Archive for January, 2010
Shocker
January 31st, 2010From bad to worse
January 29th, 2010Yesterday I was told that from today I will be working on a priority project. Today I was told that the deadline of the priority project is tomorrow. I met the senior manager in charge of the priority project and she told me that the management had offered her one day extension but she wasn’t workaholic enough to work on a Sunday.
I came back to my seat relived that some people shared my enthusiasm of sleeping until noon on Sundays. The senior manager had sent a mail to the team working on the priority project to update the project status. I decided to open the project status to enter my initials in the excel sheet.
I had a look at the project status and went back to the senior manager. I told the senior manager that according to my analysis the project would be finished after three days. She told me not to worry because tomorrow we will be getting another resource for one day.
I came back to me seat, analyzed the status chart with the new information and went back to the senior manager. I told her that even if we get one more resource we still won’t be able to achieve the deadline. She told me to get back to work because my analysis had proved that the team had to work on Sunday to achieve the deadline.
I came back to my seat and closed the project status because any more analysis would have revealed that we will have sleep in office to achieve the deadline.
To sum up
History repeats itself. My life always gets screwed around deadlines.
Back on deadline
January 28th, 2010i am not a loser
January 28th, 2010BeBeautiful.in
January 25th, 2010
I work in the production department. A senior manager sits next to my desk. Today, after lunch the senior manager asked me the address of our office. I told her that it was situated in Koregaon Park. She asked me to tell the exact address of our office. I told her I didn’t know the exact address but I could find it. I googled the company website, went to the contact us page and gave her the address. She said thank you and we both went back to work. As I was working another senior manager came to her and said, “Give me the link. I too want the freebies.” Now I understood that why the senior manager needed the exact office address and asked her to give me the link so that I could also order the freebies. She laughed and told me to go to Bebeautiful.in. I heard the website name, said thanks to her and went back to work. Few minutes later a colleague came to me and asked me whether I had ordered a lipstick for myself. I told her that I would have if I had a girlfriend and the freebie would have saved me from getting a valentine gift for her. She gave me a smile and told me that when you visit the website, it asks you whether you are male or female. So there is a beautiful zone for men and if I went there I could get freebies for myself. I replied to her smile with a smile and told her that the name of the website was enough for me to ignore it. My colleague who was still smiling started laughing. I asked her the reason and she told that she just wanted me to visit the website because she wanted me to become beautiful. After all only a beautiful guy could get a beautiful girlfriend. I told her that, “I strongly believe in the law of attraction. There has to be some magnetism between the couple. According to the law of attraction opposites attract. If I will become beautiful then as similar poles repel each other, all the beautiful girls will repel me. Also the law of opposite will apply and the girl with who I will land up will have bigger biceps then me or worst, a six pack.” My colleague laughed and left after telling me that she knew I would visit Bebeautiful.in as soon as she would leave. I wanted to tell her that I had no intention to do so because I am not that type of guy but she had already left. Since my colleague had left and I had no one to speak, I told to myself , “I know that in the battle of sexes, the men have infiltrated the feminine territory by introducing the metrosexual men but I also know that am not among them. If the Bebeautiful.in has an option asking you whether you are male or female, I am sure if I choose the male option, it would redirect me to a page that would ask – Buddy, what are you doing in the estrogen zone?” To sum up We attach a lot of importance on how a person looks and rightly so. After all nowadays a book gets sold because of the author on its cover and not its content.
TGIF
January 22nd, 2010For me Fridays are the worst day of week as long as I don’t have a working Saturday. I enter in office on a Friday with a feeling that I need to get out of office ASAP. There is no point in sitting in office when your mind is wandering in some mall. I walk into office on a Friday mornings like a zombie. There is only one goal and that is to kill the person who proposes either we sit late or come tomorrow to meet the deadline. These are people who screw up your appraisal. The boss says you are dedicated employee and that’s fine because so is everyone else. End of conversation why you gave yourself an A and your boss gave you a B. Today I walked into office and found that I had not received a single email since I had left office yesterday. I waited for about fifteen minutes and still there was no mail. This made me anxious and scary thoughts like maybe I have been fired started coming to my mind. Before I could confirm it from my boss that whether I was still on roll or not, an IT guy passed through my desk, wished me good morning and apologized because the email system was not working. If the IT person was a girl I would have kissed her but he was not a she and I told him thank you. I consider my best day in office was the day on which I came to office and found that my computer was not working. This may not be as good as the best day but certainly it was good day. Actually it was very good day. I spend the whole day without receiving a single email. I missed the forwards from colleagues but didn’t read a single mail that had ASAP in it. I went home thinking that some Fridays are not so bad that you have to say – TGIF. To sum up If work is worship then I am an atheist.
Cover
January 21st, 2010For me the word cover means the brown jacket that my mom used to put on my school books. I remember, at the start of every school year my mom used to cover my books with a brown paper. I never did it because it was my mom’s duty. I remember my only duty regarding covers was to tear them.
Few weeks back I borrowed a book from a colleague for official purpose. Actually it was text book to help me refresh few concepts. I had a look at the concepts and told myself that here, Prof Google would be much more helpful. Another colleague needed the book and I gave the book to her.
The colleague returned me the book with few pages falling off the book. She was smiling and I knew I was in trouble. I was still working on the same project and decided that I could delay breaking my colleague’s heart. I made one mistake. I took the book and tossed it at the end of my desk.
Yesterday the colleague who had lent me the book came to my desk. We chatted for a while and he left after telling me that I must ask the office peon to bind the book. I took the book to the office peon for binding and the office peon told me that spiral binding is for manuals, not books.
I came back to my desk and thought about getting the book binded at personal cost. It was a good idea with only one flaw. I didn’t know anyone who binded books in Pune. I had a look at the book and realized the book was still in a good shape. All I needed to do was to paste few pages using gum and do something that would ensure the book’s condition didn’t deteriorated until I finished the project. The answer was simple. All I had to do was to put a cover on the book.
There is a stationery store near my home. I can get the shiny brown book cover from there. However, I return from office so exhausted that I can’t make a detour just to buy a roll of brown paper and the shop opens after I leave for office. This left me with the second best option. Cover the book with a newspaper.
Today I reached office with a sheet of TOI. I opened the sheet and thought how I am going to do it. I had heard about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It says to make things happen, you need to first imagine them in your mind. I imagined for ten minutes how I was going to cover the book and reached the conclusion that NLP was invented so that people could philosophically procrastinate. I decided to Google how to cover a book but before I could type it in the search bar, I heard a noise behind me.
The noise was made by a colleague who sits behind me. She was putting her scarf, purse and mobile on her desk. I thought it would be below mine and Prof Google’s dignity to search for how to cover a book when help was standing behind me.
I wished her Good morning and shot the question, “Do you know how to cover a book?” She said yes and I asked for help. She took the sheet, told me it was too big and she hardly remembered how to cover a book. Anyway it was not her mom but she who used to put covers on her book and had practiced enough to cover the book I wanted. It was like riding a bicycle. You may have not ridden one for years but once you hit few pedals, you do it as good as it should be.
She gave me the covered book and told that she felt nostalgic for the good old days. I too felt nostalgic for the old days when my mom used to give me freshly covered books with a request of not ruining them. She told me about her school days when she used to put brown cover and then a plastic cover on her books. I was tempted to say I would have been saved of the reprimands and occasional beating if my mom had enough time and energy to do it. I didn’t say so because it could have started a rumor in office that I was an expert in ruining even the nicely covered books and then no one would lend me books.
The colleague told me about her days when she used to sit through boring lectures to make notes. It made me remember of my days when I used to bunk classes to watch movies and pass exams all thanks to the girls who attended boring lectures and made notes. I told her so and she said the same happened with her. Several boys used to borrow her notes. Talk about the more the things change the more they remain the same and you won’t find a better example. At least not me.
The colleague went back to her desk after asking me, “If you don’t how to cover books then how would you have the fun of covering your kids books?” My reply to her was, “If covering books is fun then my wife can have as much fun as she wants.”
To sum up
Most of the people reading my blogs think either I work in the craziest office ever or I make up stories for my blog. None of them is true. The truth is I knew this even before I read it somewhere – Humor makes life worth the effort.