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History

Here is a funny joke about an Indian boy on his first day at school in the USA. It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

 

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.

 

Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death”?

 

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775″ she said. "Very good!”

 

Who said “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?”

 

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863″ said Chandrasekhar.

 

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more! about its history than you do.” She heard a loud whisper: “F**k the Indians,” “Who said that?” she demanded.

 

Chandrasekhar put his hand up. “General Custer, 1862.”

 

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

 

The teacher glares around and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”

 

Again, Chandrasekhar says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

 

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? S*ck this!”

 

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

 

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

 

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

 

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re f**ked!” And Chandrasekhar said quietly, “George Bush, Iraq, 2005……

 

Posted in jokes.

15 comments



Words - Humor

Terok Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was  carrying the 
passport  size photograph of his son (for college  admission). 
Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket.  He started 
searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below  the ends 
of a  woman’s saree.  He asked her “Can you lift up  your saree? I 
wanna take photograph”  The rest is history.

He was beaten  so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was  surprised to see  Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse
condition.

Butol  explained what happened to him.

He had gone to a remote  village to work. He finished late and missed
the  last bus. He couldn’t find  any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner  whether he can  stay  there for the night. The Owner replied “I have 2 grown  up 
daughters.  Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay”.

He  approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the  night. The Owner replied, “I have 3 grown up daughters. “Sorry, I can’t  allow you to stay”.

He went to the next house and asked:  “Do you have grown up 
daughters?”

The Owner asked, “WHY?????????”  Butol replied, “I wanted to stay 
here for  a night…..”

The rest  is history.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS “WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU  DON’T  USE IT CORRECTLY.

Posted in jokes.

17 comments



Sex of God

What is the sex of God ? Man or Woman ? I got confused while writing a blog !!!! Can anyone tell me with reasons ??

Posted in Blogs.

18 comments



EVA

I was a bit upset on Sunday evening while playing our usual Gully Cricket. I got out soon, missed few catches. I declared myself not fit for the next match with Green Valley Apartment XI. I was not in form and better some other guy should get a chance. Deepu remarked, "I know why dada is not fit and why is he upset." I asked,"Why?"  "Your big fan, who used to sit in the balcony and cheer for your sixers, has vacated the house today." I was not sure what was he talking about. But I realized soon, felt might be true. I was missing my fan.  I was missing her shouting and screaming from the balcony But I never bothered to ask her name or wanted to know about her. I had called her once or twice to come down and join us for playing, but she had refused.

 

I got inquisitive about her and once our game was over, I went to the next house standing alone among all big apartments. The watchman knew me that I reside in the next building. He came out with a cover to hand it over to me .slowly I opened it

 

"Dear Sachin,

 

By the time you get this letter, I would not have been there. No… No… I am not going to die I am leaving this place with my grand parents and going to their native place where we have a small farm house. No one is here to look after us. We don't get even any domestic help here.  Metro life . Neither the neighbor knows us nor we! 

 

But I will miss you guys especially your sixers Bunty's dancing after taking a wicket etc etc. many in the list.  I wish I could have been here. Thanks to you all guys for providing so much of fun in my life. If I' m lucky, meet you guys next

 

With warm luv

 

Eva"

 

Who is this Sachin? I realized latter, she does not know my name and so it was her pet name for me.  The watchman narrated about Eva .. A little beautiful girl of around 12 years old She lost her parents, 3 years back in a car bomb explosion while they had gone for her birthday shopping. She lost both of her legs. Her grand parents had shifted to the new place recently thinking, change of place would help her in taking life positively.   She never goes out with anyone, leads a dull life, no friends, one or two relatives visit once or twice a month. Only on Sundays, she used to be very happy, just to see all of us jumping around, playing cricket.

 

Life could be so cruel to such a little girl. What wrong she had done to anyone to suffer this way . We neighbors don't bother to know who stays in the next door. We spend our time with TV, movies, parties and outings. We could have helped Eva to feel good about life; we could have made her a part of our lives. We could have made her realize that still she possess the greatest treasures of life: to see, to hear, to feel, to love and to smell.  Somehow, I feel guilty; I could do nothing for my little fan.  As she said, if I'm lucky I will meet her next somewhere in the crowd to bring a smile back on her face!! I adore my little fan, Eva.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogs.

8 comments



After Honeymoon

Ek baar ek Haathi (male) aur ek Machchharni ( female) mein pyaar ho jata hai. Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai. Sab log bate  karne lagte hain.

Akhir sharmakar, Machchharni, Haathi se bolti hai “Abhi hum dono ko shaadi kar leni chahiye ..duniya wale bahut bate karne lage hain… mera jeena mushkil ho gaya hain.”

Machchharni ke ghar vale inkar kar dete hain shaadi se…..

Now the question for you is “Kyon?”

Socho Socho

Woh kehte hain ki Ladke ke Daanth bahar nikle huye hain.

Par pyar kiya to darna kya…

Ab dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai…

Isliye dono Marriage Registrar ke yahan application dete hain aur ek mahine baad registered marriage karte hain…

Phir dono honeymoon ka plan karte hain…

Dono Kerala jate hai (with Kesari Tours)…

Honeymoon hone ke baad jab doosre din subah Haathi ki aakh khulti hai to dektha hai ki bechari Machchharni mar gayi hai…yes…she is dead…!!!!!

Now the question for you is “Kyon?”



Guess……..socho socho……..


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………


the answer is…


Because, Hathi raat ko “Good Knight” laga ke sota hai.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha…

Posted in Friends.

18 comments



Kuchhh Hansi Ho jaye

1 A Sardarji invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do you know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

 

2. A Sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body’s face in a funeral function. All of a sudden all relatives of the dead person beat him why? He said, “SMILE PLEASE!”

 

3. Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs a tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji: “I’ve been promoted as branch manager.”

4. Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a wide open mouth……………..? Because his doctor advised him “Today’s dinner should be light.”

 

5. One Sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?   Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…………………..

6.  Sardar told his servant; go and water the plants.

     Servant: It’s already raining.

     Sardar: So what, take an umbrella and go.

 

7. Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or Egg? Oye Yaarrr, what ever you order, first will come first.

8. Postman:  - I have to come 5 Miles to deliver you this packet

Sardar: - Why did you come so far; instead you could have posted it…….

 

9.Sardar’s wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died  peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the bus he was driving..

 

10. Sardar visits a Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend just says “CHIN YU YAN” and dies. Sardarji goes to China to find out meaning of his friend's last words. It is ‘You are standing on the Oxygen Tube!”

 

11. Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.

     Wife: What are you doing?

     Sardarji: I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

 

12. Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

   Guess what…………..To avoid side effect!!!

 

13. Man: Sardarji where were you born?

      Sardarji: Punjab.

      Man: Which part?
      Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in
Punjab yaaarrr”.


 

14. IN COURT during a case:

 

       Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke …..

       Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab kehte ho
       Gita pe
haath rakho…..

 

15. Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me. I don’t know how she got my number, whenever I call someone she interrupts and says ” please   recharge your card.”

 

 

 

PS: These are just jokes, not to hurt or project any Sardarji as a laughing stuff. Sardar friends should not take it personally…I have some sardar friends, these all collected from them .

 

Posted in Friends.

24 comments



Three Things

Three Things in Life that destroy a person     - Greed, Pride and Anger

Three Things in life that make a great person - Hardwork, Sincerity and Success

Three Things in life you never sure of - Dream, Success, Fortune

Three Things in Life Most Valuable - Love, Self Confidence, Friends

Three Things in Life must not be lost - Peace, Hope, Honesty

Three Things in Life once gone never come back -Words, Opportunity, Time





Posted in Philosophy.

15 comments



DATING ON INTERNET

This news article is published as it is, and not created by me.. this is not a fiction but a fact…..




MARSEILLES, France — Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach — and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!

“I walked out on that dark beach thinking I was going to hook up with the girl of my dreams,” the rattled bachelor later admitted. “And there she was, wearing white shorts and a pink tank top, just like she’d said she would.

“But when I got close, she turned around — and we both got the shock of our lives. I mean, I didn’t know what to say. All I could think was, ‘Oh my God! it’s Mama!’ ”

But the worst was yet to come. Just as the mortified mother and son realized the error of their ways, a patrolman passed by and cited them for visiting a restricted beach after dark.

“Danny and I were so flustered, we blurted out the whole story to the cop,” recalled matronly mom Nicole, 52. “The policeman wrote a report, a local TV station got hold of it — and the next thing we knew, our picture and our story was all over the 6 o’clock news. “People started pointing and laughing at us on the street — and they haven’t stopped laughing since.”

The girl-crazy X-ray technician said he began flirting with normally straitlaced Nicole — who lives six miles away in a Marseilles suburb — while scouring the Internet for young ladies to put a little pizzazz in his life.

“Mom called herself Sweet Juliette and I called myself The Prince of Pleasure, and unfortunately, neither one of us had any idea who the other was,” said flabbergasted Daniel.

“The conversations even got a little racy a couple of times.

“But I really started to fall for her, because there seemed to be a sensitive side that you don’t see in many girls.

“She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic.

“The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I’d never seen before. I’m grateful for that.”

When starry-eyed Daniel asked Sweet Juliette to send him a picture, Nicole e-mailed him a photo of a curvy, half-clad cutie she’d scanned from a men’s magazine.

“The girl in the picture was so beautiful, I begged Juliette to meet me on the beach — and Mom said yes,” he recalled. “Mom says she was falling for me, too, and she just wanted to meet me, even though she knew I’d be disappointed when I saw her.

“As for me, I figured I was going to find the girl of my dreams.

“I guess that’s about as wrong as I’ve ever been.”

Daniel admits he and his mother could do little but stammer and stutter around each other for days after their cyberspace exploits came to light. And his father Paul — Nicole’s husband of 27 years — wasn’t too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes.

“Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again,” said embarrassed Daniel.




Posted in News.

13 comments



Stress reliever

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt (am not
joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the
money go?


2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who
tests it?


3. What is the speed of darkness?


4. If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged
during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane
made out of that stuff?


5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?


6. Can you cry under water?


7. Why do people say, “you’ve been working like a dog”
when dogs just sit around all day?


8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone
reversed?


9. Do fish ever get thirsty?


10. Can you get cornered in a round room?


11. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?


12. What came first, the fruit or the color orange?


13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oils
made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made
from?


14. Can you blow a balloon up under water?


15. Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?


16. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you
turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?


17. If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you turn
your headlights on, what happens?


18. Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?


19. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the
way down to the core of the earth?


20. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to
at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on
any road?


21. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have
parking in Bars?



Posted in Blogs.

19 comments



Last night in my School Hostel .

It was the hottest night that day. Kali Prasad & I were returning to our hostel after watching the first show movie. We had no fear of warden or anyone as we had finished our 10th and no more going to be in the same school or hostel. We were on top of the world singing all kind of Hindi songs we had known little bit ..All our hostel mates had already left for home during the summer holiday and we were left out because our train was available only on the next day morning. On the way was our hostel warden's quarter and we knew he was alone that day. Some mischief played into my mind and thought to give him a lesson because he had passed a negative comment about me in front of all my hostel mates for my objecting to the food quality he was providing to us. We both planned We had waited till his lights to switch off and allow him to sleep. Just few days before there was an incident rocked in our locality nearby and had left everybody shell-shocked .. ..

Two witches were caught by the people in the near by village and were bitten for the reason that they were sucking blood from people, domestic animals while asleep during night. In normal practice what they do is, through window or roof (in a tiled house) they throw a string of thread and suck the blood .horrifying to hear those days since our hostel used to be very near to this village, outskirt of the city and we were too young to understand the truth .

We both planned to do the same trick even if we knew, there was a risk involved in all these but thinking of the enjoyment we would get thought "GO FOR IT ."

We had bought thread and red ink on the way from the small shop near our hostel. Once all the lights got switched off and were sure that our warden would have slept slowly we went near the window, took out the thread dipped it in the red ink and threw it on his neck . Initially he moved a bit and when he saw something red in the dim light, he screamed out of fear even we could not understand what was he telling some thing like ..bebeebebebbeababa we ran off and got into our room. Then I screamed KALI KALI.KALI .and I saw my warden running towards our room since we were the only available help for him in that moment .. Hearing me screaming KALI KALI he thought as if the real Kali matha had descended there… Forgot that my room mate's name was Kali and his situation became worst .. He came hugged us and told the whole thing . My God we could not laugh .and really enjoyed that last night of our school hostel life . This is still a top secret and we never discussed with our warden ever

Posted in Blogs.

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