Reviving….
here is this great person– Manilal Bhaumick, and a news channel today is supposed to broadcast an interview with him. So in order to promote this effort, the channel was showing a glimpse of the interview– promo u know!! I was working and had not seen this advertisement going on in the tv, but I looked up on a word–”Meditation”. I guess Mr. Bhaumick was speaking something about that, but what struck me was the single word “meditation”.
Was I thinking about “meditation”??? I don’t know, but in the next few minutes my thoughts and work lost track and something else was in my mind. My dad is no more…… that part is missing. But other than that, by the All Mighty’s grace today we (my family and I) are recovering from the shambles we were in a year and a half or more back. My first thought was– so what is missing???
It seemed as if I’m looking at my own life standing on sort of a boundary- on one side I remembered what it had been in the not so recent past (just say 5 years back), and on the other side I saw it as it is today. There was a stark contrast. Things have changed. Basically there were three sides— time five years (and more) ago; time two years back, and time today.
Something showed up in this and I saw what is missing today— apart from my own dad and that he was always there with me, a small part that was there five years back is just missing now— My own life. I know it sounds funny but that is what is missing today— Life was so full just five years back when I had nearly nothing to do except go to college, study (which again i hardly did) and fool around with either friends or after girls. But today, with everything to do, I somehow don’t seem to find that life in me— somewhere that is lost.
Thus, (dramatically speaking) I rose to my own call, and said to my own self– Yaar there is so much to do and there is so much undone. I must do those.
Today when I stand in front of the mirror, I don’t know whom I see. Never thought if at all I’m seeing anyone. Just when I’m writing this and thinking of the mirror, it seems to me, the mirror never showed me in there– it seemed empty. Five years back when I stood, I adored the biceps and triceps, and twisted and turned to see, if the six packs were gradually showing up. Today I see a lean fellow, with a tummy bulging out— is that me in the mirror or a stranger??? I fail to understand. Where is that “me” which was there five years ago????
Come to think of it, I’m just twenty five and I have the world in front of me. If I have lost my dad, I have a new member in the house– my sister’s baby son, and another person lined up to be a part of my own family– my girlfriend a fiance. There is the world with me, beaming with life and valor. Yaar, I just need to take the stride I used to take five years back, the difference being then I was the kid in the house, and now I’m the Head of the family; then my powers were restricted to my own wished and opinions, and now the entire family’s strength and bond is with me. Life has just begun, and till now it was seeming that life was ending.
I guess I’m sounding funny. But nonetheless something is calling me from inside. Something wants things straightened. It seems to me, the life that was dying out inside me gave this war cry as the last effort for revival, and something inside heard its cry.
Can a word have so much power?? I don’t know, but let me be honest, the sunshine that fell on me from between the leaves when I was standing in the veranda facing the south, and the soft smell of a winter afternoon had never seemed so beautiful and so refreshing.
