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Archive for December, 2009

God vs Boss

December 30th, 2009

It is said that those who spend time in office will find few surprises in hell. In my case, I believe in God and have no faith in organised religion. The reason I believe in God is because he created my colleagues to prove that I am always surrounded by evil. 

One of the favourite arguments of Atheists against organised religion is - If God exists, so would Satan. The various preachers of organised religion have countered this argument by pointing at the Atheists and stating that - Your existence proves that Satan exists.

According to various scriptures God is an Omni-powerful entity. A random sample testing done by me proves that it is hogwash. God is not at all powerful. In fact, he can’t even do anything bad to its enemies.

God is supposed to make things happen. Hence, I don’t like God. He doesn’t do anything for me. In fact, I prefer my Boss over God. My Boss looks like the guy to me who can make things happen.

I beg, pray and whine in front of God and he just sits in heaven thinking about the next sequel of Avatar. Compared to God, my boss listens and helps me. Although when he talks, it makes me remember of a four year kid’s babbling. Just imagine the amount of resources and the extension in deadline that my boss makes available when I pray, beg and whine in front of him.

It is not that I think my boss is my God. However, I no more believe that my God is my boss. I still accept God’s supremacy over earth because Google doesn’t has all the answers. Once there has been an aberration in my acceptance but I abandoned my idea of challenging God for the supremacy of earth after I read the newspapers.

To sum up

Do not question d designs of God. Do you question Google’s algorithm when it gives you absurd result?

Wish to connect with me on twitter. My address is - http://www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

1 comment »

Posted in Humour

Tags:

Nice dress

December 24th, 2009

Women like to be complimented.  Men like woman. That’s why men compliment women even when there is no reason to do so.  The followers of this axiom always wonder why do women avoid them.

Yesterday one of my colleagues, sitting few desks away from me came in a dress that made me remember of Vidya Balan. I am single guy with the reputation of being workaholic in the office. To salve my reputation, I decided to ignore her and her dress.  

However, every time she whizzed pass my desk, I felt my muse telling me there is nothing wrong in speaking your mind especially when you are speaking the truth.  


While listening to my muse and contemplating on the proper way of telling her the truth, the Vidya Balan avatar send me an IM asking me the location of few files. I replied by telling her the path and added GM at the end of the message. The avatar immediately replied to my GM with – VGM.

I decided to bite the bullet and replied to her reply with- ‘There is something I want to tell you. Promise me you won’t get angry.’

She said, ‘If it is something that I should be angry about, I would become angry.’

I typed in the chatbox – ‘It is just that you are wearing a beautiful dress’, heaved a sigh and pressed send.

I heard some giggling between the avatar and the girl sitting next to avatar but decided to ignore it because the avatar had replied to my IM.

The IM read as – Why would I get angry on your compliment? BTW Thanks.

I thought about drafting an appropriate reply to her query but couldn’t come up with any. Hence, I closed the chat window and said to myself – Thanks to the technology, I don’t have to open my mouth to put my foot into my mouth.

To sum up

It takes month to build a reputation of being a workaholic and few minutes to prove that you are just another guy.

Wish to connect with me on twitter. My address is - www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

6 comments »

Posted in Humour

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The art of Delegation

December 21st, 2009

I am a control freak. This means that whenever someone tries to control me, I freak out. The management realized it after spate of resignations and decided to make in charge of two projects.

The management generously allotted enough resources for completing one project and made me responsible for the co-ordination and delivery of the two projects. I didn’t felt it was bad idea as long as I was in charge and didn’t have to work.

I took clue from management and delegated my responsibility to other team-members. This meant my team-members were responsible for delivering their part of the project and I of making them work at least ten hours every day. 

As expected both the projects got delivered after significant delay and I am expecting ‘C’ grade in the next performance appraisal. This is nothing compared to the loss of friendship of my dear colleagues. 

I am a single guy living in a cramped room in Pune. Most of the cherished moments of my life have been in office, working with my colleagues, enjoying work and cracking jokes about the idiocy of management. Somehow, it just does not feel right when I wish a colleague Good Morning and his eyes to me reply as – You SOB.

To sum up

Management is the art of getting things done. Delegation is the art of getting things done without accepting the responsibility of the work done. It is not that I have lost my confidence in God, it is just that if work is worship then I want to be an atheist. 


Wish to connect with me on twitter. My address in http://twitter.com/cubicile_blues

2 comments »

Posted in Work

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In formals

December 16th, 2009

Yesterday it was Monday. It means a day before yesterday it was Sunday. It also means I had one whole day to wash my clothes. However, I have developed a wonderful habit of sleeping all day on Sunday. Hence, I didn’t wash my clothes on the last Sunday or last few Sundays preceding it.

I woke up on Monday morning, took a shower, went through my pile of clothes and realized that I didn’t have a clean t-shirt to wear. I wash my jeans once in a month and the same applies to my t-shirts. Hence on Monday, my clothes were just not dirty, they were smells-like-socks dirty.

I smelled couple of my t-shirts and concluded that I can’t wear them irrespective of the amount of deodorant I use.

With no option left I realized that I will have to wear my back up dress to office i.e. formals. I have worn formals to office less the number of fingers I have on one hand. The first time I wore formals to my office was when I went for job interview and the next two times I wore when I had received emails requesting me to dress smartly because prospective clients were visiting the office.

I wore a green shirt and black trouser and approached the mirror to comb my hair. I thought I will meet a guy smartly dressed and smiling at me. I met an awkward looking guy and as soon he saw me, he started shouting - phony, phony, phony.

I reached office and rushed to my desk dodging my colleagues “Do you have interview?” look. While I was going through my emails a female colleague had mustered enough courage to ask me that why was in dressed in formals. I told her the truth and she walked away from my cubicle after giving me the “You men” look.

The day was a usual Monday with sad faces all around because the weekend had lasted only for two days. I worked as usual and got a feeling to break office furniture whenever a colleague mentioned that I looked like a sales executive.

I came back home with two sachets of Surf Excel. I looked at the pile of clothes and decided to give them to laundry on Tuesday. After all, I can wear the same formal clothes for one more day.

To sum up

Laundry services will remain profitable as long as lazy men would exist.

 

 

 


4 comments »

Posted in Humour

Rediffiland

December 13th, 2009
Hello,

Let’s talk. Just you and me. My name is Abhishek. I am not introvert. I am just shy enough to make an introvert look gregarious. Also, I am not proud to say but I am the poster child for bad blogger. I never invited people to read my blog nor I ever replied to the people commenting on my blog. In short, I never gave a damn to my blog.

Since my blog didn’t received damn from me, it decided to complain to the guys at rediff. The guys at rediff listened to my blog’s grievances and decided to act God by giving divine justice. They killed my iland and migrated me to rediffblogs.

It is not that I am complaining because I know rediffiland was a mediocre blogging platform. Replacing rediffiland with rediffblogs is like replacing my retarded brother with an IIT graduate. He is everything that my brother is not, my brother would never be and he would never be my brother.

To sum up

Rediffiland is dead. Long live rediffiland for making me know what blogging is.

2 comments »

Posted in Uncategorized

Deadline

December 2nd, 2009



For the last few days I am working on deadlines. Yesterday the VP(Production) told me to meet me in the corridor for an informal chat. For me the office corridor during deadlines is like Big Boss’s confession room. You tell your team leader that management is crazy and the team leader tells you that ,”We don’t have any another option.”

I walked into the corridor and said to the VP, “I hope you are not closing my projects.” The VP replied,” Of course not. In fact we are thinking about extending your deadline.”

I smiled and he continued,” Abhishek, as you know we are facing extreme storage of manpower.” I replied to him ,”Yes Sir” and wanted to add that it is such a shame that the youngsters nowadays are not interested in working for peanuts.

The VP said to me,” Abhishek, as you know we work according to priorities. Since we have certain projects that are more important than yours, we would like to shift you to another project.”

I looked at him and tried to tell him that how come I be the one who is always working on low priority projects. But I couldn’t.

The VP waited for my reply and realized that I was going to give any. Hence, he told me,” We are not closing your projects, we are just delaying them. I want you to work on another project from tomorrow.”

I came to the office today and took necessary instructions from my new team leader. Before starting to work I decided to send an email to the VP stating that the company is facing extreme shortage of manpower and most of the members of my team suffer from fatigue because they are working long hours for the last couple of weeks.

The VP immediately responded to my email and said - Your observation is right. Suggest solution.

I showed the email to a colleague and she told me to tell the VP to go to hell. I don’t think that was the right reply. Why should I must ask him to go to hell when he can experience it in my cubicle.

To sum up

History repeats itself. My life always gets screwed around deadlines.

P.S. - Hey, i got a twitter account. The address is http://twitter.com/cubicile_blues


9 comments »

Posted in Work

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