Sameera Nandi's blog

This is a “rant” post. Has it ever happened to you, that you are having fun and the time of your life and are suddenly gripped with the fear of losing it. Someone rightly said, it is only they that have much to lose that are afraid. I find myself in that position. I am more happy now than I have been in a very long time. Not completely 100% happy (who is?). The key word is “more”. 

But despite being happy in the moment, I do have my niggling doubts and worries. There is still quite some unresolved issues in my life. Issues that I have pushed into the background and chosen to forget. But they are very much there and I cannot ignore them forever. Perhaps, I am being reminded of them and that is why I worry. 

I worry that things will change, for the worse maybe. Now, why would I want to think a negative thing like that. I have conditioned myself to try and stay positive, but time and again, I do succumb to bouts of negativity. I tell myself that it is just me being realistic. I try and tell myself that “everything is going to be alright”. Sometimes I believe that, other times, I lose sleep thinking of the bad things that could befall me. 

I am aware that I have this habit of overanalyzing. I realize that this doesn’t help. It sometimes makes matters worse. But at times, I am just not able to control the wheels of my head from spinning in the direction that don’t do me any good. But as long as I am not in denial and am aware, I think I have some chance of stopping myself from going that way. 

And who said that one has to be Happy all the time. I think that is damn unrealistic. It is but natural to have moments when one feels down and moments when one feels like they are soaring. 

If not anything writing all this has helped to clear my head somewhat. Made me aware of the direction of my thoughts. I know, rationally, that worrying doesn’t help. I can prepare myself to the best of my ability and hope for a positive outcome. Fingers crossed that it will be. If things don’t work out the way I wish they would, well, it wont be the first time. I shall dust myself off and get up again. That sounds like a plan! Do my best and hope for the best and not cry too much if it doesn’t happen. Life is like that. You don’t get everything that you wish for. Or do you?