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Where roses go to die, here, is the place roses go to die.
 This, now, is the time when tears rip and blind. 
 Mists shroud, the velvety darkness closes in;
 And petal by petal, is farewell’s piercing cry..

This, here, is the place roses go to die.

Posted in Growing Up.

A mood

Mute Misery.

Dismal morning, Mournful Night.



Watching events from the inside of a rain-blurred car window.

Unfinished business .

Plans gone awry.




Stoic defense.

Pretense of normalcy.

Prettifying truth.




Posted in Blogs.


Airports. Babies. Growing pains. Marriage. First time sex. First time making love.  Losing a parent. First job. Being a boss. Quarter-life crisis.
Mid life crisis. Roads. Roadblocks. Turnstiles. Breaking up. Growing old. Training bras. Moving from foe to ally. Moving from ally to foe. From idealism to reality. Travelling. Driving. Finding meaning.

If you think of any more, send them- I’ll add to the list.

1) Diwakar Sharma- Opinions mellowing with age.
2) Ben Harris – First crush. First day in college. When your kids leave the nest.
3) Chatty- Intoxication. First salary. First time in the kitchen. War. Ceasefire. An act of universal goodness. ( The rest you can see in the comments)
4) Hari Om Chawla- First published work. First attempts. the day of retirement. Fear of life. Fear of death. Whoaaaaaaaa!! Love these!
5) Aria- From feeling to feelinglessness.  Fiery to indifferent.
6) Prasad-Many firsts- First flight. First lie. First promotion. First fight. First appreciation in school.
7) Cju C- Leaving home for the first time. First time behind the wheel without support.
8) Lissome Lady- First kiss. First time you see the life you made. First smoke. First win. First death of a dearly beloved.
9) Swati Phatak- Entering your forties. Self Actualization. seen your child enter the teens.


Posted in Growing Up.

Abhi yahi

Fascinating, charismatic, convoluted man,
Brooder and artist and drifter of refine,
Man of moods, extreme and intense,
Unapologetic of the selfishness of putting them foremost.

Restore normalcy and sanity, he oft was advised.
“Deadness and aliveness define black and white,
Life exists in the frustrating grey,
Why hold onto that which disappears as errant smoke,
Anchor instead to the severity of the extreme”, he replied.

Convincing him with reason was a Sisyphean task doomed to fail,
She tried sporadically in an attempt to still her mind,
But his glory was his suffering, 
And he held a vise-like grip,
On past follies and foibles and paradigms once-defined
He reveled in their shape-shifting
Watching boundaries realign
And persuaded one and all that:

Pain was his riff;
The melody of his life;
Rescuing him was fruitless; 
An un-him centric chore

Agony, frenzy, ecstasy, suicide,
It was his choice to live on edge,
A wondrous, if inexplicable life.

Posted in Friends.

Given Wings

I’ve been sitting by my window and watching the heavens pour down on this city that I have come to love. My coming-of-age has been here. Many multi-layered experiences that have shaken me out of old comfort zones and habits. I’ve found friends of the heart , the kind only the very fortunate are bestowed with. In the day-to-day mayhem and madness of life, I see glimpses of a power within, getting stronger and more luminous. Connections have opened up in places where there were storehouses of resentment and hurt. That dancing potential that always tempted but never actualized, is showing its wonderful, beautiful face. I’m grateful for the invisible forces that brought me here. Now, I choose to stay and hope life continues to find me allies.

Posted in Growing Up.

In search of the perfect leader by Paulo coehlo


reader sends me a questionnaire in which he presents the profile of
three world leaders who lived in the same period of history, and asks
if it is possible to choose the best one using the following data:

Candidate A was associated with witchdoctors and often consulted
astrologists. He had two mistresses. His wife was a Lesbian. He smoked
a lot. He drank eight to ten martinis a day.

Candidate B never managed to hold down a job because of his arrogance.
He slept the whole morning. He used opium at school, and was always
considered a bad student. He drank a glass of brandy every morning.

Candidate C was decorated a hero. A vegetarian, he did not smoke. His
discipline was exemplary. He occasionally drank a beer. He stayed with
the same woman during his moments of glory and defeat.

And what was the answer?

A] Franklin Delano Roosevelt. B] Winston Churchill. C] Adolf Hitler.

So what then is leadership? The encyclopedia defines it as an
individual’s capacity to motivate others to seek the same objective.
The bookstores are full of texts on this theme, and the leaders are
normally portrayed in brilliant colors, with enviable qualities and
supreme ideals. The leader is to society as the “master” is to
spirituality. This, however, is not absolutely true (in either case).

Our big problem, especially in a world that is growing more and more
fundamentalist, is not allowing people in prominent positions to commit
human mistakes. We are always in search of the perfect ruler. We are
always looking for a pastor to guide and help us find our way. The
truth is that the great revolutions and the progress made by humanity
were brought about by people just like us – the only difference being
that they had the courage to make a key decision at a crucial moment.

A long time ago, in my unconscious, I changed the word “leader” for the expression “warrior of light”. What is a warrior of light?

Warriors of light keep the spark in their eyes.

They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began
their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards.
They don’t always act right.

Warriors of
light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at
times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they
are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often
they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.

Every warrior of light has felt the fear of joining in battle. Every warrior of light has once lost faith in the future.

Every warrior of light has once trodden a path that was not his. Every
warrior of light has once felt that he was not a warrior of light.
Every warrior of light has once failed in his spiritual obligations.

That is what makes him a warrior of light; because he has been through
all this and has not lost the hope of becoming better than he was.

That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes.
Because they wonder. Because they look for a reason – and they will
certainly find one.

Posted in warrior of light.

Momentary angst

We convince ourselves with pretty, skim-the-surface lies.

This is casual.

I won’t get hurt.

We won’t get involved.

 And the doorbell rings.

 And the world reduces into that one focal moment and the bubble that is often called ” us”

Posted in Rambling.

For the romantic and the confused

This will appeal to some of you who get caught, wittingly or unwittingly, in the webs of reality :)

Posted in Love.




Saying Goodbye




To first loves- the romance and euphoria fades; the tingly
sensations are no more. And all the maturity you think you’ve cultivated is a
farce. The pain isn’t vicious, I almost wish it was. It doesn’t make your head
spin or your heart revolt. Its a quiet, sneaky tear in the fabric of your
youness. One you hope will heal. But you aren’t too optimistic about it. Good
bye, first loves. You’ve been part of my reality so long, you’ve defined me in
some ways. I’m setting me free. From you, your insidious hold and my fall from
grace in my own eyes. I’ve been a fool of my own choosing. I bid that
foolishness goodbye. 



To being a child- I’ve held onto those beliefs of comfort
that made me sleep easy. To Santa Claus and tooth fairies and Gabbar Singhs and
all those lovely, innocent notions -Adieu. Adulthood is more than a
chronological barrier. In the way of that wicked nymph called life, it is a
bunch of opportunities thrown at you to grow up. Resist or Accept, that is your
choice :) I’m choosing to embrace them, hopefully without too much


There’s much I want to throw out of my life. Unceremoniously
and without preamble. Thoughts, emotions, victimhood, clutter… but this is a
journey and their time isn’t yet come.

Posted in Growing Up.



We have
the outside trappings of a good life-decent looks, brains, popularity, careers,
friends or spouses. But when we are alone with nothing but our thoughts to
occupy us-often we are sad. We hurt. And we cry. With everything right going on
, we don’t feel right. We wait & we wait & we wait for the person or
promotion or recognition that will make that ache go away, but it doesn’t.


We are
those who are often laughing & even boisterous with our friends. But if you
look closely, the eyes reveal the truth. There’s this inexplicable sadness in
them. And one with those eyes recognizes another, for those eyes seek a
kindred. They are sharp in seeing pain, though often helpless in doing anything
about it.


solitude is both prison & paradise for them. Again, it follows them
wherever they go, this need for being alone. Yet, when alone they seek the
company of another. They want two worlds and are happy in neither.


don’t know what they want. Struggle to catch the sun, the moon & the stars.
But those are never enough.


They are
fragmented. Like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle; with pieces missing. And after
some time we start believing those pieces are lost.

Posted in Nostalgia.

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