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Drunk Superman

Drunk Superman



A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. “Magic Beer”.he says .


She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, “That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?


“Yes”, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.


The lady can’t believe it: “I bet you can’t do that again.” He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer so the guy says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.” She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer,jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.



The bartender looks up at the guy and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’re drunk.



Some Great Rules



If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.


For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


He who hesitates is probably right.


Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.


No one is listening until you make a mistake.


Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.


The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.



The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.



To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.



Two wrongs are only the beginning.


Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.


You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is: You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)


The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.


The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up. (Project Management at its best).

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3 Great lessons for Life…..

3 Great lessons of life……! We learn a lot through our experiences in life. The following 3 examples of TURTLES, FROGS and THE PRETTY LADY teach us some lesson. Enjoy reading the same and do ponder over them.



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The Turtles
A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!



For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.



Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years…six years… then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, ‘See! I knew you wouldn’t wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.’



[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves.]



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The Frogs



A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, ‘There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!’



So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, ‘Well… where are all the frogs?’ The farmer said, ‘I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!’



[ Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.]



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The Pretty Lady



Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn’t cross the river.
The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. ‘How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?’ thought the little monk. But he kept quiet… The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily.



When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.
Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. ‘How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, ‘I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?’



[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.

Posted in Philosophy.

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Shubh Navratri

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Shubh Ganesh Chaturthi

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Strength of man and Beauty of woman




It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.


The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.

It is in the gentle words he whispers.


The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.

It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.


The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.

It is in how respected he is at home.


The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits..It is in how tender he touches.


The strength of a man isn’t how many women he’s Loved by.It is in can he be true to one woman.


The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome..

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a womanIs not in the clothes she wears,The figure she carries,Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a womanMust be seen from her eyes,Because that is the doorway to her heart,The place where love resides.

The beauty of a womanIs not in a facial mole,But true beauty in a womanIs reflected in her soul.It is the caring that she lovingly gives,The passion that she shows,The beauty of a womanWith passing years-only grows.



Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man

Posted in Strength.

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Happy Independence Day

Posted in independence day.

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Happy Janmashtami……..

Wishing all my iland frds a very happy and blessed Janmashtami

Posted in Festival.

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Laugh a little: Kanjibhai Special

KANJIBHAI on Parenting



Kanjibhai says - Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.



Kanjibhai says - - It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.



Kanjibhai says - - It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.



Kanjibhai says - - Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.



Kanjibhai says - - Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.



Kanjibhai says - - One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.



Kanjibhai says - - You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.



Kanjibhai says - - Vacations is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. HAAAA



Kanjibhai says - - There are three ways to get things done:
1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it.



Kanjibhai says - - There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.



Kanjibhai says - - Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.



Kanjibhai says - - The best thing to spend on your children is time.



You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.



Worrying is like being in a rocking chair,It gives you something to do but does not get you anywhere.



When I pray, God either changes the circumstances or me.



The fragrance remains in the hand that gave the rose.







Kanjibhai buys ORGANIC vegetables



Rupaben asked Kanjibhai to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market because that’s the new trend.


Kanjibhai went and looked around and couldn’t find any around the street market.


So Kanjibhai grabbed an old, tired looking bhaiya and said,
“These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”


“The bhaiya looked at Kanjibhai and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”




Kanjibhai plays gambling



A maharaj, a sadhu , and Kanjibhai were playing makta cards ( gambling ) when the police raided the game. Turning to the maharaj, the lead police officer said, “Maharaji , were you playing Makta ?”


Turning his eyes to heaven, the maharaj whispered, “Vishnu , forgive me for what I am about to do. “To the police officer, he then said, “No, officer; I was not gambling.”


The officer then asked the sadhu , “Sadhuji , were you playing cards ?”


Again, after an appeal to heaven, the sadhu replied, “No, officer; I was not playing cards .”


Turning to Kanjibhai , the officer again asked, “Kanjibhai , were you gambling?”


Shrugging his shoulders, Kanjibhai replied, “With whom ?”

Posted in laugh.

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Kinds of sex…

Kinds Of Sex



Results of a recent research show that there are 7 kinds of sexual intercourse

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex

* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you.”

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And, last, but
not least:


The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.

* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

Posted in Sex.

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Astrological knowledge……..

Are You a Perfect Match?

ARIES


Perfect Partners: Leo, Sagittarius


Nearly Perfect Partners: Gemini, Aquarius


Like Minded Souls: Aries


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Virgo, Scorpio


Learn From Your Differences: Pisces, Taurus


Not Your Destiny: Cancer, Capricorn


Astrological Hell: Libra

TAURUS


Perfect Partners: Virgo, Capricorn


Nearly Perfect Partners: Cancer, Pisces


Like Minded Souls: Taurus


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Libra, Sagittarius


Learn From Your Differences: Aries, Gemini


Not Your Destiny: Leo, Aquarius


Astrological Hell: Scorpio

GEMINI


Perfect Partners: Libra, Aquarius


Nearly Perfect Partners: Aries, Leo


Like Minded Souls: Gemini


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Scorpio, Capricorn


Learn From Your Differences: Taurus, Cancer


Not Your Destiny: Virgo, Pisces


Astrological Hell: Sagittarius

CANCER


Perfect Partners: Scorpio, Pisces


Nearly Perfect Partners: Taurus, Virgo


Like Minded Souls: Cancer


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Sagittarius, Aquarius


Learn From Your Differences: Gemini, Leo


Not Your Destiny: Aries, Libra


Astrological Hell: Capricorn

LEO


Perfect Partners: Aries, Sagittarius


Nearly Perfect Partners: Gemini, Libra


Like Minded Souls: Leo


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Capricorn, Pisces


Learn From Your Differences: Cancer, Virgo


Not Your Destiny: Scorpio, Taurus


Astrological Hell: Aquarius

VIRGO


Perfect Partners: Taurus, Capricorn


Nearly Perfect Partners: Cancer, Scorpio


Like Minded Souls: Virgo


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Aries, Aquarius


Learn From Your Differences: Leo, Libra


Not Your Destiny: Gemini, Sagittarius


Astrological Hell: Pisces

LIBRA


Perfect Partners: Gemini, Aquarius


Nearly Perfect Partners: Leo, Sagittarius


Like Minded Souls: Libra


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Taurus, Pisces


Learn From Your Differences: Virgo, Scorpio


Not Your Destiny: Cancer, Capricorn


Astrological Hell: Aries

SCORPIO


Perfect Partners: Cancer, Pisces


Nearly Perfect Partners: Virgo, Capricorn


Like Minded Souls: Scorpio


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Aries, Gemini


Learn From Your Differences: Libra, Sagittarius


Not Your Destiny: Leo, Aquarius


Astrological Hell: Taurus


SAGITTARIUS


Perfect Partners: Aries, Leo


Nearly Perfect Partners: Libra, Aquarius


Like Minded Souls: Sagittarius


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Taurus, Cancer


Learn From Your Differences: Scorpio, Capricorn


Not Your Destiny: Virgo, Pisces


Astrological Hell: Gemini

CAPRICORN


Perfect Partners: Taurus, Virgo


Nearly Perfect Partners: Scorpio, Pisces


Like Minded Souls: Capricorn


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Gemini, Leo


Learn From Your Differences: Sagittarius, Aquarius


Not Your Destiny: Aries, Libra
Astrological Hell: Cancer


AQUARIUS


Perfect Partners: Gemini, Libra


Nearly Perfect Partners: Aries, Sagittarius


Like Minded Souls: Aquarius


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Cancer, Virgo


Learn From Your Differences: Capricorn, Pisces


Not Your Destiny: Taurus, Scorpio


Astrological Hell: Leo

PISCES


Perfect Partners: Cancer, Scorpio


Nearly Perfect Partners: Taurus, Capricorn


Like Minded Souls: Pisces


Opposites You’re Attracted To: Leo, Libra


Learn From Your Differences: Aries, Aquarius


Not Your Destiny: Gemini, Sagittarius


Astrological Hell: Virgo


———————————————————————————————
Which month were you born in? I was born in May

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.


FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.




MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Sensitive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Aggressive when provoked. Sensitive to others. Loves to help others. Not easily angered. Trustworthy. Defends others. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Varied interests. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Strong belief system. Hasty in trusting others. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Depends on friends. Loves special things. Moody and easily hurt. A giving lover. Very loyal. Deep Thinker. Feels deeply. A romantic. Loves to be loved. Thrifty. Loves down time alone.




APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.




MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.




JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.




JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting ! problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.




AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .


SEPTEMBER :Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.




OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.




NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable




DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

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