archie2009′s blog

Broadcasting my thoughts

Archive for June, 2011

Walk n Talk

June 16, 2011 By: archana dubey Category: Blogs, Man Ki Baat

My day started the way it had ended. I was quiet but mind was having the waves and storms of thoughts.Its rare with me but anyone can have such phases. In morning the weather was so good I decided to leave the bed and to get ready for the walk.Today even the nature was quiet. The birds were not in a good mood of chirping. The trees were not having waves and the vehicles were not on road to make the noise. I hated this as with my quietness everything was sounding so haunting. The walk track was the same but looking so long. I just wanted to reach the Park asap. With the increase in speed of walk and reverse walk things become a bit fine. Today I could see so many things which I had not when I was not with me. Being lost somewhere at some other place and trying to see people of some other world on the same land……what have I done to myself. I felt so guilty within me for not seeing that tree which is so big and so green full of life.Giving shade to so many birds.Park was the same but the old couple was yet to come.Yes I use to see this couple.The Sardar man with white beard and the old lady supporting her life partner to walk.I loved to see them and there silent love for each other.I think once u grow old your other needs summarizes and your basic needs increases.In those years you recognizes the person who actually loves you.Ha ha ha I am not ready to wait that many years to understand that.I feel man and woman has different levels in this and man takes more time to realise it.
So come back to park. Today went to the sport complex and the ground. I just wanted to change my surrounding to come out of my continuously thinking machine on my shoulders. Sometimes I just don’t want to be holding such heavy head. Walking on the grass of ground was good.Some kids were playing with ball and a group of boys was playing basket ball. Good observation; their game became slow once they saw me. Men are men. But it lighted my mood and given me inspiration to be honest with my morning exercise schedule. The heads were rolling, some were stopped to stare and some soon become conscious to continue their game. Woman in me smiled and felt good .I could never understand this chemistry the different gender shares. But its a good God made thing. So now the walk was nice.Mood was light don’t know till when.But I have to work on it.
Mind has reminders for so many works to do list.I need to collect myself to my world and tight up my self to act now.Coming back track was full of vehicles now. Life is normal outside……but inside world is so awesome sometimes. I want to preserve it…..the feeling the excitements and the trust we do…can anyone do that…..yet to find out but its within me not outside so I think someday I will get answer from my inner self only.

Talk to self

June 14, 2011 By: archana dubey Category: Man Ki Baat

Sometimes I just avoid to write.I try to run away from the emotional flows within me.I wait to pass that time and keep away myself from the computer, Pen n paper.Its like a fight one must win but these days so many ways available u can just end up using ur Phone or so.
“Time is the remedy” I believe this and I want to apply this on me.My emotional forces through me so close to someone while its not possible for others to understand that at the same time.The imaginary world is so good if it remains in the imaginations, your dreams only.Today I woke up with a dream and tried to find out where I was.The feelings were there of the dream but not exactly knowing what had happened.
Life is going to change soon.Everything around me and everyone with me will change.A new world to face again and to prove myself again.This is the life I lead and started liking it as no other choice I have.Or I have the choice but I know where my happiness lies…. well said “If u gain something u must be loosing something to gain it and vice-verse”.
Just these things gives a restlessness a fear how will face the current world with a negativity and how would search a new one for me……………if everything destined then I think I am destined to meet the world and new people.Its just I can’t control the attachment levels.Learning being independent emotionally while I have seen so many people depending on me emotionally.Sometime I felt good about it sometimes I just got irritated of their problems but could never say no……….sometime I just laughed on their ignorance and my presence there.
I remember the Kashmiri man used to come to my house to work.His story about their small world,blood and tears.That time I felt its so good to be free.They are free but they are arrested by their own uneducated,cruel people.These things gives me solace and makes me feel I am in heaven.So many characters to write about and to tell the world the kind of life they live.But then I feel let them at peace they have their own suffering then why to make others feel n go through the same while reading about them.
See from where I started and where I am………….its my journey.A small heart used to weep for others once seen them suffer but soon it learned no use of this and let be a bit ignorant.Let them fight their battle you have your own to handle.In the small pond if somebody has thrown the stone and enjoying the waves from distance.
But till what time a small stone can effect the pond soon it will settle and calm and all the feared creatures will comeback home.So don’t laugh from distance just read the silence and the life in it.It has its own beauty and peace within.

Anterman ka samwad

June 04, 2011 By: archana dubey Category: Man Ki Baat, Uncategorized

Kabhi kabhi itna muskil
hota hai kisi ko samajhna aur usese bhi jyada muskil hota hai khud ko

I feel why the world is not that simple as I want and I feel why I
could not be a man who just say whatever they think and some time they say even
without thinking too. I feels scared of the things and people as they changes
their minds as the colors changes in the cloudy sky. They remains so smart in
talking but do they actually feel the way they say. I try to read words ….I
try to read between the line but no use as every time the meaning comes
different. I cry and shout on me why the hell I believe as they say. But then
also feel as I believe thus they become the way I believe on them. Life is full
of colors but having both shades dark and bright and light. Sometimes I feel
myself blessed for having so much of love in life sometime I feel myself
choking as not able to express it. The misunderstanding the if and but’s the
interpretations and the judgmental attitude of people stops me from expressing further.
I feel its better to be at within.

My curiosity makes me do
so many things which give a different opinion scope. But then why about me only.
I too can think many things about the whole world but why I remain so engrossed
within my inner self that I don’t bother anyone till the time we are actually
crossing somewhere.

Today after reading so
much I became firstly overwhelmed and then again the thoughts came and I wanted
to pour them on my space. But sometimes being busy is a blessing too. Its given
me time to think rethink and rethink b/w the work. Why I need to think so
much……………..I need to be light as I am. Why mind is so heavy? am I carrying
 any other weight too. Nonsense isn’t it? why should I.Or I think…. just right
now I am feeling that way.

God why people always
try to read other person, why don’t they just enjoy the gifted company. Why
they put mind on things which are not existing. Why they thinks sooooo much
before every action.

I wanted to convey so much today and wanted to say so much but its better to be quite. Ha ha ha sometimes I really wonder I talk so much and convey zero from what I actually wanted to.But good way to handle the world and save your inner self.As it pains if things seen differently by the other pair of eyes.


June 01, 2011 By: archana dubey Category: Man Ki Baat

Sometimes she just enjoy the silence.she has spoken so much and now she want to rest.The morning walk was dreamy with breeze touching her soul.She decided will not talk; will be with herself for some time.The voice of wind touching the leaves of the trees and giggling loudly but rhythmically is beautifully breaking  the silence.They played with her hairs too and then laughed.She got the sensation if someone touching her hair and the breeze enjoyed her lost status.
Its so wonderful to be with your own company and keeping all encroachment away from you.You protect ur soul from breaking out of emotional journeys it do every day n night.The doubts, the insecurities and the restlessness it suffers.She mix’s soul and her mind sometimes but at least it shows the existence of every part of her.She did the meditation while walking long track.Seen the morning world and absorbed the drizzling drops on her body. Away from all the things of this life…the loved ones,the friends,the family and the relative she feels her existence……………her own self.When she was a teenager her senses were so novel she just explored the world from her house window and the school activities.she written and today she is really wanting to read her old written diaries.Those diaries were never have the details of each day but they have the details of all the emotions.She read her old blogs and laughed on herself.She is moving towards her own as now she can laugh on her own excitements,innocence and the sufferings.Her mind is free from the continuous torturous emotions.She is ready for the new silent day. 

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