It was this Sunday, when my mom, like rest of the mumbaikars, thought of visiting the superstore, despite my resistance (its no wonder that moms and wives are the same, thank god I am dealing with only one till now). After a lot of kich kich and jhik jhik I surrendered only to see that invincible smile on her face! Okay okay you win…I am ready to carry all those bags and help you even choosing what sabzi has to be made tomorrow. I understand this confusion of moms as to “aaj khaane me kya banega” because while I was on my internship in Holland, I had to cook by myself and the immediate conversation, after the office ended, that I used to have with one of my friends who was also on internship, was “abe suno….aaj khane me kya banega be??”
My friend: abe tum bataao, roz roz hum thode hi na bataayenge!”
Anyways I digressed…sorry…
Ya the point…I reach DMART superstore…I tell you, it seemed that the whole of Mumbai has been fitted in that tiny store, it was that jam packed! Took a trolley and entered the store…..the trolley was flawed with respect to various laws of physics which I diligently learnt…I will tell you later why I say so…..
Ya the shopping begins….both my sister and my mom were on a shopping spree filling up the trolley….
The ACTION: With that trolley I BUMP!!!!! That too straight into this lady’s ass..shucks!!!!! I am so dead..so so dead….I could imagine myself in the court in front of the law, in front of the lady, blaming me for that so-called sexual assault….No I didn’t do it intentionally….Its not my fault, the trolley’s height…no no your height…
The REACTION: She turned back….
Her face: burning eyes, fluffing nostrils, clenched teeth…
My face: innocent-lamb-look, kid-after-breaking glass-look, I-am-not-guilty look…..
Hell no..I didn’t do that on purpose…I just prayed that my mom isn’t around…luckily the lady didn’t say anything..it was a hairline escape! Phew…
Flaw number one: It is not always that “Every action has equal and opposite reaction”…it should be rephrased, Mr. Newton….”Every non-intentional action shouldn’t have equal and opposite reaction”….That’s it…
The MORAL: Check the trolley that you take, the wheels should not be jammed…because it can defy Newton’s second law….as it did…I applied force, it didn’t move…I applied more, it slided more than what was required and BUMP!!…
”Every object in motion or at rest continues to be in that state until an external force is applied to it”
In my words:
“Every object should either move freely when or should not move at all when external force is applied to it”.
The results of the experiment could be a disaster!
Anyways all said and done…..I move further…deliberately towards that cute gal. She was coming towards me and I was towards her, even the background music was there….ek ladki ko dekha to aisaa laga J ..and finally our paths meet….and we are stuck with our trolleys….and we face the known confusion of what happens when I move left (which is her right) anticipating that the gal would take the way right (which is her left). However, she takes her left and I take my right in that confusion only to get stuck again…I smile at her, she smiles back….I leave my way, struggling with the trolley…and there she goes…smiling with a thank you! Yes!!!!
5Kg rice….202.50 rupees
My favourite biscuits…50 rupees
Confusions like this with a beautiful gal smiling at you…..priceless!!!!!
Just to mention here that moms and containers…(ya ya the pearl pet sorts) have some unexplainable connection! I am allowed to take my favourite biscuit (cheeselings) just because, according to my mom, the dibba that you get along with that is so useful..she has already collected 5 of them! And was too upset that I left so many of them while I relocated to Mumbai!
My mom told me to wait so that she shops around and comes back, I was instructed that not to move from there….mom leaves…suddenly after sometime I realise that everyone there..only aunties and gals…were looking me as if I am some kinda serial offender! I just realised that I was standing in the middle of the sanitary pad section…Gaawwwdd!! Bhago yahaan se…why me???? Achha hua…that aunty was not here..because it is said that…first time its coincidence…second time its happenstance and the third time……Its enemy’s action!
I almost dragged the trolley and myself out of the section…Phew!
Standing there waiting for mom was torturous…in that congested space which had barely 25 square feet of place to move around…I was being displaced and stared out in disgust by every other aunt, uncles, bêtes and betis…in that half an hour of wait I must have travelled at least a kilometre in that 25 square feet area!
Suddenly I get this call from my friend, ya the very ol pal whom I have thanked for the song and some pics in my previous blogs! I was telling her about all this happening there and got lost without realising that I am laughing aloud talking to her….and as I hung up…I could see the whole world stop…looking at me with all the think boxes above their head (ya ya similar to the ones in the comics)…think boxes which had a picture of a “ground nut” and then in some of them picture of a “nut” and some of them “a pea nut”…and hey here is this gal on whose toe I accidently stepped on, the think box said “a screw driver!” I rolled my eyes with raised brows with the question….”what????”
Later in the billing queue I realised this that I should have paid more attention to the optimization engineering classes rather than just writing poems…It would have helped me chose the shortest line moving at fastest speed taking least time! Because you actually hate the feeling that the queue which you thought to be the shortest is not actually the shortest just because the queue on the other counter seems shorter! And then the feeling that your queue is not moving at all with respect to the other queues…feels like a looser! We forget this that we aren’t the only smart asses around…in fact every other smart ass thinks that he will join the shortest queue only to realise that every body else is thinking that only!
“Bhai sahab aap galat jagah pe khade hain…..” An uncle ji’s voice broke my thought process, I realised he was kinda rude…but somehow I held back the urge to say this back…”uncle pehle to I am no bhai sahab…I am just 25, doosra…3 logo ke baad aap bhi meri hi jagah pe honge! Hai na….”
On my way back to home sweet home, I thought…..
1. Laws are made by circumstances, circumstances are not made by laws, not all laws are harmless!
2. Some confusions in life are meant to be priceless!
3. No matter how fast the queue moves, you move at your own pace
“Bhaiya zara right leke idhar side me rokna” …I said to the auto wala….