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revised versions of a quote.





sharing what has been shared.

THE
ORIGINAL QUOTE


    If you love someone,


    Set her free…


    If she comes back, she’s yours,


    If she doesn’t, she never was….




 THE NEW VERSIONS R…..



 Pessimist:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free …


    If she ever comes back, she’s yours,


    If she doesn’t, as expected, she never was




 Optimist:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free …


    Don’t worry, she will come back.




 Suspicious:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free …


    If she ever comes back, ask her why.




 Impatient:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free …


    If she doesn’t come back within some time forget her.




 Patient:

    If you love someone, Set her free …


    If she doesn’t come back,


    continue to wait until she comes back …




 Playful

    If you love someone,


    Set her free …


    If she comes back, and if you love her still,


    set her free again, repeat ….




 C++ Programmer:

    if(you-love( m_she))


    m_she.free()


    if(m_she == NULL)


    m_she = new CShe;




 Animal-Rights Activist:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free,


    In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!




 Lawyers:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free,


    Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second


    Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom




 Biologist :

    If you love someone,


    Set her free,


    She’ll evolve.




 Statisticians :

    If you love someone,


    Set her free,


    If she loves you, the probability of her coming


    back is high


    If she doesn’t, your relation was improbable


    anyway.




 Schwarzenegger’ s fans:

    If you love someone,


    Set her free,


    SHE’LL BE BACK!




 Over possessive person :

    If you love someone


    don’t set her free.




 MBA :

    If you love someone set her free instantaneously


    and look for others simultaneously




 Psychologist :

    If you love someone


    set her free


    If she comes back her super ego is dominant


    If she doesn’t come back her id is supreme


    If she doesn’t go, she must be crazy.




 Somnabulist :

    If you love someone


    set her free


    If she comes back it’s a nightmare


    If she doesn’t, you must be dreaming.




 ERP functional expert :

    If you love someone


    set her free


    If she comes back, map her into your system


    If she doesn’t, carry out a gap-fit analysis




 Finance expert :

    If you love someone


    set her free


    If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans


    If she doesn’t, write her off as an asset gone bad.




 Marketing Specialist :

    If you love someone


    set her free


    If she comes back she has brand loyalty


    If she doesn’t, reposition the brand in new market
         






Posted in Humor.

1 comment



A DIVORCED BARBIE DOLL!



The Divorced' Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly

remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.


'He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales
person, ‘How much for one of those Barbie’s in the
display
window
?’



The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir?


We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie >
for $265.95′.

The amazed father asks: ‘It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: ‘Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain.’


Posted in Humor.

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A chat with a heart specialist.











sharing what has been shared.


A chat with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya

(Heart Specialist) Bangalore was
arranged by WIPRO for its employees
.

The transcript of the chat is given below. Useful for everyone.

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his
heart?

Ans:

1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil

2. Exercise - Half an hour’s walk, at least five days a week;
avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime

3. Quit smoking

4. Control weight

5. Control blood pressure and
sugar

Qn: Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?

Ans: No

Qn: It’s still a grave shock to hear that some apparently
healthy person

gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?

Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend
everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?

Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What
practices do you suggest to de-stress?

Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for
perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive
exercise required to keep a healthy heart?

Ans: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to
early fatigue and injury to joints

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has
inspired you to do so?

Ans: Mother Theresa , who was my patient

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure
suffer heart diseases?

Ans: Extremely rare

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age

(I’m currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only
after you are above 30 years of age?

Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from
childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?

Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular
and your body’s enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using
medicines?

Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Can yoga prevent heart ailments?

Ans: Yoga helps.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food for
the heart
?

Ans: Fruits
and vegetables are the best and the worst is oil.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut, sunflower, olive?

Ans: All oils are bad .

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there
any specific test?

Ans: Routine blood test to ensure
sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill
test
after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?

Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position , place an aspirin tablet under
the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him
to a coronary care unit since the
maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart
attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?

Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart
problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of
age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.

Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, s edentary
lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country
where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for
heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal
range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?

Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems
for the child. Is it true?

Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital
abnormalities
and you may not have a software engineer
as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times
we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our
heart ? What precautions would you recommend?

Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against all these
irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect the
biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other
complications (short / long term)?

Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern
anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?

Ans : No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?

Ans : No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?

Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds , samosas, and even
masala dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable.
What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also
eat a lot of junk food?

Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and
unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive
disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?

Ans : No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we
see a lot of forwarded emails on this)?

Ans : Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of
any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to
the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not
wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance
does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood
cells
and low hemoglobin
count lead to heart problems?

Ans : No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your
exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to
exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or
climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for
exercise?

Ans : Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half
an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going
to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?

Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more
vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart
operation?

Ans : Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control
cholesterol, BP, weight.

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day
shift workers?

Ans : No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?

Ans : There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose
the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to
avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood
pressure by walk, diet to

reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk
of heart attacks?

Ans : No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?

Ans : Nature protects women till the age of 45.

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?

Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday,
do not smoke and, go for health checkup
s if you are past the age of 30 ( once
in
six months recommended) ….





'


Posted in health.

1 comment



WHAT A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough
money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
something
perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour…



A WOMAN SHOULD
HAVE .
a youth she’s content to leave behind….


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a past juicy
enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her
old age….



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who
always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a good piece
of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family…



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
eight
matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for
a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of
control over her destiny..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD
KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit
a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without;
ruining the friendship…


EVERY WOMAN
SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK
AWAY…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her
childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she
would and wouldn’t do for love or more…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW….
how to live
alone… even if she doesn’t like it…


EVERY
WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to
go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..
or a
charming Inn in the woods….
when her soul needs
soothing…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a
month…and a year…


Posted in MISCELLENEOUS.

3 comments



The loo in our railway coach!

Sharing what has been shared.

 

A simple letter in broken english could move the administratin in those days to introduce toilets in Railway coaches, and what a contrast to todays administration! Most of the applications either lie on the table , or ends in the dust bin!

 

 

A complaint

 

 “…………………………………….

I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with ‘lotah’ in one hand and ‘dhoti’ in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.

 This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report! to papers………………”

 

Sri Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi.

It was also reproduced under the caption “Travelers’Tales” in the Far Eastern Economic Review.

      Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?,

This letter made the authorities then to introduce toilets in our railway coaches..

Posted in MISCELLENEOUS.

2 comments



HOMAM FOR OBAMA!

Sharing what has been shared!

HOMAM FOR OBAMA!

 

This article was sent to my friend through the Hindu Press International.

COIMBATORE, INDIA, October 29, 2008: Democratic presidental candidate Barack Obama has found an unexpected ally in Coimbatore.An Ayurvedic hospital chief has been conducting special homas sinceSeptember 26, seeking the blessings of the Gods to ensure a smooth winfor Obama in the US presidential election. Krishnakumar, managingdirector of the Arya VaidyaPharmacy, visited America recently. Studying Obama's horoscope andlearning more about the candidate and his platform, Krishnakumardecided to have special ceremonies done for him at the DhanvanthariTemple.
The Mrityunjaya Homam is being performed to ensure a long and healthy life, and Shatru Samhara Pushpanjali are being conducted to dilute the powers of Obama's opponents. In addition, every Monday, an "ilanir dhara" (anointing of a Lord Shiva icon with tender coconut water) is also being performed, Krishnakumar said. These special ceremonies, which will conclude on November 4 (Obama's birthdate), will definitely result in his victory, Krishnakumar claimed.

 

Posted in MISCELLENEOUS.

2 comments



A son and a crow

sharing what has been shared

 

A SON AND A CROW!

 

A father was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.

The Father asked his Son, “What is this?”

The Son replied “It is a crow”.


After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, “What is this?”

The Son said “Father, I have just now told you “It”s a crow”.

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, what is this?”

At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt i  the Son”s tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. “It”s a crow, a crow”.

A little after, the Father again asked his Son the 4th time, “What is this?”

 

This time the Son shouted at his Father, “Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times “IT IS A CROW”. Are you not able to understand this?”

A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary:-

 

“Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time he asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child”.

 

While the little child asked him 23 times “What is this”, the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

So…

If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word; be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.

From today say this aloud, “I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.

They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today”.

Say a prayer to God, “I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to

 

Posted in Humor.

2 comments



wise old gentleman

SHARING WHAT HAS BEEN SHARED.

WISE OLD GENTLEMAN

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a juniorhigh school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down hisstreet, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, hewalked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their waydown the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for
the rest of his days.

Posted in Holiday.

1 comment



Crabby old woman

SHARING WHAT HAS BEEN SHARED

Crabby Old Woman

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland,it was believed that she had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions,they found this poem.It”s quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady”s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christma  edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on he  simple, but eloquent poem.

 

And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this “anonymous” poem winging across the internet:

 

Crabby Old Woman

 

What do you see, nurses?
What do you see?
What are you thinking,
When you”re looking at me?

A crabby old woman,
Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit,
With faraway eyes.


Who dribbles her food,
And makes no reply,
When you say in a loud voice,
“I do wish you”d try!”

Who seems not to notice,
The things that you do,
And forever is losing,
A stocking or shoe


Who, resisting or not
Let”s you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding,
The long day to fill?

Is that what you”re thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse,
You”re not looking at me.


I”ll tell you who I am,
As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,
As I eat at your will.

I”m a small child of ten,
With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters,
Who love one another.


A young girl of sixteen,
With wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now,
A lover she”ll meet.

A bride soon at twenty,
My heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows,
That I promised to keep.


At twenty-five now,
I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide,
And a secure happy home.

A woman of thirty,
My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other,
With ties that should last.


At forty, my young sons,
Have grown and are gone,
But my man”s beside me,
To see I don”t mourn.

At fifty once more,
Babies play round my knee,
Again we know children,
My loved one and me.


Dark days are upon me,
My husband is dead,
I look at the future,
I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing,
Young of their own,
And I think of the years,
And the love that I”ve known.


I”m now an old woman,
And nature is cruel,
“Tis jest to make old age,
Look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles,
Grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone,
Where I once had a heart.


But inside this old carcass,
A young girl still dwells,
And now and again,
My battered heart swells.

I remember the joys,
I remember the pain,
And I”m loving and living,
Life over again.


I think of the years,
All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact,
That nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people,
Open and see,
Not a crabby old woman;
Look closer - see ME!!



Remember this poem when you next meet an old person whom you might  brush aside without looking at the young soul within. Remember, too: We  will all, one day, be there, too!

Posted in Hobbies.

1 comment



WOMEN ARE SMARTER.

SHARING WHAT HAS BEEN SHARED

 

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.


‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’

‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’



A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’


Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves


whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.  Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (’la computadora’), because:



1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;


2. The  native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;


3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and


4. As  soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)




The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (’el computador’), because:


1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;


2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;


3. They  are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and


4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.
Share
this with all the smart women you know…and all the men that have a sense of humor

Posted in Love.

2 comments