A week has passed. I still don’t know much about my own plans. I don’t think I have any left(behind).
a blessed hand
there is something inside,
inside ‘em swollen eyes,
that you can not,
yes, cannot understand.
and that is all you do.
forget not the time,
today is 15th. six years old that is what this blog is. by grace of coincidence, today is also a friday. a holy day in itself.
when i had begun, this blog was, not that i don’t do the same today, but i was a person filled with anger, a soul yearning for a different world, not ready to accept the world, wishing it to be replaced with a better one.
do i not wish the same today?
i don’t know, earlier i was certain, this world, this country will never change. but i was wrong. how i don’t know but the world is different around me.
it does not mean that everybody around me have changed, or that world has become ‘all roses’ for me. it certainly does not mean, i haven’t taken any loses. i have, i guess, lost everything that i had known or had dreamt of.
but yet i feel more at peace with myself. less in anger with the world. like, for an instance, yesterday itself, i lost the only window, i had of reclaiming the only part of myself left around. but i lost it.
reasons, you see, trying to figure out who or what is responsible, help not much. they do provide a window for venting anger but they do nothing more then that.
venting anger by hurting somebody else is like calling saying that the other person is responsible for the misery you are in. venting anger. doing harm to the other, calling them responsible for your problem, is like saying- ‘i don’t own my life, you do & you have messed it up.’ That is so wrong.
i don’t say that the other may not have caused it but the moment you put the blame. you have given him the upper hand, and missed an opportunity.
the later is a shame. for you have just lost a chance given to you by nature. and the former has given another scar on your skin. that too is a matter of shame.
i guess, this is what i have learned during this time, nature never wishes to hurt you. whether your go ahead or step back, there is a new chance. what i have learned is that the one you are holding responsible for
your misery, himself is powerless (the way you feel). the innocence of them, i used to call devilish, has amazed me a lot. even the ruthlessness of a killer, amazes me, how powerless they are against the forces of time.
i know, i am talking about acceptance of situation, as it is. but that in no way means, i am talking of giving up.
it is important to first find out your real purpose of your life; important to not to react but to act. do the right thing. know your real shoes.
“the moment you put responsibility on others shoulder you have lost it yourself”
“you have just given power to somebody else to make you feel hurt.” that is so so wrong.
i wish you all best of the day. have a peace filled friday.
Cheers and smiles,
As discussed in the earlier posts, I have raised my doubts on the current believes of life, I was, unfortunately, able to get the answer to the development we have made via technology and machinery as another type of system. the travelling particles.
In the last post, I talked about time and the reality(my respect) that it must pass on and that I must, in flesh, degrade with it. I also talked about the way the current purpose, as I have been preached, feels to me. And I also said, I am not feeling easy accepting it.
As the day is sliding ahead, mesmerized by the beauty of dark. my mind relaxes, confirmed that it again has escaped my searching soul and that a eve will shut my mouth and i will be, again, forced to give up to hunger and need to keep up with my schedule. or it hopes that i will again give calls to them friends of mine who can answer not my questions but do can help the clock tower keep its pace.
alas, it has always been proved correct. I hope, today, i can defeat it’s ruthless craving for certainity.
music, i was certain will help me find myself.but it too is not helping much, for the brain commands my mind to learn but commands are physical and heart trusts none of that kind.
i can pick up a book and read- how the systems work or fail, or how the world is gulping itself up or may be how to run a forge or may be things on how to do better or learn more of craft. but i don’t wish too. may be i can pick up the instrument & practice playing a song that i understand not.
or may be not
People around me, friends & foes alike. have chosen their tracks. Satisfied or not, they have accepted the track they walk on and give it all of theirs.
A new year has begun.