Writers are supposed to write their thoughts down. They pick a piece of paper and start scribing their thoughts on it. Then they read what they have written, get themselves few more pages and start scribing more. This exercise continues until reality hits them and they realise that they are not appearing in an exam.

One of my strongest points during my academics was my handwriting. It was so poor that the examiners had to give me marks without reading my answers. This allowed me to fill several supplements with my jabber and the examiners has to weight my answer sheet to award me marks. After graduation and listening to Al Gore I decide to do something for the environment. Since charity begins at home, I decided to save trees, paper and embarrassment by refusing to wield my pen on a piece of paper.

Yesterday I had to write some information and pass it on one to my colleagues. I scribbled the info on a piece of paper and tried to read what I have written. I couldn't. So wrote the info again and tried to read it. This time I was able to. So I passed the info to my colleague.

She read, tried to understand what I had written and asked me," The places you have written Q, you meant R .Right?"

To sum up

Good handwriting can fetch you marks for writing the correct answer. A bad handwriting can do the same even if you don't know the answer.

P.S. A question for you?

Do you first write your blogs or straightway type them?

P.P.S
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I spend approximately eight year on my life in a boy's hostel. The most important lesson it imparted me was to share a joke with the right person. I tried to use this ability to find a job and miserably failed. Finally I got an MBA in my curriculum vitae and landed in a publishing company.

Working in a publishing company offers several privileges. One of the privileges is that people don't think you have a real job. I once told my friend that I am a blogger and showed him my home page. He read a few posts and asked," Dude that's fine but haven't you written anything serious?"

Another privilege is that the girls outnumber boys in the same ratio as the boys outnumber girls at a stock exchange's trading floor. This has allowed me to count three guys in IT, couple of guys in creative and one guy in accounts cum marketing department as my friends. Now whenever I have a joke to share I walk to a friend sitting a couple of miles away.

Unfortunately, this privilege is having undesired effects on my colleagues.

A few days back I went to a friend and cracked a joke related to his work. We both had a laugh and I came back to my desk. The person sitting next to me asked me to tell her the joke. I told her that it was a domain specific joke and she won't get it. She said that I must tell her the joke because I had cracked the joke on her. I told her that," If I have a joke on you then you would be the first person to hear it. There is no need for me to go a desk which is a mile away."

She told me that I had cracked the joke on her because after cracking the joke I had looked at her. That's enough evidence to prove that joke was on her. I understood her logic and the next time I went to my friend to crack a domain specific joke, I made sure I came back without looking at her.

The person sitting next to me asked me to tell her the joke. I told her that it was domain specific joke and she won't get it. She told me that the joke was on her and she has a right to know the joke. I told her that while coming back and I did not looked at her. That's enough evidence to prove that the joke was not on her.

She gave me refined logic that she had told me that if I cracked a joke on her then I would look at her. So this time when I cracked a joke on her, I decided not to look at her. I said that the joke was not on her and even if it was, it was something she won't get it.  After listening to my reply, she immediately went to my friend and came back laughing. She informed me that she knew the jokes and now I must I tell them to her.

I asked," Don't you already know the jokes?"

She said yes and now she wanted to hear them from me.

I explained to her that there is no point in sharing jokes which the listener already knows.

She informed me that," You know, you are very intelligent."

I told her that,"Yeah. I am intelligent to enough to avoid sharing jokes with you which I have cracked on you."

To sum up

Never underestimate the power of laughter. A couple of jokes can create more animosity between you and your colleague than any tactic to take solely take credit of a good work.

Yesterday the marketing executive of our company informed me that I am young. Before I could request her to go for an eye test she asked me to suggest an email id that would make young people reply to our company's direct marketing mail. We talked for a couple of minutes and I told her that the only email I may reply would be Free_gifts@ourcompany.com. Impressed by my creativity she left by saying," I was confused. Now you have made me more confused. Thanks for nothing".

Her words assured me that I had made the correct decision by opting for finance instead of marketing as specialisation during my MBA. As I patted my back, a colleague came to my desk and asked me to be more co-operative. I assured her of my co-operation wherever she needed it. She thought I had poor memory and enquired,"Don't you remember. I am now in marketing."

I did my level best to list the horrible mistakes she had done in production due to which the management had decided to give her third degree torture by shifting her to marketing. But my weak memory failed me. So I asked her," How does it feels to be in marketing?"

She told me that she is a finance graduate and was a bit frightened by the prospect of doing marketing research.

I told her that she could move out of marketing by sending an email to the HR.
She failed to find the logic and asked me," How can an email to HR will help me?"
I told her that the HR would move her out of marketing as soon as they receive her resignation letter.

She pondered over my advice and asked," You know. You always think of bad things. Tell me what will be more bad for me?"

I thought for while and requested her to think that she is reporting to the CEO on a daily basis. I think getting humiliated everyday with choicest words is definitely more bad than working in marketing.

She pondered over my imagination and gave her verdict," You know. You always think of bad things. Can't you ever think of anything good? From today onwards whenever you will see me, think something good".

I looked at her and found a person who is being groomed to be humiliated by the CEO on a daily basis. I told her that I have reserved that right for only one person. I will think good when I will meet Shaktiman. As a child I thought that if I did something bad, Shaktiman would come and ask me to the right thing. To meet Shaktiman I did one bad thing after another. But Shaktiman never found me good enough to be a bad boy. The show is still running on Pogo and I think someday I will be bad enough to meet Shaktiman.

Completely amazed by my logic and personal history she asked," What will you say when Shaktiman will ask you to behave like a good boy?"

I thought about my meeting with Shaktiman and told her that I will say," Sorry Shaktiman"

To sum up

Our company does not fire people. It makes them resign by making them talk to the biggest fan of Shaktiman.

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It is not that I have not done it before in office. Hallucination is an art which I learnt in college and perfected in office. But this time the speaker made sure that I fell asleep. The person sitting next to me woke me up by asking, "Would you like to rejoin us in the office?"

I opened my eyes, looked at her and whispered,"Not really!" Thank God, I didn't say it loud, otherwise my dream would have turned into a nightmare.

To sum up

The management has failed to motivate employees to work by using penalties and fines. They have overcome their failure by developing and implementing emotional atyachar.

P.S.

I have joined twitter. You can check my tweets by clicking here.<object classid=”clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000″ codebase=”http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,124,0″ id=”TwitterWidget” align=”middle” width=”290″ height=”350″>

Yesterday I had a meeting with the most important person in our organisation. The meeting was scheduled at 2 and in an honour of giving me this opportunity, I decided to postpone my lunch. I reached at 2 in the meeting room and was informed that the CEO had gone out for  lunch. I asked the person-in-charge of making appointments that,” When is she expected back?” She replied’” It has been about an hour since she went out. So any minute”. I looked at the clock and at it was 2:10, then it was 2:30 and then 3. At 3:37 I was informed that and since the CEO is a busy person, she would see me for 10 minutes. Bored, Drowsy and  Hungry, I was happy to meet the legend and blog about my meeting with the CEO. The 10 minutes meeting lasted for only 2 hours and I came out of the meeting feeling Hungry, Bored and Exhausted.

This also made realised that I have not done any productive work during the post-session lunch. Now I was Hungry, Exhausted and a Non-performing resource. The CEO had given me a crash course on improving performance and I felt it was a perfectly good reason for becoming a non-performing asset. This however didn’t justified Hunger and Exhaustion. To justify them, I went back to work. I worked till 8 and then I was Hungry, Exhausted  and in a Bad Mood. This made me realise that now I must stop postponing my lunch and start planning for my dinner. With this realisation, I made  the resolution that tonight I will eat my whole dabba and headed towards home.

I reached home and found that there was no dabba. I called the dabbawala and he failed to pick up my call. I called him again and he again missed  my call. I thought my 2 missed calls will make him realise that how much I miss him and he will call me back. After showing my affection to the dabbawala, I decided to search my room and found biscuits, namkeen and water. This inventory check made me ask,” No Maggie. How is that possible?” It felt blizzard to me. Hence, I decided to check my room again. My search confirmed the blizzard and I found biscuits, namkeen, warm cola, water and a lollipop in my room. With enough inventory to make a 5 year old kid happy and now Maggielesss, Exhausted and Hungry I decided to use the trick which I had perfected in hostel. I gulped down whatever I had with warm cola and said to myself,”This food is better than the food offered in mess. So stop whining and eat whatever you have got”.

With the wisdom perfected due to my love for junk food, I finished my inventory. Now I was Tired, Exhausted but not Hungry. So I decided to unwrap the lollypop and realised that it has been a long time since I had dessert after dinner.

 To sum up

We all learn from our experiences. My experience has given me the key to make my kids eat whatever I want them to. I am going ask them what do  they want to eat and then I going to give them the same to eat.  

Today I reached office and greeted my colleague, expecting a Good morning in return. She replied as expected and then thought for a while and added,"How was your weekend? I hope you may have cleaned your room". I informed her that the weekend for great because I didn't cleaned my room. Completely surprised, she asked," Then what did you do during the whole weekend?" Completely surprised by her question, I replied," Slept".

I continued working till another colleague said good morning and enquired,"How does it feel to live in a clean room?" I thought for a while and replied," I don't remember it". She rolled her eyes as if she was auditioning for scary flick and inquired," You mean you didn't clean your room". It was my turn to roll my eyes and say," I didn”t need to. Everything was there where I had thrown it last time". Unable to understand that I didn't want to talk, the dimwit continued," Where do you sleep then?"

I tried to remember and said "On the floor. The bed had too many things and I didn’t want to make the floor dirty once again." Enlightened by truth, she looked at me as if I was the most uncouth person she has ever met. Trying to change to the subject I asked her," How was your weekend?" She replied with, "That's none of your business".  

To sum up
God loves us. He wanted to make sure that we would never forget him. That is why he created working Monday after every Sunday.

Today I woke up and checked the time on my wristwatch. It said 5.13. This made me realise that I must always trust my mobile to know the exact time. I checked my mobile and it read 5.13. "Hmm I must be dreaming" I said to myself. "Not bad!!! after day dreaming for so many days I deserve a real dream."

So to get a real dream I closed my eyes and heard my stomach. This made me accept the fact that I was indeed awake and hungry. I scouted room for essential inventories and found three biscuits. I placed the first biscuit in my mouth and realised the exact reason for my Mom teaching me to brush my teeth before I had breakfast.  

To satisfy my stomach I brushed my teeth and gulped down the remaining two biscuits. This made my stomach realise the immense power it yielded over me and like a good boss it commanded "More. I want more from you." I requested him to wait for two hours and it blatantly refused. I promised him a special treat of kada phoha and tea and like a true boss, he rejected my request for extending the deadline.

Standing in my shorts before sunshine, his arrogance gave me a chance to do what every employee wants do with his arrogant boss. I poured water in a glass and threw it on my stomach. "It that enough for you." I said to my stomach and continued "No. Ok then have another glass." With these words I proceeded to pour another glass of water on my stomach.

My sudden outburst calmed my stomach and made me think," What's next ". There are several things which people who get up at 5 AM do such as exercising or jogging. But I don't belong to that group so I decided to go back to sleep. I went to the bed and decided to listen to local FM. The first station I tuned into was Radio  Mirchi and it greeted me with bhajans. Tried a lot but couldn't sleep listening to it and hence had to switch to an another channel. The radio jockey on the other channel asked me to wake up and enjoy the new day. I told him to shut up and closed the FM.

This unnecessary clattering of the local FM left me with one big question. WHAT MUST I NOW? I thought for a while, searched the room and picked up a novel which I have been reading for the last six months or more.  I opened the novel, immersed myself into it and within ten minutes, I was snoring again.

To sum up

Life never gives you what ask for. Hence, to avoid disappointed grab whatever you want without asking.