amusingmuse’s blog

Amusingmuse, is in a contemplative mood, mulling over love and life in general, and thinking

How easy is it for people in love to come to terms with the 'Exes' in the lives of their partner? "I am still friends with my Ex!" "My Ex and I still share a great friendship minus the passion!" "I loved the food my 'Ex's' mom cooked!". "I was discussing this with 'Ex' and 'the person' doesn't think it's a great idea!" "The 'Ex' asked me when you and I are taking our relationship to the next level!" Careless statements which regardless of the 'open mindedness' of the spouse / current partner involved more often than not cause a twinge in the heart, even if it is for a split second. In theory nice to hear sentences but practically ?

Maybe the approach of the 'Hollywood crowd' is best ' 'Ex husbands' attend as 'best man' their 'Ex wife's' wedding, 'Ex husbands' and 'Ex wives' go on holiday (for benefit of the kids!) leaving slightly 'snuffed out' current flames behind, 'Ex boyfriends' and 'Ex girlfriends' land up in each other's apartments for a little bit of hanging around (what were you thinking?). Ofcourse, Hollywood has its share of 'showdowns' but on an average they are nice 'friendly' people at ease with their multitude of relationships.

Maybe, the 'Bollywood saga' approach is best where loads of tears, some bottles of booze, explanations and chocked assurances ensure a happy ending. The sad part is that the spurned or 'Ex' lover is either of villainous intent or the 'too good to be true all sacrificing' kinds. Hate them or love them true love reigns supreme and the couple get back to 'living happily ever after' with or without the 'ex' of questionable intent

Personally I wouldn't relish my boyfriend running off to an 'ex' for bouts of 'you are my friend' every now and then. Maybe, an introduction to the person in question and being made an integral part of the 'maintaining friendship sessions' I might relent and take things in my stride! But my mindset I am sure would be 'boo'ed' by many forward thinkers ' it might even be considered encroachment of the all important 'space'. Love & lust of yesterday converted into platonic friendship today with just 'we breakup' as a catalyst is a formula I am still trying to understand!

I invite comments from - people who are battling insecurities about their partners friendship with an 'ex', people who have come to terms with it, people who put their foot down and said 'no room for your ex in our present' and the inexperienced who hold an opinion in this matter.

By the way friends, turbulence in the relationship of two very much in love people, because of a 'friendly ex' prompted this post J Just a clarification for the curious!

Occasionally, I talk in my sleep ' many of us do and mostly it is a few incomprehensible sentences or maybe a few groans and grunts. My case is slightly different, though not a regular 'dream talker' when I do talk ' I sure talk! Any change in environment or location invariably means a couple of nights of chatter and then peace.

My roommate tells me she has a groggy memory of me yelling 'snakes' at the top of my voice at some god forsaken hour some nights ago. The snakes, obviously made a speedy disappearance because I didn't utter another word for the remainder of the night and my roomie unconcerned about the reptiles, who could be invading my dreams slept soundly too.

The night before last however, my friend's endurance gave way. She supposedly woke up to me yelling 'I can't see anything! I can't see anything ' its so dark!' I guess my trip to the 'house of horrors' at Universal Studios the same day had some bearing on my hysterical display in the dead of night. Anyways, my friend jolted out of slumber, bolted from her bed, saw a shadowy figure on my bed (which of course was me sitting upright), thought I was being attacked and decided she could save me by yelling louder. A few yells later, she realized it was I, who was sitting on the bed, unmoving and patiently repeating that it was quite dark and that I couldn't see. Taking control of her frayed nerves my roommate, explained it was dark because it was night and that I should shut up and get back to sleep. Surprisingly, I took her advice, lay down and only woke up the next morning to the mutterings of a very annoyed female. A very exasperated room mate tried to tell a very sleepy me about the happenings of the night,however having absolutely no recollection of the night's dramatic events I assumed she was talking about herself and told her to think nothing of it. I added that she often mutters in her sleep and that I had heard nothing the night before so she shouldn't worry about having disturbed me. Ofcourse, the lady jumped at my throat!

My 'sleep talking' is also one of the reasons why my sister is not very enthusiastic to share a bedroom with me. We were both alone at home, some years ago and after watching the movie 'Raaz' (which is a horror flick complete with blood curdling screams) late into the night fell into slightly uneasy slumber, with the lights left on to give us some courage! Well, it seems my sister woke up in the middle of the night to find me sitting up in bed staring at her sleeping figure, all the while muttering something under my breath. The situation, the hour, the silence and my loose, black hair teamed with a pale nightdress, I am sure would have given the staunchest of ghost busters a shiver and incase of my kid sister who has never been known for her bravery it was her worst fears come true. The poor, terrified soul gave a piercing scream (to this day I haven't figured out why the neighbours never turned up) which shattered the thin walls of my dreamland and made me wake up with a start. It took me an hour and my favourite bracelet to pacify her and get her to spend the rest of the night in my room!

Ofcourse, my family is by now used to my infrequent nocturnal ranting which are usually not as loud or energetic as in the case of incidents above. My mother though is yet to come to terms with it ' she insists that I talk in my sleep because I have done something to offend the gods ' like having laughed during a Pooja,, turned my back to an idol in the temple or worse still having eaten beef! At regular intervals she hounds me for a confession on my wrongdoings so that she can appease the God’s involved! My brother on the other hand says he is not surprised that I can't stop talking even when I am asleep considering the fact that I have been barmy ever since he has known me. My father's problem is slightly different' it seems I speak in English during my dreams and that too very fast. His grouse is that due to language constraints he is unable to make head or tale of what I say thereby missing out on chances to know of my darkest secrets!

Thank heaven for an education system which expounds the importance of thinking and conversing in the English tongue - so what if we have a first language that should be given preference?

A friend of mine describes me as a ‘bum magnet’ and so not surprisingly my entry on foreign soil had to be marked with a goofy incident involving one - of the male variety

Getting on to the story, I landed in Los Angeles dazed, hungry and very jet lagged. But being the dutiful daughter I am, instead of a bed, my first thoughts flew to mother dearest - I needed to assure her that my plane had not been hijacked, no one had fed me drug laced food on the flight and that I hadn't been abducted by some fair skinned trophy hunter. With my new cell phone (courtesy office) I tried calling my parents but couldn't get through. Tried my brother's phone with the same results. Many attempted calls later I still couldn't connect so I called my sister. She explained that the phone my parents were using was blocked (Tata Indicom it seems woke up after two and a half years asking for documents. Non provision of the same within 24 hours led to disconnection without intimation. Wow!) My brothers handset was not functioning hence not reachable. Relieved, I called up my brother's office and was told he was at lunch. Left a message with his colleague to give me a missed call from someone's phone (with an ISD line) so I could call back

Here is where the confusion starts, jet lagged I crash into slumber land only to be jolted out of it by a very strange whine. After a lot of groping in the unfamiliar darkness, I found my new cell phone squealing furiously, flashing an India number ' before I could reach it however, the line went dead. Sleepy and irritated but fearing my mothers wrath if I didn't respond I dialed the same number. A complex procedure because first I had to get out of bed, then find a pen, then note down the number, then dial my access code, then hear instructions, then dial the number, then hear my balance, then get connected… Well, I finally got through to someone, who even to the sleep numbed state of my ears didn't sound like anyone from my family. Thinking it could be a neighbor or friend of my brothers I introduced myself and the conversation went something like this

"Hello?!" "Hello!" "Hello?!" "Ya, Hello!" "Hello!, Hello!" finally I realized that one of us namely I, had to take the conversation forward. "Am calling from USA, I got a call from this number?" "kahan se?" "America Se, aap Harish (my brother) ke friend Hain?" "You are calling from USA?" "Yes" I replied cursing my brother for having identified such a dunce as a 'phone provider'

"Oh! Very nice. Myself, Mohan from Mumbai" "Hi Mohan, why did you call?" "No, I did not call, you called -what is your good name please?" I identified myself and once again asked for my brother. It was slowly dawning on me that I had on the other end someone who I was certainly not supposed to call. So saying that I, maybe had the wrong number I disconnected. In two minutes, came another missed call and I called back. My friend Mohan was on the line hoping to talk and to 'make friendship' because of my 'sweet voice'. With a growing rage I politely told him not to disturb me again. I disconnected only to get another missed call, five calls, which I disconnected each time, followed and it was time for some serious action. Not wanting to get into a long distance "lay off dude" conversation, I called up a friend in India, gave him the number from my 'missed calls' list and asked him to call up and yell at the guy.

In a while my friend called back to tell me that I had made him yell at my brother in law for no apparent reason. Surprised, I called up to find that indeed my very annoyed brother-in-law was available on the number I had provided my friend with. He wanted to know why I was disconnecting his calls and why, I was making people threaten him with dire consequences if he did not stop calling?! In all goodness he had come home with his cell phone so that my parents could speak to me. Of course, nobody in my slightly 'dense' family would ever dream of thinking that 2:00 o'clock in the morning is not the very best of times to call a very jet lagged person. While talking to my family, I could hear the beep of another call coming through and knew my friend Mohan was 'in friendship'. The difference between his cell number and my brother-in-laws is a single digit ' no wonder I goofed!

However, the story doesn't end here. The next morning I received an SMS asking me how I was and why I didn't want to talk to my new found friend who wanted 'only pure friendship with you'! This SMS was followed by another one which was composed specially for me, in the honour of everlasting friendship by the same idealistic smss'er. I did not respond but my friend Mohan has not given up. I have saved his number as 'idiot' on my cell phone and every now and then my phones display flashes 'idiot' for a few seconds. Mohan though desperate to 'make friendship' is obviously financially a wise man. He believes in missed ISD calls and an occasional SMS to develop friendships across the sea and I just don't have the heart to tell him that it's not working.

One day, when I run out of 'blogging' material I will call him so watch the space!