A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “go to hell”
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
ROMANTIC Rhymes!
Posted in Poetry.
– March 17, 2007
The Power of Branding
You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, “Hi, I’m great in bed, how about it?”. That’s Direct Marketing. You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says “Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?”. That’s advertising. You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?” That’s Tele-Marketing. You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?”. You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. That’s Hard Selling. You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, “Hi, I hear you’re great in bed, how about it?” Now THAT is the power of Branding!
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Posted in Blogs.
– March 8, 2007
Computerised Medical Test
- One day, Pete complained to his friend- “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”
His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00.”
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter is gettin’ screwed by three guys at the same time and has urinary infection. Put her on antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And bastard,….. if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better !!!!!
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Posted in Blogs.
– February 27, 2007
