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Lunatic Fantasy-1

The dimensions of insanity are always virtuous! Is it tough to believe? Thought so…but what you will make out of it i.e., this piece which might appear very fancy but at its core, it will be hollow…and barren… (Hello..!!! Which it is not!)
But nevertheless, there is a chance of one getting impressed with abstract! The first sign of insanity?! Then please define me sanity!
Firstly, I won't be convinced. Secondly, even if you manage to make an almost negligible mark. Then, Sorry, I don’t remember having such a useless thing like sanity, in the first place. Hold on, hold on, Please don’t speak… it would spoil the illusion I have that makes you intelligent! After all, you all are perceived intelligent in the worldly view, whereas I am just trapped in the cage!
Because, the doctors say, I have been put into the right place!

But then, why am I blabbering? Simple…look at me! I crave attention! Indeed, I am insane…and indeed they are right! They say, I go through the bouts of hallucination. Thinking about the things, which don't exist? But then, I can claim, I am creative, because, only people without imagination escape into reality!
"I just had a mischievous grin on my face."

another thought which striked me, If I start caring what people thought I’d never let go of my space…though, now that I am thinking to think about it, it’s a very nice option. Isn't it? Should I attempt caring? Let me give it a try from tomorrow!

I’m a freak in my own mind. Hehe. That sentence is so catchy. If my doctor reads it, he will do two things- will enroll me at Oxford and publish this line in his own name. I know him, the Rascal. Not rascal, rather bastard! He shaved me top to bottom! I miss my hair. They say, hairy male have more sex appeal. But now, no female inmates would develop a fancy for me! Jealous morons.!

No one ever told me the exact reason, of why am I here!? They say, I had lost my mental balance. I was becoming more of social menace!

I used to believe in the things, which people found unreasonable and impractical! Look, I can so clearly talk about the things which were said about me and still they say, I am insane! The fact is, I am talking all these after receiving electric shocks! Am I still insane?

Oh, wait…two tear drops came out of my empty sockets! Let me rub my nose! Oops, it's looking so colourful…totally red…pink and orange! Giggles! :))..Yeah, that sign is good. It conveys my giggle very accurately.

Doctor also said me that people no longer identify with my feelings, my thought process! But, what befalls the flawless? Why should I mould myself in other’s desired shape? Isn't it said that, wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are? They, themselves did not believe it! I have a LIFE! You moron, it is in capital letter. Don't you get it? LIFE. I did just one different thing, whenever life gave me lemons; I squeezed them in people’s eyes and ran.! Was it a crime? In fact, they should have thanked me for showing them a wonderful use of lemons. But no, I am put behind this bird’s ass size cage. Filthy freaks!

They think, they are very smart. Smart, my foot! All of them are negative. Sadist. Why don't they understand, if they are going to be negative, they should keep it to themselves! Go, Wallow in your self pity in the freaking closet, where no one can see and no one will provide you a fake sympathy!
I cry, you also cry and that way, we both will achieve a sense of gratification. Oh, crap! My nose is running again! Where is my tissue paper!

For me, hell's a party and I’m on the list. The numero uno invitee. GRIN. :)). I am living my own life, for I will die my own death. By the way, why do people have to die? What purpose this inevitability serves? Oh, yes…To make life important. Tell me, how an officially declared insane person can come up with such answers! I guess, my higher education paid it off.

Please, please, make my doctor understand, I am insane because, otherwise I won't survive in the outer world. This is not a matter of chance, but, rather choice.
It's a long struggle to pick up the forgotten pieces of my existence. I don't get the solitude in this asylum, when my mind used to feel like going to all those confusing roads! I miss those moments!

They are shouting at me for why am I keeping lights on at this late hour! Let me go to bed with my running nose and loose pants. They say, even if I wear nothing, it won't make a difference! In response, I try to keep mum because, I tend to become homicidal when people try to reason with me!
I guess, I am embodiment of their darkest fears, boiling their blood in grains of poison…and that poison is being gifted to me as of now!
I am going to sleep with my eyes open and a lovely heart but forever spoiled mood! They say, moods have no loyalty but still it should be heard! But they won't! I know!

*******************************************************************
A page from a so called insane’s personal belongings, found dead and buried in the mental asylum!

Posted in Writing.

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The Heart’s Opera..

Slowly,
The wind, calls my name…
Desolated world is silenced,
And sky looks despondent
And I jumped wearily off the forbidden couch
Of life past and elapsed present!

Why am I bleeding?
Why you repressed in my blood,
Why you doused it?
Or am I just singing my heart’s content?
Painted in the teardrops,
The bit of life inside me, unfolding,
Before my organic decaying matter!

My hands of blood,
Seen holding the cross of
Pink hearts and stars
In the fading light of the half-lit moon,
Probably few dimensions of love don't come true!
Yet judging me unfairly,
Because I brought forth my dreams to reality…

The turn is still, as I pass,
Broken,
So the bleeding words could be read,
In the moratorium of
Home, work, love and hate
Guess, we made up lives
Because reality is stained,
And I see myself not being myself,
Just a reflection of the stranger
I have become to me!

It is done,
And my heart pained me so.
Setting my evil ways a flying,
Am I engineering my own mythology?
Or just a game of fake blood architecture…
And Slowly
The wind of life,
Cries with me…

Posted in Poetry.

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Poet & Prostitute-5

Breaking the cacophony of silence, a petite shadow emerges out from the ram shacked place. Radiant smile, firm posture depicting her well carved flesh and bones. One can't ignore Stella. Seeing her, it gives a feeling that her soul, her spirit is truly manifested through her body. She looks as though she is floating…Flowing hair, eyes still, a mocking resemblance of a dam holding gallons of waters, toned up body, reminiscent of an eternal virgin and yet making the onlookers feel as she is not aware of it! Or rather, she deserved to possess all these virtues!

No one could actually gauge the actual reasons behind her working in that place.old, broken people with looks displaying a lifetime of unfulfilled dreams. Stella is trying to ease the pain in her own silent way. She is a companion to all but her companions….??!!

Her Diary bloating with random emotions was privy to some of the most unguarded moments and lexis…

“People find it weird, leaving my best lover and working here anonymously. I Am Addicted to This Perceived Fate. You don’t really have to support the reason as to why I left. I had a cause. I needed to fight the demons, the ever so shining presence in my life. Childhood trauma, forced occupation and the bliss of unmatchable proportion. Can't you Support me so that I can come home to my despaired soul-mate? It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. I faced the rain, relished the flick of sunshine and preparing myself for the eternal sunshine by enduring the prolonged rain.”

The red cover of diary was witnessing the words inked with black and emotions of white. Diary had its aura of taking it all, even the sense of understanding the words.

“I still want to drown myself in his arms and die in your lips. The closer I am to the Light, the greater my Shadow becomes. And I don't find any reason to not to accept that. Probably my husband was the light, I always craved for. My poet was a real artist! He was an artist of emotions. Overworked, underpaid, and starving. Whereas I am actually a standalone character, so I don’t actually have too many collections which I’m aware of. But the concept of managing natural phenomena does intrigue me, so this kind of stuff is likely to reappear in some other standalone character’s life as well. Will I be misunderstood again if I walk with velvet feet and make no sound at all? Can't I sit in the doorway at night to watch the darkness and face its full might?

What I am trying is to be aware of what remains hidden in the day. For it may harm the unwary. Life's no fun without a good scare and I want my lover to realize this.”

“If he has loved me truly, it will suvive…Buildings burn…People die. And yet the real love lives forever.” Humans used to scare me. He changed that. He made me fall in love with humans and their fragile emotions. I never realized everything can be drawn. Even things that can’t.untill he came in my life.”

“Just a Flick of his thin Wrist, A nonchalant Wave Of The shapely Hand, he helped me Dismissing the World in a One Night Stand. My wedding night. Was I expecting anything more than that? Won't it suffice, if I achieved the designation of a wife and made love in the capacity of my husband’s better half? Will it be a sin if I confess the dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had…?"

Diary had numerous such scribbling which no human being could ever witness. What to make of diary’s destiny? All it can do it to absorb the said and felt. It also carries few marks of dry tears for unknown fears. It was sitting blank as Stella was feeling nausea and had a bout of puking. So in a moment of recollecting its experience .

It kept wondering, Why Do We Have To Lose Out To A Memory?” almost always. Diary wished it could convey its feelings to Stella that ‘you’ve always been A Great Piece of Draw. A Perfect Poem That no Poet got yet to write..!! Or just a moment, someone tried to but couldn't complete?’

The daily chores and overflowing emotions was making Stella tired. She signs off…
“Loneliness is a widely understood thing. Yet greatly misunderstood. The puzzle will be cleared soon. May Life take you hard, and Death takes me easy. Our meeting again is inevitable. In flesh.

If not so, then, who will stop me from seeing you at the cemetery, and then we’ll be reunite again. But that is the last resort. Before that, a thousand things will happen. I have to say I’m favoring this other than the reason that it’s good. Its rationale.

 I am hoping for the best, just hope that nothing happens, a thousand clever lines, unread, on blurred pages of my diary and choked heart. I know you won’t ever ask if I don’t ever tell you. I know you better enough to know, confess and boast that you always loved me and I loved you back.

From dust I was, to dust I'll fall…
And the end will justify the means…

Posted in Writing.

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Voyage To NeverLand…

As the weather turned insane
And the emotions abruptly unfold
Gazes the Pharaoh,
Into a sea of sand.
A day passed, an hour gone,
Bleeding the dust of self
The hollow of my hand…

Wearing a crown of red,
And the eyes drooping low,
Floated the Nile,
Watching over me,
The mirror blinked in disbelief
But the feelings gathered truth

The solitude of sound
The narcissism of life abound,
The Nile floods whispered
Into the heart of a raving soil
Beaming a smile to confrontation.

My world began
Where it had left off,
Tripping in the wind,
Caressing the fire of baptism,
In hidden tombs of Pharaoh,
And reaping the fields
Above the grave of alive,
The time continues to hold the names…

I hear the symphony of lonely ocean,
As the Sphinx guards gates of desert
Surround my passage into the sky
With the wide angle lens of your cursed eyes
The candle wax will born again
To kiss the darkness…
Till then…I will be quiet in the times ahead
Being a prisoner of self in the realms of delusion…

**************************************************************
What words we do not hear, don't mean that they were not said.!!!

Posted in Poetry.

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Ankahi..Ansuni..

kuch taaro ko tod ke
apne soone aangan mein
piro pata toh baat kuch aur hoti..

lamha lamha zindagi machalti rahi
katra katra saans sulagti rahi

uss aadhe chaand ki chandni
ko apne puraane kamre ki
deewaaro mein saja pata
toh baat kuch aur hoti..

jarra jarra sapne bikharte gaye
katra katra jaan jaati rahi

unn khilti bel ki lapto
se apne dhehte gharaunde
ko baandh paata toh baat kuch aur hoti..

sehma sehma daaman taar-taar hota raha
katra katra jehan daagdaar hota raha

shayad apne jeene ki kuch
chuninda wajho.n ko
sapno ka manjar dikha paata
toh baat kuch aur hoti..

bikhre bikhre aanshu saath chodte rahe
katra katra aankhein nam hoti rahi
katra katra jeene ki wajah kam hoti rahi…

Posted in Poetry.

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The Plight Of Pathfinder

As time passes the night away
I realize to repair the shattered pieces
Written upon the wind,
But for the curse of black rays
Beneath the mighty silent roar
………………………………..
Cobwebs of thoughts pour upon my soul

For the demi-god inside me,
Who would demand,
That I inside me speak
And the future listens
As certain sounds have its own tempo
……………………………….
The past has been unkind to heroes

The palm tops gathered the heat of waves
And the tide pools infested,
The soul is colored in shades of
Pink, white, red and black
And the strange eyes blinked…and missed
………………………………..
Beauty did not believe and beast did not care

Winds started spreading the tales
Which could never be heard
The aura caressed the voice of enigma,
Bodies poured from the shadows of the cliffs,
And the titanic was found in motion
…………………………………
Lost souls stuck within the middle of Heaven and hell


Black, fluttering clouds await,
Before the striking of the storm
And I am my own receiver,
I am my own retriever,
I am becoming my vital mass
I am a token of my own substitution ..
………………………………….
I consumed myself in the dream of my reality

Posted in Poetry.

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A Tale Twice Told..

 

Flashback!

Life was all rosy
Till few days back !!

Ok! Stop!
Past is all gone!

Circa now!

A screeching halt!
Plans were shattered
Dreams all lost
Lonely, hollow feelings
Crept upon me!
The sun was eclipsed
And the rays were damned

I feel trapped
In the subway of silence
Body uncomfortably numb
And mind torn apart

What to make of
My waiting eyes!
Open arms!
And the..
Journey unfinished!
Dreams unrealized
Hope unfulfilled!
life not lived!!

I am shedding the tears of blood!
But you are welcome
To cherish
The bleeding opera of my heart's content
Not to forget!!
Yet I am creeping along!

————-

Circa Future..
Will Be Coming Soon!!

Posted in Poetry.

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Poet & Prostitute-4

Time and again, I am forced to conclude that writing revels itself in solitude.
Circumstantial evidence?

its when you cut yourselves out from humanity, stopping all modes of communication, does the flow of your innermost feelings come out in its most natural form.primarily,when you write, your first communication is with yourself. Talking to your being, the unspeakable, the greatly non-understandable yet screaming to be heard and share in a tell all mode. 

Should I admit, whenever I write I feel irritated, grouchy and solemn? But that's when I express myself the best. That's the strange world of writer.
And pain is often the most overused theme of such write ups.but it's a pleasure to express your pain. Probably pain ends when you continuously endure suffering.

My friend, the poet, told me that, so many difficulties have reined on him that he has stopped suffering.isnt it incredulous? Thinking of it, now it's like, whenever I don't see any apparent difficulty, I wonder what's wrong with my natural cycle of life. Its tough to fathom a life without difficulties.life, all of a sudden, seems meaningless.

Aah! That added spice of difficulties which adds flavour to daily chores.

probably, the day God created the intangible of pain; He didn’t do another thing except sit down and smile

I doubted, but poet insisted, Walk in my shoes, Hurt your Feet, then know why I do dirt in the street. Metaphorical? Not exactly! It does make sense.

He felt so used to pain that he occasionally did not realize the transition of pain into pleasure. The process itself was something to die for! Once you get into that groove of suffering your life keeps on dancing. And yes, that dance does not differentiate between salsa and mambo.
 I guess, he is yet to overcome the momentary departure of Stella. What was expected to be a sooner than later return of her’s, had prolonged into some eternity. The pre-mature wrinkles on his face said it all.

I would rather be a free man in my grave than live as a puppet or a slave! He exclaimed! But…for few of those days…and few of those memories and the best night of unadulterated passion!

I sat watching, helplessly! Although, I was less than amused when she left away abruptly and yet in a defining manner of few unsaid realities of life!

He blabbered,
Life is a fleeting chance. Try not to screw it up.
She didn’t!
If you find it difficult to digest then Read what I mean, not what I write.
I wanted to take her hand and walk through my dreams and while saying this he was swathed in sorrow, as if born within its mask.

Take this life. I’m right here. Stay a while and breathe me in but I never knew, that ‘while’ would be just an unforgettable night. But always the summers are slipping away, the winter creeps in and I could never witness the blooms of spring.

 I didn't choose the road less traveled, otherwise I would have wondered where the hell am I?? But my road was paved with patience and love which had yet to manifest itself in its complete potential.
 He was moaning and with his each moan, I felt a tinge of nostalgia in my pierced heart.

Where sins were once
Not of my own, not of her deeds,
But God had never planned to save our soul…
And I waited eternally,
Standing in an ocean sun.
I dream and I sob,
And I began to hate myself
For the things that I have done
For the things that I should have done,
Standing
On an ocean beach!
In the maze of wonderland
Which could never be mine?

 I told you Na, pain brings out the best! And the poet was no exception.
Tears streaming down incessantly from poet’s dry eyes.

What I am going trough,
What I am trying to go through,
That I am not trying to tell you anything,
You didn't know when you woke up today,
And you wouldn’t know when you wake up tomorrow!”

He gave me a new lesson.
Pain often craves for evil. To come, to perform, to establish its authority. Not that evil is always undesirable. But,

"Evil is a concept most don’t understand; we don’t do things because we are bad people, we just don’t know of anything else."
And that's where evil sneaks in with hushed whispers and deeds of insurmountable magnitude.

"Dark and beautiful, Stella, the angel with the skull instead of the face is my object of desire, my object of passion, my object of love, my object of hatred and Stella, my woman is my object of sunshine in ethereal darkness."

Poet could not have said it better. And I could not have understood less.
I asked, she has hurt you! How can you still love her?
Poet gave me an enigmatic tearful smile! I will recite you a quote…
“There are only 4 questions of value: What is sacred? Of what is the soul made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. You know it?”

Its only Stella.

My life was a destined conflict between light and darkness. The dictate of the Light used to say, ‘Know yourself and who you are!’ whereas the spirit of dark replied, ‘By all means, but then become afraid!’”

Stella did both.silently.prophetically.
poet said,
If I could just laugh every time I am supposed to cry, I could have made world a happier place. Let me pick up the pieces of an old life? How to you go on? When in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back or there is?! Who knows! There are some pains that time cannot mend. Some emotions go too deep, enveloping your vague existence…!

“What great prose might be?
Into the sea of chambers,
And sky of silence,
And history listens,
And people wail!”

 Well, I will not. I wish, I could say something to poet, my friend. But let me be silent.
As poet said,"If you find it difficult to digest then Read what I mean, not what I write."

Posted in Personal.

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Thode se naasoor..


chala tha chun ne saagar se do moti..
bas, kuch khaali seep ke tukde haatho mein chubh ke reh gaye..

chala tha jodne kuch bikhre aashiyano ki kawayad ko..
bas, kuch tinko ki ranjish haath aayi..

chala tha silne kuch phatey paiband ki numaish ko..
bas, bache khuche libaas ki nishaani reh gayi..

chala tha us toot-te sitaare ko thaamne ko..
bas,kuch bujhti roshni aur jalte zakhm reh gaye..

chala tha mitaane pyaas uss sisakte armaa.n ki..
bas,kuch paak badduao.n ki yaadein reh gayi..

ruka hoon aaj,kuch mayyato.n ko thaame hue..
bas,kuch aur laasho.n ki aarjoo reh gayi..!

Posted in Poetry.

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Virtuous Infidelity..

As trembling fingers touch the keyboard
One last time,
As the hands of the clock tick away into
Maze of oblivion,
The cold, fish smelled water of the river,
Lurking beneath the silhouette…

The reeds of life float
Into the speaking waters
As the weather trembled,
So did the human emotions…

Skipping the spaces, acting faster,
Wanting the relief of
Some kind of solved puzzles,
Amidst the sins of
Mysterious River greeting desert sand,
Human emotions suddenly unfolded…

Tasted the water,
And splashed the unnamed fun,
As dazed temptation weighed heavily
Upon the being,
When it began to exhale
In the veiled lust of
Thousands of souls…

Delight in the freedom of nature’s offer,
Run amok into the distance of the sun.
Doing it, will feel right,
Hear the smell coming at your hungry soul
See it, sense it, discern it…

Purge the river of fake purity,
For your cherished dreams got mixed in,
With your suppressed libido pouring upon the society!
Don't you want something new?
As everything is there,
In the bowl of few forbidden wish…

For The night awakened with a
Brew of flesh and skin,
And the mid-day sky of dancing stars' dreams
Fantasies of infidelity!
Reread what was written,
To reach the heaven and verse the land,
And pour the bodies in
The shadows of the eternally insatiate!
As the poet dreams,
Of life, lust, desire and infidelity
And writes upon destiny…
While wondering in awe of its sense…

Posted in Poetry.

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