Archive for category Humour
Bhog for Navratris
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour, cuisines on September 18th, 2009
Bhog Prasad for Navratris
Kassar
Ingredients:
250 Gms whole wheat flour (atta)
� cup ghee
2 tbsps powdered sugar or boora
� cup chopped almonds
Fruits like apple and banana diced into small pieces
15-20 tulsi leaves
Method:
Put ghee in a wok (kadhai) and melt it on medium flame. Now add whole wheat flour to the melted ghee and roast the flour on low heat till the wheat flour (atta) changes into a light brown colour. Keep stirring to avoid flour sticking to the sides of the wok and giving a burnt smell. Once the colour of the flour changes to brown and it gives a nice roasted fragrance, remove the wok from fire. Add boora or powdered sugar and chopped almonds. Once the roasted flour cools, add the chopped fruits of your choice.
MEWA MODAK
Ingredients:
250 gms whole wheat flour
50 gms powdered sugar
� cup chopped almonds
� cup chopped cashew nuts
� cup shredded coconut
� cup raisins
50 gms gond (edible resin)
150 gms ghee
Method:
Coarsely powder the gond (edible resin) in the mixie. Warm the ghee in a wok. Deep fry cashew nuts and almonds on low heat and then remove from the wok and spread it on a tissue till the excess ghee gets soaked. Now fry the coarsely powdered gond and drain it on a tissue. After gond, roast wheat flour (atta) in the wok (kadahi) till the flour changes its colour to light brown. Roast the flour on low flame and keep stirring gently to avoid burning. This will also ensure equal roasting of the flour. Once the atta is roasted, remove wok from fire; add chopped cashew nuts and almonds, shredded coconut and raisins. Also add powdered sugar to it and when the whole mixture cools a bit, make the modaks with palms while still warm.
GULDANA
Ingredients:
250 gms. White urad dal (dhuli urad dal)
750 gms. Sugar
400 gms. Ghee
2-3 drops yellow food colour
5-6 strands of saffron (kesar)
METHOD:
Wash the dal and soak it in drinking water for 4-5 hours. Then drain the water and grind urad dal to a paste form. Now beat this paste well with a beater, spoon or fork. (This requires a bit of muscle power if done with spoon or fork). The dal paste will rise and become smooth and light when beaten well. On the other hand add about one or one and half glass of water to a thick bottom pan, add sugar, yellow colour and saffron. Let this syrup boil till it forms one string syrup.
One the other burner put ghee in a wok (kadhai) and heat it on high flame. Once the ghee becomes hot, reduce the flame to minimum, take a flat spatula with big holes (usually used for frying) and pour the dal paste onto the holed spatula. The dal paste drops from the holes into the kadhai forming small balls. You can fry this at high or medium heat, till it changes to a golden colour. Remove the golden balls from the wok and drain on a tissue paper. Now soak these balls in the sugar syrup for about 1-2 minutes; remove from the syrup and spread these balls on a big steel plate and allow the guldana to cool. (You can also put chaandi ka varak on them but somehow I avoid that.)
KHEER
Ingredients:
� cup sugar
� cup rice (you can use � cup rice too if you don�t like too much rice in kheer)
� cup chopped almonds (soaked and slithered) and pistachio nuts.
6-7 strands of saffron
METHOD
Wash and soak rice for � hour. Take a heavy bottom pan or kadhai and add milk to it. Boil the milk. Add soaked rice and simmer the flame and let the rice cook in the milk on low heat till the milk becomes little thick. Keep stirring the kheer off and on to avoid burning. Add saffron too and let it cook with the rice in milk. Keep stirring until the rice boils. Mash the rice with spoon so that the kheer gains a thick consistency. Once it�s done remove the kheer kadahi from fire and then add sugar, stir well. Then add chopped almonds and pistachios.
COCUNUT BURFI
Ingredients:
75-100 Gms sugar (according to taste)
25 Gms. Ghee
100 Gms. Fresh coconut grated
5-6 strands saffron
Chopped Almonds and pistas
Method:
Boil milk in a wok (kadhai). When the milk starts boiling add grated coconut and saffron strands and reduce the flame to low. Let the coconut and saffron cook in boiled milk for sometime on low heat. Stir in between while it cooks. When the milk begins to evaporate and the mixture starts sticking to the sides of the wok then add sugar to the mixture in the wok. When the sugar melts add ghee alongside the pan and cook the mixture well, till it stops sticking on the sides of the wok. Remove the wok from gas burner and keep aside. Turn a thali and grease it with oil. Then spread the coconut mixture on the upside down greased thali, spread chopped almonds and pistas over it and then roll a rolling pin over the mixture so that the burfi sets evenly. Once it sets, say about an hour, then cut into square pieces.
PUDE (GULGULE)
Ingredients:
250 ml water
4-5 pods of green cardamom- opened and seeds separated
1 tsp saunf (fennel)
Oil to deep fry
METHOD:
1. Soak gur in water for 1 hour.
2. Add all the ingredients except oil to the gur water. Mix well. Adjust the water to get pakora (fritters) batter like consistency. Beat well.
3. Heat oil in a karahi (heavy bottomed vessel). When the oil is sufficiently hot, turn the heat to medium. Drop the batter by hand or by tablespoonfuls. When 1 side is cooked, turn over and fry from other side also. Fry till they get reddish brown. Drain on an absorbent paper.
DIRECT 4M MY BRAIN
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on September 14th, 2009
DIRECT 4M MY BRAIN
Finally this blog comes from my brain, the lines highlighted in blue are by a brain cell and pink ones represent me.
Knock, knock, knock!
(No reply)
Khat, khat khat
Who is it???
Me
Who me? Speak up fast
A teeny weenie Brain Cell
eeeeeeeeo �a brain cell!� Who�s brain cell?
Yours, you duffer!
I don�t believe this, I do have brains yippee!
Ok ok what do you want jaldi bolo, I am too busy with my heart cell
I was wondering�
Aha, my brain cell wonders too!
First listen you impatient lady, tell me what happens when a person or any living thing dies?
Hmm, we simply change bodies that�s what our Hindu mythology says!
And who takes care of where the soul will be posted to?
Whoa! I can�t believe this, are you sure you are my brain cell?
Yes yes yes (the brain cell glows like a 100 watt bulb)
Oh boy, you got me thinking too much, huh! My mind�s racing fast�
OMG! The answer is GOD! But most important point to note is the amount how much work God does and HIS versatility�first he strikes arrows or ties a knot to allow man and woman to fall in love or get married or etc. whatever and then gets them to copulate and then �.skilfully accommodates the soul of the person! Oh my! That�s what I call a real smarty, a real GENIUS- Insaan bhi khush, Bhagwaan bhi khush. He takes care of the minutest activity done by us(well, not just the one I just mentioned above, the list is endless�). He shows us the path at every step, it�s on us whether we see it or not, he knocks every door with an opportunity, it�s on us whether we open the door or we don�t. All He wants is to see everyone happy, especially the good ones (hmmm, I�m wondering, which list do I fall under- good, bad or so-so�)
Just let me check this from my heart cell�
Wooohoooo!!! I fall under the section �good one� guess why �obviously ya, because I am in love with God!�
Oh, no wonder, that man called you a weirdo!
Yeah, I am so excited about the compliment, I truly loved it!
Ah, I am so proud of you!
Whatttttt! Let me hear that again, I really wonder if you really are my brain cell�
Listen dear lady this time it�s me,
Who me?
!
!
!
Your Mr. GOD, ta da!
PS: Though I wrote this blog in a humorous manner but it reads too much in between the lines, I hope you understand the serious aspect too. Wishing all lots of luck and happiness, keep smiling J
unscramble
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on September 11th, 2009
Hi friends
I got your mails saying, that the Jokes page was not opening, thanks for informing me, but the simple reason was that—- i deleted it!!!
Here enjoy these unscrambled words, yeah, not from my brain, just pasted this to convey, I still linger here at times…
This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I’ve received in awhile.
Someone out there
is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET’S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Witty answers!
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on June 8th, 2009
Tickle your brains or just use common sense!
If you think you were smart enough try answering these questions. I have provided their answers too. Boy! you need to be really witty with questions like these. Here is me sharing with you those crazy nerve wracking questions :
Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the Presence of mind and
the right answer at right time. Even if u don’t know the answer for a
question just Confuse the questioner Question and the answer given by
Candidates oh sorry They are IAS Officers now.
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor?
Without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how Long
would it take
four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted
for IFS)
Q If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand And
four apples and
three oranges in the other hand, What would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an
Elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it Will
become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)
Interviewer said ‘I shall either ask you ten easy Questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!’
The boy thought for a while and said, ‘My choice is one really Difficult question.’
‘Well, good luck to you, you have made your own Choice!
Now tell me this.
’What comes first, Day or Night?’
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission Depends on
the correctness of his answer, But he thought for a while and said,
’It’s the DAY sir!’
’How’ the interviewer asked, ‘Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!’
He was selected for IIM!
’Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while
Creativity is the master of presence of mind’
Balanced is so Boooooooooooooooring!
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on May 18th, 2009
Balanced is Booooooooooooring!
HE: Why can't you be balanced? Why can't you hide your emotions? Why can't you just do with a smile instead of your monstrous laughter? Why can't you just sigh softly instead of yelling when you are in pain or scared? Why can't you stay cool!
SHE: Eeeeks !!!!! you have bombarded me with so many questions. Here I go, I find balanced boring, so I can never be balanced! It's either hehehehahahaha or booooohooo or wowzawooooohooo or damndang!
Hide my emotions! Baaah why should I? If you don't like them you go hide! I can't just put a face mask and act like those flattering or nose shrinking damsels. Their lips hardly open up to laugh or even smile lest it makes irregular creases on their face! Doesn't it all seem so plastic? ThankGod our government sensed this and banned plastic. Now that's another issue that people are still using it liberally (so am I hehehehhe).
Wonder how some women hardly open their eyes out of pride, those half shut eyes might look sensuous to many but I find them as if in desperate need of sleep or another case of weak eye sight! Their eyes seldom sparkle with excitement. Man! I sleep with my eyes shut and wake with sparkle in my wide eyes, (hmmmm, well no, not exactly, they are just too sleepy eyes at 5.00 am in the morning hehhehehehehe but hey they begin to sparkle with touch of the sun's beams).
SHE: Do you expect me to keep mum when I am in terrible pain? Isn’t it like a woman who just underwent a painless labor? (Hey, I did!) But still can’t forget when a denstist pulled out my molar just because it refused to part with my jaw when I was a child. The doc injected local anaesthesia which never worked and I yelled like hehehhehehehe you might have guessed, (me, a poor baby had to undergo it all, that too LIVE!). But I am sure the doc didn’t forget my tight slap ooooooooooooooh I am so sorry doc, that time I was just a little girl!
HE: What you slapped a doc! That too when you were a little girl!!!
SHE: Don’t worry, I won’t slap anyone ,now I know the trick. A kick at the right place is just enough!
HE: Gosh! You are one unique piece on this earth! Still, since now you are a grown up learn to control your reactions.
SHE: If a lizard fell on my shoulder, you expect me to simply standstill and just react mildly!!! Heck! I would scream and convulse! Imagine if a big stick fell from the tree, under which you were standing, wouldn't you get scared, thinking it to be a snake or anything? Wouldn't anyone trill or quaver or thresh about? Ah ! Come on don't expect me to act as a stone! With every action comes a reaction and this is my reaction.
HE: But can't this reaction be soft? Has it to be so loud?
SHE: Hahahahahhahaha a science student doesn't know the meaning and function of involuntary muscles hahhahahahahahha
HE : You are a gone case! You laugh like Ravana!
SHE: Oh boy! He calls my laugh monstrous just because my mouth opens when I laugh! Btw, have you seen people laughing with their lips pursed? They look heavily constipated or just stuck midway in the process hahahahhahhahaha
HE: "Oh God ! What bizarre sense of humour!"
"Where does all this stuff come into your head from?"
SHE: Hehehehehhehe from your weird accusations 
JJ
HE: "Look, high time you ought to be balanced, it is good for everyone."
SHE: Hmmmmmm, hey I am balanced, my positive and negative aspects are toadally and udderly balanced!
HE: I am fully fed up with your baseless argument and utter 'bakwaas', better go before I lose my balanced state of mind!
GOING, GOING, GONE!
What fun driving a smooth road always?
That's why they made roller coasters, I guess!
And if you thought the roller coaster ticket was expensive then you have a long stretch of Indian roads, beware the toll tax highways!
What eyes without spark and tears?
Are half closed eyes the act of balancing?
What are throats meant for if not for voice modulation?
What impact would ex-pressions have if they were voluntary or pre-designed?
What happiness to soul if you don't laugh your gut out! And what better way to de-stress if you don't cry your heart out (though deepest hurt makes no noise) !
Does being balanced mean what we are taught or is it in the mind or is it in things that we find pleasure in? Do we have to live always according to others, never for our own happiness or the way we wish to?
I think, the real meaning of balanced is balancing the conflicts in our own mind and being our unique self always!
KEEP SMILING! SPREAD HAPPINESS, LIVE LIFE KING SIZE and WHEN HAPPY MAKE MERRY!
P.S. I posted two consecutive posts on mothers and a blogger friend thought I am pregnant hahhahahahhaha jeeeeeeez ! Please do not think that I am a weirdo, after reading this post. Don't even contact your nearby asylum. I am balanced in my own way! And this one was written in a light hearted mood! Just enjoy and laugh on! This blog holds semblance with none, so please don’t scritch scratch your brains to find why I wrote this blog , understood
Mr. _________what was his name???? scritch scratch ;);):) hehehehhehehe
Honey, it’s all about money!
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on April 25th, 2009
Honey, it’s all about Money!
Blah, blah, blah and blah, blah, blah!
Hope you enjoyed this money joke. This post was purposely kept short and snappy just to make you happy! hehhehehe
Valentine or Belantime?
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on February 12th, 2009
Hello friends
Sorry for not writing, I just can’t get into the mood of writing, but could not resist sharing with you a mail I recieved from anonymous, updating my knowledge regarding the Valentine’s day. So here I am sharing the mail with all friends esp the Gujjus…Cheers! Enjoy!
Notwithstanding, what nonsense you’ve been told by the Sena or a Priest, the truth is that the Valentine’s Day originated
In India, and to top it, in Gujarat?It is a known fact that the
Gujarati men, especially the Patels don’t treat their
Wives (Patel’anis) with respect. One fine day, it
Happened to be 14th day of February, one brave Patel’ani
Had had enough of torture by her husband, and then she
Finally chose to rebel by beating him up with a
Velan……Yeah, the same Velan with which she made
Chapattis for him everyday; only this time, instead of the
Dough, it was the husband who was flattened.This was a
Momentous occasion for all the Gujarati women and a revolt
Soon spread, like wild fire, with several housewives beating
Up their husbands with Velan; and there was an outburst of
Moaning chapattis all over Anand and Amdavad. The Patel men
Folk learnt their lesson and behaved a bit better with their
Patel’ani partners.Then after, each year that day the
Womenfolk, as a token gesture, beat up their husbands to
Commemorate that eventful day, the wives having the
Satisfaction of beating up their husbands with Velan, and
The guys having the supreme joy of submitting to the whims
Of the women they loved.Soon Gujjus realized that in order
To avoid this ordeal they need to bring flowers and gifts
For their wives. So the tradition began.As Gujarat fell more
Under the influence of Western culture that day was called
’Velan Time’ day. Hence this ritual soon spread to
Britain and many other Western countries, specifically, the
Catch words ‘Velan time!’.Of course in their foreign
Mouths, it was bastardized to ‘Velantime’ and then
To ‘Velantine’. And from that day onwards, 14th of
February, came to be known as Valentine’s Day.
I hope this new story was enjoyable for all. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Just Joking
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on December 7th, 2008
Hey friends
Enjoy these jokes …
They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home. The father told the mother, “If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, “Darn, it’s even worse than I could ever have imagined…”
“What do you mean?” his wife asked.
“Our son is going to be a politician!” replied the very unhappy father.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
“Mr. President,” he said, grinning broadly, “after fifteen years of hard research costing billions of dollars, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.”
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, “But that’s impossible … we could never do it. … yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
“I have some bad news,” he said, “the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars … he wants us to try to find it in Congress.”
Clinton died and went to heaven or to be more accurate, approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter.
“It’s me, President Bill Clinton.”
“And what do you want?” asked St. Peter.
“Lemme in!” replied Clinton.
“Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?”
Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t really have sexual relations. And I lied, but I didn’t commit perjury.”
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, “OK, here’s the deal. We’ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won’t call it ‘Hell.’ You’ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won’t call it ‘eternity.’ And don’t ‘abandon all hope’ upon entering, just don’t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over.”
Words women use
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on December 7th, 2008
Fine SO all you Men get your Vocabulary sense right!
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
***********
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
***********
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
***********
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT!
***********
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
***********
That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
***********
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you’re welcome and back out of the room slowly.
A sweet note and a hearty laugh
Posted by shilpa agarwal in Humour on November 23rd, 2008
Hi friends
I am back after a long time to share a good and a funny experience with you…
Last night my husband’s friend Mrs. and Mr. XYZ came to invite us for their relative’s wedding party. Surprisingly , I met them for the first time and discovered something really interesting.
This lively couple still sends each other love letters and mails, even though they are living together!!!!!!!!! Mr. X writes limmericks for his dear wife and the wifey in turn leaves love notes in crazy places like trouser pockets, briefcase, in between the hanky, in the newspaper, in the wallet, shirt pocket etc etc… When I asked why they did this even after 10 years of their married life… their answer was… to keep the zing in their married life!
Wow, wasn’t that a great idea!
AND NOW COMES ANOTHER EXPERIENCE (Funny) THAT HAPPENED FEW WEEKS AGO
My neighbour Mrs. TQS bought a new cell phone and was literally flaunting the new gizmo. Next day when I went to visit her, she was busy scanning for something. When I asked she said, “Oh, I have forgotten where I kept the mobile!”
I tried to calm her and suggested her to send a missed call at the cell no.
“Hope you haven’t put that on the silence mode?” I asked.
“Na na don’t worry, it rings loudly,” she said.
She called her 19 year old servant and ordered him ” Phone bell ki awaz sunte hi dekhna aawaaz kahan se aa rahi hai aur phone la kar mujhe de dena.”
So the three of us were all set to trace the cellphone with the strike of the bell. I typed the number and actually it buzzed loudly. The servant and myself looked around because the ring was clearly audible and seeing Mrs. TQS scream and then laugh and then going all red, as the phone rang, we all understood… she placed it in her oversized upper compartment (her blouse), which vibrated and rang like a church bell LOL.
It was such an embarassing moment for Mrs. TQS, myself and the servant ofcourse! The servant immediately left the room only to leave me laughing my gut out.
Mrs. TQS’s expression was such as if she would just bury herself in the ground out of embarassment but then she generously laughed aloud joining me till our eyes filled with tears of laughter!
We had a hearty laugh of our lifetime!
Next day Mrs. TQS came to my house and the moment I opened the door she showed me her new jazzy mobile case and I began laughing again, “Good, so now you have ultimately learnt which case is meant for what!”
And we ended our conversation laughing again, like crazy…
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