jennysdiary's blog » Life

01-Maanav….

deby — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:42:55 +0000

plz click on the link,
A Gene Deby Presentation,

listed alongside , in Blogroll….. to all posts on Maanav… do read and leave ur valuable comments….
       …thank you

28- Teddy…[contd.]

deby — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:56:28 +0000

Within a year of his daughter’s demise, Ted left the army….he was’nt getting over the loss……his seniors kept writing to his family, that Ted was killing himself…that the only way to possibly get him out of his depression was for him to be in the midst of his family. He was getting estranged from his wife too…..the circumstances in which the child had died, pointed to a bit of carelessness on the part of the wife….and he held her responsible for the tragedy. Thus it was that Teddy returned to his hometown for good.We all advised his wife that they go in for a second child……that appeared to be the only way to get him out of his lethargy. But the problem between the husband and the wife had to be resolved, first.Ted would’nt even tolerate his wife’s presence…… Knowing the kind of influence Jenny wielded over him, his mother & his wife, both looked up to her for support.Jenny it was , who finally managed to draw him out….she seemed to be able to touch just that right chord within him . Gradually we all saw glimpses of the old Teddy , again. Incidentally, Ted had 3 sons subsequently ………each one in the hope that his Roslyn would come back to him…which she never did.But we got Ted back again.

Coming back to Jenny, it was around the `11th year of her married life, …her mother fell ill…and was diagonized with Ovarian cancer……she was to undergo surgery..Jenny’s two sisters were settled elsewhere ….busy with their own children, their exams , etc,..Frank had just returned to the Gulf after a holiday…….It fell upon Jenny and her father to do the needful……Her mother was hospitalized for the surgery. Frank depended upon Ted to help out…And so it was that Jenny , her father and Teddy took turns , attending to her mother at the hospital..Teddy had always been like a son in Jen’s mother’s household and now more so in Frank’s absence…he took it upon himself to see to everything ………

27-Teddy

deby — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 10:50:50 +0000

                      At this point in the narrative,it becomes necessary for me, to make a formal introduction of Ted….Ted , who was to play a significant role in Jenny’s life, in the times to come………Ted is a friend of Jenny’s brother, Frank.Ted was a regular part of the scenario in Jen’s mom’s house.Right from our college days,he used to be hanging out there, with Frank…..quite a handsome guy…jovial, always full of fun & frolic….he made everybody laugh…very close to Jenny’s parents…their wish was his command….came on his bike and honked till Frank went out and then they both buzzed off….sometimes, he just gave that single honk, announcing his arrival…and then he came in with a noisy ‘hello ,evry body, what’s up?! ‘ sort of thing He enjoyed whatever was given to him to eat…or went straight into their kitchen to forage…and his mouth never stopped jabbering till he left. Often times he flirted with Jen…she brushed him off with a tit- for- tat rejoinder and we all laughed.But I remember telling Jen many a times, “hey Jen, i think the guy is serious about u. She always laughed..”He…!!!!…….he flirts    with evry girl that crosses his path, dont u know……..he can never be serious about anybody or anything for that matter…..and if u r suggesting that i fall for his antics….well, for one thing..he is a friend of Frank….couple of yrs younger than me…. ……I put Frank and him in the same slot…brothers…he is like a brother to me…..” and she used to wave the topic aside…
                 Ted got married about 5 yrs after Jen…….joined the army in the process…..had a pretty two yr old daughter on whom he doted. Nature-wise, still very much the same. Frank on the other   hand, went to work in the gulf.Whenever Ted came on leave, he made it a point to meet Jenny’s parents   . He was’nt much aware of all that Jen was going thro’, but a couple of times, having dropped in at Jen’s place, he told me, “there is somethiing the matter with Jen….she is not the same..even Jeff seems to be more of a repeller, dont u think…”.I just let on , without giving out details, that Jen wasn’t too happy in her married life…

.…….     then one day came the shocker….Ted’s 2 yr old, Roslyn, had an accident..a fatal accident…he was posted in Bareilly at the time..news kept trickling in from his friends, etc about how badly Ted had taken it..”.woh apni beti ke gam mein paagalpan ki hadein paar kar raha hai……” said one of his friends………Jen wrote a letter to him, which Ted treasures to this day…with Ted’s permission i am inserting that letter in today’s blog…

Dear Teddy…….

     jo hua…bahut bura hua…….koi kuch bhi keh le, kar

le, is zakhm par marham nahi laga sakta,

koi…..alphaazon ke bas ki baat nahi hai, tumhaare is

dard ko kam karna…………….agar tumhaari taqleef ko

mehsooos kar lene se tumhaari taqleef kuch kam hoti

ho, toh Teddy, apni saari takleef mujhe de do…..mai

tumhaari beti ko wapis tumhaari jholi mein toh nahi

daal sakti…laachaar aaj mai bhi hoon, laachaar tum

bhi ho..laachaar har woh insaan hai, jo tumhein bahut

chaahta hai…..lekin my dear Teddy, yun socho….

……..gar tumhari bacchi churi se khel rahi hai, toh tum

us churi ko usse cheen loge kyonki tum jaante ho us

churi ke baare mein…tumhaari baachi toh yahi soch

ke royegi na ki mere dad ne mera pyaara khilona

mujhse cheen liya……par tumhein woh pata hai jo

tumhari bacchi ko nahi pata….toh khuda bhi toh

humse kayeen zyaada jaanta hai.,,,woh jo karta hai

humaare saath ., kyon karta hai…yeh tumhaari meri

samajh ke baahar hai…..shaayad usne hamaari

Roslyn ke liye kuch soch rakha ho, jiske liye yeh

zaroori tha ki woh tumse tumhaare dil ke tukde ko

cheen le……….tum toh khuda ko bahut maante

ho….ise uski marzi samajhkar accept kar lo…tumhaari

beti kaheen nahi gayi…..woh tumhaare khuda ke paas

tumhaari amaanat hai…shaayad uske liye wahi

mehfooz jageh thi….isliye woh le gaya use apne

paas……..dheeraj rakho Teddy…tumhaara dard

khoufnaak hai…mai tumhare dard mein tumhaare

saath hoon…..hum sab tumhaare saath hain……

Ted kehta hai…is chitti ko un dinon woh baar baar padta tha….apna Base chodkar., ghanton jungalon mein chala jaata tha…..aur is khat ko baar baar pad ke sukoon paane ki koshish karta tha…..

………… . .more next time…..

26-jen’s life…contd

deby — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:51:53 +0000

                As far as i know, things were pretty much the same between Jen and Jeff,…she still stayed away from social gatherings, where Jeff was expected to escort her…….she still rushed home soon from anywhere…for fear of how Jeff wud react, if she were late…she still cud’nt invite anyone home…when she wished to…he linked her with almost all the male relatives and acquaintances, who came in contact with them……and then torture, abuse and harrassment followed. A tv programme, showing infidelity of a woman was enough to set him off….she used to confess how, at times, they used to be sitting watching television, in a seemingly gud mood…and then suddenly there was something on the screen showing the woman in a bad light……and there Jeff wud suddenly get up…go to the bar round the corner and come back stone-drunk…and then there was a totally different Jeff that Jen encountered….

                  With her cajolling and coaxing, he cud remain without touching drinks for even 15 days at a stretch….. There were times when he happily accompanied her either to the market or to the church…and then they happened to meet one of her colleagues or acquaintances, en-route who casually hello-ed them…and immediately after that Jeff was a changed man……Heavy , uncomfortable silence followed such encounters …silence, charged with contained violence…..which sent shivers down her spine, as she said,…and then violence and abuses followed for days on end….

                    Most of the time, I only sensed Jen’s discomfiture…she avoided speaking about these things…perhaps it was during some unbearably painful moments, that she gave in and confided ……..,. At such times, I tried to persuade her to just split from Jeff and be done with it….but that only served to make her fall silent……

There were rare moments , when she spoke…….

Sometimes, she said, ….”let me just cry it out Deby…….separating

from him is a very big step for me. I’d have to think a lot before i take that

step..”

Sometimes, she explained…..”.u know …i’d gone away barely for

15 days Deb and Roy tells me one day..”Mom..a friend asked me..”.is it

true , that ur dad threw ur mom outta the house?’…………”

Our society is not yet prepared to accept such a situation as

normal, Deby…….this is not America or Europe……. Look at the children,

in our sch, who come from broken homes…..in sch. most of them r like

any other child…..but hardly do such children step out of line, even a

little bit, what kind of comment do they draw…?….”After all, he comes

from a’ broken’ home”..is what they say….what do u expect…the stigma

attached is horrible deby……now what this kind of thing can do to the

psyche of the child, imagine,,,,u know debs…the pressure of the

situation in itself is one thing….this kind of psychological stress coming

from outside?/……..i myself cant take it…..I flinch whenever i hear a

divorcee woman being spoken about in social circles….how cruel people

can be….how can i subject the children to this kind of stress….i might be

writing them off for life yaar….

………. at present i do go thro’ hell at home, but at least ,

when i come out of the house, i can leave the probs at home …but a

woman separated from her hub……..the kind of talks that spring up,

whether out of concern or otherwise….the way she gets discussed…I do

not want to see my misfortune staring back at me from the eyes of

evryone i meet….then the prob will be with me round the clock…….Just

think ……..if i cud find it so difficult, how much more difficult will it prove

for the children to cope with…..God, our society does’nt allow a woman

or her children to live normal lives, once a woman steps out of her

husband’s house…..it’s so called most casual remarks can kill a

person…i dont give a damn about myself…..it is the children i have to

think of…my life..my aspirations as it were, have gone down the drain….i

cannot toy with the life of the children….they r my precious flowers…..my

gems….I wont let any harm come to them…..”

” But what about the atmosphere in the house..?”….I asked….” is’nt

that doing them harm as well….?”

” it’s debatable Deby….what wud be more harmful for them……he’s quite tender with the children…….very concerned……even with me for that matter….he wont let
me lift a bucket of water,,…he is by my side doing the needful….i only have to be seen with a screwdriver or hammer in front of him, fixing something…..and he is there to attend to it…..he only has to see me with the thermometer, checking Roy’s or Diana’s temp……or them not eating well….he’s up with various suggestions, to solve the problem……imagine he wont let me give them tea…he says they will stop drinking milk if they get the taste of tea…..…….. in the kitchen he’ll first see whether there’s enough for the kids and me ….everyday, i cook just that little extra, lest he shd eat less, thinking there might not be enough for us…

No, Deby……separation will be the final resort for me……not

an immediate solution…..!…..I do not wish to take any step that i might

have to repent having taken, later in life……And yrs later, when i stand

before the mirror every morning i dont want a ques staring at me from

there from my own eyes….that ,cud it??/….cud it have been different if i

had but endured just that little longer…No…i cud’nt live with that question ,
Deby……..So i have to be sure, there’s no other way, before i take that

step………..”

25-_impressions

deby — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:05:47 +0000

JEN’S POEMS were always an ex-pression of her innermost feelings….she cud never write poetry for the sake of poetry….either she was deeply hurt…or feeling greatly elevated…..that’s when her feelings spewed forth like so much waters gushing out of a dam waiting to burst……

chadte suraj ki laali

hai ,chaayi hui , aasmaanon mein………….

subah ki halki narm hawaayen

hain,zulphon ko bikher   raheen…..

      gaalon ko choo kar yun nikal rahi hain

maano, ched rahi hain…….

      keh rahi hain…..

      hoon toh mai chand lamhon ka mehmaan hi……

      samet sako toh samet lo apne daaman mein…….

dopehar ki tapti dhoop waise dur

nahi hai…………….

palak jhapakte hi subah ka ye suraj,

kab aag ka gola ban jaye

apne tapish se mujhe paani-paani kar de…….

phir dhalta suraj………..

         baadalon mein atkheliyan karta huaa…….

         zindagi ki shaam ka aelaan karta hua………….

         ye bhi chand ghadiyon ka mehmaan……….

         phir wahi kaali andheri siya raat……..

      aur wahi tanhaayiyon ka khaufnaak manzar………….