As I See It -Broadcasting my thoughts

Pardon my un-imaginative mind for not finding a more creative ‘title’ for this note. But i choose to share my thoughts than think of a more creative line…….

It is Christmas -a Saturday when I found myself idling in my own thoughts; imaginative problems and their solutions; seeking answers to lots of ‘why’s’ about all that has gone berserk and what I could do to revert things to normal; reflecting about India’s growth and its potential to grow with Shashi Tharoor’s essays on India…… when suddenly with no definitive reason I called a friend of mine.. Gargi, who with no hesitation asked me to join a group of friends–of her friend and their friends and…. (pardon my poor English). In short it was group of 6 which became 7 when Arvind joined.

The group split for everyone had to go home– and I left with Arvind, Gargi and Sohini - Gargi’s friend, and one of the other 5 of the 7 whom I met just today! In the Alto that Arvind drove, I found myself surrounded by these three, busy in their conversation on everything under the sun– or should I say, I was engulfed with some form of charismatic explosive energy that characterized these three.

Being sort of the loner that I have become, I did not know how to react- so I sat giving directions to Arvind — while the unfathomable energy created a whirlwind within the otherwise small space inside the car. I enjoyed myself, hearing them talk– I was awed by the each one of them. I know Gargi for sure, but I met equivalents of her just today! My otherwise dull Christmas had suddenly exploded with the awesome threesome.

Every moment of the 30 minutes seemed fun– and yes it was fun. Not wishing to lose the moments, I thought of capturing my memories in my own words and therefore this blog post.

I have no clue if i would ever meet them again! But that somehow let me learn something I had only “read” about before today– it is about meeting, greeting, and moving on! And as I say this, I recall what I read in ‘Who moved my cheese?’ !

But whatever it may be, I enjoyed my evening in a way i had not done for a very long time.

So time to thank!
Thanks Gargi !
Thanks Sohini !
and most importantly Thanks Arvind!
- you guys are awesome.

By the way, Arvind is Sohini’s friend, an RJ who is now working with a special effects start up- a choice as dynamic as the person himself.!

Just after i logged in to blog after so many days (pardon the fact because i maintain a number of blogs, 1 here, 3 others in Blogger)- i was just about to write about the hues and cries for the past few weeks– about a completely sucked up and fucked up time — about a time when i feel that i need real space to probably run away into oblivion and be a nobody in an unknown place.

lets put it this way– Thanks to an innumerable “what the f#@$ ?” kind of situations, I have turned into someone who is extremely lazy in getting things done and closing the same– say like adding a “full-stop” to the tasks in hand– one after the other.

• Cannot forget the day my dad passed away.
• Cannot forget how my sister’s life has been ruined by a bastard and his family.
• Cannot forget the strain after dad passed away– the nights that were spent in Wipro campus trying to earn in the BPO to sustain the family.
• Cannot forget that a million INR needs to be repaid to all the kind hands that helped.
• Cannot forget that my house is in shambles and I cannot repair it.
• Cannot forget when “friends” left when i shared my heart and my loneliness out to them– that pissed them off.
• Cannot forget how the two most important friends, of whom one was the love of my life, completely misunderstood me and how I have lost them forever.
• Cannot forget how need of money has snatched my peace of mind completely.
• Cannot forget that the only reason I spend all my hours with my work, never caring for the family and loved ones is that, a hope persists that if I work well the company would pay a lot of money– a fleeting hope, but still trying to cling to it.

This new year there was a resolution– “Take back everything that was mine”. But the question was how to do so? Somewhat vague and misty– but the clouds seem to be showing the silver lining. What if I led my life as I want to– with something that would be my own– what if I worked for myself.??

Noble thought– but the I am not an MBA What to do of that?? Why would someone listen to me?? Who would believe if I said that which ideally in our country and MBA is supposed to say? Well here is the answer– no one.

Well last year, this very day, I was freakishly sick– and yet there were five commitments for the year. They were:

1. Someone freaks me out in the office… the solution is to “ignore” completely. I have waited for quite long, and now no more. It is time I put my best foot forward to protect my own integrity. Its high time
   
2. Something needs to be done by the end of the year– if not this year, it will never be again. So it would be done this time.
3. My Boss— I would not bug his head. Actually the point is, he is my Boss, and he has something called “Manager’s discretion”. So it is up to him to decide what is good and how to improve things- Not My Headache anymore.
4. Office work needs to be perfect this time. It is a fight to excel over what I had done previously. So be it product, be it subject matter (revenue assurance and credit risk management), or be it Linux— need to prove myself as the real SME.
   
5. Lastly, something on my plate— there are a couple of things I need to do for my own self– exercise and languages to learn. This time language is the first priority– even exercising for body fitness comes later.

Here is how I fared in these:

1. Achieved. 99.999 % purely achieved. Its time, this year to make it the perfect 100.

2. In hopes of greener pastures, this was completely ignored, and by the end of the year, the veil of “every-thing-around-is-good-and-happy” ws removed from my eyes, aand i have been brutally punished. This is the last year to achieve that– else, I’m screwed for life.

3. Well I know i give my best effort to achieve this, and it turned out he himself ate away my head — for literally not many faults of mine. 

4. i have given and proven to be the SME of Revenue Assurance in the company. No one understands RA as well as I do in my company– just that people are not ready to accept that. Some Great Men needs to dump failures to make themselves clean. That is not in my hands.

5. Missed by miles.

So it is 3 out of 5– a 60% achievement. — Bad score.

Now it is 2010, and somethings need to be be settled — once and for all.

1. Take back everything that was mine. If i had spent half the time I spent on and for the company on myself and my own life– I would have been in a better position and situation in my life. So this year– 2010 is about getting a hang on my own life– and spending at least 6 hours if not more for my own life– My own life is my studies, my blog and my achievements for future.

2. Office Hours is 9.30am to 7 pm — and a full stop after that. Office is NOT my second home anymore. Office is not the end of the world anymore.

3. Bring back my Good health and adhere to a strict routine– only to aid me to do EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO DO– not what the company wants me to do. For the company, in the scheduled hour— have a strict routine as per the circulated KRAs. 

4. Spread and be cheerful with colleagues yet strict w.r.t work. There are some people in the nerd land. But gotta deal with everyone. The biggest point to achieve is NEVER TO FREAK OUT. Tough but gotta do it.

5. Save Every Possible Penny– other than buying books.– This year has been stressful in terms of spendings. 2010 needs to be the year of savings.

The Motto of the year 2010 is  there is a great need to outperform one’s own self– Learning is the process, perfection is the by product. 

For a very long time, I had not been in my own habits–