Live- in relation is not new to anyone now. Thanks to the Hindi film industry for getting it in the limelight. I am neither in favor nor against the topic as it is very subjective. In the past few years I have come across some of my Indian friends who are into live-in relations. I have witnessed them from the beginning of their relation to the end of it. Though I have heard and read that in India this phenomenon is gearing up among the youth yet I cannot say what precisely are the reasons for they may be the same as here or may vary.
First and foremost, people here come far away from their home land to study or work and many a times they do not have families, local guardians or any known person around. It is not easy to visit home often. The lonely feeling forces them to search for someone with whom they can share their joys and sorrows. The emotional backing heals the loneliness. No one can deny or ignore infatuation for the opposite sex. The open culture worldwide, which supports the relationship, encourages youth to fall for live-in. They are also not hesitant as there are no family members visiting them so far to question their take on the issue.
Secondly if they are students then it lessens their financial burden by sharing the apartment with a live-in partner as PG concept does not exist here in Thailand and usually accommodations are expensive to afford.
So, the relation starts on his or her own conditions, conveniences and peril, without much consideration about the future. They share their living space, money, emotions, friends etc. initially. But life is not so rosy afterall. Neither is it a fairy tale nor a Hindi movie, which always ends on a happy note. The bubble of euphoria bursts when they have to face the fact that being an Indian they need to take certain serious decisions in the long run. During their relationship if they commit to each other life long and elders back home have no objections then they are the most fortunate ones. But unfortunately, I haven't come across many such instances and have seen more break ups especially in case of girls. This gender carries bigger bags of emotions and has to bear more pains after break up.
I think there are many other issues also which become obstacles in going ahead and marrying. The most important ones are caste, religion etc. India has progressed a lot in the technological field but the mindset of society at large is still orthodox in terms of marriage, which is held as a very sacred and an important ritual. There are scores of other reasons too depending on the individuals.
So as a result a break up always lands the partners in trauma, heart break, pain, agony, broken trust, fear to carry any other relationship, being unfaithful to the future spouse etc. and they need much more extra time to get back to normal life!!
What then can be the solution for such a corrosive disease, which is slowly eating into the roots of our society and making the foundations so weak and unhealthy? Either the elders should accept the fast changing world, the mindset of the youth and their norms for the sake of their child's happiness or else the youth who are mature enough and understand their elders' views, should give a deep thought to all the pros and cons of the issue before plunging into a live-in or any serious relationships. After all man is a social animal and has to live in this society only. But the harsh fact is that it is easy to preach but is it also equally easy to follow for one and all?
Well yeah life’’s tough if you get into live in when the relationship is still immature.I committed too fast n we went our different ways faster.Yeah it was difficult, very difficult. And not only for her.So its something that a couple has to get into with a lot of responsibility.
Ask me and you shall find support from me when it comes to Live In Relationships. It, I feel, is better than commiting and repenting later. But yes, when it comes to Live In abroad due to circumstances… things can sure be different
hi Pooja,
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if you know that you have found the partner you were looking for then parents can be made to understand and one should not give in for issues like religions, caste etc. No parents would want anything bad for their children its up to the children to proove that they knw what they are doing.
I liked the choice of your topic, very contemporary, well done! As to my opinion I would say its upto the individual to decide and do what he/she wana do with their lives. I would totally disagree with the point, that you need a partner to survive in a distant land……if you are independent and emotionally strong you can survive without a so called boyfriend/girlfriend thing. When I”m saying this, its not that I”m against relationships, but you can travel far if you are free from the stress that relationships can bring in. Or in a nutshell ”maturity” is the most important fact that we have to deal with in relationships. If you are mature enough to carry on with the relationship which would last a lifetime, then its a green flag from me!
This is becoming so common even in India, these days! In fact in the same apartment complex that my parents live, there are 2 other couples, living in ”happily” in an adjacent apartment! And the funniest part in talking to them is, if it doesnt work and the girls marry someone else, they keep saying that they will still remain friends - which I find hard to believe! (At that point, I pinched myself and asked myself, where were all these girls when I was growing up …tchchchch ..tchchchch)
Nicely written tho ..
Pooja, it was a very difficult subject but with the ease and objectivity you have written it is really amazing.. You have actually touched the core of the issue.. The baggage of insecurity, consequences, fear of pregnancies and other social prjedices are more with girls….This phenomenon has begun to open its doors in india too and its difficult to stop it considering the fact that number of boys and girls live alone in big cities and sometimes they share the same flat to share cost also. .. What I feel is, the proper sex education for youth both in the schools as well as by parents is the answers to such, what you call it, corrosive disease. For parents its imperative to be friends with children , at the same time rising above the caste issues. Very complex issue, cant even be genralized and there is no sure shot solution.
Well it’’s not so uncommon concept in India too. I have seen my friends into live in relationship in metros like Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Hydbad . But live in relationship out of curiosity, fun and without any commitment is dangerous. The current trend is when back home parents won’t agree for a marriage proposal they start live in and most of them end up with a court marriage. Within this period they try their best to convince their parents and harassing the arrange marriage proposal. If it clicks fine if not most of them go for court marriage and some cases splits and time to move on. Selection of partner starting from school and college trend this day and arranged marriage concept is becoming obsolete day by day [Nuclear family, Cosmopolitan culture ,education and economic independence at young age has a role to play in this]!!!
Another problem is apart from it being an emotional rollercoaster and hurtful, you really do not know much about the background of the other person. THe medical hstory etc etc. Today what with Aids being so commonn, what if your partner has the dreaded disease. WHere does that leave you? God it is scary………..
Its an interesting, thought provoking post that I read here Pooja. Am unable to put in a better comment coz, this is something that I have feared for my growing children too. What with a lot of emotional and other kinds of liberalisation going on all around us, I sometimes wonder whether in the next decade, the instituiton of marriage will survive at all at least in the urban scenario. This is something I dread and am bringing myself to think about quite seriously, what if my daughter were in this kind of situation in future? What should be my reaction as a mother? Should I take this thing in my stride as a sign of times saying so what, aajkal yeh sab hota hain. Or should I act upon her with my value and morals.
still a allien concept in india…but slowly it is catching up
Interesting topic and yes at an early age it can seem very tempting too even if the partner we are living with is not compatible, attractive enough, witty enough or even intelligent enough. But blame that on immaturity. The ease to move on when the relationship turns is another reason why people ,I suppose, prefer Living in to marriages. But in all the conviniences and the inconviniences of a LIVE IN relationship, the heartache of a break up remains the same.
well personally pooja i dnt like the concept of live-in relationships..no particular reasons as to why..but just…but hey u have brought out the issue commendably..good one
Nice that you shared the most youngsters living far away from the country feel. To add some more, it is difficult to change the mindset of the existing elderly individuals back in the country. Perhaps, it could take time to follow-up the existing cosmopolital culture. May be after our generation when we allow these cultural changes for better.
well said pooja….surely a sign of times….one needs to learn to live with today’’s complexities….p.s. hv u ever done a live-in with anyone? would love to know any eprsonal anecdotes if possibel to share…
Yes … (wo)man is an animal trying to be social !
Live in relationships..more of a western concept catching up??? strictly against it!
A very well thought and explained rendition on a very sensitive topic. It has its pros and cons. And it will take some time to be accepted in the Indian society, as present Indian generation are also somewhat conservative regarding mariiage and relationships, though they project an western and ultra modern image/exterior. They are still sensitive about relationships. It’’s nice of you to write on such a topic.
A very sensitive topic very well addressed. You have put across some problems people abroad are bound to face, loneliness of prime importance. As VT said, maturity is certainly necessary when people opt for live-ins. And it does go against the beliefs of most of our elders and I think it is best to avoid live in relationships.
well……have known many who had it 10 years back and see nothing wrong with it! It is the best way to know somebody and decide whether you can live with that person for lifetime. Better than having problems after marriage!
as for my opinion i m strongly against livi-in relationships…these situation made comfortable realtions never are long term…although we cant deny the fact tht some relations do survive…but thn majority are failure…..besides something tht were never in our culture we are following it just bcoz its the trend set by western culture??? i think its totally foolish to go ahead with live-in relations just bcoz its for our convinience…n btw if the pg accomodation are expensive..tht doesnt mean someone shud start living in a live-in relationship….dint get tht one…and lastly for everything little thing there are pros n cons…one shud weigh them n decide wats best for them n the society at large before taking the plunge….
me having a traditional mind-set, so still dont accept live-in relationships. what u have said in ur blog has made me change my PoV - that of being in distant lands and the pining for someone from homeland makes one go for it. to that extent, i agree that it is good and then to carry on their relationship from that point into the future,,, that is difficult - since the families of both the individuals are involved. but still, overall i am not in favour of live-in relationships. i dont mind being labelled old-fashioned or orthodox or something like that. i am just expressing my views as they are.
think deeply….we listen to our insticnts when v have live-in relationships and we suffer later not bcos of this instincts but bcos this society normally does not let u do wat u want…..shud v change the outdated society or ourselves??
reality bites
hey dis is wat i alwayz thought… but wat can v do… ? leave “live-in”, letz speak about love-cum-arrange hitching itself, v often face lotsa pro”lems in dat too ! well i do feel, v should step forward for any decision/relationship, only aftr deeply pondering over d future facts, parents” boundations etc.[esp. gals]… coz dil to dil hai akhir, dimag ki tarah sochta nahi hai… but still i dun find any soln. how 2 overcome this problem of our parents “mind-set”… VT said all correct… but d main issue is d way our elders think !
toast of today’’s life
Yes Pooja, livin in is something lots of em are indulging in. At least 3 of my friends have been through it. The 1st one i came across was 10 years ago (in Noida, of all places!!!)… 2 of them got married and 1 did not, but r still good friends. Now they live happy, normal lives. Most imp thing here is the maturity level, and mutual convinience. Doing it just for heck of it and trying to make a ”Statement” doesn”t help - what is needed is mutual understanding. Intersting post, btw.