to eat, to pass some more time, or to make me lazy again. return back to sleep, let the clock slip; so that it does not have to indulge in the tiresome job of trying to field against the unknown.
Another child of the middle class curse, spelled upon us by the monster of greed and the system of uniformity -’give them a bit of everything so they do not think or yearn for more but to remain in their zombie sleep; running, never out running, the system.’
But today, I am here, a bit away from my schedule. telling my brain- hungry, if I am; in pain, if I am; lonesome, If I am; guilty of not doing my daily labour, if I am; I wish differently. This post is, even if it turns out blank, an effort to find my route.
Second thought, that is what it is.
(I am typing with one hand decorated with a cramp bandage.)
Second thought.
(cont…)
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