The Woman”s Code
by Cheryl
Lavin: The secret rules that women live by but rarely divulge to men.
your packages or drive.
Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job.
When your man asks you what”s wrong, say “Nothing.” However, when
Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura asks you, go into excruciating detail. Leave
nothing out.
The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream are
offset by the positive effects of diet soda.
Feet are flexible and can be made to fit into shoes varying from size 7 to 9,
depending on what”s on sale.
You can skimp on clothes, but a good bra is worth its weight in gold. (That”s
The Patricia Principle: The more you”ve been trying to attract the attention of
a particular man, the more likely it is that you”ll run into him when you”re
sweaty, short of sleep, without makeup, wearing house-painting clothes, with
your hair in a bandana.
The best response to a married man who”s hitting on you is, “Say, don”t I
know your wife?”
Learn how to say “Back off” very loudly and look fierce while you say
it.
Let every new man in your life know that you”ve got a black belt in karate.
Make friends with your hormones. They”re what make you colorful and
unpredictable. If other people have a hard time with that, that”s their
problem.
When you hear your mother”s words coming out of your mouth, shut your mouth.
Unless your mother was really wise.
When in doubt, say no.
You”re under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your
sexual partners.
Men love a woman who”s good in bed. But not the first time they go to bed with
her.
No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives
and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use.
Consider yourself a sculptor and your man a block of marble. Chip away until
you have created someone you can live with. He”ll thank you. Later.
Always remember: Inside the biggest, burliest, most macho man lives an ego as
delicate and fragile as a baby chick making its first venture outside the egg.
Laugh at a man at your own peril.
The only women who look good first thing in the morning are the women who don”t
know how to put on makeup.
When splitting a dinner check with girlfriends, it”s perfectly acceptable to
take out a calculator.
If you drop your girlfriends as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will live to
regret your decision.
Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.
