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management lessons

Management lessons no business school can teach……
Lesson No.1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson No.2
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.
“They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson No.3
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”

The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the  asshole being the Boss.
So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson:
You don’t need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
Lesson No.4
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began
to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

 

Posted in Business.

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What Would You Do…….

Imagine this …

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s
raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you
see three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading…

 

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?



….

…..

….

….



He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and
wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”

If you want something you never had,

do something you have never done ! !

 

Cheers….

 

Posted in Fantasy.

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Protect your Password

A flood of passwords for everything from e-mail accounts to PIN numbers to customer IDs for online purchases has most computer users engaged in a never-ending memory game. Result: many a times to escape the nightmare of forgetting our passwords, many of us end up going for simple easy-to-remember passwords.

Remember, while easy passwords leave little room for forgetting, they leave a lot of scope for tinkering by cyber hackers. With Net becoming an important repository of our personal information both financial and otherwise, the stakes can be high if the same is tampered with.

So, how can you make sure that your passwords are secure? Here are few simple tips. But before we get on to them remember: Passwords shouldn’t be so cryptic that you forget them. But they need to be secure enough to protect your documents. So a good password has to be easy enough to remember but remain too tough to guess.

"The more varied the combination, the greater the security," says Andreas Selle, a Munich-based computer programmer who develops password software.

A must No's are your spouse’s or child’s name or birthday. They are most easy to figure out. One they can be easily guessed by those known to you. Also, decryption software makes such words easy for hackers to figure out.

Try using some mixed combos that can secure your documents. Take a word or a phrase and remove all the vowels from it for example “I love pizza” becomes “lepzz”.

Another smart way to develop a secure password is to combine small words to make a single password. For example, you can use “yesnomay”. And, to make it more safe capitalise the first letter of the different words.

An easy trick to remember your password is to mix words. Choose two of your favourite words and combine their letters to create your password. For example: love & game. Password would be 'lgoavmee'

Length is a huge advantage to memorise your password. Phrases are easy to remember like “It was a stormy night”. Words that can be found in a dictionary are not really a hurdle for decryption programmes.

The longer a password, the more secure it is. For, every extra character increases the potential for more possible combinations. Anyone who uses a combination of at least eight letters, numbers and special symbols make things hard for decryption software.

Creativity also comes handy while securing a password. For example, 123abc is really not a secure password. Think of a word, say name of your favourite book or a movie you recently saw. Type that name using the numbers on telephone. The letters will now turn into numbers.

Also you can experiment with roman numbers. Change numbers into Roman numerals like iamsweet2 becomes iamseetii. You can also mix standard numbers with Roman numerals say 1II=12 and so on.

With the number of passwords required going up, many a times people end up having same password for most of their accounts. However, security experts term this "suicidal".

According to them, under no circumstances should computer users use the same password for more than two programmes or services. As this means everything gets hacked into as soon as one password is broken into.

Users can also take the help of programmes like password managers, such as PasswordSafe or Roboform to generate random passwords and then secure them using one master password.

Similarly, it is also a bad idea to copy and paste a password between documents and applications. So, never do this, as you don’t know who else may be using your comp in these days of PC voyeurism.

Posted in Software.

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Untitled

Remember the song Ross dedicates to Rachel on the radio in Friends…..

its With or Without you by U2….Its up on Youtube but anyways here are the lyrics……

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you 

Posted in Friends.

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Know Your Interviewers

5 Common Types of Interviewers - And How to Handle Them
 
 
If you’ve spent much time looking over some of the job search literature that’s out there today, you’d probably assume that all interviewers are exactly the same. In reality, this misguided assumption couldn’t be further from the truth. While many interviews do follow roughly the same format, there are actually as many different types of interviewers are there people in the world.
 
Personality and interview style both play bigger roles in determining the outcome of an interview than many people think. Hospitality industry workers are often experts in quick personality readings. Being able to read the emotional tone of a table of guests or to quickly discern the personality quirks of the guest approaching the check-in counter is often the key to excellent customer service, and as such, most veterans of the industry can size up a situation in a matter of seconds.
 
In an interview situation, though, the stakes are much higher. If you misread the personality of the hiring manager, the ultimate cost of making the wrong call could be much more than a below-average tip - it could negatively impact your career path. By familiarizing yourself with some common interviewer archetypes and arming yourself with effective strategies for dealing with each of them, you’ll be well-positioned to handle virtually any interview scenario that you may encounter on your quest for career advancement.
 
1. The Chatty Interviewer
Prospective hires often feel relieved when they encounter a friendly, gregarious interviewer, but be careful not to let this type lull you into letting your guard down. Respond with warmth and friendliness, as these qualities are likely to be appreciated by the chatty type. Although the chances for you to volunteer important information about yourself may be few and far between, your best bet is just to engage actively in the conversation and answer skillfully when and  if you are asked a question.
 
2. The Interrogation Expert
The dreaded opposite of the flighty extrovert is the interrogation expert, an interviewer of the type who may seem to be better suited to a career in law enforcement. This hiring manager tends to fire questions off rapidly, often in a tone and manner that is more than a little intimidating. Maintain your composure at all times - this type may be trying to see if you are easily flustered. Try to make the pace of the interview more deliberate by taking the time to think about your responses and answering in even, calm tones. Remain pleasant, but avoid excessive displays of sociability.
 
3. The By-the-Books Interviewer
Though not as harsh as the interrogation expert, the by-the-books interviewer tries to stick as closely as possible to a preexisting interview script. This may be a sign that she wants to remain as objective as possible, or it may indicate a level of discomfort with the entire interviewing process. Don’t derail the interview by deviating sharply from the pace set by the by-the-books interviewer; this may force her out of her comfort zone and leave a bad impression. You may be able to distinguish yourself by gently engaging the interviewer in a discourse that flows both ways and respectfully drawing her out of her set routine.
 
4. The Inexperienced Or (Ill-Prepared) Interviewer
Potential hires who assume that the hiring manager will be a beacon of professionalism and experience are often shocked when they encounter an interviewer who is not adequately prepared to lead the meeting. Whether the interviewer is new to the company or simply new to the hiring process, blatant inexperience can be disconcerting. Don’t let yourself be thrown off message; stick to your planned talking points and maintain an aura of calm, poised professionalism. It’s bad form to make reference to the interviewer’ s lack of training or preparation, but if he repeatedly states that he can’t answer your questions, you may want to see if there is anyone else with whom you could schedule a discussion or tour.
 
5. The Nosy Interviewer
Unfortunately, there is a small contingent of interviewers out there who will step over the bounds of propriety in meeting with potential hires. If an interviewer repeatedly asks you questions that you feel are inappropriate or make you uncomfortable in any way, first respond with a gentle redirect, stating that you’d prefer to stick to standard work-related topics. If the interviewer persists with this line of questioning, it’s probably best to conclude the discussion prematurely.
 
Playing Against Type for Interview Success
Personality is a complex thing that can’t readily be reduced to a single variable, but hiring managers are often surprisingly consistent in their interview styles. Although it’s unlikely that you will encounter an interviewer who perfectly embodies one of these five types, this guide will give you an idea of the kind of strategies you can use to respond effectively to different interviewing styles. If you encounter an interviewer whose profile doesn’t fit any of these categories, experts recommend subtly adopting some of their behaviors and speech patterns - research shows that hiring managers often prefer candidates who remind them of themselves.

Posted in Writing.

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diet program for weight loss

General Motors: Weight Loss Diet Program
>
>The following diet and health program was developed for employees and
>dependents of General Motors, Inc. and is intended for their exclusive use.
>This program was developed in conjunction with a grant from U.S. Department
>of Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration. It was field tested at
>the Johns Hopkins Research Centre and was approved for distribution by the
>Board of Directors, General Motors Corp. at a general meeting on August 15,
>1985. General Motors Corp. wholly endorses this program and is making it
>available to all employees and families. This program will be available at
>all General Motors Food Service Facilities. It is management’s intention to
>facilitate a wellness and fitness program for everyone.
>This program is designed for a target weight loss of 10-17 lbs per week. It
>will also improve your attitudes and emotions because of its cleansing
>systematic effects.
>The effectiveness of this seven day plan is that the food eaten burn more
>calories than they give to the body in caloric value.
>This plan can be used as often as you like without any fear of
>complications. It is designed to flush your system of impurities and give
>you a feeling of well being. After seven days you will begin to feel
>lighter because you will be lighter by at least 10 lbs. You will have an
>abundance of energy and an improved disposition.
>During the first seven days you must abstain from all alcoholYou must drink
>10 glasses of water each day
>
>Day One All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the
>fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons
>the first day. Especially watermelon and a loupe. If you limit your fruit
>consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are
>very good.
>
>
>
>
>Day Two All vegetables. You are encouraged to eat until you are stuffed
>with all the raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. There is no limit on
>the amount or type. For your complex carbohydrate, you will start day two
>with a large baked potato for breakfast. You may top the potato with one
>pat of butter.
>
>Day Three A mixture of fruits and vegetables of your choice. Any amount,
>any quantity. No bananas yet. No potatoes today.
>Day Four Bananas and milk. Today you will eat as many as eight bananas and
>drink three glasses of milk. This will be combined with the special soup
>which may be eaten in limited quantities.
>Day Five Today is feast day. You will eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz.
>portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole
>tomatoes. On day five you must increase your water intake by one quart.
>This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.
>Day Six Beef and vegetables. Today you may eat an unlimited amount of beef
>and vegetables. Eat to your hearts content.
>Day Seven Today your food intake will consist of brown rice, fruit juices
>and all the vegetables you care to consume.
>
>
>Tomorrow morning you will be 10-17 lbs. lighter than one week ago. If you
>desire further weight loss, repeat the program again. You may repeat this
>program as often as you like, however, it is suggested that you are allowed
>two glasses of white wine in addition to the instructions on the program.
>You may substitute champagne for white wine. Under no circumstances are you
>to drink any other alcoholic beverages with the exception of beer which is
>allowed. Any liquor (bourbon,vodka, rum) is forbidden. Cream drinks are
>especially forbidden. You may have an occasional cordial such as creme de
>menthe or schnapps, but you must always limit yourself to two drinks. If
>you wine, drink only wine that day. If you have beer, drink only beer that
>day, etc. Alcohol adds empty calories to your diet. However, after the
>first week it will help your digestion and settle your stomach.
>G.M.’S Wonder Soup
>The following soup is intended as a supplement to your diet. It can be
>eaten any time of the day in virtually unlimited quantities. You are
>encouraged to consume large quantities of this soup.
>28 oz, Water, 6 Large Onions, 2 Green Peppers, Whole Tomatoes (fresh or
>canned), 1 Head Cabbage, 1 Bunch Celery, 4 Envelopes Lipton Onion Soup Mix,
>Herbs and Flavouring as desired.
>Additional Comments
>Vegetables as may be taken in the form of a salad if desired. No dressing
>except malt, white or wine vinegar, squeezed lemon, garlic, herbs. No more
>than one tea spoon of oil.
>  You have been given a recipe for the WONDER SOUP which can be eaten in
>unlimited quantities. This soup is a supplement while you are on the
>program and it should be a pleasure to eat. Not everyone likes cabbage,
>green peppers, calory etc. This recipe is not inflexible. You may
>substitute vegetables according to your taste. You may add any vegetables
>you like: asparagus, peas, corn, turnips, green beans, cauliflower, etc.
>Try to stay away from beans (lima, pinto, kidney, etc.), however, because
>they tend to be high in calories even though they are very good for you.
>Beverages you may consume while on the program :
>
>Water (flavoured with lemon/lime if desired).
>Club Soda is OK.
>Black Coffee. No cream or cream substitute. No sugar or sweetness.
>Black Tea = Herb or Leaf.
>Absolutely nothing else except the fruit juices which are part of day
>seven. No fruit juices before day seven.
>How and Why It Works
>Day One you are preparing your system for the upcoming programme. Your only
>source of nutrition is fresh or canned fruits. Fruits are nature’s perfect
>food. They provide everything you could possibly want to sustain life
>except total balance and variety.
>Day Two starts with a fix of complex carbo-hydrates coupled with an oil
>dose. This is taken in the morning for energy and balance. The rest of day
>two consists of vegetables which are virtually calorie free and provide
>essential nutrients and fibre.
>Day Three eliminates the potato because you get your carbohydrates from the
>fruits. You system is now prepared to start burning excess pounds. You will
>still have cravings which should start to diminish by day four.
>Day Four, bananas, milk and soup sound the strangest and least desirable.
>You’re in for a surprise. You probably will not eat all the bananas
>allowed. But they are there for the potassium you have lost and the sodium
>you may have missed the past three days. You will notice a definite loss of
>desire for sweets. You will be surprised how easy this day will go.
>Day Five, Beef and tomatoes. The beef is for iron and proteins, the
>tomatoes are for digestion and fibre. Lots and lots of water purifies your
>system. You should notice colourless urine today. Your allowance calls for
>the equivalent of five “quarter ponders”. Do not feel you have to eat all
>this beef. You must eat the six tomatoes.
>Day Six is similar to day five, Iron and proteins from beef, Vitamins and
>fibre from vegetables. By now your system is in a total weight loss
>inclination. There should be a noticeable difference in the way you look
>today, compared to day one.
>Day Seven finished off the program like a good cigar used to finish off
>Victorian meals, except much healthier. You have your system under control
>and it should thank you for the flushing and cleaning you just gave it.

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US Democrats

Well worth a read !!!!!

*A* * Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote
mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. *

*The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses
and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, **Will you give me a
calf?”*

*The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?” *

*The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it
to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
in an ultra-high resolution photo. *

*The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports
it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany . *

*Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. *

*Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
“You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.” *

*”That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the
cowboy. *

*He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as
the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. *

*Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?” *
**
**
* The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
*

*”You’re a Democratic Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says the cowboy.
*

*”Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?” *

*”No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows…this is a herd of sheep. .
. . *

*Now give me back my dog.”*

Posted in Personal.

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Mumbai

Ask WHY, Mumbai.


 


Why is a Disaster required to bring out the true sprit of Mumbai ?


Why do we only help others during Bomb blasts, Earthquakes & Floods ?


Why do we require excuses such as Festivals to go and meet our dear ones ?


Why do we always grin at our Neighbors ?


Why do we give so much importance to someone else's Failure and not to our Success ?


Why do we always Blame others for whatever is happening ?


Why do we hesitate to Initiate an issue that we feel for ?


Why do we question our leaders when we don't want to strive for change ?


Why do we Blame some migrating population when we litter Mumbai the most?


Why do we criticize the BMC when we feel humiliated by the work it does ?


Why do we blame Corruption when we are its Parents ?


Why do we cry over Power-cuts when we do not bother to turn off the lights when leaving the room ?


 


Why are we so Blinded by the Speed of this City?


Why look into the mirror when we cant even face our own Reflection ?


And, Why bother reading this article if we do not pledge to repay at least some of Mumbai's favors on us ?

Posted in Personal.

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Yeah Sure Get Married!!!!

Read this somewhere worth a read…..

Girlfriend 5.0 to W i fe 1.0  

 

Dear Tech Support Team:    


          Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

        I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

        In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other   programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t      seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

        I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

        Please help!


Thanks,
“A Troubled User”


REPLY:


Dear Troubled User:


        This is a very common problem that people complain about.

        Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that   it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

        Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to   run EVERYTHING!!!

       It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to   Girlfriend 5.0.

       It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the   system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed   not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

       I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the   environment.

       I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to   alleviate software augmentation.

      The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE   because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1..5     and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how   you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

 

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

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Jackson Browne -Sky Blue and Black

 

Jackson Browne -Sky Blue and Black

In the calling out to one another
Of the lovers up and down the strand
In the sound of the waves and the cries
Of the seagulls circling the sand
In the fragments of the songs
Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance
Ominous and low

I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty
Of the promises we made

If you ever need holding
Call my name, Ill be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, Ill see you through
Sky blue and black

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
Theres a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When Id let go of your hand

Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end

And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And itll never fold back
Sky blue and black

And Id have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If Id known thats what you needed
What you needed me to do

But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow

If you ever need holding
Call my name, Ill be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, Ill see you through

Youre the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
Youre the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
Youre the hidden cost and the thing thats lost
In everything I do
Yeah and Ill never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
Thats the way love is
Thats the way love is
Thats the way love is
Sky blue and black

Posted in Music.

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