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The First Year
Its’ been a year. And hence, I thought the time was apposite to review my iland sojourn and share with you my experiences of – ‘Being Jerome’.
Honestly, not much thought had gone into selecting that name. Just randomly picked one from a book I had recently finished reading. Blogging on rediffiland was also accidental, experimental to begin with (as I wished to continue on blogspot), but, when one of my first few blogs featured on rediff home page and I made more friends, I decided to stay on. At that point of time, I had tried to remove ‘Jerome’ from my blog and replace it with my own name; but, thanks to rediff (well, actually, It was me who didn’t know how to do it the right way), my posts became inaccessible and I had to revert to my original settings. Moreover, many fellow ilanders had already begun to identify me by that name and this was another reason I chose to stick to it, and ‘am still with it.
Do I regret? Of course, not! It has only proved to be a blessing in disguise. Besides inspiring me to write a couple of my posts, it also provided me with even stronger reasons to stay under veil. However, I would confess that I have endlessly envied fellow ilanders for coming up with ingenious user names – thoughtworks, virtual reality, buddha, etc. and even better blog titles (rambleland, probabilitytisgod, hungryindian). Nevertheless, I can bet that this small, innocuous, inadvertent choice of name, ‘Jerome’ has proved to be more useful than any of your more intellectual one’s would have.
There are, of course, some ilanders who know me well enough personally. What still surprises me is that none of them has ever used my real name on iland. I don’t know what makes them treat this as a secret; but, thanks guys for your thoughtfulness! : )
On landing, Buddha and Think Tank were the first friends I made. I was fascinated by Buddha’s fictions and have since looked forward to reading everything by him. I was especially enamored with his writings on his family and absolutely loved the post from his daughter. Going through his blogs invariably reminds me of a supplementary book on English literature that we used to have in school, ‘Read for Pleasure’. I loved them at school and would read them over and over again. I wish I could make one out of his posts and keep it with myself for reading at leisure.
Think Tank - More than his writings what impressed me was that somehow he featured on almost every ilander’s ‘favorite list’ (including mine!!). And the number and length of comments on his posts would be longer than the post itself! Since our very first argument soon after I joined (which ended with us not talking for more than a month), we have constantly had our off-iland discussions on varied subjects (which, funnily, still end up the same way!). These constitute my best interactions with anyone from iland and a very pleasant and learning experience, especially, because we hardly ever agree. : )
I miss Preethi Nair and Rajesh Kumar Rai on iland. Having Preethi around, for some reason, always made me feel like I had a friend here, although, there wasn’t much personal interaction between us. I felt at ease and confident. She does not know this, but she has unknowingly inspired me to keep writing and stay here. I do wish she comes back.
Rajesh Kumar Rai – Do I have to say anything? We have busted our guts out laughing while reading his posts. He is undoubtedly one of our favorites and among the best of all out here.
For a long time I confined myself to a few set of fellow ilanders that I had initially made friends with, and almost refused to venture out and read more from others. The two most important that I regret missing are Sarath Chandra and Thoughtworks.
I remember the first time I read Sarath’s blog, it was almost kind of intimidating and I had logged off immediately. Thereafter, I would visit his blog every few days, reading a little more every time. There is a piercing clearness of ideas and honesty in his posts, a potential to shake your firmly held beliefs and yet a profound simplicity in his writings. To me, reading Sarath is like reading classics – something one almost reveres and still gets intimidated by.
There’s another person I got to know through the blogs but not from the iland itself and someone who has had a far-reaching influence on me – Madhumita. She had written to me after reading my blog on rediff homepage and we have been regularly communicating ever since. In her, I have found the only person who could satisfactorily answer my questions on God and religion and the only one with whom I have never had any kind of a disagreement. I love the way she takes each and every query I have – describing and detailing at length and covering all possible aspects to help me understand. When in doubt I merely have to shoot off a question to her, and it is taken care of. In less than a year’s time, she has come to be a very important part of my life and it makes me happy to know that she is around.
Thank you, Madhumita.
Thanks, Sarath, for keeping your promise. : ) (It has always surprised me. I’ll wait this time.)
Thanks, Rahul, for all the discussions between us.
Thanks, Fuber, for reading out your blogs on the phone : ) I loved listening to them.
Thanks, Nikhat Fatima for getting me out of the trouble : ) and always keeping in touch.
Thanks, Buddha, for the motivation and for the best gift on my birthday (don’t try guessing, you won’t get it).
Thanks Preethi, Rajesh Kumar Rai, Moe M, Ekantapadhika, Sahil Banga, Sarita Singh, Chetan Alandkar, Souvik Gupta, V Chennai, PG, Vinay Vaidya, Raj Mishra, Mukesh Tolani, Shalini K, Aruna Nonie, Sahil, Rudra, Beena John, Sanat Ray………….. and everyone else on iland.
Hopefully I’ll be more regular this year.
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WHY IS GOD? Of all the questions, doubts and possibilities explored into the realm of religion and spirituality, the one that has been conspicuously missing from all and almost certainly the most sacrilegious is the rationale explaining existence of GOD. Innumerable texts from all times of human civilization can be found elucidating who GOD is, what GOD wants from us, how GOD runs the world, what pleases GOD, how to get close to GOD etc. etc. Every now and then a new book comes into the market with a newer revelation about GOD and spirituality. The foundation of all religions and the underlying hypothesis is but one ' GOD EXISTS!! So we all begin from there. Assuming (okay, believing!) that there is an existence of an entity somewhere called GOD. Questioning this existence would account to profanity. Anyhow, I am not getting into that. My question is different and somewhat far simpler ' WHY is GOD? Into a discussion on what exactly spirituality stood for, the conversation inadvertently led me to 'Why do we need GOD?' Years ago, when I was in school, I read a book by OSHO which tried to examine the same in one of its chapters. Though, at that age I strongly disagreed with how OSHO looked at it, discussed at length with friends and opposed the concept, and even laughed it away as silly (blame it to my immaturity); yet, it always remained at the back of my mind. [[ For me at that point, GOD existed because I wanted my wishes to be fulfilled! : )) ]]. I read more on philosophy, religion and spirituality, however, learnt more from the people who followed it, and with time came to realize that OSHO was indeed right ' 'We are afraid of GOD'. The question ' 'Why is GOD' does not try to look into how the concept of GOD originated. That is an easy guess. It tries to delve deeper into human psyche, rationalizing human behavior and beliefs. And curiously, this one belief has stood the test of time ' even centuries after some religions were founded; irrespective of the forceful and, at times, unnerving arguments of atheists; conversion of masses from one religion to another; bloodshed for/in the name of faith ' the idea of GOD has not lost its sheen. Why we are still stuck to GOD? What propagates theism? What keeps people tied up in this belief? Believing in someone's existence is one thing, but isn't worshipping it another? I have come across many people with an unshakeable faith extending for a good part of their lives ' observing the rule book word by word, fussy about visiting temples everyday, and meticulously performing all rituals. Their idea of 'right' and 'wrong' is determined by what the book says, irrespective of what they think of it; sometimes even accepting that it could be a tad different. But would DARE not do anything out of the way as it might amount to inviting the wrath of Almighty. For every misfortune or a tragedy or even a trifle of bad luck that comes their way reasons are sought in deviations, if ever, from their religious conduct. And for those who do not subscribe to their views, a misfortune is attributed to their deviant behaviour!! I have genuinely failed to comprehend why people aren't satisfied by being good enough and why worshipping GOD gets so important. Sometimes I wonder if GOD would let 'who worships GOD more' supercede one's inherent goodness? Why for so many, 'to be afraid of GOD' is synonymous to being religious and a quality much desired? If you are a believer, has your faith never been shaken in GOD? Have you always been as religious as you see yourself now? Wasn't there a moment anytime when you felt you did not care? Has there ever been an instant when you did not think GOD existed? If any of your answers is yes, what made you COME BACK TO GOD? What is GOD doing in your life again? Why do you find yourself worshipping GOD for once again? Are you not afraid of GOD?
I am sorry If you got irritated by the repeated use of the word ‘GOD’ and feel I should have susbtituted it with ‘IT / HE/ SHE’ …… Well, to be honest, I am not very comfortable using ‘it’ for GOD and not sure of HE/SHE !!
Life is not easy. And is unpredictable too. It has its ups and downs, curves and straight paths, and sometimes it goes sideways. Lessons on wisdom of life inevitably find their way during a moment of crises as prompt reminders of the incertitude and mysteries of life. At times, the unexpected twists and turns may leave us with no choice but an unqualified and unquestioned submission to compromise and adjust with the new order. Our infantile spirit may wish to resist, crying out loud, contending with the maker and refusing to reconcile. However, 'Maker' and 'Life', intractable and incontestable, soon make us realize our own foolishness in undertaking such efforts. We may choose an abject surrender; let pain overwhelm our sensibility, stifle our aspirations, dreams and happiness and imperil the 'I' in the process. The protracted agony may harbour a silent hope and still carry itself to grave. Or we may choose to balance the practicalities of life with our shattered hopes and ambitions; when caught in intransigent situations prudently give precedence to acceptance, yet, working discreetly but diligently towards change, keeping the dreams alive in a secret corner of our heart, until one day we are able to live them again! ***************************************************** This is not how I wished to say this … Where's the story I had in mind when I began writing this??
Writing Under An Assumed Name Jerome Noir jerome.rediffland.com/ jerome.maudie@rediffmail.com A Male or a Female? Religion? Hindu? Doesn't sound like. Muslim? Could Be.
Christian? Most probably. But we aren't sure. I LOVE THIS. For the experiences I have had and the lessons I learnt. When I first thought of joining the blogging world, It never occurred to me, that this idea of writing under an assumed name would prove to be so valuable and go a long way in teaching me about people and their attitudes. I AM HAPPY. Because my name doesn't reveal whether the person is a male or a female (though, it is so easy to make that out on rediffiland; nevertheless, most of the people miss it!), Nor gives a clue of the religion I belong to. I could have never imagined that people would react differently on a ‘subject depending on what they suppose is my real identity. I haven't been here for a long time and still find it difficult to find time for blogs. But, I have already had plenty of such experiences. People getting confused and wondering how to go about in absence of that (crucial?) information. I didn’t know you were a woman!! SO???? What does it has to do with anything?? In argument, twice, on subjects related to religion, my secular take and suggestions to let nation and people supercede religious differences, were misconstrued and considered no less than an attack on their religion. I also observed how people projecting themselves to be secular in their approach, would get worked up and make statements that begin with, “If you are a muslim….” ; or “If you are a christian…..” If someone is genuinely secular, why is it that such statements find their way into their arguments? There are bloggers who, in spite of using a second name, have let their identities known. I had similar plans initially. However, having gone through what I have, I would prefer to keep it this way, at least for some more time. One may carry on speculating.
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When All think Alike, No One is Thinking Very Much!!
- Walter Lippman
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Once, at the end of a long discussion, a friend remarked that I possessed this quality of looking at things analytically and went on to conjecture that I must be good at arguing. For someone who prefers to stay away from them, mostly joins a discussion or a debate only as a passive participant (rather, 'passive beneficiary' ' listening, understanding and analyzing a subject from different perspectives!), and firmly believes in freedom of personal opinion and judgment for all, I could only respond that I had no clue as I hardly argued and most of the times admitted that the other is right, invariably putting an end to any inception of an argument.
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He was surprised and advised that I shouldn't ever be doing that. At that moment, I forgot to tell him the reasons why I had adopted that approach. But, I believe, a lot of us do that for our own personal reasons.
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Recently, I got into something contrary to my 'normal' personality. I entered into a SERIES of SYSTEMATIC REASONING with someone. The purpose was not to win a point' merely, to put mine across - at times, agreeing; at others, trying to comprehend the rationale offered and the reason that went behind the argument; and at others, acknowledging that I failed to see other's point even after struggling hard with my current mental ability.
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I was flabbergasted with the reaction I received. I was accused of arguing for the sake of it! Of turning a blind eye to others' reasons and offering arguments and counter arguments where nothing deserved! The person even went ahead to add that he wouldn't argue anymore as I was probably incapable of understanding!! : ((((
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Anyhow, neither my 'usual' disinclination towards argument, nor the reasons behind this 'adopted' attitude are the points of this post. And most importantly, this is NOT intended as any explanation or justification towards the argument or the accusation that finally set me writing.'
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I had been reflecting for some time to write on argumentation, essentially, to put forth my take on it. Surprisingly, the ultimate inspiration (and probably the most befitting) came from this accusation!
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I have long wondered why people argue. What is the purpose that drives people into getting into an argument?
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Is it only that we want to have a good discussion??
On second thoughts, aren't discussions friendlier? Where two people have equal participation (and respect) and the basic aim is to get an insight into different aspects of a subject, try to appreciate each other's viewpoint and, if possible (but, not necessarily), arrive at a consensus? Can an argument ever be termed friendly? Have you ever experienced anything as a 'pleasant argument'? Or is it only that when a discussion gets out of hand and when egos overtake the camaraderie that we rechristen a discussion as an argument?
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ARGUMENT, OF COURSE, IS A DISAGREEMENT.
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BUT, WHERE ONE TAKES THIS DISAGREEMENT, ESSENTIALLY, DEPENDS ON WHAT ONE DESIRES OUT OF IT.
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Are you getting into an argument because -'
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-'''''''' You wish to make others understand your perspective and the reason why you hold a particular stance?
-'''''''' You would like to exchange views on a subject and thereby add to your knowledge?
-'''''''' You don't agree with something and can't relax until you let the other person know how/what you think about it?
-'''''''' You can't really accept anything without a say of your own as doing that would make it appear like you don't have a mind of your own?
-'''''''' You have already made a statement and can't really backtrack in spite of realizing later that you could have gone a bit wrong somewhere?
-'''''''' You know the other person is wrong and wish to correct him/her?
-'''''''' You want to prove others wrong?
-'''''''' You wish to prove yourself right?
-'''''''' You wish to have some fun as you find arguing just another form of entertainment?
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'''' (Reasons may of course, overlap)
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On the other hand, at times, we find ourselves reluctant to hold any kind of argument with anybody. Why is it that sometimes, you would just not get into an argument?
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-'''''''' You don't have anything to say on the topic?
-'''''''' You know the person is a fanatic and an argument is only a waste of time?
-'''''''' You don't consider the other person capable of saying anything worthwhile?
-'''''''' You believe that entering into an argument may negatively affect your relations with the person?
-'''''''' You are simply not in the mood but would like to bring it up again some other time?
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I wonder which is yours, but, personally, I get into any kind of argument with a person only when I feel that the other is CAPABLE of carrying it out with respect for the other person,'with a receptive attitude for opinions which might differ from his/her, without losing perspective and without getting worked up unnecessarily in the process.
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I also find it extremely aggravating when people presuppose that the other person is wrong and get into an argument only to win it. The very beginning of such an argument with 'I AM ONLY RIGHT' attitude is indubitably the end of a discussion. What ensues thereafter is only a STRUGGLE of EGOS and nothing can be gained out of it.
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I guess, people might differ here with me, but, I genuinely believe that reaching a consensus should not always be the aim of an argument. Two people, with opinions as different as the two poles on earth, can have a perfectly healthy discussion, get an idea about each others approaches on a particular subject and still peacefully co-exist with their own independent, though dissimilar, philosophy.''''''
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There is another very interesting aspect of argumentation'…and certainly its greatest benefit''.THE WAY WE ARGUE REVEALS OUR TRUE CHARACTER''.It is one of the best judge of a person, exposing different aspects of one's personality, attitude towards ideas dissimilar to theirs and towards people who beg to differ, and also one's long-term compatibility with the other.
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When in an argument, try some of these -
'''''''' Is the other person giving you an equal opportunity to let your views known on the subject?
'''''''' Is he/she even paying any attention to them?
'''''''' Is the person getting worked up without reason?
'''''''' What kind of language does the other person choose to use under such circumstances?
'''''''' Do you feel the other is being disrespectful to you?
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Well, to sum it all, my take on argumentation is best represented by'..
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We Need Not All Agree.
But If We Disagree, Let Us Not Be Disagreeable In Our Disagreements.
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Wish You All Happy Arguing :))))
Match Horoscopes: Getting Married (1) When opting for an arranged marriage, people have their own priorities. To start with, the potential spouse has to pass through the scrutiny of the parents. Combine these with the preferences of the person for whom the search is on and the list of desired qualities will unquestionably be longer than your grocery list for the whole month! These may be in terms of education, financial position, physical standards, caste, region, religion, profession etc. etc. [not necessarily, in that order ;-)]. Same is the case with my parents. However, their only condition (and an indispensable one!) is that the horoscopes must match! They must give a perfect score. No compromises on that. Let me share some experiences…. More than half of the times, people don’t have a proper date and time of birth. An outright negative to all of them. Won’t even consider. Kuchh bhi ho jaye! Then there are some, where the horoscopes match, but one later realizes that the provided date of birth is actually the one adopted for use in official documents. After matching the horoscopes, they have told me things like You have a good score with him, BUT, this person doesn’t have a long life. The score is really good , BUT, the kundli says, the two of you would make a quarrelsome couple. Your daily family squabbles would not let you live in peace. The score is acceptable, BUT the matrimonial alliance between the two of you could endanger either’s life. Good score. We could have gone ahead with this, BUT, the kundli says, there would be no progeny. [WHAT????? Can you get all those details through this???] Anyhow, we can adopt….. NO?? Theek hai. As you wish :((( Finally, tired with all this, I declared, that since I don’t really believe in any of this, I am not going to care anymore. And then the best happened when they matched a kundli again and told me: The score is good. [Thank God! finally] BUT,…… [Again?] There are three problems. [Ab kya hua?] One, this person may have an accident soon. [Ohhh. We know that already? Why don't we tell him? ] Second, no progeny! [Ahhh!!!] Third, His kundli says he would marry twice. He could be married already! Or, .. you know? [WHAT??!!!] BUT, IT’S OKAY IF YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD WITH THIS!!! [WOW!!!! WHAT A CHOICE!!!!]
The Only Way to Have a Friend is to Be One!
At our workplaces, we have to deal with all kinds of people. Some we may like, some we may not. It is easier to get along with some, and just impossible with others. One person whose behaviour intrigued me initially, and then baffled me immensely, has now become a cause of persistent pain in the neck. The problem is even more bizarre than anyone could imagine. It is a straightforward demand, "I want you to be my friend." Of course, I know that no one could possibly ever be bothered with something as harmless as this. But, still there is no denying that a problem exists! This person in question is a colleague of mine. And is so competitive that would go to the extent of lying, slandering, and misinforming only to gain a point. The problem arises not when she indulges into these things (I guess, that is the story of almost all the workplaces), but when she comes and says, "I would like to be your friend." Once suffered on her misdoings, if I try to keep a distance not to be a victim of her manipulations, she would come back (sometimes even sobbing!) and tell me something as exasperating as, "I care for you. But you don't care for me!" or "I consider you as a friend. But you don't!" I have felt like asking her what the definition of friendship in her dictionary is. But have always refrained myself from saying anything that could possibly hurt her. I know she does not have any friend around. And hence have tried myself to be one. But I admit that I have failed miserably. I don't understand how I could possibly be made to appear guilty for being friendly. It is not my fault when people come and share things with me (and not with her). Now if that hurts someone or makes someone jealous, how can I help it?? I don't really think I am supposed to tell anyone, all about my personal life to prove my friendship. But, if someone else does, I have no other option but to listen (Though, I would really wish if you could spare me the torture!). How can you enter into a competition with me both at the professional and the social fronts and still demand that I be your friend? Why is that you would have me either as a friend or as a foe? Why can't we just stick to our work and maintain the necessary formal cordialities without getting into any negative competition? And why is it that you fail to realize something as simple as, "The Only Way to Have a Friend Is to Be One."
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