hi!!
The way messengers have invaded our lives it has become the essential meeting ground. Status messages are taglines against your name which were used to inform : stepped out, out for lunch, not at desk etc etc.

Some of the interesting ones:

Golden rule: he who has gold, rules.
I want to die sleeping peacefully like my grandfather and not screaming like the passengers in his car
It is teh darkest before dawn, therefore if you want to, that is teh time to steal your neighbor’s newspaper

Recently my status read: Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

My cousin Shishir: Women will be more successful than men because they have no wives to harass them

A friend : Dont assume! Women in Netherlands can have wives

hi folks
It has been a long time and I have no other excuses other than laziness Well the final placements in the college have just finished. Though it seems pretty serious to the uninitiated, for everyone involved it is a circus. Forget those who dont know how come the company selected or shortlisted them, many have no clue why they applied in the first place!

Siddharth: you are applying for all companies and all profiles: marketing, finance, trade?? koi dharam iman nahin hai tera?? (you dont hav eany loyalties??)
Hari: How do I know which company might pick me up??

The guy who takes the cake is Ravi Kumar, while everyone is fuming and fretting over trying to get placed, he is playing table tennis the whole day!

Someone: hey why are you playing?? Why dont you go and apply??
Ravi: See all these companies came for recruitment even in engg college, so why should i apply now??
Someone: See I am sure there were no banks then, what about Axis bank??
Ravi: Axis that is a corrupt brand! I dont want it!
Someone: But you applied to Reliance Communication!
Ravi: Yes, that was by mistake

He applied to Tata Steel and the company didnt shortlist him. However Relaince Communication did.

Interviewer: So Ravi tell me about yourself?
Ravi: Sir I am an engg from IIT Roorkee………………….
Inteterviewer: So Ravi………
Ravi Kumar: ( interrupting) Sir since I have told about myself, now you tell me why i should join your company??

He was selected!!

Dummy is a person who has committed the crime of getting placed very early and not expecting such good luck applied to every company in sight. As the number of people to be placed reduces, to keep the company happy such people who applied but are already placed are sent in. They are supposed to mess up the Group Discussion and in case cant mess up the GD and gets selected to Interview then that as well.

So one early morning after being placed Joseph sat in a GD with 5 other dummies and 2 real candidates. The GD went soemthing like this. Topic: alternate sources of energy

Dummy one: I think it is non conventional energy
real candidates maintain stony silence
Dummy two: I think it is alternate energy
real candidates are still silent, so fianlly one of the dummies types a point on his mobile phones and nudges the candidate to read it
Real candidate: (stuttering and looking out of place): They are eco friendly and should be encouraged
Dummy 1: I agree
Dummy2: I agree
Dummy 3: I agree
Dummy 4 : I agree

The company HR used to fish market and shouting match GDs is perplexed by the peace: I think you people can be aggressive, there is no problem with tht! Let me give you another topic:

Similar discussion happens and thankfully real candidates speak a lot more and are selected for interview!!

As Siddharth was down with fever Vardan was sent in his place. He made a few obtuse points and was staring into the oblivion when he heard the HR calling Siddharth:
HR:: Siddharth, would you tell me the roles you would like?
Vardan: still happy staring at nothingness
HR: Siddharth……..Siddharth
Vardan: ( suddenly realising he is being addressed): yes mam
HR: What roles would you like??
Vardan: (having no idea what Siddharth had applied for):..hmm…something dealing with customers………..

hi folks

Arshad Warsi stands proudly in front of his tours and travels with emblazoned on his T shirt: NOBODY KNOWS I”M A LESBIAN. This is Sunday for you. The humor is “brainy” : Warsi fed up with Takia”s drunkeness tells Irrfan Khan (in Dracula”s get up) to feed on her! Imagine waking up and not remembering anything about the last 24 hours. Taxiwalla saying you owe him Rs 420 and strange people trying to kill you!

Irrfan as a struggling actor is able to generate a lot of laughs in his various getups. Ajay Devgun the “hero” is corrupt and plays the perfect foil for his sidekick to generate earthy humor.

Sunday is a bag of laughs, its actually a series of interconnected gags. There is a bare storyline and most gags stick to it and you can keep your brains close by. Most actors perform well and direction is good but the songs disappoint. Songs are bad not only musically but also choreographically. You wont remember a single one when you walk out of the cinema hall.

hi folks

now i can honestly say that spanish is the spice of life for me ;). In fact when Joseph read my blog he asked Sriram : why have you never featured in the blog?

siriam: well for that I have to attend a class first!

Actually i missed the last class of Spanish so I asked Devika what happened:

Me: Hey i missed the last class, what happened?

Devika:Nothing much he was back to discussing Spanish cutlure, he discussed how heterosexuals are not getting married and homosexuals are fighting for a right to marry

Me: Oh

Devika: Yeah and Teja got concerned that with all the right kind of people not having kids and wrong kinds getting married, there wont be any Spaniards left in a few years!

From Suneil I came to know that we were supposed to submit a review of a movie about spanish culture. It was 12 30pm and the class was at 5 30pm. I had to go out and returned at 3pm.

The plan was: Find out a movie, get its review from rottentomatoes.com, and other info from wikipedia, imdb, collate it and run it through google translater and just write it down. (It was to be a handwritten assignment)

3pm: I am deciding between mask of zorro and legend of zorro: Banderas looked yummy in the latter one but former was so much more fun!

3 30pm: After searching google a bit I decided on the mask of zorro, it has much more stuff available online.

4.00pm: Now I know that Anthony Hopkins had back pain before the movie, the story is set in a time when California was under Mexico

4 30pm: Felt like cursing wikipedia which went on and on about the flowers in baby elena’s (catherine zeta jones) crib. Dammit cant you talk about the swordfights?? and why do people have to use big words like swashbuckling, scintiallting, sarcastic, dynamic, charming??? even if I put these through the translator, the prof would never believe that I wrote it! I have to fluent in Spanish to write like this when I cant speak basic Spanish to save my life!! 

5:00pm: I finally piece together 10 lines and run through google translator, the retranslated it to find out that Zeta Jones had married Hopkins and the villain planned to carry California (rather than buy it). After a lot of fixing, I decide to make a beautiful cover page and then copied the assignment.

5: 25pm: I congratulated myself for having finished in time and decided to check teh mails one time before I left for class and came across this mail:

Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2007 16:16:40 +0530
Subject: Spanish Updates
Hlo ppl!

Regarding the movie review submission, we have to sent in soft copies
(apologies to those I very confidently convinced it was a hard copy). It
HAS to be a movie IN Spanish (Mask of Zorro won’t do unless it was made
in Spanish too). The stuff has to be mailed to sir (anyone’s got the
id?) before the exam.

Cheers!

Devika

PS: I acted on my feelings and went across to Devika’s room and threatened to kill her!

hi folksOne of the major reasons you never see my picture on the blog is because i am a few grams..er…kilograms overweight. So after a lot of wishful thinking i decided to join the gym alongwith Mili. Most of the guys had already joined the gym. Some of the girls we heard had also joined. So we did the tour of the gym and decided to join. Point to remember: Suneil has been gymming for years now and has perfect abs, biceps and whatever…..

Mili: The gym seems to be crowded, do you think the instructor will be able to pay attention to us?
Suneil: Dont worry on that count, hes a total skirt chaser, whether he teaches guys or not, he will definitely pay attention you

So we join, work our bodies out on the first day and then for some reason or the other miss out 15 days flat. So on the 16th day we go to gym. The instructor recognises us
Instructor: So madam, you havent been here for how many days?
Mili: er…15..days
Instructor: you should be regular
Mili: sir we had exams, classes……….
Instructor: you should have informed us, I would have gotten you an off………

Shashank: hey swati what are you doin here?
Me: oh we have also joined gym
Shashank: seriously? since when?
Me: ah…yesterday…….though we came to check some time back
Shashank: Good, good, I heard Nidhi, Komal, Meera and Devi had also joined, but they never returned after the first day
Me: oh we have taken a collective membership, all of us coming for one day each;)

A few days down the line:
Me: I was inciting Teena to force an expensive treat out of you
Suneil: Doesnt matter, I dont have the money to take her out
Me: Shame on you, where does your money go?
Suneil: Oh I need protein supplements, see i weigh 83 kg, so to build the muscle mass I need 160g protein everyday, as I am a vegetarian and an egg has only 3g protein I cant have 50 eggs a day so I need at least 100g supplement and that means that a box lasts only a fortnight.
Me: Gosh, but why do you need to build muscles??
Suneil: Because I lack confidence in my personality! Now dont give me your psychobabble, I like to build muscles and that why I do it! \
Me: There is no use of it!
Suneil: At least this way I can write on my CV that I strive for perfection!
Me: And I can write that I dont need proteins four times a day to feel confident!

When it rains it pours!So I am back with another movie review, that of Goal. For the first time I watched a movie on the day of its release and got my money’s worth from Arshad Warsi’s smile. True John’s dimples are to die for but Warsi holds his own in the movie. He is the leader of the rag tag subcontinental team known as Southall United. He has the leadership role alongwith Boman Irani. John remains a talented brat almost to the end.

Bipasha smiles too, looks pretty and has the worst dialogue delivery possible. She, the physio of the team, tells an injured John that he is sexy, that she would like him to take her out on a date because she is sexy! On second thoughts, maybe the director is responsible for such stupid scenes. But then, she must be the only physio who stares blankly for five minutes before running to help anyone who needs her and still keeps her job!

The movie has some good points. The big hearted sardar, the starry eyed Bnagladeshi, the butcher- goalkeeper, in short a team that is professional but not about football! The emotional bonding is sweet initially and then becomes a drag. The whole gori chamdi- apartheid in sports takes too much time. There are too many factual flaws- Southall Club rises to heights but doesnt get money to paint its bus? Mr Dhariwal is never bothered about once his ashes are strewn on the ground?

Actually if well edited and cut by at least 20 minutes the movie would be good, it would do well at least in multiplexes. The movie has an overdose of drama- why should it take the last match for the father to tell the son about his fervor for the club? We knew John was injured at the end, then why all that drama of him passing out??

Rediff might have pooh poohed the movie, but its a nice timepass if you have the time and company

PS- a review of Om Shanti Om is in the offing, its a movie worth a thousand words. I am trying to write a review worth the movie

hi yes its been a long time so here i am with a mix of reviews of 2 movies i watched recently- dhol with parents and jab we met at college. Within minutes of Dhol you will feel like tossing off your brains somewhere- and wont miss it till the movie ends. Believe me, you will laugh till your sides ache and feel sad while retreiving that brain. Dhol is about four friends who want to get rich quick and a stupid murder mystery they unwittingly get entangled into. Dhol gyaan: get rich quick scheme 1: get a shop, a loan and business will chase you making you rich. But the problem is when you get the shop but loan isnt there how do you get the money? So scheme 2: marry a rich girl! Thus the four friends eye the new girl next door and the roller coaster starts.

The four friends are brothers in arms, so close that they beat each other so often that one wonders if the bad guys had left them alone they would have killed each other! In fact the most interesting thing about the villain was his name- Zicomo. To the best of my knowledge it seems to be an alloy of Zinc cobalt and Molybdenum rather than a villains name!

Jab we met was fun and promised a lot, the kareena was sweet and i didnt mind losing my heart to shahid”s smile She looks good, talks non-stop and acts crazy! He looks serious at the start, confused and amused thereafter. She belongs to a big fat punjabi family and his is a broken one and her family more than makes up for it. Dara Singh as the grandad hams through his pearls of wisdom “main ladka ladki ki shakal dekh kar bata sakta hoon ki unke beech kya chal raha hai“  (by looking at the boy and girl’s face i can tell teh relationship between the two). Thanks good ness that there is no overdose of sweet kiddy types. However the two kisses are sizzling especially the second one- which drew in a lot of whistles, what else to expect from a room full of college guys??

he folks
I know i keep talking spanish, but its so entertaining………………..
this time around we were given a bunch of business letters in spanish and asked to translate. Submission was to be handwritten and accomplished individually. The letters were so tough that the brightest spark of the class Suneil also had a tough time even using google translator.
Anyway the assignments were submitted and sure enough the prof started to read them.
“Mr Ashish and Kartik please take it back………….I told you not to collaborate!” and so nearly 60% of the class got it back.

Then he picked Prashant’s letter and started reading……..
Ms so and so…………we have not yet received the consignment of general that you have sent. since the ship carrying the general has not reached us as yet, we do not think we will be able to sell the general this season….so kindly provide a 30% discount on the general………thanking you

Mr Prashant it seems that the google translator doenst know that the word generos means goods as well as general!!