“Tradition,
My Ass” she said to herself.  It was something she had never cared
for - tradition to her was as useless as her appendix. One she never wanted but
was there.

 She could never figure out the whole
shennigan that went with when a girl came of age.  Sitting in class one
day, and suddenly blood - the stupid guys in her class freakin out - her
teacher giving her a knowing look….. then at home all the goofy celebs that
went with it.  For crying out loud - celebration in anticipation of having
to go through few miserable days every month.

“Tradition” She used to laugh when guys came a calling  with
their families to see her aunts .  Two of her aunts were of marriageable
age and she would try not to roll on the floor laughing.  The guys would
come and her aunts would step out  decked up and act so coy and
virginesque as they could be  - heck little did those folks know that both
of them had wrapped their legs around the neighbourhood boys and if the guys
thought they were gettting virgins then she was Saint Mary. She knew her aunts
would be trying so hard not to burst out laughing at the whole charade they
were playing just to appease the elders in the name of Tradition. 
“What a boat load of shit”, she thought to herself.

 

Anitha’s family
was rich –which was an understatement – they dabbled in everything possible –
without going too much over the boundaries of law – and they were known, very
well known – not a single event was ever conducted without one member of  the clan being involved.  They were as conservative as could be
too – this benefited the  pundits,
the priests .  A whole bloody
cottage industry in religion has sprouted in our town cause of my family»,she
used to say to her friends.

One of her uncle’s  who literally
walked around with the Gita - preached the gospel at the temples, and who
remained a bachelor to answer to some  higher calling and who would
condemn those who went astray - used to touch her  in a way that was more
than an affection.She once tried complaining and all it ended up was her
uncle;s word against her - that she was in her teens and had the urges and he
was easy prey for her.  The elders  were irate. How dare she sully
the name  ofa holy man and that too the beloved uncle, brother, nephew,
son. Her parents and grandparents screamed at her, her parents pummelled her
with fists and what not, for accusing her uncle - when in fact they said she
was the one who could not curb her desires. 

So she did just what they accused her of. It was easy - She won over the
‘affections’ of the cutest guy in class and they had as close as they could to
some intimate moments - the kind where she did not have to bid adieu to her
Virginity.  She  had 
quite some moments with her schoomates - never had a steady one - since though
she liked one or two of them - there were more interested in getting one thing
from many and not many from one. “Bloody Pricks.  Well well Shit
Happens”she consoled herself.  She had an eye only for the good
lookers at school. You ain’t good then you ain’t my food and Anitha has no use
for you - maybe be her messenger boy and there were a many who would do what
she wanted in the hope of…..

Then came college -  “Well I bid adieu to my virginity” she said
to herself.  - oh my imagine what would have happened  if the so called upholders of morality had
come to know of it - especially her sandal paste smeared Gita toting uncle -
oooooooooooooooh.  There were two or three guys who she shared intimate
moments with in college - the rest she ignored - not up to her taste and some
of them as usual branded her the”Whore of Babylon”  Well she could care less.  
All those guys would go and open their zips and take dips at the local House of
Joy.

Then marriage - ofcourse they, her parents - the Grand Dickhead of her Uncle -
found some guy rich but with looks that would have put a horse’s behind to
shame - or so she told herself - she could have said no and thrown a tantrum -
but then her mom pulled the oldest trick in the world that parents do  -
“I will kill myself if you don’t agree to the marriage, and your dad has
all these problems and it will kill him if you say no.  Do you want to be
called a murderer blah blah blah and if you don’t get married - then your
sister cannot get married - blah blah», «He is also from our own community and
a well respected man blah blah».  She tied the knot.

“Guess what? he said laughing out aloud when she told him that she was not
at all interested in the marriage and did it cause of the bedlam. “Neither
did I”, he said - but then my parents had their status in mind and your
family name added to the lustre and also threatened to cut me off their
will”. She spent the first night and all the other nights in another
room.  He spent the first night with one of his many who used to warm him
before marriage.The amazing thing was, she told herself “I never strayed
and never felt the urge”. Not that she did not want to, but for some
reason she did not. Guess I did it to prove a point.  There was no anger
of bitterness between them.   In a way they respected one another.
They were two married acquaintances living under one roof - each doing their
thing but attending all events together.

The room was quiet and the only ones who came and went now were the nurses and
the docs.  The only thing that entered her was the IV needle and the
hookups to the various contraptions that monitored her heart, her pulse, etc
etc.Her husband came once in a while. She had no regrets - what would he do
anyway other than sit there in the corner which she would have hated. Most of
the time her only  companion was loneliness and the only sounds apart from
the hushed tones of the docs and the nurses were the beeps of the
monitors.  Her family hardly came to see her – she did not want them to
come and see her, if they came she pretended she as sleeping – they would sit
awhile and then leave.

She closed her eyes and lay and then felt something wet fall on her hand , she
opened her eyes and there he stood - the guy Vinesh or something like that
-  who was in her class from the first grade till college - the one she
would recoil everytime he looked at her or smiled at her.  She used him as
her messenger boy or man friday to do this and that and always abused him - but
he would never get upset or angry.  He was happy to serve her.  She
lay there looking at him - neither angry or happy  -just a feeling that
there was someone who cared for her. Then she did the unthinkalbe - as far as
she was concerned - she reached for his hand and his eyes were filled with
tears.  She held it for a moment - surprisingly the warmth of his hand was
a soothing comfort and she thought to herself what all rites her family would
put her through  -  as she drifted off………………..
the only sound was the steady beep of the monitor 

Neera was totally devastated as she drove back home.  Her mind was  a mess.  If what she heard was true, it was the end of her hopes and dreams and of the marriage.  

Her darling Shreya -  Vijay’s and her only daughter and child - how could she do this to them - she and Vijay brought her up with all the love they could ever shower - her every wish was their command.  The word “No” or “Don’t” was hardly present in their vocabulary. A raised voice - was something unheard of in the household.  Her mother adored her grand daughter - and words could not describe her love of her grand daughter.  Now this. 

-  ”Why, Why, Why  Shreya”, she asked herself “Why did you do this to us? Why did you agree to the marriage ?”If you had told us earlier we could have called off the marriage”.  

Neera talked to herself.Tears flowed and she was sobbing as she drove and by the time she managed to reach home she was a wreck. 

It was  Nishant, her fiance who had called Neera and told her “Aunt can you meet me at home?”.  ”Why can’t you come over here to my house and we can talk about whatever you want?”, she asked.  ”No aunty there are others at home there and Shreya is also at home. It is best we meet alone and there is no one at my home right now, please aunty this is important”.  So she went and what she heard made her head spin.  Nishant was never upset at all.  He said , ” I understand and I do not wish any ill on her.  She is a wonderful person, but she could have told me earlier and it would have been easy on her and me”.  

Neera kept on apologizing and he said “Aunty, it is not your fault and don’t blame yourself for what happened.  I can explain to my parents and they will understand.  I will not tell them the facts, but tell them that Shreya is getting cold feet and does not want to get married right now.  They may be a bit upset but they will get over it.”  ”I wanted you to know the truth , Shreya could not bring herself to tell it to you, but she did to me and I wonder why?  ”She could have told me she did not want the marrige and that would have been the end of that and I would have respected that”.  ”maybe”, he aded “She felt she was in a comfort zone telling me than you - though you have known her from the day she came into this world.  Some things have no answer”.

“I don’t even know what to say Nishant, except you have the most wonderful heart.  If it were someone else, I can  imagine what would have happened.  Thank you so very much and even though you may say no - I apologize for all of us for what happened and for putting you in a situation that you never created”.

She reached home and somehow composed herself.  She had not told her sisters, nor her mother nor Shreya, where she had gone and what she  She did not say anything to anyone at home, just told them that she had a slight headache and was going to rest for a little while and proceed to walk straight to her bedroom. She closed the door and sat on the bed for a long time.  Her mind reeling.  She thought of calling Shreya and asking her - but then for some reason she could not bring herself to ask that question - how could she - it was beyond comprehension.

She broke the news to Vijay, who stood stone still for quite a while and then broke down.  For a while both of them sat in the bedroom, saying nothing.  Vijay then got up and said “We have to talk to Shreya”. Neera said” No, no, I don’t even know how to open up or broach the subject- Oh Vijay, Why us, Why Shreya? she gently sobbed.  ”Oh my how can I tell this to Amma, it will break her heart”, she said amidst sobs.

Vijay had completely calmed down in a matter of minutes and said “Neera, we have to talk to Shreya and see what we can do to help her, she is our daughter and we cannot leave her in the lurch.  We have to tell Amma too, it may hurt her like hell, but she has to know too.”

They both went to her Amma’s room, she had just finished her prayers and was just relaxing in the chair, and seeing  their she asked “It is not good news, is it?”.  They both nodded their heads silently and sat down on the floor beside her chair and  Vijay said “Amma, the wedding will not take place”.  She sat still for a moment her lips quivered and then asked “Is it an issue with Shreya or Nishant?” “It is Shreya,   Amma”, replied Neera is a hushed tone. Neera then proceeded to tell her Amma the entire story.  She listened quietly.Leaned back on her chair, for a few moments did not say anything and then tears flowed down her cheeks.  Neera again burst into sobs. Vijay just sat quietly. After a few moments her Amma composed herself and asked “Have you both spoken with Shreya?”.  They said no, before they did that they wanted to talk to her.   She again sat quiet for sometime and Vijan and Neera just sat there.

Finally she spoke “I have been raised in a conservative household , where even speaking to a boy outside of the family was frowned upon.  A girl was expected to be obedient, learn the skills of the kitchen and the arts and then get married, have children and serve her husband faithfully. Luckily for me my husband was as open as could be. Your dad Neera was a fresh of breath air in my life, the word conservatism never was there in his dictionary and I was able to throw the veil away and see the world clearly. I felt that I have been prepared  to handle any type of firestorm that raged my way - but this one oh my - oh my.” She then went silent again. She then spoke again “Give me some time to be alone”.  The both nodded and left the room.  They went to the family room and sat there.  The could see Shreya sitting in the front porch reading. The other two girls went out with their friends.  Vijay and Neera just sat there each of them lost in their thoughts.

After about an hour Amma walked into the family room and she seemed to radiate a strength within her. “Vijay, Neera, let us go talk to her.I will do the talking, cause I know you both will make it more messier.  They all walked out to the porch.   Motioning to Vijay and Neera to stand a little behind, Amma sat down quietly next to Shreya.  For sometime they both stared at the sky.  Then Shreya looked at her Grandmother  who smiled back at her and gently caressed her head and then told her  ”Shreya, I am not saying what you are doing is right or wrong, cause in the end it is the individual in us that can make that judgement. The choice you have made is something that we find difficult to digest, and for most of the society who we live among”. 

Shreya started to say ‘but but Grandma”.  ’Shhhhh dear, listen to what I have to say.  Like I said it is difficult for us to accept and for the society, but darling, we will not say no to you.  You have made your choice and if it is another woman you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with you should.  If we oppose it and force you to marry Nishant, you may agree or you may not but it will be a miserable life we will all live .  To us darling it is your happiness that counts the most - so go and live your life dear. We would  like to meet her ,don’t we Vijay?  Neera? .

Neera just stared at her Amma, but Vijay said - “Shreya like Amma said - your mother and I will have our reservations but in the end we care about your happiness and if it is what you want so be it”  He stretched his arms out to her and so did Neera.  Shreya got up, burst into tears, and ran into her parents arms.

…Or sir you could try his special Shit-O Mix sir - very very flavorful

Today was Vishu……………..

………….. Soon and in the soft darkness of the morning, his mother would softly step into his room and in a whisper in his ear would call to awaken him  ”Unni, Unni , it is time “. There was no need he would already  be awake, but just lying with his eyes shut just to hear his mother’s voice and of anticipating the events of the day. He would stir in the bed and beg his mother for a few more minutes in the warmth of the bed.  His mother would give in and then a moment later again her gentle voice would rouse him “Unni, Unni, get up, everyone else is already there and waiting”.  He would then slowly get up and he would remember his mother telling him “Unni make sure your eyes are tightly closed.”  His mother then would slowly guide him to the pooja room. 

Once inside she would ask him to open his eyes.  In the darkness punctuated by the soft glow of the nilavilakku his eyes, as they slowly opened,would feast on the Vishu Kanni.  Flowers - the Manja Konna    and the vegetables and fruits and neatly arranged in front of the deities.  The incense smoke gently wafting and filling the pooja room with it’s sweet fragrance.  Unni would feel the tingle of excitement in him. 

He would pray and then look around and see every one there - his uncles, aunts, father, brothers, sisters, cousins and ofcourse his beloved beloved grandfather to all of whom he was the favorite - and especially his Grandad’s - without Unni his grandfather would always be lost.  His grandad had made it clear that anything Unni wanted, he would do it - be it making the swing for him or the little thatched hut, or the movies or the temple festival everything would be done by him. No one objected to that at all - since for everyone Unni was the favorite.  There was no jealousy amongst his other cousins at all.  

His grandfather sat on the small carved wooden plank as he always did in the pooja room while praying - but then today it was just nor for praying - in front of him was the silver urn glinting with coins - from which he would hand out a token

kaineettam (the traditional handing of money during Vishu) to each one of them.  Unni knew that later on his tiny hands would be flush with coins and notes from everyone,but getting the coin from grandfather always made him feel so good.  His turn would come and he would approach his grandad,prostrate before the gods and then before his grandfather who would lovingly caress his head and then hand him a coin - for Unni it was always a silver coin.

Later on in the day the elders would call him and all the other kids and dole out their kaineettams too and pretty soon, the musical jingling of coins being counted, and the joyous laughter of the kids would fill the air -   and then it soon spread and the whole household would be filled with laughter. Then it will be play time - and it would be one noisy group of kids in the yard.

Pretty soon he knew, the house would be filled with those wonderful fragrances from the kitchen, and all their eyes would begin to glisten and mouths start to water and then before they knew it they would be sitting for the feast.  The crunchy pappads, the chips, rice, ghee, and all the wonderful currys - and finally the payasam - how wonderful.  It was one day of pure bliss -  Vishu - the New Year ………………………..

………Today was Vishu.  He stood in the room  and looked all around.  Everyone had grown up - his brothers, sisters, cousins, all married, with their children .  His parents were older too and his grandfather though very old, still conducted the rituals.

His mother never woke him up anymore. He would be there. The deities, the nilavilakku and the silver urn where the coins were, were still the same.  One by one went up to his grandfather as he called their names went up to him , prostrated before the gods and grandfather and got the kaineettam and soon everyone left.  His grandfather was all alone there and he realized that his name was not called at all.  Then in a whisper his grandfather called “Unni”.  He slowly walked up to his grandfather, prostrated before the deities and before his grandfather and stretched out his hands.  Then he knew it was futile, he would never get any kaineettam - his eyes welled with tears  and then he heard his grandfather’s soft voice “Unni my child, I will be with you soon, my time has come”. Droplets of tears rolled down Unni’s cheeks and fell nowhere.

                                                       

I love you Simar, I really do.  Why does that not get into you”

“Abhi, Abhi, you do not understand, it is not that easy and it will never be easy”,she said.  She was sitting in the bed, her arms wrapped around her

and nothing else and he was pacing up and down the bedroom.  It always was like this after their moment of passion.  

Abhi was frustrated, nothing he said seemed to go into her - making love never seemed to be the problem, she enjoyed it as well as he, but he could never

approach the subject of loving her.  She would repeat the same thing over and over again like a mantra.  Then Abhi being Abhi never gave up either.

“Simar”, he begged, “Why is it that you have this hangup everytime I bring up the topic of love”.  “Why can’t I spend the rest of my life with you Simar”. 

“Is it that hard for you to tell me you love me and be with me like I want to be with you till as they say death do us part?:”

“Abhi, why don’t you try to understand what it will be like.  A 42-year old woman marrying a 22 year old.  Somewhere else I can understand, but here? In our country?”

 ’Abhi, that is not the only thing, I am your mother’s friend’. Think of what it will be like for you and especially for me and of all the people for her.  Think, Think Abhi.  For God’s sake.  

“Also after sometime how would you feel like waking up to an old woman next to you.  My looks would fade.  Oh my Abhi, what have I done to you?  I should have turned you away at the outset, but I did not” she said her voice cracking. 

Abhi walked over to her and hugged her,and said “Shhhhhhh Simar - it’s ok, I won’t bring it up anymore.  It is just that I love you, and cannot think of

anyone else. What you said makes sense about me waking up after a few years next to you, but Simar - I will always be waking up to the woman I love and

no one else”. 

She gave a sob and buried her face in his chest and started crying.  Abhi, just held her.  Slowly her sobs subsided. 

“Abhi, do me a favor - can you please leave now.  I want to be by myself.” Abhi, stood there for a moment looking at her and then put on his clothes and

walked out.

Simar had known Abhi since he was small -  Sneha, Abhi’s mother and she were friends for a long time.  Simar had never married.  She just did not find the time or had the inclination.  

 Abhi’s dad did not play much of a role in his life nor in Sneha’s life - he was there that was all.    So whenever Sneha had to travel in the course of her work - it was Simar who  was  kind of Abhi’s  guardian

It was during Abhi’s college years the “unthinkable,as some might call it, occurred. There was no feeling of guilt in both of them.  Then slowly simar started to feel the tentacles of guilt ightening around her.  Was it right, what she was doing.  It was her friend’s son, was she taking away her trust, his chance of finding someone right him and on and on then when he started saying he love her - it became all the more agonizing.  It still did not prevent her from the moments of passion - she needed that - Till today.

She got up from bed, sat by the window, just looking out as the morning 

broke. She made up her mind.  Abhi was totally taken aback when she told him later that evening they had to stop seeing one another and that she was  

going away for a while.  He told her that she could not do this to him nor herself and that deep in her heart she loved him, but she could not bring herself to accept the fact.

“Stop it Abhi”, she told him.  “Please, Please stop it”.  “Get used to a life without me, you have a life before you, and it is not with me”.  She took his  hands in hers, looked at him,and just let the tears run.  “Please, if you say you love me, please let go, find yourself a real life”.  

He did not say anything, he got up and walked out.  She buried her hands in her face and just cried. She decided that she would go from there for a few 

days to stay with her mother till she got over Abhi and he got over her too. The doorbell rand and she wished and prayed it was not Abhi back again cause she knew it would simply break her down.

She opened the door and  there stood Sneha, her face a mask of fury. “Oh my” Simar told herself “here it comes”.

“Just what do you think you are doing Simar?  All these years - oh my how can I even picture that - no no no it cannot be true.  He is such a young boy 

 and you could have atleast pushed him off, but no you did not, did you……….. and on and on Sneha went.  Simar, just stood silently and let Sneha vent her   

anger and disgust at her. Finally she said “Sneha, I am not going to apologize for what I did cause I don’t think I deserve that nor any sympathy, it happened 

and there is no excuse. I have told Abhi that it is over and I am leaving here for sometime.  Abhi must have come and told you right?”.

“Yes he did”  Sneha said softening a little though still angry.  “What more, he said he is in love with you and wants you to be his?”  “Simar, how can it 

happen, think of the consequences” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t hate you for what you did not will I forget you, but please please stop seeing  

him or having anything to do with him, and it will be better if we don’t keep in touch as long as he is around.  I am glad you are leaving, probably that will get him out”, Sneha said and turned around and left.

Sneha got home,and sat on the steps of her house, her mind a turmoil, “My god what is going on?  How could they- Abhi and Simar be so so so stupid, 

don’t they realize it and Simar - does she not have the common sense in 

her……” and so she went on stewing for a long time, her mind like a seesaw.  She looked around with a start, not sure how long she had been sitting like that and then she got up and simply said  ”What a bitch I am”.

The incessant ringing of the doorbell woke her up from her slumber.  with sleep It was bright and sunny “gosh I must have slept late into the morning, 

and I should be starting to pack” she talked to herself.  Rubbing the remnants of sleep from her, she fumbled with the latch and opened the door.  

There stood Sneha.  “Now what”, thought Simar to herself as she looked at Sneha’s stony face and then that face broke into a smile  and then laughter  

amidst that laughter she heard Sneha say  ” Imagine you having to call me your Mother-in-Law.  I would love that Simar”.  

They bury the bishop the next day.