Its so strange that while choosing something as big as a life partner , the first thing which is asked for is about the physical appearance of the person.All the newspaper add would be saying “Wanted slim , fair , tall etc etc” .no one ever writes someone whose wise , good at heart , interesting , I mean theres actually so much to look for and ask for rather than just a Barbie Doll. Then next thing maybe what is the qualification of the perspective of bride or groom , how much he or she earns . I dont denigh that these aspects are not important , of course they are . Practically aspects like financial stability of the spouse is definitely of vital importance. But then what kind of a person is he or she , weather we will be compatible or not , weather we will have good time together or not , no one is just bothered about. I mean this is the last thing in most of the cases , especially conventional arranged marriages. No one is damn bothered about the inner content of the perspective partner , even if young people try and talk about compatibilty , most of the guy’s moms will come running and say “oh beta , see her snaps , she looks so beautiful n naive, I am sure she will be good wife , she can cook well also , she is polite in talking also ” .Oh ‘common , how can we decide about our life partners on such criterion.
Especially with girls , a little dark skin or a little flab on the waist are enough good reasons for a “no to marriage” ,no matter how intellegent she is , how good she is at heart. These all things are not worth of a bargain of getting a wife or daugther in law ,whose wait size might be more that her would be husband. Even a big and a beautiful heart is dumped for a slim waist line !!!
This really call for a toast!!!!!
Friends' Update
-
Loading ...Please wait..
Good thoughts, Nowdays everyone want glory of skin. no one is ready to see in the heart. Look is not for ever.how can i explain ?I”ve get married after much profile-view. I”m pg.D.C.A. and i want to start my Internet based business.So, I need qualification first.after much time i got her form mumbai.
That exactly is the world its pathetic but the fact, so there are many poor girls good, kind, etc but of waste still waiting for the special one.
amazing thought that you have put forward here… Things like honesty, good nature and stuffs dont make it into the add. This is really a sorry state. But do you think that if you put up an saying that I WANT A HONEST, INTELLIGENT, WELL EARNING BRIDE OR BRIDEGROOM. You are gonna look into those stuffs once you get the meet them. But this has become a kind of tradition and people just follow it without thinking. And do you think that girls who are bit on the cubby side dont get married. I dont think you are so naive to think so…
But this is a nice write. All that needs to be done is to break the stupid tradition of advertisiing in the same old manner
NICE ONE….
Hmm…I oppose your comments, as I feel it’’s little bit cruel to say like that. If someone’’s color change, ppl will leave them. If you have a will to love and care, surely men will marry any of you. But be patient for that.
hey meeta…your thoughts seem right and i thought: yeah, the whole idea of arranged marriage and the way it is done should be rubbished. But then, I thought…… wait a minute, more than 90% of the ppl i know had arranged marriage and most (if not all) of them are contene, if not very happy with their partners. All these were arranged looking into the criteria you had mentioned. Some thing with 80% or for that matter 70% success cannot be completely wrong.
To make matters worse, some of the so-called love marriages (i know) aren”t in a good state now…. These are the very ones where the couple met, got to know each other, knew compatibility, this, that, etc, etc before marrying..
contd in next….
Hmm you sound so much like me…am sure you”ll find common ground when you read my ”manhunt series” someday…arranged marriage surely makes commodities out of us..
good one
Not true …
Buddy,how can you write that “u want a good at heart person”..i mean is there any criteria to judge that…..all u can judge is looks and qualification.and hence,these are the asked for things.
In my opinion,it is wrong to look for fair skin or anything in that order..BUT………..
Your this blog is good. These are your own thought and the others who think your way, but actually, its not like that. Now a days, boys see the education first and then its beauty and other things… what u have mentioned.
Hi….Meeta…I LIKE UR BLOG ON JUST LKE THAT
Thats arranged marriage for you, sadly exterior beauty is more important than inner beauty, thats the way we judge other people, cannot help it. and please blog more often.
Only on paper all these exists but when you began to love all you can see is LOVE only
i was begning to think that i was the only nut thinking in this perspective..thx 2 u”r blog now i know i am kinda sane
I don”t understand who are you preaching to….Guys who look for outer beauty traits; or the Girls who are ready live and die for handsome tall guys; parents (as you mentioned mothers but left the fathers…reasons known to you better) who are trying to get the best bargain for thier son/or daughter??? Plz be specific….
As for marriage thru advertisement, I beleive ”tall n fair, good earning, good looking” are the first filter, and all ther paramteres would be checked and ”weighted” in the next levels! Arranged marriages for sure, parents cannot check the ”inner content” of the boy or girl. Having said this, definitely, now a days, dark or fair, girls or boys with good respectable jobs, are much wanted, I beleive. Good post, Meera.
Nice & mature stuff…
but its not about the light heavy fair dark tall or short ..its the matter of perspective…things which matter to me may or may not be mattered for you… these thing can be compared / judged easily in the comparison of intellectual properties in a person ..thats why we all talk about these factors.. coz no time is enough to judge the beauty of someone’s heart..
but i must say end shud be ”this really call for dieting” instead of ”this really call for toast” ( again the matter of perspective) …No violence ..
Beauty lies on the beholders eye. It is true. if some body goes behinds physical appearance it is mos foolish thing in life. what matter is the understanding b/w both and it is the secret of life. keep in touch.
NICE ANALYSIS-OUR SOCIETY ONLY BELIEVES IN BODY FIGURE OF A WOMAN AND MONEY FIGURE OF A MAN.BOTH ACTUALLY MAY NOT BE OF MUCH VALUEmany dark girls i hv seen more charming than fair ones..more fafouriteamong boys… so many other factors are there ..which are to be developed by girls
Its all to do with the society, society respects ppl who are rich, beautiful, good looking and powerful… that’’s why everyone looks for these qualities in alliances…
Hi,
It seems you are a friend of Nishant Paul. He has claimed that he writes poetries. Check this site and see yourself how he writes his poems. Kitna jhooth kitna sach.. sab saamne aa jayega.
BTW, I am a great fan of Cuckoo’s writing.
many dark girls i hv seen more charming than fair ones..more fafourite
among boys… so many other factors are there ..which are to be developed by girls
Hi
Dont think, almost everyone are like this….Most of the people are still looking for the life parter with good at heart, friendly, caring…goes on
possibly we are living in the era where marketing and presentation is more valuable than its quality.
I think the very fact the people put in ads for marriage is because they cant find anyone from other means and sources. Keeping in mind what is the word limit of dese stupid matrimonials, poor parents (as mostly parents post them) have no choice but to list out what they feel is important. and if you come to think of it and keep yourself in your parents position - for them what is important what does the daughter in law looks like (no onevoluntarily wants a darker than the guy and taller than him girl)…
agreeing with Rishie - even if you put these good qualities which are not material - what guarantee is it that tht person possesses those qualities.
Meetaji..a bunch of thought/confusions/suggestions/guessses i”ll put here…firstly..i agree..looks are not the only factor which one shud consider..but again..why not..that is why the cosmetics sell so much ..and they”re getting popular with men too..secondly..aspects like hieght/skin color/looks/salary (and all that falto-but-still-important stuff) can be verified (i mean u can actually see them) either by documents/seeing urself..etc etc..probably that is why they are directly asked..u cant ask anyone ”wanted good-at-heart-spouse” or similar demands..coz..even if u put these as ”required…” are u sure if u wud get these qualties..am sure 90% wud be fake..even if there is a bunch of others (read:relatives) vouching for him..the ”requireds” that u are suggesting to be asked while posting these ads are ones which jus cannot be verified anytime before marriage (until there are commoners who like common frnds..common relatives etc)..and these surprises come only aftr u hav tied the KNOT
having said wat came to my mind..jus hav one thng to say..EVEN I DONT BELIEVE in posting such ads/proposals
Hi Meeta, I must agree with you & experience teaches me that intelligence in your counterpart is a must & “the most” quality that should be given the first preference. However, people mistake marriage to be all about attraction (could be the bust line or the waist line) when it is actually about the other “A” which is adjustment.
NICE ANALYSIS-OUR SOCIETY ONLY BELIEVES IN BODY FIGURE OF A WOMAN AND MONEY FIGURE OF A MAN.BOTH ACTUALLY MAY NOT BE OF MUCH VALUE.
Hey,
Same thing with man also, All girls look for suitable husband ” well educated, earning should be in 5 figures, handsom, polite………… but it is not possible, some ppl are not earning Huge amount and no girl want to marrry with him .
so this is from both side we have to keep ourselve happy ,what ever we have/or getting ……… dont worry . every boy want beautifull girl but only few pple get. and every girl want handsome boy but few get.
you are absolutely right…though some exceptions,,,[ )I..I( ]
well said..happens all the time, though we all know beauty fades away with time what stays is purity of the heart and compatibility…
young ppl look for an arm candy for a wife. a spouse is a possesion like a car to be shown off to ones friends. ppl have become robot automata.they react impulsively to external stimulii.they do not respond in a conscious manner. if ur mirror tells u, u r beautiful , its absurd. Ur conscious sd say so.
I thappens because we live in superficial world
hey i totally agree on this one , as i hv seen it myself hw people consider a girl wth long hair to hv an edge over someone whos nt equally blessed.I guess the criteria fr people selecting a lifeprtner is pretty hilarious,as i hve seen people looking fr girls wth fair skin ,long hair .slim waist to people who wud jst prefer dentists ….may be they realise its time fr them to get a root canal dne
ur words are true….. but i think it wont work in practical life..
ur words are true….. but i think it wont work in practical life..
Men are more attracted to visual beauty at least initially later they may think of other factors. And also there is no gurantee that ugly people are intelligent,sensitive. At least with physical beauty you can see by eyes other things are difficult to see, so its a safer bet to go for physical beauty.
ru really serious?
Thanx for suggesting such an important idea. Now you will c some advs. shortly in some news paper fully equipped with ur golden idea. (It might me on my behalf???)
Your right . I agree with you.
we confirm what a dominant form of production teach us to confirm. to put it simply,ideas about good , bad , beauty….. are given and keep changing but they always serve the hagemon class. so , it abot quetioning the dominant form of production and the hagemons and not about individual or collective choices. thanks.
Hummmm…..you have a point.Choosing a partner for life is…hummm…a gamble perhaps.Even if one ignores the ”physcial” attributes or emphasize on it…still its a gamble. Since I have been married and we two make good couple…nevertheless,can”t say for sure what made as click.Physical appearance is an important part,it will be foolish to say it is not,yet again eac and every body has his/her own idea of beauty.Can”t and will not be any universal scale.Just for an example I like ”dusky” women though I am embarrassingly fair,will my beau accept that?What if i get a fair women (which eventually,i got) will i or she refuse only for that? Friend,there are many scales,yet which one works and is most suitable,hard to say.But i do agree physical attributes are not THE only factor. Neither it is advisable to ignore it completely.Some ”Prudent” judgment is to be made,and that depends on individuals.Good Luck.anil.
But the criteria for selecting one’’s partner is changing these days ya? I do hear surprisingly intelligent quips from my bachelor colleagues as to what they desire in their partner and I must say its quite different from what I was used to hearing from my good old days (Hey not that I am too old
). Then it all comes down to priorities as it goes with everything in one’’s life. There are compromises made. Depends a lot on one’’s ideals/principles. All are definitely not the same.