Lesson in English
Posted in Joke on 07/18/2008 02:51 pm by rao aelbeena
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we
explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor
is it a pig.>
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers
don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one
moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that
you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?>
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think
all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell?>
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which,
an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at
all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when
the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any
other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why
are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary
to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the
kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP
is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP
because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we
close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about
the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a
desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can
add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might
try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take
UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP
with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is
clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP..
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
so………it is time to shut UP!
