Jodhaa-Akbar: God save the Queen (and King)

A PLEA TO THE MAKERS OF JODHAA-AKBAR

Originally published on PASSIONFORCINEMA.COM

I feel like pulling my hair out. UTV Motion pictures and Ashutosh Gowariker- what is wrong with you guys?

It's less than a week for the release of what is the biggest magnum opus this year and what should be the most awaited film to hit the screen in a long time, and yet, strangely- though not very surprisingly- there barely seems to be any buzz at all. Other than, of course the usual yawn-inducing controversies that almost always seem to hound historical films made in India, any real excitement over the film really escapes even a hardcore Gowariker fan like me.

Can't the producers see the writing on the bloody wall? Just making a good film simply doesn't suffice- you have to first get bums on seats- period. And I don't see the makers of Jodhaa-Akbar doing enough to ensure that the theatres remain housefull atleast through the first weekend.

Today is the time of ghor kalyug at the box office, of aggressive hardsell, of driving people nuts with your publicity drive to the extent that they sing Dard-e-Disco (or Saawariya) in their sleep. To hell with the ridiculous theory that says that 'a good film always works'- it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that is just politically correct crap.

I can bet that atleast half of the people who watched Heyy Babyy or Om Shanti Om did not even like them- and that atleast 25 percent regret having ever seen them, feeling embarrassed and wincing at the very thought that they are the reason why Farah Khan and Sajid Khan can continue to boast revoltingly about their 'cinematic achievements' after making them go through such torture.

Jodhaa-Akbar's publicity campaign has been nothing short of a mess- the completion of production and date of release getting delayed so many times have considerably quietened the hype surrounding the film. To make matters worse, we have a drab and poorly cut first promo, and then the music comes into stores barely a month before the release.

Gowariker's style of filmmaking is sublime, gentle- almost flowing with the serenity and composed tranquility of a river- and that aspect is also reflected in the music of his films. That is the reason why the music of both Swades and Jodhaa-Akbar, while both magnificently created by AR Rahman did not ever really catch on, with the exception of a few tracks (Aahista Aahista, that beautiful lullaby deleted from Swades today lies almost tragically removed from public memory).

So there you go- like it or not- the music is hardly going to contribute to an opening- in sharp contrast to Hare Krishna Hare Ram single handedly getting Bhool Bhulaiyaa that massive initial- though giving the music time to settle and sink into the audience could have helped (Rahman's music often takes a while to warm up to, and repeated hearing to fully appreciate). However, Gowariker and Rahman create exquisite music together, and it can't really be helped that it doesn't cater to the dhinchak massy music tastes of the audience.

What can still be helped is improving the quality and increasing the quantity of the promos and other publicity. Get Hrithik and Aishwarya to get their traps open and give non-stop interviews. Get the stars on the news, reality shows, get promotional tie-ups, scream from rooftops- do whatever it takes to ensure that school children may forget the dates of their board exams but not that of the film's release.

The bottomlime is- this kind of 'graceful, dignified' publicity will not help. To hell with grace- get your pants down and your hands dirty guys. The publicity of a film need not be as elegant as the film itself.