jennysdiary's blog » Friends

kyon………………

deby — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 15:04:12 +0000

kyon simati aathi si lagthi hai saari zindagi ,

yun ek lamhe ke aalingan mein qaid hone ko jaise..

kyon us lamhe mein, saari kaynath tum mein simat-thi si mehsoos hoti hai aise

kyon tumhaare seene ki kashish,humein pukar uth-thi hai yun dur se

ke rooh meri taras jaathi hai, kaampthi hui,tum mein sama jaane ko jaise ……

sunthi hongi, tumhaari bhi dhadkanein, fazaon mein gum,in sadhaon ko kabhi……

tabhi toh labon se tumhaare , nikal jaathe hain, kabhi kabhi mere yeh dhun….

na ummeed, na aarzoo, na justaju ki koi gunjaaish…

na kasmein, na rasmein, na saath nibhaane ke waadein……

faasle tab bhi the, ab bhi toh hain..

phir yeh darmiyaan, dhadkanon ka shor kyon…….

10-the red -letter day

deby — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:48:45 +0000

The great day was scheduled for the month of May, as mentioned earlier. But there were other developments in the meantime.,due to which plans had to be changed. Jeffrey’s sister Janice was engaged to be married to Tony, who was working abroad..He called up to say that if Janice was to join him by Feb as planned, the matter of the court marriage would have to be attended to , inorder to get the visa papers moving…so he would be arriving here in dec…the problem now was this…Jeff’s family wanted Jeff married at the earliest so that there would be somebody here to take care of the home-front when Tony arrived.It appeared that Jen would be solving a lot of their problems, by consenting to an early marriage.

To cut a long story short, Jen’s Red -letter day got fixed for the 27th of Dec.My heart bleeds as I say this, but looking back now, i cannot help but say, that Jen sealed her fate that day.More of that later, ofcourse…for the present, I must take one step at a time.

Things were out of Jen’s hands….. from being a spinster, Jen suddenly found herself in-charge of a household. Wake up at 5 in the morning, cook for the family,come to school, rush back in the evenings to attend to house-hold chores.Within two months of the marriage, , it was very clear however that Jen was very much in love with her husband . When he left to join his work, Jen was actually love-sick. We teased her in school…”Lovaria, huh?/” we said…it was that clear, how much she missed him.

Jeffrey came across as a very gentle guy, simple, unassuming…shy. Where diplomacy was the need of the hour, Jeff always bungled up matters, coz he was too sincere…Taking advantage of someone, manipulating things to his advantage, would never be part of him…..and Jen was quick to notice and appreciate and value these qualities in him.

Jen too soon earned the love and respect of all concerned in his family.Jeff’s mother was quite impressed by the way Jen attended to every little detail of their house-hold and took care of everyone and evrything.

09-the matter of the engagement…..

deby — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 15:21:40 +0000

Pressure on the home-front was mounting. No more delaying, she was told. Her younger sister was of age too. No social occasion went by, but the girls were getting noticed and enquiries were being made. Were they open to proposals or were they already fixed up somewhere, and things like that. If Jenny set the ball rolling, then the younger sister ’s case could also be considered, else hers too was getting held up.As far as I knew, Jen never read romantic novels, but she was a true romantic.She was prepared to wait till the end of her life for her Prince Charming to come along, but she would’nt just marry anyone, just for the heck of it.

The first real compromise of Jen’s life…….she buckled under family pressure and gave in.Some called it, “Fate” later on ..but Jen never believed in “Fate”…She made, what she termed ,the first and the only, but ever so deadly mistake of her life….the mistake that she was to pay for very dearly…

There was this family in the same city.Once upon a time, they had been neighbours. The children of the two houses had belonged to the same play-group.Jen had been involved in playing games like, hide n seek. and badminton..and engaged in neighbourhood theatricals with Jeffrey. She remembered incidents, when the families in the neighbourhood had to put up shows. She used to tell me , there had been times, when they staged plays and Jen was given some emotional dialogues to deliver. If Jeffrey happened to be at the receiving end of these dialogues, she said, however serious she tried to be, her eyes had only to meet his, and she invariably burst out laughing. She could never carry off a serious scene with him.The families had moved, following job-related transfers,etc.and the children had not been in touch after that.And now the matter of the proposal. Jeffrey was not in town.Jen had not met him in the last ten yrs.She was told he had completed some sort of diploma in I.T.I. and was working for W.G.Forge, a company established with some foreign collaboration. They met a couple of times, in the presence of family members Both families being a bit conservative in nature, dating before marriage was out…… Jen’s father said , either u agree to the proposal n go ahead with marriage or decline and we consider some other proposal.No daughter of his was going to go around with a boy and then announce that they were’nt meant for each -other. The maximum they were allowed, was sometime together on the terrace to chat up a bit. Jen gave the final verdict that all wanted so much to hear from her…She was to write in her diary later that it was in that cursed moment of her life that she had spelt “eternal doom ” for herself…….She had agreed to the marriage but said she needed some time. It was the month of September…She said marriage would have to wait till May…The reason she gave was, the summer vacations commenced in April, & contd into May…That would give ample time for everyone for preparations and secondly, she did’nt want to upset the schedule in sch by going on leave..’May’ would be ideal.To this the families said, that in that case an engagement was in order , so as to seal the agreement. Jen had no say in this matter. She was formally engaged to Jeffrey on the 14th of October.

08-career..related

deby — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:35:45 +0000

Jobwise we hit it lucky….Our B.ed results were barely out…one of the most prestigious schools here…we got inducted within a few months of each other….Three of us were taken on., one after the other.After that, for quite sometime, the state govt adopted a policy of job-cuts.Vacancies created by retd staff were not filled in….The workload on the others increased. In Jen’s case, { a PCM major} Science & Maths were her main teaching subjects…, but her inclinations towards History & literature soon got noticed and she was deputed to take some of the English & Social Science classes as well. This suited her fine…she was quite happy about it.The sch library proved to be a treasure-trove for Jenny.She went in sometimes for mere reference ,but came out with a pile of books,which she took home to read at leisure…bks that had not seen the outside of the library, becoz of rules{ref. bks etc were not to be taken home}..the headmaster granted her special permission..her passion for reading was too transparent…George Bernard Shaw, Shelley, Freud,Wordsworth,R.L.Stevenson, the life-series of bks..Evolution, the Universe, The earth, The Sea, The Universe, u name it….her range of interests included psycho-analysis, philosophies., poetry, science facts dealing with The Origin of things…On the lighter side, P.G .Wodehouse, was her favourite…..she often quoted lines from his bks to students, when discussing the importance of developing writing skills & styles in writing.Incidentally, she loved watching Tom & Jerry cartoons too.Her insight into the personalities of Lincoln, Vivekanand, Gandhi, Tilak, Ram Mohan Roy, made her history lessons transcend from mere narrative to inspirational discourses…..U had just to pass by her classes to see the rapture of the pupils.Her Maths classes were equally engaging.She never went into the nuances of Arithmetic, or Geometry or Algebra , without first impressing upon the pupils the practical importance of the topic, at hand. She had that knack of creating the curiosity to learn first ,she fired the imagination of the children , till she found, they wanted to learn more and then she let it flow…the concept, the terminology, the reasonings…u found her pupils hanging on to every word that she said.She met the requirements of the weaker children and of the above average, with equal ease…the study techniques that she taught them..many of them even after passing out came back to tell her, how these were instrumental in helping them cope with their studies in college. Soon , she started getting a cascade of positive feedback from students, their parents, not to speak of the management. She was surprised….but this was always the case with Jenny.She never realized the extent of her achievements till somebody told her….the thing about her was that she never competed with anybody…she just threw herself , heart n soul into whatever she did…and the applause that followed always took her by surprise.

07-as always,..open for comment

deby — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:03:06 +0000

For the timebeing, things were allowed to take a backseat….the matter of concentrating on the B.ed course, being of immediate concern.Much as she had joined the course against her wish, Jen, nevertheless topped here…in fact, she ranked first in the finals, in the entire batch of some 100 odd students.As regards teaching methodology, child psychology, etc, only the terminology was new to her, as it was to all of us…the faculty was much impressed by her deep understanding and quick grasp of the subject-matter…as regards cl.room teaching however, a lot of preparation went into the planning…presentation….that goes for all B.ed students, who from being students r suddenly faced with the challenge of addressing an entire cl.room of students n playing the role of a teacher.Jen discovered her flair for teaching much later…with each passing yr of her teaching career.
   At this point, I am wondering ,how far to go into details…..what to edit….what to include, that would be relative to this narrative.There r so many things that come rushing to the mind. Do I straightaway plunge into that period of Jen’s life that i ‘ve undertaken to reveal in this whole business of blogging…..or do i dwell a little longer on some more noteworthy aspects of her life, which would otherwise have just remained part of my treasured memories.From what I can see, her outlook on things leaves much to be said…..raises as many questions as it answers.Also there r equally as many things to learn from Jen’s achievements as there r to learn from her failures.

    To put the later happenings of her life into their proper perspective, there r many things I would have to go into, before daring to step onto those murky grounds that i so dread to tread.Oh ofcourse, what happened with Jen is no uncommon thing…but a person goes thro’ this life, but once…..and even if many have gone thro’ the same that Jen went thro’, that could’nt have made it any less painful for Jenny, could it? The happenings may be the same…., but the pain that each one experiences is definitely proportionate to the metal each one is made of.And that’s why I feel, I must take time off sometimes to wander a little away from the task at hand.

Towards this end, therefore, i have picked up a few incidents that I cannot but help remember , when describing Jenny. These r isolated incidents, which shed a lot of light on this unique sample of a human being that was Jenny.
So perhaps a few more posts of this rambling nature, before i finally hit that button that will open the vistas into Jen’s life.

There was the time, when we were on our way to a friend’s place.We used to take a short-cut thro’ a grove.In the midst of this grove was a temple.That day, as we passed the temple, we were accosted by an old woman, perhaps in her late sixties.It was noontime n the area was quite deserted.The lady had a litle straw basket, with a framed photo of a Goddess n some turmeric, etc placed on it.Well, she came up to us and said, “child, there is something i would like to tell u…I can see it on ur forehead., that ur stars r revealing a lot…” As we did not stop,. she fell in step with us…and contd…” really. i am telling u…u ought to know, what fate has in store for u….n i can see it on ur forehead…all u have to do is place a 20 Re note in this basket…only it shd have been touched by u….” To my surprise, Jen fished out a Rs 20 note & put it in the basket. The woman put her hand on Jen’s forehead as if to bless her n started telling things that she thought Jen would like to hear.I could’nt believe it that Jen was actually standing there & listening to the woman.

   “Jen”, I said, “Take that note of urs n come along. What r u doing?”
Jen gestured to me to wait.I waited till the lady finished her ramblings , and then pulled Jen along.As we walked, I asked Jen..”U..!!!??I cant believe this….’

“ Look Deby, she is an elderly, conservative woman, who must surely be believing in God, from her heart.If she can stand outside a temple n get down to cheating people.,? think what must’ve driven her to it”
“But are’nt u encouraging her to cheat? and u of all people…”

“come on Deby, people r smart…how many people is she going to manage to cheat…? She is so transparent…Sooner or later, she will be found out….I addressed her need of the day….What will she do with A mere rs 20? At the most, she will feed herself or someone back home….?…rs 20 is no big deal for us…we throw it on ice-creams….For her, it must ‘ve meant a lot..look what she is sacrificing for that meagre sum…standing in front of the temple, with the photo of the god, she believes in…if she can do this, her need must indeed be great…We got to worry about big-time swindlers Deb..leave these harmless ones be…they r just trying to survive…”

   In contrast to this, is the incident at the bus-stop….There we were always pestered by beggar children.Often u got fed up n gave them something only to get rid of them.Here Jen never budged, no matter how much they pestered, she was firm.
“If a child is allowed to beg at this tender age, he will soon lose his dignity, his sense of shame, and his self-respect.What will he grow up to be?”She said as much to the woman, who once accompanied such a child.U R begging…u may have ur problem..but at least dont teach ur child to beg…..Teach him to go hungry, rather than beg…U’ll be freeing him from this curse of begging….’
Now these philosophies of Jenny, can be argued in different ways…..I leave it open for comment…..

06-a dilemma

deby — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:46:23 +0000

As happens with friends,I had become a regular visitor at Jen’s place, and she at mine.Her family comprised of her parents, her two sisters, and a brother.Soon I came to be treated as one of them, in their household.Jen enjoyed the same privilege, at my place.My mother loved Jen and often chided me for certain things, telling me i shd learn from Jen. At her place, it was the other way round.When her parents couldn’t convince her about certain things that mattered to them, they often relied on me to do the needful. One of these things being, the matter of handling the ‘ proposals ‘that came her way,…or rather handling jenny, as regards these things.We were close to finishing our graduation. For one thing, I had planned to go in for a course in B.ed.Jen was’nt too sure, what she wanted to do.Research was on her mind, but her parents wanted her to do something more concrete, which she could complete in a year, at the most two.She gave in finally, and B.ed it was for Jen, much against her wish.Her parents’ plan was, that she complete her edn, n if a suitable match came up in the meantime, then she would have to get engaged.For her parents, it was as simple as that. Her older sister was married n happily settled, now it was Jen’s turn, and then her third sister, two yrs her younger,would be next in line. Everything shd be done at its proper time , they said,…and understandably so.This is the case in evry household.So ,what then was the problem?…..Jen said, the relationship would have to be one based on friendship first, advancing into a deeper understanding of each other, and then if they found, they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, then and then only, would marriage be on the cards. Her father could’nt see the point. “So, we find a man, who will be friends with her first, for an unspecified period of time, and if they decide they r meant for each other, they marry, otherwise they just split and we look for another suitable match!” They asked frankly, whether, she had someone in mind..the answer ofcourse was a ‘no”…She had not come across anyone who made her heart take a leap.But then Jen was’nt in a hurry. ” I shall not marry, just becoz it is the done thing……”Now here’s where Deby came into the picture….I was supposed to make Jen see sense…..find out exactly what she wanted.Jen’s answer was very simple…..job, money was’nt an issue….if she could luv him enough, she’d live for him and die for him n go to the ends of the earth for him or face hell for him…….but he must luv me for what i am, after knowing me thoroughly to the core…….and I must find it possible to love him.”u r lovable, anyway Jen , so why the doubt ? i asked her point-blank.She just got brooding and spoke her thoughts aloud……”It’s my innermost beliefs and convictions , Deb, ” she said ” About what Jenny..?”
‘About many things….I would want us to know each other….to be in love with each other, after knowing each other…Marriage is very sacred to me Deb…..so sacred that it would have to be founded on Love…a total acceptance of one-another, no matter what….A meeting of the minds and heart would be a must for me, for the relationship to culminate in marriage….He’d have to share with me my ideals , my dreams…our priorities in life would have to match…..I am passionate about certain things deby….and I would want my man to be equally passionate about those things, to see what i see…i am a visionary…he’d have to share my visions with me, as i would share his……A legal piece of paper pronouncing us “married” would mean nothing to me otherwise…..I dont want to be rushed into this, Deby…..” Now what does one say to a person like that…….?

05-the personal touch

deby — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:58:48 +0000

Before going into the things that went wrong in Jen’s life ,I must bring out the many facets of Jen’s personality …….else I will be giving a rather incomplete picture…..what better way to do this than to go through those incidents that give an insight into parts of her inner self…..
College-life without the business of mild flirtations, advances being made, love-letters, cards, flowers…no that’s quite unheard of…ours was no different.Coming to Jenny, her natural reserve kept most unfavourable occurances at bay……with a glance, a soft reserved smile, a joke, she had her typical graceful ways of blocking unwanted advances. There was Mike from our group, who was quite serious about her for awhile, till she very delicately, but firmly made it clear, it was a no-no.Some guys, who were daily acquaintances on the campus, borrowed her bks on the pretext of notes and when they returned them, there were sweet little love-letters hidden between the pages…..she read them , ignored them. We never gave these matters serious thought. The more memorable incident happened during our second yr of the degree course.From our original group, Jen and I pursued our Bachelors, while the others left for other streams.Soon a new group formed…the same fun, frolic,studies,etc,etc It happened that there were these two guys who were very persistent about Jenny. The more she ignored them, the more they pursued her,till Jen was visibly perturbed. One day, we were sitting in the canteen…Jen, myself, Deepti, Neha, and Nikhat.Thro’ the doorway Atif, Rohit, and Anshul walked in.Jen gestured to them, pointing out to the empty chairs at our table.They strolled over n pulled the chairs back…..
“what’s up girls?’..Over snacks, Jen said,”listen guys….there’s something, I want u to do for me…”
“At ur service ma’am”,….they joked as usual. But , what Jen came out with, surprised evrybody.”I want Ruhul n Kamlesh at our table tomorrow…..”
Now Ruhul and Kamlesh were in their final yr.Ruhul had made it a habit to come bang on time, everyday, on his bike,to Jenny’s bus-stop, offering her a lift to college.A couple of times she accepted, till she discovered , Ruhul lived at the other end of the town and was coming to the bus-stop, only for her.She mildly , but firmly declined his offers, subsequently.Then there were letters coming to her thro’ various means.He even tried making friends with other boys of our class, just to get close to Jenny.Kamlesh was another one who tried various means .To cut a long story short , well Jen asked to meet the boys .”U want us to handle them , Jen?”, asked Atif.He was the self-appointed big-brother of us girls…..always protective.Jen said,”No…let me handle this…”
The next day was Raksha-bandan day.Jen had 2 raakhies, with her.We teased her..”Come on Jen…u don’t believe in these things”..The two guests of the day were escorted to our table.Atif saw to that.The rest were asked to leave us alone.There was Jen, myself, Atif and Ruhul n Kamlesh.
    Jen ordered something for all of us and then slowly started….”.Ruhul…Kamlesh…I have the greatest regard for u guys….u guys r great …as far as….well, everything about u is nice….With all the respect in my heart for u, can i tie these Raakhies for u?”…………………
The two were stunned.She let it sink in awhile, then continued,..”I really would luv to have u as my raakhee brothers….Do U mind?”…There was an awkward silence for awhile and then Kamlesh laughed, shook his head, and put out his hand, “O.K. What the heck yaar …plz,… go ahead..” Jen was visibly relieved.He came to her evry yr after that and got her to tie the raakhee for him.Ruhul was the one to watch out for.He just got up, I’ll meet u guys later”…he said and left…Days passed.Ruhul was not to be seen.Jen got worried.Her eyes kept searching and although nothing was mentioned ,I knew Jen.Then one day, he appeared on the scene..withdrawn, unshaven, listless.This went on for some days. Jen made it a point to speak to him.We were all surprised. She stole glances at him, asked him about his studies. “U ok?”Sometimes just that, all in passing …till one day, she went up to him directly and confronted him.
   “I want to talk to u Ruhul…..”
   ” Who me?”
   “Yeah,….carry on….I am listening….”
    “Not like this, not here…”
A meeting was arranged. Jen wanted me to be there.She insisted. We met at a friend’s place, where we could speak,undisturbed. Jen spent an hour, talking Ruhul out of this “madness” as she called it.He kept professing his love for her.She almost lost her temper and patience.
“How much do u know of me, Ruhul?..What is it that u like about me?..the way i talk?…the way I laugh?…the way I dress?…..what u know of me is only 5% of me Ruhul….the real me…..the Jen inside me…u’ve had no occasion to know me for God’s sake…..so how can u love me?…..”
“I could get to know u…”
”How?….u r proposing that we go around?…..meetings…..the works?”
Ruhul did’nt know what to say.” Is it the difference in our religions?” he asked after awhile.
“Oh, I’m not thinking along those lines….look Ruhul, this is ur final yr, right?…Very crucial…Can we just stop thinking along these things and go full swing into our studies….?”
“U mean for the time-being?…but i wont let anything come in the way of studies….neither urs nor mine…..”I’m sure u wont”
”So then is it a promise?”…Ruhul contd
“Promise what, Ruhul?”
Ruhul stood up.”Why r wasting ur time on me jenny….just let me be…”
“No, Ruhul……u’re going to promise me one thing, today…..”
She made him sit down again. At the end of the session , she had talked him out of his attitude….he agreed to stop thinking about her in those terms. Days went by. Jen made it a point to hello Ruhul, whenever we came across him; her soft affectionate smile was always there for him…sometimes a mere glance, a shake of the head, at times a few words…..For Jen evry person was important.Eventually we saw the old Ruhul once again.Two yrs later, when Kamlesh went over to jen’s place on raakhee day, Ruhul was with him.Jen told me later, he wanted her to tie the ‘pending’ raakhee. Ruhul n kamlesh remained Jen’s raakhee brothers till the end.When she left us ….they were inconsolable………..

o4-not mere Colours…a whole spectrum actually.

deby — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:01:03 +0000

Holi is drawing near…Some of our iland friends have been
writing quite a bit about holi…some of u have wished me too, well in
advance….I take this opportunity to wish u too the same, but i think Jen's words would capture the spirit of the festival, much
better than I ever could…here is an sms she once sent to us friends, on one
occasion of Holi……

IN LIFE

EK PICHKAARI HAMAARE HAATH MEIN HOTI HAI,

EK UPARWALE KE HAATH MEIN….

KUCH RANG HAMNE CHIDKE,KUCH USNE….

BAN GAYI ZINDAGI , RANGON KI HOLI……

THE RIGHT BLEND IS
WHAT SUCCESS IS ABOUT….!!!!!!!

The need for the right combination of God's blessings and
our own efforts in making our lives successful, comes out clearly
thro' this message..and this was indeed Jen's strong conviction, as far as we
knew…

Holi, diwali,…evry festival of India, …no matter which
community it was celebrated by…Jen had her own original ideas n beliefs about
all these…she was deeply interested in Hindu mythology…she often went into
the origin of these festivals…the meanings…why they came to be
celebrated…she knew a lot about the history of religions and festivals. While
she shied away from accepted religious beliefs, customs,practices, be it
christian or otherwise, she had a deep understanding of all such matters.As regards Holi, there's something in
her diary which i shall share towards the end of today's post..this is in hindi
ofcourse..her dad having been an army personnel,she had occasion to come across
many northerners…her ease with hindi comes from her contacts with family
friends…and she read a lot of hindi/urdu shayaris….wrote many herself
too…..she was equally adept at both english
and hindi…when asked about her command over hindi, she joked…"I was born in
Lucknow.."{her father was posted there]"…..perhaps some soul from North India got into me when i was born"She was open to
the hindu belief of rebirth….she spoke about Lord Krishna's explanation about
rebirth in the Bhagwat Gita…she
herself explained it based on the very scientific Law ,of the Conservation of energy.she
said if no energy can be either created
or destroyed, only transformed…if this principle can apply to matter, then
much more shd it be applicable for the Soul, which is the most substantial of
all energies….Now that was Jenny..people found it difficult to argue with
her.Let me insert this bit from her
Diary….

Kisi ne pooch liya aaj..Kya tumhein holi khelna accha lagta
hai?

Maine bola….pata nahi..kabhi jaan ne ka mouka nahi mila…

But I got to thinking after that {she writes} agar sahi
saathi ikhatte ho jaate, toh shaayad…shaayad mai apni poori masti par utar aati…aur itna enjoy karti ki khuda
bhi neeche aata dekhne ke liye…ki yeh
insaan jinhein maine banaye, aapas mein kitne khush hain…khush hota yeh
sochkar ki insaan ko banake maine koi galati nahi ki..!! Magar sahi saathi ikkhate kam hi milte hain….yahin
maar kha jaati hai zindagi…aur yahin maar kha gaya Khuda……

Bitterness??In her diary there r many occasions, when Jen
talks to God…sometimes these talks betray her hurt, sometimes her confusion,
sometimes her attempt to understand the Scheme of God'sCreation…..her inner conflict is
evident….between what she was taught to believe from childhood …what those
around her believed…and what the dictates of her mind told her…she found
there was a wide gap…….

03-Jenny

deby — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 13:11:04 +0000

Life in college went on…….in academics again Jen was special…extremely intelligent…her grasp over things was quick compared to the rest of us…..she was all attention for awhile in classe, till she got the gist of what was being taught….she scribbled some sort of notes that made sense only to her…then she sort of only half-listened…her mind switched on to idle scribbling n sketching……she was very good at sketching, …sometimes she sketched the entire profile of the lecturer….she even scribbled some short poems now and then….then at leisure, she sat in the library, pouring over books,..getting her notes ready, based on her cl.room scribbles and related matter from the ref.bks…her assignments, when asked to submit always got her A+ grades….we copied from her most of the time n tried to reproduce the same, with a few changes, but always ended up with lesser grades……her passion for the subject showed thro’ in her writings….her weak point though was memory…she could never memorize things from textbks….reasoning, drawing inferences was her forte…in debates, she became the undisputed leader of her team…her knowledge of things was vast, due to her extensive reading habits…her reading again was never disciplined reading…..she never could study from an exam point of view,….Curiosity was her driving factor….she read because she wanted to know….so while she knew much more about most things than most of us, she ended up with 70-75 % whereas the others topped.This did’nt bother her either…Philosophies interested her a great deal…her notes on the poetry section were masterpieces in themselves….she had deep insight into poems and the poets…Then Maths…..her systematic approach towards problem-solving again was…what shall i say.she rarely lost any marks in maths..that’s one field where she was a topper..She confided later that many a time, she had been confused whether Arts or Science was the field for her…she was torn between her passion for Philosophy, literature, history on the one hand, and her aptitude for maths on the other..finally the family had made the choice for her..Science it would be…She toyed often with the idea of going into some kind of research…archaeology maybe, she used to say….Formulae n things she never bothered to memorize…she went deeply however into the derivations, the reasonings…what she learnt thus , she never ever forgot n could explain n teach very clearly to those of us who had forgotten what we had memorized…I am going into all this becoz these innate qualities of Jen went on to make her evolve into a very talented person later on…from being a great asset, therefore the loss of Jen turned out to be a double loss for all concerned….
I think I’ll wind up here today., dear readers…But before leaving I wish to thank U for ur wonderul comments and e-mails…these will play a great role in encouraging me and helping me through this painful journey that I have undertaken….thank you…bye

02-where do i begin

deby — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 07:37:39 +0000

am really at a loss where from to start and how exactly to go about the whole thing…….once on the blog-page I owe it to u readers too to make the flow natural n easy to follow…..I promise i shall try my best to make a neat presentation……if I get carried away sometimes…plz do bear with me….yes ofcourse i know u will…but guys ..do feel free to chide me if need be…if ur comments will help me get better at this task that i have undertaken….then I shd rather be grateful to u……..so here we go.…..I knew Jen from our college days…as

happens with first yr students….we were all just trying to get used to

each-other till eventually groups started forming…with time ours evolved

into a fairly large gang.of six girls n four guys….hanging out together

most of the time…canteen,library,exchanging notes, movies,mischief,

bunking at times,.outings ,the works….u guys will be familiar with the

stuff….so Jen was one of us…normal height , slender,mostly in jeans or

trousers, shoulder-length straight hair….if at all she secured her hair in a

clip…her hand went almost unconsciously to it n it was out in her hand

most of the time toying with it or attached to her bag…even on occasions

she hated jewellery,make up,any type of adornments that girls r so fond

of , was a no-no for her….plain n simple, yet graceful, dignified, her

appearance matched her nature….very natural n straight-forward in her

dealings with others….even her criticisms if at all any, came straight

from her heart n what none of us could get across without creating a

hassle she managed to put across with such finesse….her care,

concern,showed through more than anything else..and friend or

foe…both could take the harshest of criticisms from her peacefully…..and

her relationship with them was never the worse for it after that…..when

others had something unpleasant to say about her , her attitude was

even more amazing…..she kept her cool, no matter what was said…we

asked her…. Jen ,how do u manage that…she replied with equal

ease….simple, she said..I look for the motive….if the person is concerned

and only wishes to help u improve , then i’d rather be grateful than get

angry….and if the person wishes to undermine u…then ur only helping

them succeed in their endeavour by reacting ..are’nt u?….just ignore

them or make it clear they r only degrading themselves by trying to hurt

u…and u dont need to hurt them in return to make them realize that..”.but

these things came naturally only to Jen …n she invariably won the

respect of all concerned….in the middle of all the groupism…and

rivalries…Jen got along fine with evrybody…..and to think she was the

most reserved of the lot….she was jovial n cheerful, fun-loving…but knew

exactly where to draw the line….neither an introvert…nor a total

extrovert…warm, friendly….yet an air of being withdrawn…….shall meet

u with more next time friends…..bye for now….