In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach.. and green, yellow and red vegetables, so Man and Woman could have long healthy lives.

Then, using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created  Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, ” You want hot fudge with that ?” And Man said, ” Yes ! ” And Woman said, ” I’ll have one too, with chocolate chips. ” And lo! they gained 20 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt, so Woman could keep her figure which Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, ” Try my fresh green salad. “

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts after the repast.

God then said, ” I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken fried steak so big that it needed it’s own platter. So, Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, natuarally free of fat, and brimming with Potassium and nutrients.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center into chips, frying them in animal fat adding copious amounts of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

Then God brought forth running shoes so that His children might shed those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with Cable TV with remote control, so Man would not have to toil changing channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light, and started wearing the stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean meat so Man could consume less calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald’s and the Rs300/- double cheeseburger. Then Satan said, ” You want fries with that ? ” And Man said ” Yes. And supersize ‘em. ” And Satan said, ” It  is  good. “

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and invented the quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then.. Satan invented the  Health Ministry.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After exhaustive review of research literature, here is the final word on nutrition.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart-attacks than most.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and have fewer heart-attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and have fewer heart attacks than us.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and have fewer heart-attacks than most.
5. The Germans drink beer and eat a lot of sausages and fat and have fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

On those cold wintry mornings long ago, the Principal of our school read a poem from the Gitanjali everyday, at the school assembly.

We were impressionable young teenagers then and I for one, was duly impressed..


Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high,
Where knowledge is free,
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls,
Where the words come out from the depth of truth,
Where the tireless striving stretches it’s arms towards perfection,
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it’s way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit,
Where the mind is lead forward by Thee into everwidening thought and action..
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

This is my payer to Thee my Lord.. strike, strike at the root of penury in my heart,
Give me strength to lightly bear my joys and sorrows,
Give me the strength to make my love fruitful in service, 
Give me stregth to never to disown the poor or bend my knees before insolent might,
Give me the strength to raise my mind high above daily trifles,
And give me the strength to surrender my strength to Thy will with love.


 
-Rabindranath Tagore
                                                             

I just went through some really foul comments made on the comment page of a friend, a lady. I am offended.

To the person who wrote all that I say, dude, we operate on certain simple principles around here. Like decency & mutual respect. And we are here for some innocent fun. For some stimulation of the tiny g. cells upstairs.

If these notions are strange to you, go away. And don’t bother to come back. There are places elsewhere on the Net, where you can workout.

Here are some gems..

” It’s not an exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or the other. “ : George H. W. Bush

” People who likes this sort of thing will find this sort of thing they like. “ : Abraham Lincoln

” I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”  : George W. Bush

” There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values “  : Ronald Reagan

” This is still the greatest country in the world if we just will steel our wills and lose our minds. ” : Bill Clinton

” If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave.” : Gerald Ford

” When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results. “  : Calvin Coolidge

” Solutions are not the anwer. “  : Richard Nixon

The news from India was horrific. Sixty-four people burned alive in a train. Train set on fire by IEDs. Improvised Explosive Devises.( That’s what they call them, the new smart-ass phatakas.) The treachery and cowardice of it all..

I can imagine the predicament of the medical personnel at the near-by hospitals. The stress and strain of treating a large number of unexpeced casualties.The struggle to prevent lives from ebbing away. And the frustration of failure.

 And I also imagine the people who did this are cowering somewhere,  gloating at their success..
.
Presumably, this was done in the name of religion. For the greater glory of God.

May I ask…what God are we talking about, man ?

This one nearly blew me off. An Indian expatriate was eaten by two tigers, yesterday. Yes, you read it right. Eaten by tigers. Was the lead head in the locally published Malayalam newspaper today. And where ? Just 70 km off the capital of Arabia. Pet tigers. In a land where the flora and fauna are limited to date-palms and camels.

The local Sheikh keeps tigers as pets. Lets them loose at his whim. Man from Tamil Nadu gets in the way. End of man.

I know some of my ILander buddies are now recollecting the limerick we all know. Morbid.

But this is no Niger.

The ‘call’ came at 2 am. The ambulance driver handed me the call-paper with a mischievous smile and I knew there was trouble ahead.

Read the call-paper. 12 yr old male with a FB R main bronchus. Pl. come and do the needful. Translation : a boy with an inhaled foreign body ( a metal screw ) in his right lung..get it out if you can, or call the chief.

Rebecca, the filipina OR nurse,  greeted me with a cheerful, ” Mornin’ doc ! ” as I opened the ambulance door. I knew her, she was the speed freak. And they exchanged a conspiratorial smile, the driver and the nurse.

The ambulance shot off like the proverbial bat out of hell and as he cruised into the flyover, the driver reached over for the siren settings. He pressed the ” Yowl “ button. The siren’s sound changed from a mind-numbing ” EEEEE….OOOOO ” to the brain-scrambling “YOW…YOW…YOW”, loud enough to wake the dead.

We flew over flyovers, careened through underpasses, weaving in and out of lanes, the din of the siren scattering the sparse traffic ahead.The driver smiled to himself contentedly as he broke every traffic rule. The guy must be insane, I thought as I glanced back. Becky was blissful. The corniche glittered at 2:30 am. Decided against advising the driver sagely about safe driving at his moment of ecstasy.

We reached the hospital 20 min later. The anaesthetist arrived shortly ( he had a saner driver ). The bronchoscopy was ’ uneventful ‘. The FB was removed.

The return ride to my flat was even faster. But this time around, I wasn’t so scared.




 

The news item caught my eye : a happily married couple with two young children being ” divorced ” agaist their will by the court. Why ? Because the wife happens to belong to a ” higher “ tribe than the husband, which has provoked her step-brother to go to court against their marriage. The court rules in his favour.

I asked the nurse in the OPD to explain. She said, ” Yes, it’s scandalous.. wife is Bedouin and the husband non- B.”  So it’s not on, in these parts.

I breathed a sigh of relief. We Indians are not alone in this world…

My cellphone just went ” pinggg “….it was a promotional message in Arabic saying that I could save 25% on calls to Mobily subscribers from 10pm till 8am, but not applicable to overseas calls, of course.

Electronic noise is getting to be a major detraction in modern life. Yesterday, I was examining a patient with hearing loss. Just as the door of the  ’sound-proof ‘ room closed, I became aware of the cacophony of sounds from all those cellphones outside. Catchy jingles.. mellifluous Koranic chants.. soulful Arabic pop.. the latest Lebanese Top 10… as ringtones, message alerts, alarms and what not, precipitating guttural Arabic conversations outside.

Seeing my furrowed brow, the  patient smiled at me.

And I knew she wasn’t that deaf after all..