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Had been waiting for holidays so eagerly.and now that they are here i dont know what to do with them.Have got so many bundles to correct ,dont feel like doing them..that strange restlessness has again taken over me.weird feeling of loneliness,sadness..i have everything going right for me..my kids are in good colleges,my husband is a good human being,my teaching is going great ,still i feel so depressed at times..the ailment that troubled me 8 years back is softly but surely knocking at my head again,dont know when its going to flare up..older friends are either drifting away or i am pushing them away..am in no mood to make newer ones..do best friends really happen?someone with whom you can be completely yourself?good bad ugly?why havent i found one till now?or do i expect a lot from people?where does one get peace of mind?blankness ,lightness of mind?is what im looking for called nirvana?how does one get it?ppl ask me to light a diya in my small temple and pray..what is the use?i know its not going to make any difference.even then my mind would be in turmoil..i dont understand the ways of this world..everybody is trying to pull others down,everybody is trying to project himself or herself as the best…jealousies,insecurities,things which i think could be easily ignored..,are not even worth paying attention to are made so much  hue and cry about,..you dont mess with  ppl you dont like still you are commented upon just because you are good at your job? what have i done to them? i too can be bitchy like them but i cant.