This has got to be one of the cleverest emails I’ve received in a while.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:
FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET’S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Bet your friends haven’t seen this one!!!
DON’T FORGET TO SHARE THIS
_____________________
**************
Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
Words RE Arranged….
Posted in Writing.
– March 7, 2008
Figuring Out Computers………and Stuff…
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”
A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computadora”), be cause:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)……………………………
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (”el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won..!!!.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
PS And you thought I was SEXIST…..Pshaaah..!!!
Posted in Technical.
– January 21, 2008
Who’s Da BOSS…?!
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.
“I should be in charge,” said the brain ,
“Because I run all the body’s systems,
so without me nothing would happen.”
“I should be in charge,” said the blood ,
“Because I circulate oxygen all over
so without me you’d all waste away.”
“I should be in charge,” said the stomach,”
Because I process food and give
all of you energy.”
“I should be in charge,” said the legs,
“because I carry the body wherever
it needs to go.”
“I should be in charge,” said theeyes,
“Because I allow the body to see
where it goes.”
“I should be in charge,” said the! rectum,
“Because I’m responsible for
waste removal.”
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
And insulted him, so in a huff,
he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood Was toxic.
They all decided that the
rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge !!
If you don’t send this to at least 8 people….
no one will give a poop
Posted in Blogs.
– December 11, 2007
Good, Bad, Worse
14:24 | 20/Oct/2007
Good, Bad, Worse
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A ;few ;chuckles ;for SUNDAY///
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Good: You and your spouse agree, no more kids.
Bad: The birth control pills are missing.
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You’re in them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Good: Your son’s finally maturing.
Bad: He is involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.
Good: You teach your daughter about the birds and the
bees.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.
Good: Your wife’s not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^666666666
N-JOY!
Posted in Blogs.
– October 20, 2007
LAW Student Vs Professor-
Good Joke!!!! Student Vs Professor
After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes
and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give
me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do
not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. ”
Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither
logical, nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the
student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same
question.
He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year
old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover,
which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an
“A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”
Posted in Blogs.
– August 17, 2007
Tale of Parrots…
> >>A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a
> >>problem.
> >>I have two female talking
> >>parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they
> >>say?”
> >>the priest inquired. “They only
> >>know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. ‘Want to have some fun?’”
> >>”That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to
> >>your problem. Bring your two female
> >>parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male
> >>talking
> >>parrots whom I taught to pray
> >>and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
>
> >>saying
> >>that terrible phrase and your
> >>female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
> >>”Thank you!” the woman responded.
> >>The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s
> >>house. His two male parrots are
> >>holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her
> >>two
> >>female parrots in with the male
> >>parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to
> >>have some fun?” One male parrot
> >>looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Chuck the beads
> >>away dud Our prayers have
>been
> >>answered!”
Posted in Blogs.
– July 23, 2007
Astrological Prayers.
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience… and could you do it right now?
Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.
Gemini
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?
Cancer
Dear God!!!
Leo
Yes?
Virgo
Dear God, please make us perfect and don’t mess it up like You did the last time.
Libra
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?
Scorpio
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don’t deserve it!
Sagittarius
Dear Lord, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.
Capricorn
Dear God! I’d like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!
Aquarius
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridi culous!!
Pisces
Dear Lord, as long as I’m going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.*****************************************************************
Posted in Blogs.
– June 17, 2007
THESE SMART SOUTHIES!!
Hi Folks!
A joke *ing South Indians…..in the US; though I may be headed there…..But read on…………….
Jokes THESE SMART SOUTHIES!! Hero.. Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam .
Here is a joke about a South Indian boy on his first day at school in the USA.
It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subramanyam entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said “Give meLiberty, or give me Death”?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775″ he said.
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775″ he said.
“Very good!” Who said “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?” Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. “Abraham Lincoln,1863″ said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.” She heard a loud whisper: “F**k the Indians,” >”Who said that?” she demanded. Chandrashekhar put his hand up. “General Custer, 1862.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares around and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Chandrashekhar says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? S*ck this!”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? S*ck this!”
Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re f**ked!” And Chandrashekhar said quietly, “George Bush, Iraq, 2005.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re f**ked!” And Chandrashekhar said quietly, “George Bush, Iraq, 2005.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted in Blogs.
– May 25, 2007
UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT
|
Posted in Blogs.
– April 2, 2007
Christian Wisdom
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
- They moused.
- They faxed.
- They E-mailed.
- They E-mailed with attachments.
- They downloaded.
- They did spreadsheets!
- They wrote reports.
- They created labels and cards.
- They created charts and graphs.
- They did some genealogy reports.
- They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: “It’s gone! It’s all GONE! “I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”
God just shrugged and said, “JESUS SAVES”
Posted in Philosophy.
– March 26, 2007
