I’m writing in after a looooooong time now. I’m a bit sad today. Its one of those introspective-retrospective moody days. Its one of those days when you feel like running a marathon..a bit like Forrest Gump. Run for your life, run as much as you can till every muscle of your body just wants to lie down and sleep. Perhaps your legs are the best venting machine possible. I dont know about other 22yr old girls, but i wonder whether it is the age when you crave for a taste of freedom from the clutches of your family, which you really cannot loosen, even if they allow you to. Its very confusing. I dont want to let go of my family; I’m very insecure about them being alone and all. That explains why I dont want to get married as well. Yet, at times I feel let down by those two people who made me what I am. Or did they? Come to think of it, to a certain extent they did. They gave me the circumstances which made me what I am, and what I am is what I chose to be or to react in those circumstances. They know me completely, and perhaps like Tom Cruise said, they complete me.

Yet at times I wish I was on my own, made my own decisions, and got a chance to prove my responsibility towards them. This is what happened in my sister’s case, and I can see history repeating itself.

Its so confusing…its one of those days when your head is jammed, and you want to hit it against the nearest wall, let all that kachra tumble out of your brain machine, grease it a bit, and set it right.

I have faith in God…a very firm faith, that carries me through all the troubles I have faced in life. It gives me strength, and allows me to give strength to those around me. I dont know if theres a four-handed and five-legged God sitting up there smiling mercifully at poor me, but I definately know that my prayers give me strength, whether or not they are answered. and i know they wont let me down.