baldeopandey’s blog

Yes! You are my invisible love, one may only feel it. I sketch your imaginary portrait in my swallow heart. I have started waiting for you. Nowadays I watch a herd of parrots flying above my tiny home, vanishing in wide sunny spectrum. I think you live across that lovely valley where sun rises. You chirp so that that herds of parrots. You pulsate as usual in that corner of my heart which used to throb for somebody else. I do love you and your unheard sweet tones and unseen face. Who says love is aloof, see my love bubbles as you feel these words.

Creativity does not percolate from the heaven. As I feel you in my consciousness. Invisibility is not a disability; you have fascinated me to cry in the mob where I feel myself all alone. Sometimes I become a kid and take a long leap to reach the moon. No distance between loving hearts, the nature thrills to see enthused humanity. No one can stop me to love you. Do you know I touch you when dream invisibly?    

Our feelings are what we are, aspiring to break all man made barriers.

Dare to cry as you will feel me safe and closer to your heart. Life never stagnates, it keeps moving like nomads. Once I see you in words and got lost in your magic world full of trust and joy. Here age, caste and region fail to impede the loving spirit. One may laugh or ignore but no one can throttle chirping birds.

You are amused to feel yourself in trance. You love yourself so that you love me too. Alien is now a foreign word. Love knows no barriers and understands no language, its feels only one's silent but invisible presence. It is true that  no vacuum persists as long as a heart throbs.

Yes, you are my love. No problem it has no earthy name. It flourishes as we move closer to each other. Your words are not dead and mum as you say. If I remain silent through out my life these words will be noisier. I agree with you as you silently indicate that we have understood each other invisibly.

Oh! My love, don't cry. Come and see the morning of our beginning. We have to move across the horizon as our hearts immerse in to one another and vanish in divinity. Well, I am feeling you as you touch my words. I know you, a beautiful creature alluring me to burn in your flame. I am in love with my invisible, but touching love.   

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They were mute. But their eyes were talkative. As they were aware of their restlessness, but who would break the dead lock, it was the issue. Everything was standstill and stunned except their throbbing hearts. What was the relation? Words were in tears but were restricted to percolate. Emotionlessly they were watching the nature, a witness of that fateful day. Time and space were non existential if anything was relevant that was the silent dialogue of innocent love.

Cool breeze was teasing the melting hearts. She was perplexed to see cloudy sky full of mistrust and misfortunes. Sand was vanishing from her fists. She was reluctantly watching each slipping moment. Hearts knew the language of love belonging to eternity. He was too frightened to visualize the painful demise. They knew they trusted each other, but that pity cause had widened up unbridgeable gulf between two loving hearts.  

She was corroded from inside.Having no solace and no words. She was lost and shattered. Dreams were evaporating before their naked eyes. Cruelty had crossed all limits. Her smile was mysteriously venting subjugated feelings of oneness in despair. Humanity and humane feelings were committing suicide as they were moving apart. Eyes did not believe what they were seeing. Now words were dead and mum. Departing hearts were crying inaudibly.

She had an authority on him. Yes, an absolute authority. They lived together. She was everything for him .his life, his philosophy and his cause to live. Dreaming to submerge in each other. Wandering in mysterious hilly places somewhere nearby Kasauli. If he stresses his memory they never lived separate for almost four years.   

She was very intuitive and possessive for him. She knew she would get nothing except pain and humiliation. Even after she loved him madly. Love was eternal as their bodies were separate but both souls were fused in to one. In those days their feet did not stay on earth. They took several sorties crossing all limitations above the seven skies. Do you know still his words cry for her in seclusion?

She was badly worried about him .. He was a kid needing her care and consoling looks. He was adamant and impatient and she was sensible and soft. They had become immortal and perpetual loving each other and could not stay apart for a moment. He repents as she suffered dearly due to him, physically and mentally both. But her soul never conceded to all odds.

Alas! You may assess the pain of his eyes, pretending indifferent but always waiting for her. He knows she will never come back as she should not come back. Still he feels her closer to his heart. Today he realizes he was very selfish and arrogant having no sensitivity to understand her. Her each word reminds him even today " . Be careful .this world is smart enough to befool you."

Whenever he passes through those memorable places, he gets lost in the past. Days were loveable as they were from a different planet. Nowadays she pulsates in his nerves. He  feels  her in his silent words. Will those days come back?

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Have you seen my moon? I have been searching her from dawn to dusk. Yes my moon glitters in sunny midday too. She never shies to recognize me like you of all. Do you know why?  She does not discriminate in words and vision. I saw her first beyond snowy mountains while sipping a mug of chilled beer at Scandal point pub in Shimla. Usually I love gracious girls roaming carelessly and free. My moon glows especially for me only.She has no scar as she emancipates my captive soul to sail above galaxy in vacuum away from earthy gravitational pull.

I see my moon without blinking eyes as she smiles absorbing my all pain and remorse. If you want you may also become my moon. Well it is an open invitation to all. I don't worry whether you are Keralite, Kannad or Gujarati I know you speak words and understand the language of love. My moon is like you .absolutely resembling with your charming and elated face. Have you ever taken a dip in Ganga in Rishikesh? If not then no problem, do the same in the deep eyes of my moon. As her innocent tears of love and pleasure flow downstream singing like Ganga's current.

Once my moon was seen just near Rodeo Pub at Cannaught Place in New Delhi. I was about to tumble down, she smiled and kissed me madly. She would avoid me as majority of you are doing now or will do later. But she is sincere with me. She never seeks nobility in me. Her love demands nothing in return.

My Kasauli trip on bike and her faint face, peeping from Jungle created a scene. I was in total trance unaware of bumpy road and deceptive sunset. I felt her closer to my heart. She understood me silently. She does not need evidences or witnesses. No more big commitments and showy and costly gifts either. She is mild and sensible and understands my compulsions. She neither complains nor repents on her decision. She lives words.

I find myself never alone as she is always with me. Don't dare to preach me. I may be an eccentric and irrelevant in your eyes . I know my fate as she stands besides me, I am an unshakable rock. She confides me to remain indifferent of surroundings. I know you also want to love her or may be fallen her love. But you hesitate to express or recognize yourself. I have full sympathy for you and your ignorance. One should trust oneself; she is waiting you to kiss .Do you know sometimes I see you in my moon? ******************************************************************  

In the solitude I talk to myself what can I do to make my life worthful? Usually I see countless problems prevailing in my family, society and so on. I feel the sufferings of poor people living in the villages, urban areas and in shanties in the metros. Likewise ailing people suffering more due to paucity of medicines and other medical facilities in my surroundings. I feel disturbed to see child workers in Dhabas and at Mechanic shops. If I go further I think that I should work for the bigger issues like Tibetan issue, anti-communal campaign etc. In this way an exhaustive list comprising pity issues to bigger issues appears.

Sometimes I want to see myself in my father's shoes as a trade union leader fighting for the rights of coalmine workers in West Bengal. Not only this as I take more pain, I find myself more involved and surrounded with never ending personal and social problems. It is all about one's musings influenced with his immediate environment. Here a question arises how a person copes up with this complex web of problems. He knows well that his capacity is limited and he has a limited role to play. Dialectics starts here when he develops emotional drives to do something to help resolve the issues. But due to limited resources and practical problems he does not succeed. The situation worsens further when a person having genuine drive and expertise tends to solve an issue but due to this or that reason fails miserably.

We see numerous problems in our day to day life in our families and society. How do we react? Normally we want to solve the problems and if we succeed then it is fair enough. But if we can not and we nourish a desire to do it then situation becomes awesome. We all want to live a satisfied life. We want to help our kin and kith and if we can afford we also think further. Our desires and actions are being regulated with stark realities and compulsions. An idea of conquering Mount Everest or to marry Ash remains an idea. This dichotomy of probability and improbability lands us in the wonderland of pragmatism where we realize our limitations and privileges.

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