licensedpirate’s blog

Niger (Africa) has the world’s highest fertility rate - 7.1 children per mother. - Newsweek, 10/19/09

A Tunisian pilot was sentenced to 10 years in prison because he paused to pray instead of taking emergency measures before crash landing his plane, killing sixteen people. - The Week Magazine, 4/10/09

Mickey Mouse is one of “Satan’s soldiers” and must die, says Saudi Arabian cleric Sheikh Muhammad Munajid. Mr. Munajid also condemned the Beijing Olympics as the “bikini olympics”. - Daily Telegraph (UK), 9/15/08

The 125 scientists stationed at the McMurdo research base in Antarctica are ready for two months of continual darkness as they have just received a shipment of 16,500 condoms. This averages 132 per person. - MSNBC, 6/9/08

In 1995, an Egyptian farmer descended a 60-foot well to rescue a chicken. He drowned in the attempt. The farmers’ sister and two brothers went in one-by-one to retrieve their brother, but they also drowned. Two elder farmers also came to help, but they suffered the same fate. All six bodies were eventually pulled out, along with the chicken. The chicken survived. - San Diego Union, 4/29/08

Iraq’s soccer team won the prestigious Asian Cup. Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds put aside their differences and poured into the streets to cheer the victory. Celebratory gunfire in the streets killed four. - The Week Magazine, 8/10/07

Once your cell phone is charged, unplug the charger. If 10% of the world’s cell phone users did this, it would reduce energy consumption by the amount equivalent to that used by 60,000 homes per year. - CNET News, 9/21/06

A PALINDROME is a word or sentence that reads the same backwards and forwards

Cigar? Toss it in a can. It is so tragic.

Given up yet? Scroll down.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty  uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig  to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the  ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll  raed it wouthit a porbelm. 
  
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey  lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas  tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if  you can raed tihs psas it on  !!

Psas Ti ON !

And one wonders why our English is deteriorating……….. 

Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce.  3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present . A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.  9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row . 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.  18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

What’s in a Name?

• They had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell
  
• Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell
  
• Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941
  
• They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other)
  
• They each had two children aged 19 and 21
  
• They both had an interest in oil painting
  
• Both had studied cosmetics
  
• Both had worked as book-keepers

Bullet With Your Name on It

In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend.

Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life.

Lucky Hughs?

On December 5th 1660, a ship sank in the straights of Dover - the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams.

On
5th December 1767, another ship sank in the same waters - 127 lost
their lives, the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams

On 8th August 1820, a picnic boat capsized on the Thames - there was one survivor - Hugh Williams.

On
10th July 1940, a British trawler was destroyed by a German mine - only
two men survived, one man and his nephew - they were both called Hugh
Williams.

With a Quack Quack Here

Mr McDonald was a farmer who lived in Canada - nothing extra-ordinary in
that - until you learn that his postcode contained the letter sequence EIEIO.

‘Til Death Did Them Part

In 1996, Paris police set out to investigate a late night, high speed car crash, both drivers had been killed instantly..

Investigations revealed that the deceased were in fact man and wife.  Police initially suspected some kind of murder or suicide pact but it became apparent that the pair had been separated for several months - neither could have known that the other would have been out driving that night - it was just a terrible coincidence.

She’s Behind You!

Michael Dick had been travelling around the UK with his family to track down
his daughter, Lisa - who he had lost contact with ten years earlier.

After a long fruitless search, he approached the Suffolk Free Press, who
agreed to help him by putting an appeal in their newspaper.

Fortunately, his long lost daughter saw the appeal and the pair were reunited. The
odd thing was, his daughter had been right behind him when the free paper took the photograph - shown in the photograph above. What are the chances of that!

Licensed To Thrill

A fifteen year old pupil at Argoed High School in North Wales was to sit his GCSE examinations in 1990.

His name was James Bond - his examination paper reference was 007.

What Goes Around .

In
1965, at the age of four, Roger Lausier was swimming off a beach in
Salem - he got into difficulties and was saved from drowning by a woman
called Alice Blaise.

In
1974, on the same beach, Roger was out on a raft when he pulled a
drowning man from the water - amazingly, the man he saved was Alice
Blaise’s husband.

Lightning Never Strikes Twice?

British
cavalry officer Major Summerford was fighting in the fields of Flanders
in the last year of WW1, a flash of lightning knocked him off his horse
and paralysed him from his waist down.

He
moved to Vancouver, Canada, six years later, whilst out fishing, Major
Summerfield was struck by lightning again and the right side of his
body became paralysed.

After
two years of recovery, it was a summers day and he was out in a local
park, a summer storm blew up and Major Summerfield was struck by
lightning again - permanently paralysing him.

He died two years after this incident.

However, four years after his death, his stone tomb was destroyed - it was struck by lightning!

Practice What You Preach

Businessman
Danie de Toit made a speech to an audience in South Africa - the topic
of his speech was - watch out because death can strike you down at any
time.

In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the ex-pression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)

******* As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term ‘big wig.’ Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

*******

In the late 1700’s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’ Today in business, we use the ex-pression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.’

*******

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee’s wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman’s face she was told, ‘mind your own bee’s wax.’ Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term ‘crack a smile’. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore, the ex-pression ‘losing face.’

*******

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ’straight laced’. Wore a tightly tied lace.

*******

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades.’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck.’

*******