rediff.com
Hi Guest
Log in | Sign up
Skip to content

Adventures of pink car!!


Rahul ’s car is pink in color. Actually its two colors. A deep mauvecolored top and the bonnet etc in lighter shade. The car was stolen a
few months ago and some relentless effort, court appearances and bribes
later was found again.
One day Gautam borrowed it to drop off
a friend, on the way back it started fuming. The smoke from the engine
was so much that passers by advised him out of the car. He called up
Rahul.
Gautam: Rahul the car is fuming! there is a problem here! there is so much smoke coming from the engine
Rahul: Dont worry it happens, just leave it where you are, I will pick it up later…..

One of these nights Rahul had to come back to office in night to help the team in US. So he and Kartik worked and had Fun in till 2am.
Rahul: Time to go pal, give me the keys
Kartik: Hey I dont have the keys! Look in you pockets!
Rahul: No I distinctly remember giving you the keys!
Kartik: That means they are in the car!
Rahul: No thats not possible! I cant forget the keys again!!

The sight in the parking was one to behold. Imagine a beautiful mauve
colored car in the moonlit night with lights on! And surely the keys
inside as well. Spooky to us and mere inconvenience to the cool dudes.

So the search for a scale started. The nightwatchman and others were
called to help but to no avail. Finally someone banged the door and it opened. Apparently the theives had played some tricks on the lock.

The moment the key was put into the ignition, the battery died. Not
discharged, it was dead. So the only way left was to get a lift home,
or maybe walk a few kilometres. So the dudes started waving to any and
every car on the road. Finally one stopped.

This guy turned out to be a long lost friend of Kartik. (Trivia: Kartik is a guy with
more friend than Shakuntla Devi can count. ) At 3am the guy was totally
drunk and Rahul started to have ideas about walking…….

Rahul: Kartik he is totally drunk, we will be safer walking..
Kartik: No yaar, he is fine, he might be stinking, but he can drive…...bhai hai apna
Rahul: Dont you think we are better off away from bhais?? and this one in particular…
Kartik: No, no this one is the harmless kind..come lets go……….

And so they finally reached home…………..


Posted in Work.

8 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – October 20, 2008


Terminator- 34


Ok ok, thats the training batch ID to which I belonged T34. No there were not 34 of us from whichever end or middle you might count. I was off to the other end of India for the training. The executive hostel where we stayed had no wi-fi so after a long break of 19 days amback to civilisation. From initial furtive steps to Charlie”s Angels, Chomu and Douglas (more on it later), it was a joyride. All 47 of us strangers gelled together in a way no one expected, least of all us!

The company drilled its structure right into our brains. The incessant lectures caused enough pain that most of us would have preferred a drilling machine!

One of the major aims of the company is an attempt to get non-linear growth
Sumeet, Amber, Ashwini and me are talking over dinner

Amber: The company is planning for non-linear growth
Sumeet: Yeah and Swati and Ashwini are living it……she eats little and expands a lot, he eats a lot and expands very little!

Our training was directed by a balding 40 something man, Mahesh Chadha. He had more enthusiasm for our training than all 40 of us combined! He would thrust the mike into our faces to force us to ask questions. And even then if we didnt oblige, he would hinself ask questions! The
standard qauestions were:

How is the world on that side? (especially to those based in UK and US)
How many people work with you? How many Indians? How many foreigners??

Such deep and analytical questions left us in splits….

There were many video conferences and telephone conferences. By the end of first week itself we were thoroughly bored. During one such session with Richard Stryker, the entire lot was bored to the extent that even Chomu was on the brink of yawning. As Chomu enthused us to ask questions, Gautum got up from the corner of the room and with all seriousness he could muster leaned on the desk and spoke into the phone to Richard Stryker ..”Hello Douglas..” (!!!).

The uncrowned PJ king from one the colleges Suchet was in full form on the last night of our stay. Some of the gems from his collection:

Why is it that all the saints are able to resist so many things? Why do they have such high resistance?
Answer: What is the unit of resistance?? O(h)m!!

Suchet: Ropan Bhattacharya is my guru from the time I met him
We: why?
Suchet: In Mahabharat all the gurus were known as Dronacharya, Kripacharya…Ropan is already Bhattacharya!!


Posted in Friends.

8 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – July 29, 2008


Of bikini babes and being a good friend ;)


Location: Bournemouth, a famous beach south of LondonCharacters: MeDivya, Saurabh and CP: friends from London
Manish and Akansha: husband and wife staying at Bournemouth due to Akansha”s
official work. Manish is CP”s friend for the past 10 years, they were together in engineering.

We all were sitting on the beach surrounded by women and bikinis in various shapes and sizes. Manish was clicking our photos.

Akansha: Manish are you sure clicking our photos?
Manish: What do you mean?
Akansha: I mean are we featuring in the photos or is it the people around us (meaning the bikini babes)
Manish:  What do u mean! When have I ever done that??
Akansha: You remember our honeymoon in Mauritius?? While everyone was looking where instructor was telling us that Dolphins would appear you were missing. And where did I find you- the other side of the boat clicking photographs of two firangs in bikini in water!
Manish: You know it wasnt the bikini I was interested in. They were Scuba Diving with the mask and the pipe, its very interesting..
Akansha: Yeah you thought they were Dolphins!!
Manish: Of course! remember the instructor said Dolphins could come out of anywhere…so I thought why not try my luck here??
Akansha: Sure!!
Manish: Dont make faces you said it was the best photograph of the trip! In fact everyone said so…..
Me: maybe you focussed on it………
Akansha: Ah ha, so who all you sent it to??
Manish: All my friends, you see I take photographs for my friends, I am married so I cant really enjoy all this, and they are not here so I help them.
Akansha: Seriously?? (to CP) So CP what do you think of his photographs??
CP: What photographs?? He hasnt sent any!!

Posted in Writing.

15 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – May 12, 2008


Juno is refreshingly sweet ;)


Juno walks the thin line between being light or ridiculous, between being frank or vulgar and comes out on tops. Despite knowing that this is a run of the mill movie about teenage pregnancy, you not only enjoy it but also find the characters endearing. I expect Juno to be a major hit as and when it hits the multiplexes in India. In a nutshell this is a movie about a high school girl Juno finding herself nine weeks pregnant and how she deals with it. From informing her shocked parents and the father of the baby to finding the right
adoptive family to getting ultrasounds done, Juno handles them all in her easygoing manner. She deals with the heartburn, ballooning stomach and baby”s kicks as a matter of fact.

You feel it flows from her father and stepmother who would have preferred her expelled or into
drugs rather than pregnant. But they are caring enough to accept her decisions and mature enough to help her deal with various milestones. it is endearing the way her stepmother goes with her for the
ultrasound, fits elastic band on her jeans and argues with the technician when she judges Juno. Her parents are supportive without being preachy. Characters are irreverent about their sensitive
situation but never unloving towards each other.

Juno is such a cool geek. Shes a sharp witted teenager who marches to her own drummer.
Ellen Page puts that spunk, that spark in the way she talks , walks, eats, everything. You can feel Juno”s individuality and that makes her even more appealing. Its not as if she doesnt have her fears, fights or tears, she is real and refreshingly unpretentious about it. Kudos to Page!

Michael Cera and Olivia Thirlby”s is an authentic teenage performance. As the prospective adopters Garner and Bateman bring their own concerns as well as complexes. Juno”s first visit to check them out is a case in point.

The movie is filled with witty dialogue, though some might be a bit suggestive for Indian palate. Written by stripper-turned-blogger Diablo Cody, Juno crackles with razor-sharp dialogue throughout, to the point where every character talks like they”re in the funniest sitcom ever made. (I thought Diablo was a man till I saw her photo online ;)). Theres a lot of slang, some real some invented and lends the real touch to the characters. By the way she won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.

Director Jason Reitman deftly ensures that this comedy doesnt become ridiculous or a farce. The music is wonderful, you will love the soundtrack. 
Trivia:
Oscar nominations: best picture, best director, best actress, best original screenplay (won)
BAFTA: best original screebplay among others
1  It was the highest-grossing film of all five Best Picture Oscar nominees (2008).
2. The hamburger phone in the movie is owned by the writer, Diablo Cody.
3. The writer Diablo Cody is a stripper turned blogger, her blog is “The P**** Ranch”
4. The original title of the film was going to be Junebug but was changed so it would not be confused with the 2005 Amy Adams film of the same name. in many scenes Juno”s parents lovingly call her Junebug.
5. There was a Korean movie by the name Juno Jenny on the theme of teenage pregnancy. But the similarities ended with names and theme. The guy was Juno and the girl Jenny and no neither of the Juno”s inspired the other one ;)
Tip: Watch it without expectations and go with the flow ;). Best with friends considering the amount of slang


Posted in Movies.

10 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – April 3, 2008


KRace is slick!

Statutory warning: Any resemblance with the work done by Jumaani siblings is highly coincidental. I have been forced by this great movie to do some rechristenings:
Race as KRace:
Bipasha is Saif’s girlfriend but Saif’s step brother Akshaye loves her.
So Saif convinces Bipasha to marry Akshay. Akshay despite Saif’s
repeated warnings becomes an alcoholic and brings no happiness
to his wife. So a frustrated Bipasha and an aroused Saif make love in
the stable. By the way Akshaye is recording the whole thing. Actually
he has teamed with Bipasha for a fool-proof plan to kill bro Saif and
split the 100 million insurance. So they push off Saif from 12 floor
showing it to be an accident. But it turns out that Saif had just
married his much devoted secretary Katrina so the money is hers! Its a
different matter that Saif comes back from the dead and Bipasha was
helping him all along………………..
I havent introduced Anil Kapoor angle yet…….

Do you think Ektaa kapoor could have done better?????

Abbas Mustan as Abs- Mustang: With the amount of flesh on display both male and female, with the dominant theme of horse racing, this is a stud film!!

Sameera Reddy as Mini: ok ok that is her name in the movie and she lives upto it by wearing Mini, if not mini-mal.

Anil Fruitwala Kapoor:
Not a single shot without a fruit in his hand, from banana to apple to
orange to even watermelon. he seems like a walking talking
advertisement of pappu fruitshop. He cracks vulgar jokes and you feel
like throwing egg on his face.

KRace is a lovely movie:
Dont believe me?? Consider this: Saif loves Biapsha but Akshay also
loves bipasha. A Saif loves Akshay (brotherly love), he sacrifices
Bipasha for Akshay. Katrina loves Saif who doesnt reciprocate. Saif
marries her and dies, Then Katrina loves Akshaye. Then brother Saif
returns from dead and confesses love for Bipasha who also loves him! Now if this isnt a fill full of love then what it??? A LOVELY film.

Though
i missed the first half hour of the movie I believe that made it all
the more enjoyable ;) (recommended). The movie is like an ECG machine
gone haywire- keeps shocking you every few minutes but not enough to
cause long term harm.

Abs-Mustang are back in reckoning but go
overboard with twists, probably to make up for recent failures. People
were laughing at random moments and you dont blame them!

A watchable movie, comedy is forced, locales are awesome, action is fast and look is slick!

Tips to make the movie more enjoyable (pun intended):
1. Enter the hall half an hour late
2. Turn off the sound- believe me all the love scenes would make more sense ;)
3. Bring along a friend who can laugh randomly

Trivia
1. Akshay’s role was initailly offered to Fardeen who didnt have dates (Thank God!)
2. Mallika was offered Sameera’s role- wouldnt have made a difference
3. Ajay Devgan was offer Anil kapoor’s role-maybe we would have been saved from vulgar jokes
4. The choreographer duo of Bosco Martis and Caesar Gonsalves turned art
directors for Abbas-Mustaan’s Race. They designed a futuristic set at
Yash Raj Studios, Andheri for the title and promotional track of the
film.

Posted in Work.

3 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – March 30, 2008


change in sports: talent is not enough


In the movie Chak De Shahrukh Khan tells his team to drop manners and play as rough as the opponent team: woh ek maare, tum do maaro, woh do maare, tum chaar maaro……..(they hit you once, you hit twice, they hit you twice, you hit four times…..).
Dhoni gives free rein to his boys to handle sledging the way they wish to. Australians sledge and Indians sledge back.

This
is not an article about the rise of aggression in Indian sports
heralding birth of a new era, this is about how sports have changed
where physical fitness is the key to performance…..talent alone is not enough you have to learn to tackle injuries game induced or opponent induced and also the fame and money.

Sachin
today plays far far more cricket than the Don, faces more injuries
than  the Don ever imagned. He doesnt have to endure sledging by the
Australian team because of his stature. He has to handle the
aspirations of the milions. Todays player can never be a cricketer alone: he automatically becomes a celebrity, a model, a brand ambassador-
whether he wants it or not. He performs well and money comes flowing
in- look at Ishant Sharma! I am not saying whether Sachin is greater
than Bradman, his average wont equal the Don's ever (you can dig the
stats at various sites) but the challenegs he is facing are much much
more.

Similar is the case of Pele and Maradona, it is stupid
to compare them by the number of goals, no of goal/appearance etc
because the two belong to different times. Did Pele play with the
press scrutinizing his every move? with the opponents out to injure you
out for good? with so much money for easy taking? when the game ceases
to be an art blossoming in a natural talent.
We can only speculate if Pele would have responded with a headbutt a la Zidane in a Soccer World Cup final.

The
sports have changed from a talent based arena to where the talent alone
is not enough- look at Brian Lara, people might argue as to who is
better him or Sachin. But one thing is indisputable - he can never
match Sachin's stature. While Sachin has mainatained an unblemished
reputation as a sensible, grounded person. And this makes him far more
remarakable than other sportspersons- to live with this amount of fame
and money and not allow it to got to his head.

PS- please feel free to pitch in with your examples- for or against ;)





Posted in Writing.

3 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – March 24, 2008


Hey, IAS prep material for sale ;)


hey everonejust helping out a friend who wants to sell of her old stuff when she wrote civil services examination. the stuff is LOTS- on political science, anthropology and General Studies- books, notes and material from various coaching classes. Considering that most of it is in excellent condition, even if old, this would be very useful for any serious aspirant. In case you are interested please leave a message in guestbook.

thanx
swati


Posted in Personal.

No comments

By Swati Rohatgi – March 17, 2008


Review (s) of 10,000 BC!!

Confession#1: I have not seen the movieConfession#2: The routine check of reviews to decide about watching the movie left me rolling in laughter. critics have gone out of the way to lambast the movie. Here are some irresistible gems:

A visually impressive but narratively flimsy epic.


I cheered for the villains who were building a colossal civilization.


Worst of all, no one even gets eaten by the disappointingly tame saber-toothed tiger.

10,000 B.C. isn’t only brain-dead, it’s completely dead.

The mammoths are cool. The squealing killer ostriches, perhaps inspired
by 70 million-year-old Gigantoraptor fossils, are idiotic but… okay,
they’re idiotic.

10,000 B.C. is a true disaster on every level, a derivative and sometimes incomprehensible mess.


[I] saith to you that I had a strangely good time, and whether that is from laughing at 10,000 B.C. or laughing with it I knoweth not, although I strongly suspect the former.


On a Neanderthal level, “10,000 B.C.” works.


In the realm of heroic historical loincloth adventures, 10,000 is much less than 300.


The characters may speak English, but the narrative is gibberish.


One part Joseph Campbell hero quest, one part multi-culti morality tale, one part live-action Flintstones cartoon, 10,000 B.C. is finally every part just plain nuts.

…it’s laughably bad, which means that if you can approach it as a
really stupid film you just might find yourself enjoying it.


If you thought 300 was silly, think of 10,000 BC as 33.333 times sillier.

Sets new standards for stupidity. This is like Uwe Boll with a budget.
This is the village idiot of movies.

While the movie is completely ridiculous, at least it’s fun to think of
all the high school students who are going to mistake this movie for an
accurate historical record and get F’s on their next pop quiz.

I have to give Emmerich credit for creating a film that’s been funnier
than ‘27 Dresses’ or ‘Over Her Dead Body.’

If you are ten years old fan of video games with a short attention span
and no knowledge of history, you will love this movie. The further you
stray from these core qualifications, the less you will love it.

May indeed last until the end of time, kept alive in drinking games and
in history and geography classrooms on April Fool’s Day.


This is actually a movie you forget while watching it.

This may well be the first prehistoric epic in which the liberal
deployment of such words as “oog,” “agh” and “uck” would have actually
improved the screenplay considerably.

10,000 B.C. takes a prehistoric approach to storytelling.

The best acting comes from woolly mammoths, man-eating ostriches and a
saber-toothed tiger — and those babies are digital.

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its
grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.


Visually, historically and creatively, this film dishonors the year 10,000 B.C.

PS: in case you dont believe me check it out yourself http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10000_bc/?page=1&critic=columns&sortby=default&name_order=asc&view=#mo
 


Posted in Writing.

3 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – March 13, 2008


Edge of seat thriller- Vantage Point


The first few scenes and you are ready for the cliched the-american-president-is-shot-and-the-world-is-in-danger movie. Vantage point is a  thriller from start to finsih. The movie has a strong script, good performances and a wonderful director. Even if some portions are half baked you are too absorbed in the story to notice.

Dennis Quaid looks jaded and puffed, but fits the bill of a security man returning to duty after being shot.

The movie is fashioned as a series of eight accounts of the same incident each removing a layer of the story. The action is fast and leaves you wanting more. The layered storyline leaves you guessing as to what secret will be revealed next.

All characters have a story to tell - from the cop returning on duty to the tourist, the undercover cop,the blackmailed cop, the sacrificing waiter, the moll, the unexpected villain and the little lost girl.

William Hurt plays a strong president, Dennis Quaid fits the bill as the cop willing to put his life in the line of duty. Matthew Fox is a surprise. Forest Whitaker as the typical do-gooder American tourist is good. The vamp and the villain are slightly inefficient but make you hate them ;)

All in all, a movie worth a watch. In fact it opened at #1 at the US box office in its first week.

Posted in Movies.

5 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – March 8, 2008


Mosqui-tales!!

At first I couldnt believe my ears. But then the mosquito sitting on the tip of my nose folded his wings and pleaded: O lady please allow me to have  a few drops of your blood so that my line can continue.
Mosquitos require a kind of protein found in human blood for their eggs but I was too angry about all the previous unpermitted collections of blood, I retorted: Why hasnt anybody asked me earlier??

Mosquito: My lady it was only a few minutes back that I had a drink of a social activists’ blood who files a public interest litigation against all ills (real or imagined) in the country, especially against those who exploit and suck people’s blood. Thus scared I had to plead before I bite. Till now most people have been kind enough to allow me.

Me: And what about the voice??

Mosquito: I bit Himesh Reshammiya yesterday and since then am unable to stop this whizzing sound of my nose. You see whenever we bite a person personality corpusules in his blood become active in us and we acquire their behaviour.

Me: So how come no one has come to know of it? No scientist has researched on it?

Mosquito: Well the effect generally lasts a few hours depending on the potency. As far as scientists are concerned, they remind us of doctors and so we behave well.

Me: So you are scared of doctors??

Mosquito: No its not that. Their blood has all kinds of medicines in small doses, it gives us a digetsive problem and so we stay away.

Me: So who do you go to when you have, er, malaria, cholera…

Mosquito: To the chemist down the lane, he has all the all the medicines mixed in correct amount of blood next to the window.

Me: When is it that you run off to him?

Mosquito: Whenever we bite a politician. A sip of that blood sends us in atizzy and we keep mistaking money for food. Everything smells of fodder, urea and whatever the latest scams running. We end up with a bad cold lasting days.

Me: That sounds good, you can help police uncover these scams!

Mosquito: Its outlawed in our laws.

Me: Laws! you have laws!

Mosquito: Yes we do…my great great…..great grandfather had a taste of Pandit Nehru’s blood. For a few weeks he talked only about constitution and democracy. Finally he was made to settle for a collection of laws called Mosqui-tution. In fact our assembly behaves far better than the UP assembly.

Me: So why is it that you have outlawed police?

Mosquito: We are not supposed to step within 10 feet of a policeman

Me: Why?

Mosquito: Oh the last time someone bit a policeman he tortured everybody and spoke uncensorable language for weeks.

Me: Censor!! do you have movies??

Mosquito: Sure the latest is Jhonny mange khoon and Machchariya

Me: So, someone bit Sanjay Leela Bhansali?

Mosquito: Nopes, by mistake someone on a holiday to Pakistan bit a Don. Ever since he has been making movies.

Me: Mistake?

Mosquito: Oh we dont bite the Dons, we consider them our human blood loving brethern.

Me: You keep away from police, politicians, doctors, scientsits and dons, is that why you bite us commoners??

Mosquito: Commoner? you are a common person? goodbye then………..commoners never have enough blood to make it worth our while……..


Posted in Writing.

2 comments

By Swati Rohatgi – February 25, 2008