auroraborealis

“Silence” intoned Mr. Sivashanakara Narayana Subrahmanya Narasimaha Moorthy , the Secreraty of Air India’s board of Directors. “Mr. Fuk, Fuk, Fukker will now conduct the proceedings”.  It is Fyuture as in Future you idiot hissed Mr. Fucher as he passed by Mr Moorthy.  “Whatever”, said Mr. Moorthy and sat down grumpily.  The heavy set Mr.Fucher made plodded on his way to the head of the table and sat down. 

The board of Directors were gathered to glean first hand at what happened at 30000 feet over the Pakistani airspace on board the Air India light from Sharjah to Delhi.  As per the complaint the Pilot and Co-pilot misbehaved and allegedly molested one of the flight attendants. Air India, in order, to maintain a sense balanace decided to hire an independent investigator to conduct the proceedings.
Mr. Fucher was a world renowned investigator for handling such issues.

“Are all the parties here”, Mr. Fucher asked looking around.  The four members of the flight crew acknowledged their presence. “Very well”, said Mr Fucher,” Let us proceed”.

“Ms Melon D’Souza, the floor is yours. Please tell us in your words what occurred in the flight”

“Honorable Mr. Fukker.  I, I, I apologize  Mr. Fyuture - it all started when I got a call from the Captain to  come to the Cockpit, and..”

“Just a minute, Ms D’Souza” interrupted Mr. Fucher.  ” Kindly refrain from using the word cockpit. Some members here may take offense to
the word.  Please, from now on , refere to it as the Flight Deck.  Am I clear Ms. D’Souza?” 

“Yes Mr. Fyuture”, replied Ms. D’Souza.  ” It all started when the Captain asked me to come to the Flight Deck”. 

“Ms. D’Souzaa”, Mr. Fucher again interrupted.  “By the Captain you mean Mr Dickshit is it not?”.
“Mr. Fucher, Mr. Fucher,” jumped the Captain from his chair - It is Dikhshith “.. “My name is pronounced Dikh-Shith and not Dick Shit”.
Mr. Fucher reddened and said  ” I am sorry, Dikhshith it will be”.

“Pray, please continue, Ms D’Souza”, said Mr. Fucher.

“When I entered the Flight Deck, the Co-Pilot was”

“By co-pilot you mean Hard Dick is it not?”, Mr. Fucher interrupted Ms D’Souza again

” My name is Hardik, Mr Fucher”, not Hard Dick” yelled the Co-pilot from his seat.

“Ok, Ok whatever”, said Mr. Fucher.  “Please carry on Ms D’Souza.

“When I entered the Flight Deck, Ms. Hardik was bending over Captain Dikshit and was pulling his zipper”

” I asked them what were they doing since it looked so strange to see on man playing with another mans  zipper”

Mr Dikshit got angry and said  ” Ms D’Souza, my zipper is stuck and Mr Hardeek is helping me. “

The captain then told me “Ms D’Souza, why dont you reach over and hold my joystick, while Mr.Hardeek and I  fix my zipper”

I reached over and put my hand through his zipper and Mr. Hardeek  slapped me hard.  I asked him “why did you do it? “and he said  ‘When he meant his joy stick he meant the joystick used for controlling the aircraft”, and he proceeded to slap me again.

I had bought some melons with me and to make peace and diffuse the tension I told the co-pilot if he would like to taste my melons and he said yes and grabbed me you know where.  I screamed and then the chief flight pusuer Debo Nair came rushing and the rest as they say is history.

 Since the inquiries are still underway no other details are available till a later date.