Les miserable

  

 

There were benchmarks around me

Set with prejudice but not of love

My desires were crushed

With a terminator's revenge

 

 

The spirals that tied me were of bonds

Which never existed

I was ruled blindly by unknown fears

Punishing my youth and womanhood

And annoying my comfort zones

 

 

I tried to escape

Like feathering leaves, returned to the roots

Days prolonged recording my emptiness

Imparting woes that never part

 

I waited patiently

As the earth waiting for rain

To bath in the ecstasy that inundates her

There were hopes within me

But challenging me the sunsets were drab

 

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Uttarah?.!

 

 

The oil lanterns flickered  in the wind,

 

Her elegant face gleamed  in faded rays,

 

The silvery veil fluttered  in the breeze,

 

Revealing luminous  eyes    hiding enormous riddles,

 

Anklet?s  chit chat  slicing  the silence,

 

Her silky garb rustled  in rhythm  ,

 

with heavy trinkets  clinging to  sandalwood skin.

 

The preening swans even stared

 

at her immaculate beauty with envy.

 

It was Uttarah  princess of Virat.

 

 

 

Stacking  arrows of pain within,

 

 

She watched her reflection-

 

The  red  theeka  flowing down her forehead,

 

A question pounded in her heart,

 

Why me?

 

 

 

All the dazzles of life are ending here,

 

Where in the darkness I will proceed?

 

Hiding the ocean of pain within

 

She lulled  the fond memories of Abhimanyu-

 

A dashing warrior with audacious bravery ,

 

His prowess even trembled the Kaurava?s,

 

The  prodigious son of greate Arjuna,

 

The unequalled human thunderbolt -,

 

Now ready for the final departure.

 

Dear! let me forfeit all worldly comforts-

 

No trinkets and  silken parasols ,

 

Let only  your thoughts pave my path,,

 

And your love continue to conquer ,

 

Let your passion  rouse  Goosebumps ,

 

and  your words, from no where  rain, to sooth me,

 

Take my youth with you beloved,

 

I am marked with widow?s paleness,

 

But do spark on the horizon for me,

 

As  a  twinkling bright star,

 

spanning seasons and time,

 

Sending messages through drizzling drops

 

Like shooting darts at the target ,

 

From your everlasting  quiver.

 

Let me bare the pyre with in me,

 

And   dissolve in its unabated fury.

 

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The Mask

 

What was  broken?

 

The mirror or the image ?

 

Or  it  was the dream?

 

I witnessed helplessly,

 

My soul being stripped,

 

I was unarmed,

 

Demure smile now alien to lips,

 

The path progressing  endlessly,

 

The  dreadful silence piercing,

 

The deepest firewalls within,

 

Unspoken words  and  heaving hearts

 

Throbbing eyes wandering aimlessly,

  

Fiery thoughts conquered sanity,

 

 

Willowy breeze  even stopped .

 

 

No giggle and coy whisper

 

,

To lull the hamlet to sleep,

 

 

The maple even  shivered,

 

 

Spreading golden brown leaves,

 

 

Misty Clouds scudded across

 

And the static shadows freeze,

 

Faceless  I was standing,

 

A mute witness to destiny?s plot,

 

I need a mask sooner or later?

 

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The Foundation Stones

 

There was blood everywhere

Fetid smell suffocating

It was not distinctive

Of felons and innocents

Or of Muslims and Hindus

That of Jews and Christians

The color was the same

Aftermath of tendril encroachments

The rifles jolt was fearsome

It was fear that ruled every where

Baby?s coax even not spared,

Shocking the precincts abruptly

 

We were proud once

 Of our cultural heritage

We boasted about our great ancestors

We talked uninterruptedly

That we are unique in our ways

 

But everything shattered

When the valley of peace

Echoed gun shots of hatred

The talks about caste

Creed and race

Were more significant

 

And we never noticed

The foundation stones getting set

 

We talked with rage about Rama,

But forgot his preachings

We talked with rage about Allah,

But never mentioned about his sacrifices,

We fought vigorously for LOC,

But never bothered the slaughtered

Who were once our brethren

There was no religion

That forced us to love

But filled us with odium

 

Was it for money or power?

What we will do dear

With blood stained currencies?

Will the slogans we shout

Replace those innocent lives?

No, never

Then why this blood shed?

 Why?

*********************************

 

 

The Deodars are  Blossoming

Notional  images festooned

Reinless mind traversed

Unexplored wildness

Borderline between sane and insane

Narrowed and slipped some where

Memories flied to bizarre zones

A picture so vague  surfed up

His crown glowed in my dreams

And the smile continued capturing me

Among  the mist  his body  glittered

Making vibes within my Spine

I walked with hurried pace

But the distance widened disguising me!

I saw him growing  beyond the rocky landscape

 

But vanished diffusing in to the air slowly

 

I could feel  my memories fading

The past and present rifting apart

Frames vanished with rage

Swaying trees soaring in to the sky

The varying hues of lush green

Those warm embraces

Rushed away with maddening speed

I could feel  memories rushing to an unknown gorge

Emptying the valley with lightning speed

 

The deodar still shed flowers 

Slowly I was absorbed in its fragrance.

And I realized  the  deafening  silence,

Wreathing me randomely!

**************************************

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Hopes

 

The life was secular but,

There were hopes you presented,

I believed in them than the dreams

For a day when you will be back.

 

I let the parrot out from the cage,

Since I realized what freedom means,

Still it circled around me,

Assuring I am not alone.

 

Why you left with out a word?

Question still remain unanswered.

Consciousness compelled forget it,

But how can I do that?

 

The days we laughed more,

The rhythm in our steps,

The moments of togetherness,

Still alive and close to heart.

 

Now I quest for your presence,

And the absurdity increasing,

My thoughts traveled faster,

Will there be a reunion.

 

 

Logics failed and superstitions surfaced,

Stories many were knitted ,

Nights made their retreat,

Leaving space for dawn ,

The question still remains unanswered  ,

Where on the earth I can search for you?

 

 

 

 

Sonabai

I am Sonabai a girl of ten year from Ranpur village, of Rajasthan.  I am the eldest daughter of my parents who has got four more daughters younger to me. Being a girl the duty assigned to me is to help my mother and bring water from the public well way away in the desert encircled by rising dunes of golden sands and chocolate mountains. I  was a happy child in the whirl wind of dust.

Yesterday I saw my mother engaged in heated conversation with my drunken father  and finally got beaten down. I was not much bothered since it is one of their daily ordeals. He always cursed mother for giving birth to only girls.

 

My house was crowded today and mother dressed me up in the new hand worked dress. A plate of home made sweets was placed before me. First time I was seeing such mouth watering stuffs together. I grabbed them one bye one with greed and started eating. I don't know why the ladies around me laughed. Almost all my neighbors were present there.

My father took me on his shoulders and placed me in the lap of the strange old man and I didn't like the  odor of his body. Then I was asked to keep a garland on his neck and he placed another one on my neck too. The priest chanted few mantras and after a lavish lunch, I was forced to go along with the old man and his troop. I cried a lot and ran back to my mother's hands. She was also crying, but my father took me forcefully from her side and handed over to the old man.

 

I sat on the camel back watching the clouds turning from pink to mauve grey.After a long exhausting  travel through the desert we reached at his house, little bit larger than my own house. I was received by few ladies with oil lamp and they applied colored powder on my forehead.

The sun was going down into torpid slumber..I missed my little sisters and mother very much. Felt totally isolated and horrified in the new surrounding. The drab colourless landscape made me more miserable Some how I slipped into deep sleep after the tiring journey in the scorching sun, and was awakened by the pressure of a body over me. I saw the old man squeezing his weight over me. I started screaming. He was so brutal that he closed my mouth and did things that I was never known before .Everything was like a nightmare. I was really afraid of that man and used to hide beneath the coat when he comes. But unfortunately every day the torture continued till I bleed.

Life in the new house was horrible for me day after day. There were many kids of my age in that house . But I was not allowed to go out and play with them . I used to envy the freedom they were enjoying.

One day  I was watching the children paying out side. The sunlight regulated through the small huts. The wind blown with unabated fury .I heard a huge cry from inside. I peeped through the door. The old man was lying down in the floor and heard people whispering that he is dead, and I did'nt understand the meaning of the word.

 

Few old ladies took me near to the well and poured water over my head. They had broken all my bangles and removed the colored powder from my forehead. I was wondering what is happening. Then one of the lady started cutting my long hair. I screamed and ran away but the other ladies caught me and forcefully removed all my luxuriant hair and made me to wear white dress. Why?  

 

Year passed. Now the rear views are clearer to me. Each incident marched in my mind unwinding the memory. My white attire was a grim reminder of my past. Swirling hot air was the only companion I had. I lived  isolated, cursing the nights that never dazzled in light .Dreamless days passed identically waiting only for the final departure. If ever there is a rebirth let it be never that of a girl, I prayed.

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