On cubicle blues

February 3rd, 2010 3 comments »
I have been working on a priority project for the last few days. The deadline of the priority project was Tuesday and on Tuesday morning I was informed that since things were in control, I could go back to my non-priority project. 

I worked on the non-priority project for the whole day and went home thinking I won’t suffer with cubicle blues for the next few weeks. Today is Wednesday. I reached office thinking I will rant in front of the VP(Production)  that I need few resources to complete the non-priority project.

I reached office and found the VP(Production) talking with a senior manager. The senior manager talking with the VP(Production) me is my quasi mentor.  A mentor is someone who is supposed to guide you during your orientation period and makes you familiar with the working of the organization. A quasi mentor is someone who actually does it. 

I overheard the senior manager telling the VP(Production) that she won’t be able to achieve the deadline without putting unnecessary stress on the resources and she didn’t want to do it. It made me wish I was in my quasi mentor’s team. I listen further to their conversation and realized that my quasi mentor won’t be able to achieve her deadline even if she put necessary pressure on the resources. It made me Thank God that I was not part of her team.

I started my computer, logged into the internal chat client and send a message to my quasi mentor – GM, if you need any help pls let me know. The quasi mentor replied to my IM with – OK and went back to talk with the VP(Production).

Few minutes later she came to my desk and told me that the VP(Production) has said that I could shift to her project after lunch. I asked her the project status and told her that it would be better if I straightway started working on her project. 

I started working on her project and realized the downside of being a senior manager is that you are asked to perform herculean tasks with meager resources. I told a colleague working on the same project that the deadline was impossible to achieve and she replied – What do you think, we don’t know it?

Before the evening tea a colleague told me that the senior manager had requested few people to assemble on the terrace to discuss the project. I went to attend the meeting and found that everyone who could contribute to the project was there. 

The senior manager told us that the project is going to be like bhel. It is going to be a mixture of everyone’s effort. It is good because now no single person could be held responsible for the mistakes that will be part of the final product. 

We bickered over the scheduling of the project and the IT (Head) came to the terrace to fill his water bottle. He looked as us, smiled, filled his water bottle and went back. We continued our discussion sprinkled with clinches and PJs.  At the end it was decided that I will continue working on the project until Friday. After that I will shift back to my non-priority project and if required, will rejoin the team after one week.

I came back thinking that the optimism of my colleague could make Robert Schuller look like a pessimist and found that the IT (Head) had send me a message using the internal chat client. The message read – Abe saale, at least during meetings don’t sit with the expression – Yeh sab kya bewakuffi chal rahi hai.

To sum up

We all suffer with cubicle blues. Some cry, some bitch and some write blogs to alleviate it. The choice is yours.  The day is like a journey. How it will go is lot dependent on your fellow passengers. However, whether you go to bed smiling or fretting is completely dependent on you.



  share this

Attending farewell

February 2nd, 2010 4 comments »
I hate to attend farewells. You work with someone on several projects, start enjoying that the person hates his job as much as you do and suddenly come to know that the person has raced ahead by finding a better job.

The first farewell that I attended in my current office was of the guy who had recommended me to the organization. We worked together for couple weeks and then suddenly one day he came to me and said that he is leaving the organization tomorrow. I told him that he must have waited until he would have received money for recommending me to the organization. He told me I will not last enough in such a culture to make his eligible for the money. I wish if he was true.

Today I attended another farewell. The employee was a great resource and I enjoyed working with her. The various managers told her the same during the farewell. This is the worst part of the farewell. Every manager during the annual appraisal says you need to improve and when you are leaving they say we will miss you because you were among the best we ever had. 

Although the managers told her and the staff the usual stuff, I felt quite emotional. I didn’t felt emotional because a good colleague was leaving but because I thought people saying the same things during my farewell. This was the scariest moment of my day.  I am sure if people said such nice things about me during farewell, I might probably withdraw my resignation.

I attended the farewell and come back to my desk. I opened my outlook and found that the colleague leaving the organization had complied with the ritual of sending farewell message. Just like the speech given at her farewell, the email contained the usual stuff – I enjoyed working with you all, you all helped me improve, I will miss you all however you don’t need to miss me because here is my personal email id and mobile number blah blah etc etc.

I read her farewell email and thought what I will put in my farewell email. I decided I will write the usual stuff and then add in the postscript – I am sure you must have enjoyed reading this email as much as I have writing it although you wish it was you who was sending this email. Good bye. 

To sum up

For me farewells in office are like marriage ceremonies. I am always standing in the crowd thinking – When can I have the snacks?

  share this

I blog although I shouldn’t

February 2nd, 2010 6 comments »
Working on Sunday is like your mom making you eat vegetables. You don’t want to do it but you have to because you have been ordered to do so.  I am working on a project whose deadline was Monday and will be completed on Tuesday. I didn’t told the project manager that the project won’t be finished on Monday because if you tell your manager while joining the team that we will miss the deadline he tells you after missing the deadline that we missed the deadline because you were unmotivated.

On Sunday I was in bad mood. I had just come to know that my colleagues don’t appreciate my sense of humor and it was end of the world for me or at least indication to keep mum when I wished to enlighten people around with me with my expert comments.

One to the worst things of my office is that it doesn’t have a dress code. This means every morning after having bath I need to check which t-shirt I didn’t wear yesterday. Since my office doesn’t have a dress code and on Sunday only my team was going to attend office, I decided to go to office in sleepers. You have to appreciate the ingenious way I come up to avoid washing my socks.

I reached office, found that I was the first team member in office and started working. It was not something I wanted to do but I had to because that’s why I was in office. The more I delayed working the more late I will have to work to achieve the deadline. I worked for few minutes and realized that for me work is like worship. I attend poojas only for eating prasad and office only for paychecks.

To enjoy work and take my mind off it I decided to listen to radio. There is something magical about good music. It allows you to do menial work without cribbing much about it. I listened to the radio as my team members walked in office, wished me good morning and started working. I wanted to reply to their good morning wishes with good morning but I didn’t because it wasn’t a good morning.

We worked and chatted the whole day. I tried to ignore the colleague whom I had overheard on Saturday telling another colleague that she wished that hadn’t joined the team. Most of the communication I had with her was official and the only unofficial conversation we had during the whole day was when she asked me why I am pissed off. I wanted to forward her my blog link but that would have pissed her off. So I told I am not pissed off. I was just listening to radio.

Since the colleague wasn’t listening to radio she had no idea that only in India a radio could replace TV. After all, only in India radio carries as many ads as there are on TV. She ignored my reply and asked why I was behaving strangely. I told her I was not. She told me I was a very bad actor and there was something really wrong. There was no need for her to give me her expert comment. I already know I am a bad actor. I have tried several times but failed while trying to act smart.

The colleague told me if there was a problem I could tell her and if there was not then to put a smile on my face. I told her I cannot smile today because I am working on a Sunday. She was satisfied with my reply and went back to enjoy her work.

Yesterday while working I was talking with the senior manager that sits next to my comp and heads the project on which I am currently working. The senior manage was telling me about her cubicle blues and a colleague interpreted the conversation without apologizing. She told the senior manager not to talk much with me because I put everything on my blog.

The colleague knew about my blog because long time back we both had a conversion that went into my blog. I forwarded my blog link thinking she would appreciated how funny I was and today she extracted her revenge by telling me how stupid I was.

The senior manager asked me whether I had a blog. I told her yes I did. She then asked did I put whatever happens in office in it. I told her yes I did. She told me to give her the link of my blog and I said no. I had to. My user id is cubicile_blues and giving link of my blog to a senior manager would have been like signing off my resignation letter.

To sum up

I don’t think I will ever become mature. Most of my friends tell me they were born rebel but I am sure I was born as a child.


  share this

Shocker

January 31st, 2010 5 comments »

I am problem child. Whenever I have a problem, I start acting childish. I have spent more than one year in Pune. This has made me understand a little bit of Marathi. My Marathi is not good enough to allow Raj Thackeray to work me in Pune but it is good enough to allow me make sense of any conversion in Marathi that I overhear in office.

I have been working to achieve a deadline for the last two days. I will be working tomorrow on Sunday to achieve the deadline. So I am in a bad mood. This evening I overheard a conversation between two colleagues in Marathi. One is working with me on the project and another is not. 

The colleague not working on the project asked the colleague working on the project how the project was progressing. The colleague working on the project told that the project was coming up fine but she was unhappy that I had joined the project. The colleague not working on the project asked me what was wrong with me and she told that now not only she had to manage the project but also me. 

I was surprised to hear her comment. I have always tried to match the product with the company’s guidelines. In fact I am so good that during the last appraisal the management made me in charge of updating the guidelines manual and the smile on the VP(Production) face when I gave him the new manual told me a lot about the work I had done.

The colleague working with me on the project told another colleague that I am short-tempered. I drive every team member crazy with my bad jokes and requests to ensure that the product matches certain quality specifications. I wanted to interrupt the conversation but I didn’t because feedback is important. It allows one to know the truth.  The conversation made me know that in office I have been nick named with the word equivalent to Kamina in Marathi.  

To sum up

All my life I have tried to make people smile. Bad choice. It makes people think I am a joker.

  share this

From bad to worse

January 29th, 2010 2 comments »

Yesterday I was told that from today I will be working on a priority project. Today I was told that the deadline of the priority project is tomorrow.  I met the senior manager in charge of the priority project and she told me that the management had offered her one day extension but she wasn’t workaholic enough to work on a Sunday.

I came back to my seat relived that some people shared my enthusiasm of sleeping until noon on Sundays. The senior manager had sent a mail to the team working on the priority project to update the project status. I decided to open the project status to enter my initials in the excel sheet.

I had a look at the project status and went back to the senior manager. I told the senior manager that according to my analysis the project would be finished after three days. She told me not to worry because tomorrow we will be getting another resource for one day.  

I came back to me seat, analyzed the status chart with the new information and went back to the senior manager. I told her that even if we get one more resource we still won’t be able to achieve the deadline. She told me to get back to work because my analysis had proved that the team had to work on Sunday to achieve the deadline.  

I came back to my seat and closed the project status because any more analysis would have revealed that we will have sleep in office to achieve the deadline.

To sum up

History repeats itself. My life always gets screwed around deadlines. 


  share this

Back on deadline

January 28th, 2010 No comments »

The last few days have been the best days of my life. I went to office, came back and wrote a blog. This all was possible because I was working on a non-priority project. The deadline was more than a month away and the only thing that worried me was my weight.

Today one of my colleagues asked me how I was feeling to be the only guy in the whole company working on a non-priority project. I told her I was feeling a bit bored. No quibbling with team members, no late night sittings, no meetings to obtain extension and no frustration.  

She told me that she was short of resources on her project and I told her that all the decisions to allot manpower are taken by the management. I wished to help her but there was nothing I could do. In my whole career till date management had taken one wise decision and I had no intention of telling her that they had again made a mistake.

She told me the work pending in her project was something I love to do but unfortunately for her my first preference has always been not to stay long enough in office to become eligible for a company sponsored dinner. 

After the evening tea-break a senior manager asked me whether I was enjoying working alone. I wanted to tell her I am loving it but it would have sealed ‘C’ during my appraisal for being a team player. So I told her,”I am a bit bored. There is no one to interact. I want some people to be shifted to the non-priority project.”

The senior manager told me that she was going to a project status meeting and will tell the VP (Production) about it. The senior manager came back from the meeting and told me that I have been shifted to another project. The good thing is that from tomorrow I will be doing something that I love to do. 

To sum up

Honesty is the best policy especially if you are a very poor liar.
 

  share this

i am not a loser

January 28th, 2010 6 comments »

I am not a loser Until today I was sure that whenever people looked at me, they pointed their finger and said – Loser. I have always tried to deny this fact and today I realized that I am not a loser. I am an epicfailure. 

Today I took stock of my life. There is nothing much to write. My mom always told me not to talk to strangers. I ignored her advice, talked to a few strangers and landed in an office. That’s not all, I accepted a job that gave me enough experiences to create my blogging id as – Cubicile_blues. 

I think my blogging id explains a lot about my life. It is so much messed up that I even misspelt my blogging id. Several people have pointed out this typo and the only answer I could come up is – It is not a spelling mistake. I have a unique id and this helps a lot when I do ego search i.e. google oneself. 

I sit next to the door of the production floor and whosoever enters the floor has a look at my desktop. I have several times tried to teach my colleagues that the best way to beat boredom and make enemies in office is to peek at your neighbor’s computer and give him unsolicited advice. My colleagues have patiently listened to my rant and have always checked whether I am working or not whenever they enter the production floor. 

Fed up with the constant inspection, today I came to office and put a desktop background that showed a finger and gave a message ‘Stop looking at my computer’ and went to have tea. I came back and found two colleagues reading the message. I told them excuse me and they told me to change the desktop background because it was rude. 

I had an option didn’t I but I still decided to change my desktop background. I changed it to the following message – I was an atheist until I heard atheism ruins your chances of becoming God. This might still not qualify as an appropriate desktop background but I am sure it will at least stop people from discussing about my desktop background. 

To sum up  

My life is a series of failures and my only hope is that someday I will hold the world record for the number of fail attempts by a single man.    

  share this

BeBeautiful.in

January 25th, 2010 4 comments »

I work in the production department. A senior manager sits next to my desk. Today, after lunch the senior manager asked me the address of our office. I told her that it was situated in Koregaon Park. She asked me to tell the exact address of our office. I told her I didn’t know the exact address but I could find it.

I googled the company website, went to the contact us page and gave her the address. She said thank you and we both went back to work. As I was working another senior manager came to her and said, “Give me the link. I too want the freebies.”

Now I understood that why the senior manager needed the exact office address and asked her to give me the link so that I could also order the freebies. She laughed and told me to go to Bebeautiful.in.

I heard the website name, said thanks to her and went back to work. Few minutes later a colleague came to me and asked me whether I had ordered a lipstick for myself. I told her that I would have if I had a girlfriend and the freebie would have saved me from getting a valentine gift for her.

She gave me a smile and told me that when you visit the website, it asks you whether you are male or female. So there is a beautiful zone for men and if I went there I could get freebies for myself. I replied to her smile with a smile and told her that the name of the website was enough for me to ignore it.

My colleague who was still smiling started laughing. I asked her the reason and she told that she just wanted me to visit the website because she wanted me to become beautiful. After all only a beautiful guy could get a beautiful girlfriend. I told her that, “I strongly believe in the law of attraction. There has to be some magnetism between the couple. According to the law of attraction opposites attract. If I will become beautiful then as similar poles repel each other, all the beautiful girls will repel me. Also the law of opposite will apply and the girl with who I will land up will have bigger biceps then me or worst, a six pack.”

My colleague laughed and left after telling me that she knew I would visit Bebeautiful.in as soon as she would leave. I wanted to tell her that I had no intention to do so because I am not that type of guy but she had already left.  

Since my colleague had left and I had no one to speak, I told to myself , “I know that in the battle of sexes, the men have infiltrated the feminine territory by introducing the metrosexual men but I also know that am not among them. If the Bebeautiful.in has an option asking you whether you are male or female, I am sure if I choose the male option, it would redirect me to a page that would ask – Buddy, what are you doing in the estrogen zone?”

To sum up

We attach a lot of importance on how a person looks and rightly so. After all nowadays a book gets sold because of the author on its cover and not its content.


  share this

TGIF

January 22nd, 2010 4 comments »

For me Fridays are the worst day of week as long as I don’t have a working Saturday. I enter in office on a Friday with a feeling that I need to get out of office ASAP. There is no point in sitting in office when your mind is wandering in some mall.

I walk into office on a Friday mornings like a zombie. There is only one goal and that is to kill the person who proposes either we sit late or come tomorrow to meet the deadline. These are people who screw up your appraisal. The boss says you are dedicated employee and that’s fine because so is everyone else. End of conversation why you gave yourself an A and your boss gave you a B.

Today I walked into office and found that I had not received a single email since I had left office yesterday. I waited for about fifteen minutes and still there was no mail. This made me anxious and scary thoughts like maybe I have been fired started coming to my mind. Before I could confirm it from my boss that whether I was still on roll or not, an IT guy passed through my desk, wished me good morning and apologized because the email system was not working. 

If the IT person was a girl I would have kissed her but he was not a she and I told him thank you. I consider my best day in office was the day on which I came to office and found that my computer was not working. This may not be as good as the best day but certainly it was good day. Actually it was very good day.

I spend the whole day without receiving a single email. I missed the forwards from colleagues but didn’t read a single mail that had ASAP in it. I went home thinking that some Fridays are not so bad that you have to say – TGIF.

To sum up

If work is worship then I am an atheist.


  share this

Cover

January 21st, 2010 4 comments »

For me the word cover means the brown jacket that my mom used to put on my school books. I remember, at the start of every school year my mom used to cover my books with a brown paper. I never did it because it was my mom’s duty. I remember my only duty regarding covers was to tear them.

Few weeks back I borrowed a book from a colleague for official purpose. Actually it was text book to help me refresh few concepts. I had a look at the concepts and told myself that here, Prof Google would be much more helpful. Another colleague needed the book and I gave the book to her.

The colleague returned me the book with few pages falling off the book. She was smiling and I knew I was in trouble. I was still working on the same project and decided that I could delay breaking my colleague’s heart. I made one mistake. I took the book and tossed it at the end of my desk.

Yesterday the colleague who had lent me the book came to my desk. We chatted for a while and he left after telling me that I must ask the office peon to bind the book. I took the book to the office peon for binding and the office peon told me that spiral binding is for manuals, not books.

I came back to my desk and thought about getting the book binded at personal cost. It was a good idea with only one flaw. I didn’t know anyone who binded books in Pune. I had a look at the book and realized the book was still in a good shape. All I needed to do was to paste few pages using gum and do something that would ensure the book’s condition didn’t deteriorated until I finished the project. The answer was simple. All I had to do was to put a cover on the book.   

There is a stationery store near my home. I can get the shiny brown book cover from there. However, I return from office so exhausted that I can’t make a detour just to buy a roll of brown paper and the shop opens after I leave for office. This left me with the second best option. Cover the book with a newspaper.

Today I reached office with a sheet of TOI. I opened the sheet and thought how I am going to do it. I had heard about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It says to make things happen, you need to first imagine them in your mind. I imagined for ten minutes how I was going to cover the book and reached the conclusion that NLP was invented so that people could philosophically procrastinate. I decided to Google how to cover a book but before I could type it in the search bar, I heard a noise behind me.

The noise was made by a colleague who sits behind me. She was putting her scarf, purse and mobile on her desk. I thought it would be below mine and Prof Google’s dignity to search for how to cover a book when help was standing behind me.

I wished her Good morning and shot the question, “Do you know how to cover a book?” She said yes and I asked for help. She took the sheet, told me it was too big and she hardly remembered how to cover a book. Anyway it was not her mom but she who used to put covers on her book and had practiced enough to cover the book I wanted. It was like riding a bicycle. You may have not ridden one for years but once you hit few pedals, you do it as good as it should be.

She gave me the covered book and told that she felt nostalgic for the good old days. I too felt nostalgic for the old days when my mom used to give me freshly covered books with a request of not ruining them. She told me about her school days when she used to put brown cover and then a plastic cover on her books. I was tempted to say I would have been saved of the reprimands and occasional beating if my mom had enough time and energy to do it. I didn’t say so because it could have started a rumor in office that I was an expert in ruining even the nicely covered books and then no one would lend me books.

The colleague told me about her days when she used to sit through boring lectures to make notes. It made me remember of my days when I used to bunk classes to watch movies and pass exams all thanks to the girls who attended boring lectures and made notes. I told her so and she said the same happened with her. Several boys used to borrow her notes. Talk about the more the things change the more they remain the same and you won’t find a better example. At least not me.

The colleague went back to her desk after asking me, “If you don’t how to cover books then how would you have the fun of covering your kids books?” My reply to her was, “If covering books is fun then my wife can have as much fun as she wants.”

To sum up

Most of the people reading my blogs think either I work in the craziest office ever or I make up stories for my blog. None of them is true. The truth is I knew this even before I read it somewhere – Humor makes life worth the effort.  


  share this

2011  |  A Rediff.com India Ltd. Site.