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Second thought: launch pad

January 21st, 2013
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As discussed in the earlier posts, I have raised my doubts on the current believes of life, I was, unfortunately, able to get the answer to the development we have made via technology and machinery as another type of system. the travelling particles.

Unfortunately, that gives me an idea of what the next question would be and what the next answer could be, so I as well should get away with them quick.
Somewhere in future time, we will grow more energetic, more advanced then today and we would need not to travel but still we could travel, in simple words - radiate life. Another system. I am still not demoralized to ask next question.
—————and i have lost this post too….(I don’t know what I wrote in there but above was retrieved)
next question?? ? ( I don’t know)
why are we? to run the system? this freaks me out. Lord would give me vision, thoughts, an art of shaping words, give me smile, give me feelings only to run a system? that freaks me out. I don’t want to catch that explanation. 
–let me refresh myself- I want to know the answer to the question-
why should I be going to my office tomorrow and doing what I do everyday? or for heaven’s sake do anything that I do in a day- wake up, cook, travel, watch movies, eat, sleep, read. 
For most of them, I do have an answer- to keep my imagination alive. I mean wasn’t it my imagination that brought me this post. 
Answering at least one thing- that I must go on- because that is how I can find my answers. If I was not doing things apart from eating, waking up, sleeping, doing my job. I wouldn’t have been here- asking these questions, if I was doing just that, SURVIVING as a middle class person. 
Okay, so I will change my schedule now. make it better, read, go for walk, go on excursions. because I need an answer, (I need lots of answers). 
why are we?
In fact, now I also can say, why should I excel in my craft, because that is what I know right now and If I stop then that is all that I will know, if I wish to know more, I got to go on. (That’s a win for my boss I guess :) )
cheers & smiles.
…Apurva
PS. the question still stands- why are we? The purpose of our being? The reason for our existence or the reason for existence of anything?
 

second thought: Evolution

January 21st, 2013
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In the last post, I talked about time and the reality(my respect) that it must pass on and that I must, in flesh, degrade with it. I also talked about the way the current purpose, as I have been preached, feels to me. And I also said, I am not feeling easy accepting it. 

I have a dual life, lives that can not match and also can no longer be separated from me. That means I am a rider of two boats both in different stream, in the same world, but different waters and they can not be separated. If they can be merged, I do not know of the ways. A few say, I am thinking more then I should. but then again, one can not return. what ever we have been taught, are being taught all says, in unison, only one thing- the universe is a system and everything in it has it’s place. that is what the current high profile sciences  are teaching us that is what our ancient cultures have been teaching us. 
but if that is true- why give us imagination? why give us the second thoughts? 
Standard explanation is- there are notches & there are loop holes. there are ends and there are ambiguities.
that is all very easy- if you accept that all is a system. a single system.  I don’t know if I am ready to accept that.
Why would lord give me the capability to see and interpret colors if it was not supposed to yield a beautiful moment. Emotions do have a place then; they can not be, just a byproduct of the system around me. 
what if all was not a system? 
what if we were not meant to be born and die only because we must. (as a result of a successful intercourse)?
what if we had a choice beyond what we know?
what if I don’t go to my office(only) to work and thus play my part in the system?
All was running well, if we accept the ’system plan’ until we learned to make machines, we speeded up the systems. all was again running well, until we learned to fly, all was running well, until we learned to travel in ships and planes. all was well until internet was devised. 
I, who was, somehow born to do my work as my ,inherited, systems worked. Today, roams in the world. Talks to people around the globe and talk of people around the globe. is not so. 
I know what the most advanced of you will say- the next stage, where molecules can travel carrying their energies. Another system. Oh yes, another thought to ponder upon.
(cont.)

Second thought: lilies of time

January 21st, 2013
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Third post in the row.

after dusk. a shiny star at 11 from my nose with the moon at 1030 from it and another dim dpt at 3 O’clock. who among them three is the second thought? 
Lot of things happen in our world, isn’t it. A lot of things that we pay attention too and a lot more that go on unnoticed. Ever wondered- how our condition is propelled by the no. of thoughts we pay attention to?
A person, going to office returning back home,  paying not much of attention to things in the news and none to  the news that ain’t made it to the news has a lot to worry about- his bills, his children’s bills, the future bills. Bills and investments. Another person, up the stream, checking all the pages in them sixteen pages and every word in the ‘One hour news’ too has his own things to worry about and also of others to worry about.
[ I think I am getting off the topic...another courtesy of my brain].
—
As you can understand, I don’t have much to write about under this header but hey! the thing is not off yet. 
My brain is happy that most of the day is over. My self is in pain that I still don’t have any answers except the knowledge that tomorrow again will be another ‘just a day’ in my life. So, I can’t stop writing right now. You can  log off the post if you feel so.
…
Now my brain has a question- now what!
My brain now offers a truce, it talks of lot of things around in the world that I pay attention too and should highlight or there is that book that I have been working on, or may be the things happening in the country that must be paid a visit to or may be I can type in my next work in economics. It talks much, it knows- any one of these are worth the time and will also consume my attention and will consume the time too.
Good Idea.
or may be not.  
So, what is purpose of time- is it to be passed until we grow old and die over. if it was so- why would be born in the first place? are we the residual energy that must pass on from flesh to flesh indefinately. Until it 
is slowly, all, converted into the dark silence?
we do that that is certain, but could that be the purpose - it can’t be so. Purpose is never to die, death is a stage not the purpose (I can not neglect that everything is generated from death itself)
 what else could be the purpose of us? time, as it seems, is only a counter. Live a worthwhile life- that is what most say to me. My doubt- we are taking life as if it just happens. like the molecules of the iron bar which get energy only because there is abundance of it around it and it must loose it as others around either absorb energy or loose energy. 
This could be correct- them molecules too don’t ask for it, like the way we don’t ask for things (or life for that instance). But I don’t find my peace in that answer. 
As I walk these dungeons, 
I have this spirit inside 
that watches a color glow
and forgoes of its hide. 
then it smiles, sometimes feels a joy
‘at is beyond reason
a time when I find me free 
free from the shackles of time.
So, as I see it, there is more to us then just a being that must form because there is energy and there is more than a goal or a duty to act righteous so that the energy that we dissipate(thus) is righteous too.
 
There must be more then growing, the time is a novel (and till now for me) a reality that must take me (the flesh) away during its course.
……continued.

Second thought; away! O clock tower, away!

January 21st, 2013
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People around me, friends & foes alike. have chosen their tracks. Satisfied or not, they have accepted the track they walk on and give it all of theirs. 

Second thought, if they have one, it reflects not in their dealing with the life. 
I on the other hand, still find second thoughts engraved in my mind. I try to convince my heart of the reality that is around, the truth that exists on the ground, in front of me. But it listens not. 
I know not that the people around me think about, me or my day but I know, that I am still a simple man. Apart from my excursions around the world, via words and thoughts, I still am a simple human being, yearning for the same life that everybody around me errs for. 
What to do with this second thought. Osho, in his audio’s once said- ‘mind; when it wants to avoid something, it pushes you for the impossible.’ [wordings not exact]
is that what is happening to me? is my mind playing games with me?
Life can not be simpler for me, I have learned of that. Words weave the world around, whether I write them or not. 
Everyday, i wake up, have second thought about my day. thoughts which bind me to my bed and to my room until the clock commands a decision and my brain chooses the logical option and my day begins. I like my best self thus goes on- lives the day or should i say- spends the time. until the hammer of schedule lightens and I am alone again. since the hours are mostly over, so is the load of clock. 
Then, I decide to die again, into my tomb knowing what the body and my brain leisure- food & entertainment. as the night falls. sometimes i wake up, sometimes I rest in peace. But the whole lies dead in the tomb. Everyday, I do the same thing. A day, like today, when I resist and thus break off the chains of schedule, break myself free. the brains but still lies dead. For it knows not what it must do,  except of cursing me for letting it out of its daily misery.
The sun has already traveled half the sky. The body yearns for food, or rather the mind wishes it to eat, to pass some more time, or to make me lazy again. return back to sleep, let the clock slip; so that it does not have to indulge in the tiresome job of trying to field against the unknown.
Another child of the middle class curse, spelled upon us by the monster of greed and the system of uniformity -’give them a bit of everything so they do not think or yearn for more but to remain in their zombie sleep; running, never out running, the system.’
But today, I am here, a bit away from my schedule. telling my brain- hungry, if I am; in pain, if I am; lonesome, If I am; guilty of not doing my daily labour, if I am; I wish differently. This post is, even if it turns out blank, an effort to find my route.
Second thought, that is what it is.
(I am typing with one hand decorated with a cramp bandage.)
Second thought.
 (cont…)

jumbled up

June 23rd, 2012
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 Hi,
I know not what I write,
for I know not- what you are.
I call you not who,
for I know not- what you are
I assemble some words,
a few from the clouds,
few from the waves,
and some from memories
that I have.
An attempt, 
feeble, but an attempt,
to understand what you are.
I know not what I write,
for I know not- what I am.
I call me not who,
for I know not- what I am.
a woman, yes, that you are,
a man, yes, that I am,
but the define- who, is not enough,
but the define- people, is not whole.
I know not what I write,
for I know not- what we are,
I call us not - who,
for I know not- what we are.
…Apurva