ID MUBARAK HO JI………

khuda aapki har woh muraad poori kare, jo aapke dilke kareeb hon…….

My conversations with Abhi-01

ABHI   
:  Hi, Dibya…I wish to talk to U abt the dichotomy of our social life
and personal    aspirations and wishes…tell me…how many times hv u
deprived urself of   enjoying the spring, coz of work , family n social
obligations? How many   times hv you thought childhood as better, when
ur mind was as light as a feather?

DIBYA:
Abhi, these experiences differ frm person to person…depending upon what
types of ppl hv a say in ur matters…depending upon what ur heart n mind
perceives as
ur priorities…if there is significant clash between
what u want or what u believe in..and the aspirations of those who form
an integral,part of ur life…

ABHI
: my Q is,  can we  fix our priorities according to our will?Suppose
the morning is too pleasant for me to squander away, doing no work…can
I afford to?….my obligations wud’nt permit me…suppose i want to make a
solitary trip into the jungle and be with myself for a few days? will
my family obligations allow me to do so? Suppose i strongly love
someone, who i find to be my soulmate…will my social life allow me to
speak  my mind to her? being so chained for a long time, dont we come
to a stage where we forget how to fly in the open sky?…either knowingly
or unknowingly, we suppress our wishes n wills….

DIBYA:Abhi
, U r drawing me into realms, i often traverse, all by myself…let me
tell you one thing…i hv had my share of grieviances..and now I am sure
U hv had urs….Of this I am sure that U have had serious conflicts
between what ur heart desires..and between what the circumstances of ur
life dictate
U
know Abhi , there is something inside me, that  raises its rebellious
head at the slightest hint of suppression…be it by any individual or by
any institution…till I was 14, i scarcely knew what type of person i
was…..or what I wanted in life….never had any clashes with friends or
elders either..the reason was I was’nt even aware, i had a person
called ME to grapple with..
then
slowly I started becoming  aware of what makes me feel gud….i luved to
trust ppl…i loved poems n what they conveyed to the extent, that I fell
in love with the poets, knowing that most of them were long since
dead., it did not matter to me…..I felt one with them..like I cud meet
them at will, thro’ their thought processes…..philosophies interested
me…my mind started raising many questions…abt religious beliefs,
customs, practices…i found I never cud do the things that ppl do,
without being convinced of the sensibility of what they did…
I
never cud do things coz it was the Done thing…I questioned..and it is
not as though i wanted that what i perceived as the Truth shd be seen
in the same light by others….I always expressed my view, and left  the
other person free to prove me wrong….to find the loopholes in my
propositions…..and the ppl i  argued with were not all merely ordinary
ppl..they were the best in their field….i wanted to be proved
wrong….coz i know my views r very much in contrast with popular views…I
use ppl more like a sounding board…..wanting all the time that I be
proved wrong…coz out there where my mind thrives..it is quite lonely
Abhi ..and i am as social as I am an individual, with a distinct
personality that wont budge easily….so clash of sorts is always part of
life…..but I live amicably with all around me…..
not coz I bow to their dictates…but inspite of being what am…..am I making sense Abhi?

ABHI:
Certainly…now I get a clear picture of my friend….U r extremely
inquisitive, rational and rebellious…..but surely u must know the fate
that the likes of Socrates met with for going against popular beliefs……

DIBYA:
ha ha ha,…I have often joked with friends, that hd I been born in
another era..i wud certainly hv been burnt at the stake, like Joan of
arc….for the common GOOD…

ABHI
: but i find two forces always working within me…one..the centrifugal
force working to tear all ties..and the other trying to tie me up with
the material world,,,,,,I hv written a piece on this which i plan to
publish soon…and now i understand ur passion for poetry…U know
Dibya…only a true rebel is a poet…and only a poet can be a true rebel……

DIBYA:
U can understand when I say, there is poetry in nature….there is poetry
within me and without me…..and I mean to strike a harmony betweext the
two..else what purpose , life?..surely i am not going to sacrifice my
life at the altar of falsehood…..I will live true to myself……and I tell
the person opposite me….u live the way u choose to…if that is what
makes u happy…..if u dont have the guts to stand up for urself, then
sorry no one can help you….but dont tell me that ur way is the right
way…coz then I shall tell you that my way is right..then wud u leave ur
way and follow mine?…then dont ask me to leave mine…we walk our ways,
but we r still friends if u choose to be, coz after all I love U as a
person..and I expect U to respect my individuality  as a person, if not
love me……

ABHI
: and what is Love, Dibya, between a man and a woman..?…..is it
dependence, or understanding or expectations, or passion or caring?..I
have tried to find out but failed again and again……let me know ur
views..I’ve something to tell you……

DIBYA:
I am exploring this in the Maanav series ABHI…for me love is something
u experience deep within u, for another…the one gets hurt and the other
feels the pain much more than that one…U want the best for the one u
love…..if that means a friend other than you, still ur heart wants only
the best for that special one….U’d go to the end
of the world to
see that one happy……this is not just what every poet or lover
feels…..it is something I hv tested against my own feelings……and what I
feel deep down for those I love…  


ABHI
: To me Love is a soul-searching process…it is a concept rather than
something material…..In one of his poems Tagore says, we leave behind
half of our soul, in some other world, at the time we r born, and we
desperately try to find that other half, throughout our life…but
unfortunately our tunings never match with that other half..and we go
on searching…

DIBYA
: Abhi, u r speaking abt what I call a soul-mate…..as a comment on one
of my Maanav series, someone asked me, whether there was a thing called
a soul-mate…..I wrote back that down the ages, the yearnings that r
written abt in poems….the never-ending Quest…..that if the need for a
supernatural being to explain away, the mysteries that surround
life…can give rise to a God, then definitely this yearning that if not
all, but some of us feel to meet up with that soul-mate….surely that
wud prove that there is a thing called a soul-mate..my heart burns
sometimes with this yearning which is inexplicable….and as you say,
there must be something……else how do u explain the yearning within…..U
remember my poem?..THE ETERNAL QUEST?…..I have alluded to this in that
poem….my poems usually flow from deep within me Abhi….I actually live
those experiences that i write of…..and I fail to understand
myself..coz there is no  one person I know, to whom I can attribute
these feelings and say, this is the way i feel abt u….and yet those
feelings and expressions of mine r real….

ABHI
: now u have come to the crux of the matter…….as u said just now..that
u feel something deep within ur heart, but cannot attribute it to any
one…actually u r searching for ur inner self……it cannot be complemented
by anyone outside……tell me what wud happen if u got ur partner?….wud
the vaccuum inside you be filled up?
i
think if we do meet up wid that so-called partner..then the quest
appears  to  vanish and if we do not, then we experience pain..to hv
failed in love reduces the self-confidence, coz it attacks the self
esteem and the Ego…conversely a successful love affair only serves to
satisfy our Ego..in a way it is again a soul searching or a self
searching process…..

DIBYA
: then why the yearning for something outside you Abhi….why the pangs
of separation frm a being u do not even know, exists……or is it that,
that being is caught in a time-zone other than that in which u find
urself…?

ABHi
: therein lies the magic of God..we try to find without that which lies
within ourselves…..when after putting in a lot of efforts, we give up,
then comes the call frm within…..we realize that love is neither a
matter of absolute surrender, nor is it a matter of possession…..that
is when enlightenment dawns upon ur spirit….

DIBYA
: I hv often wondered abt this Abhi….has this yearning got something to
do with one’s urge to merge with the Creator……is that what this
inexplicable yearning is all abt?
I
wud subscribe to Vivekanand’s thinking that We r part of the  whole and
that this part is always wanting to merge with that whole…..he speaks
of the divinity within which has to manifest itself…

ABHI
: I do not know the answers Dibya..I am trying to find out in my own
way…..but I must say it is a great pleasure talking to u…..the
philosophy u mentioned is called Dwaitawaad….but I am more interested
in Adwaitawaad…..but u must be sleepy now…we shall call it a day……

DIBYA : let me tell you a joke…..

ABHI: ha ha ha…..it is indeed wonderful, that we can joke thus……

DIBYA
: Abhi ..that is what  life is about…having done the things u HAVE  to
do…do the things u WANT to do….no matter if it is standing like a fool
, getting wet in the rain…or strolling off into some jungle to be with
urself..or simply to stand and stare……or maybe listen  to some soulful
music, which is close to ur heart…..if possible with a close friend ,
who wud care to listen to it with you……..
                     

My conversations with Abhi-03

ABHI …Btw. Do u originally belong to North India..?

 DIBYA: no…..but what makes you ask me that?
 
ABHI: Because u know Hindi so well..It is difficult for a Southie to know Hindi with such  elan…

 DIBYA: i am not  what u  think……  but hindi is’nt my mother tongue either..
 i told you..there r many things abt me that surprise me.. my penchant for Hindi and Urdu being one of them..

ABHI: It seems to be a riddle to me..Then where do u actually hail from?
 
DIBYA: ha ha Abhi……. well i am just a human..is’nt that enough……not defined by any specific locality, or community…
  i subscribe to no single school of thought or religion or geographical boundaries..

 ABHI:  checkmate..I won’t ask u any further question abt. this..U r very quick  in thinking ..I must admit that..

 DIBYA: no…..nothing like that…i’d soon be telling you my whole lineage……if u let me….but that wud’nt define me…that is what i meant to say…so i want u to know me for what i am first…the details that usually influence somebody’s perception of another..i dont want that to come in the way, that’s all..
 
ABHI: I got u as a human being & that’s all because this should be the first & last identity of any person…I’m surprised to note that u’ve got so much energy , at this stage…

 DIBYA: hey……what’s this abt energy at this stage..?….u know i found that life really begins at this stage…….when u’ve had                   a chance to discover urself …..when u’ve had a chance to explore urself…….and you get to know urself better.. u have a better perception of the world around you..u have ur priorities balanced..the first half of life u r only busy doing what u’ve been taught to do…..u hardly let urself grow that way, in the way u were meant to grow..

ABHI: U’r absolutely right Dibya..I’m fully at one with u..But ask any other Indian woman & u’d get the answer..Here we’r taught to renounce the normal growth of life for the sake of future life..Here, u won’t be allowed to think independently..People who don’t matter in ur life r there to guide u through ur personal affairs..

DIBYA: u know that’s why i hate to introduce myself in the usual way first..becoz i dont really fit in anywhere,Abhi….my thinking defines me….not any community or nationality…and as u say…ppl whom ur mind scoffs at deign to tell u things..when u can see through and through that , they r but clones…trying to carry on a meaningless legacy of thoughts and beliefs….that’s why…i just shake off such shackles..and give my heart and mind a full run…..i am on my own , what u say….i have my own perceptions and visions…..i have had occasion to debate with the best of them… but none has managed to really satisfy my ever questioning mind…
   
 ABHI: ..U know Lord Buddha said, “Atmodeepo Vaba” which means ‘be ur own light’..No one can find out the light for u unless u urself earn it through odds & ordeals of life..Arguments can never take u to HIM..In our youth we argue too much..But as we grow older we find that the inclined sun is giving out a light which does not burn but soothes us..Isn’t that true?

DIBYA: yeah…..

ABHI: U see, sometimes I feel that had I been born in a family of the feudal lords of the19th century I could well afford to live a leisurely life. I could then purchase a lot of books for my library. Could sit under the sun in winter & read good books. There would have been no tension of daily life. There wouldn’t have been  any hustle & bustle of pseudo urban life. I could concentrate on listening to the songs of the birds……. the monotonous sound of doves in the summer noon…… the jubilant sound of the sparrows in the winter morning……I could talk to the river. Rivers always try to say something. If only we can keep ourselves awake u can hear it. The silence of mountains could also be understood by me then.
 
DIBYA: these things speak louder than any book ever cud Abhi..these r books etched with the story of centuries..
  the stories of the birds..of the plants…of every soul that ever lived….of histories gone by..of the secrets Creation holds in its womb..one has to listen with the heart..or rather the heart has to be tuned to it…the palpitation of Nature’s heart..and that of the one that beats inside you..can be set to the same rhythm…..beating as one..that is when you transcend all boundaries of time and space..all that the world holds precious dissolves into nothingness before you, and that which becomes precious to you..none can take it away from you..it is yours for the asking..the boundaries that the world sets cease to have any meaning for you..u fly as free as a bird..and that is ecstacy Abhi…you feel you have fulilled the purpose of Creation when you can go into such rapture……
 
ABHI: We’re the children of that palpitation. Have u ever heard the whispers of winds through the dry leaves in the spring? It is not an inanimate thing. It is a living being.
 
DIBYA: they hold within them the tales of a thousand ages Abhi …and they flow like sweet music into your ears…..and the sky, o-er head…the clouds…dont they sing too….?….and the stars……often have i lain on the terrace gazing at the sky….and the birds, on their long journeys…..my heart tunes to the notes they play..and throbs with the stories they tell…for hours together I have communed with these..and tried to find myself…in the scheme of things……
 
ABH,: There is a piece of Tagore which says, “In the darkness of my silent speech, Ur perceptions belong like the stars…”
 
DIBYA: hmmmmmm….he wrote wonderfully well…
 
ABHI: R there hills nearby, where u live Dibya?
 
DIBYA: yes……the sunset and sunrise r beautiful..
 
ABHI: They R beautiful even in  cities like Kolkata or, Mumbai. aren’t they?…
Actually I feel that Sunrise & Sunset have some stories of their own….. and those r very mystic….
 
DIBYA: :)…am telling you what i see and enjoy over here…i know i cud enjoy it anywhere.. 

ABHI :do you enjoy doing childish things sometimes?

DIBYA :if I told you now..Abhi..look at the sky…this moment..wud you?….plz do…gaze into the sky actually….
 
ABHI: I’ve a strong friendship with the night sky. Whenever I request him to come down to my window & sit & chat with me he comes…… Today is a full moon night.
 
DIBYA: that’s what i am getting at…wud you look at the moon for a few moments now?

 ABHI: I can see the moon floating across the sky laughingly.

 DIBYA: and i can see it too…dont you see what i am driving at?

 ABHI:  what do u want to allude to?
 
DIBYA: you tell me..
 
ABHI: That the beauty of the moon which u’r watching frm ur place can never be realised here frm my place?

 DIBYA: no Abhi…..the beauty lies not in the moon..it lies in that particular moment of time…when you and I conversing across the miles…….our eyes meet at the same moment on something as distant as the moon..and in that one moment we have crossed the barriers of space..or distance and we have met…….we have defied every law of nature…

ABHI: Wow! What a great idea! The same moon is shining over the mighty snow clad peaks of the Himalayas!

DIBYA: yes..and that is why i can be one with the Universe at will…. i dont have to travel physically to go some place or to meet someone..i can cut through barriers..if what you see with your physical eye, can get photographed in your memory..
  then can you not see with ur mind’s eye…….and enjoy the same experience? such is the power of the mind..and of the heart and the soul..

 ABHI: “I’ve tried to find him out in so many places……. But when I came back to my place exhausted I found that he is within myself..”-Tagore
 
DIBYA: makes perfect sense does’nt he?…”Divinity is within u..the purpose of all life is to strive to manifest that divinity within..u r a temple of God”…..Vivekanand.
  “He is not to be found within the four walls of a temple.”…..Tagore
 
ABHI: But, the idea is elusive! Our Ego wud definitely stand in the way….It is so difficult to fight against our ego!
 
DIBYA: i dont find it difficult at all Abhi…….u just have to shed all defences and become fearless..and let urself merge with Him..
 
ABHI: I think u’ve progressed a lot in this path.   Btw, Dibya, how did u like my idea of being born in the 19th century?
 
DIBYA:   hahahaha, Abhi…. why particularly the 19th century..?….and that too as against a feudal backdrop?
 
ABHI: Coz feudalism was at its peak in India in the 19th century. And in 18th century I wouldn’t have got printed books.
 
DIBYA: There is a lot of dirt associated with feudalism Abhi……
“Leave this chanting and telling of beads!..whom dost thou worship in this lonely dark corner of a temple with doors all shut?..Open thine eyes and see,,.Thy God is not before thee..!!!He is there , where the farmer is tilling the hard ground..and where the pathmaker is breaking stones.He is with them in sun and in shower and His garment is covered with dust. Put off thy holy mantle..and even like Him..come down upon the dusty soil……”
 
ABHI: U’r quoting from Tagore, the son of a feudal lord. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..

 DIBYA: ..it is a commentary not only on the zamindari system of the time..indeed it tells abt how we shd look for God, not in the temple..but rather in the joys and sorrows of our fellowmen..so it is our interaction with God’s creation……that is important….not mere worshipping within the four walls of a temple…… u might find God in the simple man you come across, or in your own attittude towards others..nay…God is not hungry for our praise and worship..

ABHI : hmmmmm

DIBYA :did i tell you that i was born in Lucknow?

ABHI: No, u kept it  a mystery.

DIBYA:ha ha ha…..my dad was posted there when i was born…he is an ex-army personnel

ABHI: But u said that u do not  belong to  the North  either.
 
DIBYA: no………..its a very long story Abhi….i cud write a whole novel on that

ABHI: Do u actually belong to U.P.?..or the south?

DIBYA: no……i told you…..my dad happened to be posted there…but  i guess some north indian soul got into me when i
 was born… the way my heart beats for the north……and as u say my command over hindi and urdu…which nobody can explain.. :)   so maybe if i study myself deeper..i might prove the theory of rebirth..
 
ABHI: So, u r making it more mysterious..Plz. tell me clearly which place do u actually belong to?

DIBYA: dad was originally frm Coimbatore….Madras..lost his parents in infancy……was constantly in danger of  life..frm relatives coz of property….ran away to the convent to the nun who taught him.. she brought him up… he was a Hindu….she gifted him a Bible and a Bhagwat Gita……. he grew up on those…. she introduced him to many Hindu girls..he was’nt keen on anyone.. met my mother thro’ the nun…married her……she is a Catholic…..and we children have grown up on the Bible and the Gita..so now tell me Abhi..where do i belong?….you know my thinking and my inclinations..

ABHI : U actually belong to the universe, Dibya..I’d only one curiosity to know how u could be so gud  in Urdu & Hindi …..
 
DIBYA : that even i cannot say Abhi..coz though i was born in Lucknow, …they brought me away when my dad was again transferred..must ‘ve been a 2 yr old then,,….then Ahmedabad……Gwalior..once i started schooling..dad left my mom here with her mother…and this became our base.. and i dont identify with any place or community or religion…..
  so what  do i tell anyone who asks me where I  am frm..?
 
ABHI: ur story  sounds like a novel..

DIBYA: i told you so..

My conversations with Abhi-01

ABHI    :  Hi, Dibya…I wish to talk to U abt the dichotomy of our social life and personal    aspirations and wishes…tell me…how many times hv u deprived urself of   enjoying the spring, coz of work , family n social obligations? How many   times hv you thought childhood as better, when ur mind was as light as a feather?

DIBYA: Abhi, these experiences differ frm person to person…depending upon what types of ppl hv a say in ur matters…depending upon what ur heart n mind perceives as
ur priorities…if there is significant clash between what u want or what u believe in..and the aspirations of those who form an integral,part of ur life…

ABHI : my Q is,  can we  fix our priorities according to our will?Suppose the morning is too pleasant for me to squander away, doing no work…can I afford to?….my obligations wud’nt permit me…suppose i want to make a solitary trip into the jungle and be with myself for a few days? will my family obligations allow me to do so? Suppose i strongly love someone, who i find to be my soulmate…will my social life allow me to speak  my mind to her? being so chained for a long time, dont we come to a stage where we forget how to fly in the open sky?…either knowingly or unknowingly, we suppress our wishes n wills….

DIBYA : let me tell you a joke…..

ABHI: ha ha ha…..it is indeed wonderful, that we can joke thus……

DIBYA : Abhi ..that is what  life is about…having done the things u HAVE  to do…do the things u WANT to do….no matter if it is standing like a fool , getting wet in the rain…or strolling off into some jungle to be with urself..or simply to stand and stare……or maybe listen  to some soulful music, which is close to ur heart…..if possible with a close friend , who wud care to listen to it with you……..
                     

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       …thank you