The Policy of Undivided Attention-Part 2

Cont frm my previos post………The Policy of Undivided Attention .

Give your spouse your undivided
attention

a minimum of fifteen hours each week,

using the time to meet his or her

most important emotional needs.

This policy will help you avoid one of the
most common mistakes — neglecting each other after marriage. I have tried to
clarify this policy for you by offering three corollaries: Privacy, Objectives
and Amount.

Corollary 1: Privacy

The time you plan to be together should not
include children (who are awake), relatives or friends. Establish privacy so
that you are better able to give each other your undivided attention.

It is essential for you as a couple spend
time alone. When you have time alone, you have a much greater opportunity to
make Love Bank deposits. Without privacy, undivided attention is almost
impossible, and without undivided attention, you are not likely to meet some of
each other’s most important emotional needs.

First, I recommend that you learn to be
together without your children. I’m amazed at how difficult this is for
couples, especially when the children are very young. Many couples don’t think
that children interfere with their privacy. To them, an evening with their
children is privacy. Of course, they know they can’t make love with children
around. But I believe that the presence of children prevents much more than
lovemaking. When children are present, they interfere with affection and
intimate conversation that are crucial needs in marriage. Besides, affection
and intimate conversation usually lead to lovemaking, and without them, you
will find that your lovemaking suffers.

Second, I recommend that friends and
relatives not be present during your time together. This may mean that after
everything has been scheduled, there is little time left for friends and
relatives. If that’s the case, you’re too busy, but at least you will not be
sacrificing your love for each other.

Third, I recommend that you understand what
giving undivided attention means. It’s what you did when you were dating. You
probably would not have married if you had ignored each other on dates. You may
have parked your car somewhere just to be completely alone, and to rid
yourselves of all distractions. That’s the quality of undivided attention I’m
referring to here.

When you see a movie together, the time you
are watching it doesn’t count toward your time for undivided attention (unless
you behave like the couple who sat in front of my wife and me last week!). It’s
the same with television and sporting events. You should engage in these
recreational activities together, but the time I want you to commit yourselves
is very clearly defined — it’s the time you pay close attention to each other.

Now that you’re alone with each other, what
should you do with this time? The second corollary answers that question.

To be cont………………