My life as it is

New blog address

cubicile blues — Sun, 15 May 2011 10:57:07 +0000

Hello friends,

You can read my new blog posts at

http://abhishk1983.blogspot.com/

The Dilbert principle

cubicile blues — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:32:55 +0000

Today I read The Dilbert Principle by Scott Adams. My blogging id is Cubicile Blues and my favorite cartoon strip is Dilbert. Just like any other cubicle dweller I can identify with Dilbert because the central premise of Dilbert is that don’t go looking around for logic in management decisions because you can’t find logic in absurdity.

The Dilbert Principle not only reiterates this point but takes it to the next level. It explains why business is absurd. According to The Dilbert Principle business is absurd because people are idiots and that includes me, you, management and Scott Adams.

The book is combination of a management book and cartoon strip. It not only successfully explains arcane management concepts such as Business Communication, ISO 9000 and Performance Reviews, but also provides some solid advice on how to pretend being the most busy employee. Remember work is for idiots who think office has been created for work. An ideal employee knows office has been created for his career enhancement.

Mandatory criticism

No book review is complete if you only praise the book. A book review without – This book could have been better if……… is like my last performance review. I was told during my last performance review – We are impressed by your performance but we can’t offer you an increment.

I think the book has got too many cartoons. In fact few pages consist solely of cartoons. While reading it sometimes you think you are reading a black and white comic. It gives the book a very childish feel and it won’t be successful with adult audiences. Moreover, children prefer color cartoons and hence the book doesn’t have much market potential. Another shortcoming of the book is that it is environmental unfriendly. The font is too big. Several trees would have been saved if the book had been printed with a smaller font size.

Don’t be surprised at my criticism. I am trying to act like a manager while reviewing a book dealing with business. People are idiots but management is clueless too.

To sum up

The Dilbert Principle is not in the same league as Peter Drucker but it is a classic in its own right. 5 out 5 stars to the book because it explains why frustration is a universal trait shared by all employees.

Food and deadline

cubicile blues — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:52:07 +0000

I think my boss likes to play God. Just as God created earth, my boss likes to create mess and leave all of us involved in it alone. That’s not all, just like God he refuses to hear pleas of the people working in the mess.

I worked on a deadline today. I invited a colleague to join my team and he replied, “Unlike you I am an employee and not a black cat commando.” I didn’t know I had become the deadline expert of my company until I heard a colleague say, “Abhishek, when you joined company you used to ask so many questions that I used to go crazy but now you work almost on every deadline.” Yeah! Curiosity killed the cat.

Personally I don’t like to work on deadlines. I am sure the same is true for all my colleagues because everyone likes to wish good evening to its kids instead of good night. The only part of deadlines I enjoy is the company sponsored dinner. I am a foodie and nothing motivates me more than the idea of eating at somebody else’s expense.

The reason I enjoyed my hostel’s mess food was because my mom is a very bad cook. I am one of the lucky kids who spent their childhood eating Maggie. Personally given a chance I would like to award a Nobel to the inventor of Maggie for feeding the millions of hungry half-naked bachelors.

I know I just criticized my mom’s cooking. It just reduced my chances of telling my wife that she is not as good as she thinks. Every woman thinks she is a good cook. Every son prefers burgers and pizza over his mom’s cooking. Every wife wonders what my husband finds so special about my mother-in-law’s cooking. The truth is all husband praise their mom’s cooking in front of their wife is to make her jealous although they hate their moms for making them eat all those vegetables.

I am sure my wife is going to be a very happy woman. She is never going to hear, “What is this ? Huh? Nothing like what my mom used to cook.”

To sum up

Working since 9 in the morning. Dear Boss, let me go home. My socks stink.

Wish to laugh more. Here is the link to my twiiter page - www.twitter.com/cubiicle_blues

Sachin is God

cubicile blues — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:34:49 +0000

I am a cricket fan but I also think cricket is the most unproductive game ever played. Whenever India plays, the productivity of staff halves.

Today India went berserk because Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar scored 200 runs. From Twitter to Radio everyone is chanting Sachin is God. No one has bothered to know what motivated Sachin to score a double century. I know it. Sachin scored 200 runs because he saw Nehra and Sreesanth bowl in the last match.

In my office everyone was glued to cricket as if it was national duty to watch Sachin score 200 runs and curse Dhoni whenever he hit a Six. Everyone was saying - Give the strike to Sachin, you idiot. I am sure Dhoni will be very thankful to Amla for doing the excellent piece of fielding and helping him take a single to give strike to Sachin.

I was tracking the match on cricbuzz and cricinfo simultaneously. A colleague send me link of yahoocricket and I replied to him with a link of cricketnirvana, the website that allows you to watch cricket matches online. If you are a real Sachin fan and have guts, great, open it and allow us to enjoy some live cricket.

After Sachin scored 200 runs, few people in my office started congratulating everyone. It was Sachin who had scored 200 runs and people were wishing congrats to each other. I didn’t know whether to say #Indians or #nuts.

I thought about joining the #justforfun brigade. I thought again and decided it was not a good idea because my boss belongs to the group that will never forgive Sachin for the loss of work caused due to his batting. I decided to go back to work as soon as Sachin scored 200 runs. I had to. With Performance Appraisal in March I need material to prove that I am a sincere dedicated hard working employee.

To sum up

#SachinisGod Indians don’t have any work except making gods. Mystery solved. That’s how we got our 33 crore Gods.

Wish to laugh more. Here is the link to my twitter page –

www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

Foot in mouth

cubicile blues — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:08:35 +0000

Today I reached office and started greeting my colleagues Good morning with the usual bad mood. I greeted few colleagues and waited for my boss to wish to me good morning because with good morning my boss means – You haven’t started working yet. Huh?

As I was playing good morning good morning with my colleagues, one of my colleagues wished me good morning. I turned back to wish to her good morning and noticed that there was something different about her. She didn’t look like her own self.

I said good morning to her and thought what was different about her. She had the usual cherubic smile on her face. She heard good morning from me, turned back to go to her chair and I said,” Hey, you are wearing jeans.”

She turned back and said, “Oye, that’s surprising. I never expected you to notice it.”

There are moments where you say things that make you look stupid. This was not that moment so I continued, “Of course, I noticed. You are looking great today. In fact you are looking stunning today.” Now we have the moment where I said something that made me look stupid.

My colleague replied, “Abhishek, that’s wonderful. I wished my husband too said such things ” and walked back to her chair.

To sum up

I have learnt from my experiences that the easiest way for a man to taste one’s own foot is to say something just to impress a girl.

Wish to laugh more. Here is my twitter page www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

#AwesomeIndianThings

cubicile blues — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:55:26 +0000

Today while sitting in office I read a tweet with #AwesomeIndianThings. The first awesome Indian thing that came to my mind was Hindi. Being an Indian I know the preference of Indian parents for English medium schools PAR MUJHE MERE HINDIBHASHI HONE KA GARV HAI.

The next #AwesomeIndianThing came to my mind was Sachin Tendulkar. There are several world class batsmen in Indian team but no one offers the excitement of SACHIN ALLA RE or the ability to carry the hope of more than billion people on his shoulders every time.

If you look around there are several #AwesomeIndianThings. From our love for CHAI to Fairness creams we know, we Indians are awesome. We love to read from The Common Man by R.K. Laxman to Chetan Bhagat. We Indians derive pleasure from sitting in an Ambassador car to logging onto Shaddi.com just for fun. Sorry for the PJs but #Gareebchutkule (term originally used by @laafatlife) is an #AwesomeIndianThing.

I can tell you lot of things that make me proud of being an Indian. However, the thing that makes me most proud is the Indian spirit. We Indians have an indomitable spirit. For centuries we have been invaded, looted and plundered but every time we have welcomed the guest with a smile and ATITHI DEVO BHAVA in heart. It is this spirit that ensures that instead of being beheaded in front thousands of people chatting Terrorist, Ajmal Kasab gets a fair trial. We Indians truly deserve to be awesome.

To sum up

The most #AwesomeIndianThing is the Indian marriage. It is the groom and the bride who is getting married but it is everyone else who is partying.

Do you wish to laugh? Then visit my twitter page www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

Now feeling well

cubicile blues — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 18:34:33 +0000

I have not been feeling well for the last couple of days. Yesterday, the HR dept issued me two tablets of Crocin after I made entry in a register. We are a small organization with heart of a big organization.

I reached home with body pain, headache, fever and bad mood. I changed clothes and went to the bed. I don’t remember when I slept but I remember my landlady trying to wake me up with my dabba in her hand. I opened my eyes and asked her what she was doing in my room. She told me that she could enter in my room because I had slept with my door open. I told her I am not feeling and she told me that I must eat my dinner because it is not a good thing to waste good. I nodded and went back to sleep although I wanted to tell her that I too dislike wasting food but I dislike vomiting more.

Today I brought a cough syrup with me to the office. I used the cap of the bottle to take the syrup. As I finished my first dose of the medicine, I heard one of my colleagues shout from behind – Hey, don’t take tequila in the morning. There are moments when you wish you could use smilies in real life to give reply because smilies mean I don’t have an answer to this thing nor I care to answer it.

I smiled and he smiled back at me as everyone present on the floor smiled as us. As soon as my colleague left, I started checking the composition of the syrup. The senior manager sitting next to me asked what was I reading and I replied, “I am checking is this syrup alcohol based or not?”

There are moments in life where you act so stupidly that you want people to laugh at you. Please for God’s sake laugh at this thing and forget it because if you don’t then I am going to be in real big trouble. The senior manager didn’t laugh but chuckled and said, “Nice idea. If the syrup is alcohol based you are going to drink the whole bottle even if you don’t have cough. Right?” My reply was - Eh???

To sum up

Life is not full of coincides. It is full of you acting stupidly and people saying – Don’t worry. Someone else also did the same.

Want to laugh more. Here is the link to my twitter page - www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

Not feeling well

cubicile blues — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:06:24 +0000

Yesterday I wrote a blog post, ate my tiffin and went to bed without posting my blog. When someone goes to bed without posting the blog that is lying on his laptop then it means that the guy is either exhausted or his net connection is down.

I woke today, posted my blog and went to office. After working for an hour I started feeling dizzy. I told to myself that you have not yet become senior enough in the company to tell people that you are planning when you are actually sleeping in your chair.

I worked for few more minutes and then went to a colleague and asked him, ”Check yaar, do I have a fever?” He touched my hand and told me , “Bad news. You can’t take half day sick leave because you are not sick.”

I came back to my desk and tried to work. After about an hour I felt I was having headache. This time I didn’t went to my colleague to get it confirmed because when I feel that I am having a headache, I know I am having a headache.

I somehow managed to work until lunch, then I had lunch, then had an ice cream, came back to my desk and started coughing. My remaining day was spent coughing every now and then and saying excuse me whenever I felt people around me were making faces.

I reached home after taking a detour to a medical shop. At home I took the medicine and started watching a movie.

Mid-way during the movie I felt I had no more headaches and was coughing very little. This meant either the medicines I had brought were good or the movie I was watching was good enough to cheer me up. I don’t know the right answer but I know life is strange. Life is not what you get, life is not what you wish, life is not what you accept, life is not… wait…I have got no idea what life is.

To sum up

Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and everyone in office wants to talk to you to get material to start office rumors.

Want to laugh now. Here is the link to my twitter page – www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

Back to office

cubicile blues — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:34:47 +0000

On last Friday I was told that we have a deadline on next Thursday. I was fine with it because Saturday and Sunday were holiday for me and I had taken a comp-off on Monday. On Friday evening I switched off my comp and wished my team members all the best for the deadline. They replied there was no need to do so because I will be joining them on Tuesday for the deadline.

I returned from my hometown on Tuesday morning at 6:00, reached home at 6:30 and straightway went to bed.

I woke up at 7:00 because last night I had forgotten to turn off my mobile’s alarm. I left the bed after cursing myself for being stupid.

At 7:30 I went to have breakfast and mid-way during the breakfast felt that I might throw-up. I told myself this is quite normal and expected due to two reasons. First after eating food for three days at home anything from a street side stall can make you vomit and second after travelling so much with little sleep in a bus I really needed to throw-up.

Somehow I paid for my breakfast and reached home without throwing-up. I thought I must call office and say – Sorry, guys I can’t join you on the deadline because I am not feeling well.

I thought again and said to myself thats not what I am going to do. I am not one to those cute boys who are considered sweet when they say – I am suffering with homesickness. I have never suffered with homesickness. What I am suffering right now is with office-sickness.

I reached office at 8:30 and found a senior manager working on the project with Thursday deadline. Damn it!!! With seniors like this I will never become the most workaholic employee of the company.

I told the senior manager that I was not feeling well and would like to do something in which no brains were required. This was no brainer for her because the senior manager realized that any request to make me use my brain will be futile and allotted me work accordingly.

I thanked her and worked for the whole day thinking today I will leave early and at 6:00, I did it. I reached home feeling exhausted and full of joy. Finally now I could sleep as much as I wanted.

To sum up

Why does everyone tells you that the best part of life lies in working for enjoyment but goes to office for money?

Wish to laugh more. Here is the link to my twitter page - www.twitter.com/cubicile_blues

But it was a not bad day

cubicile blues — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:49:11 +0000

I believe in afterlife because several of my colleagues are zombies. Unlike me they come to office, work, chat with other zombies and go back home. I come to office, chat with zombies, go home and broadcast my thoughts through rediffblogs. Sometimes I think my office is like a temple. People come to it with lots of expectations and leave after doing just timepass.

Today I was working on a tough deadline. This meant that the odds were stacked against us and we might fail to achieve the deadline. The team didn’t wanted to have another failure with appraisals approaching and was working frantically to meet the deadline. I don’t share my team’s fear of failure but still decided to give my best because I fear the ridicule that follows after the failure.

Since I was trying to give my best effort, I talked little with my colleagues and instead of collecting material for my blog concentrated on work. Most of the communication I had was official and the only one informal conversation I had brought to my knowledge that another colleague has been shifted from my department to marketing. Not a bad day but definitely a day that I will like to forget because nothing worth remembering happened.

Since I had to work the whole day it meant I was in a bad mood all day. The good part of having a bad mood all day is that anything you say almost sounds philosophical. You talk with people in the tone that as if the world is coming to an end and they look at you as if not the world but it is their patience that is coming to an end.

I reached home and I had nothing to write to blog. Then I decided to write about a day on which nothing happens. We all work in office and invariably spend few days where we go home thinking Thank God nothing unusual happened. This is a bad day for me because I don’t have anything to write a blog.

To sum up

For me life is a series a mistakes committed to avoid blunders.