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LOOKING BACK….LOOKING AHEAD

http://datastore.rediff.com/h5000-w5000/thumb/646266645D5C716E/gkfa9ppyqdjfqrtu.D.0.album-pix3.jpglearning to cope with  my  every day life is   a never ending adventure
although i treat it as a blessing..just being able to wake up..still
i am finding it amusing…
more often wondering if……..
am i living for myself or for those around me
is it really an obligation or just for my own satisfaction
that i need to fulfill
do i need them as much as they need me..or am i just too selfish to give  my all
i view everything as temporary..even life
afraid to attach whatever is left of my emotions
anger…feeling it once in a while
happiness…is always near yet so far away
pain..it never diminishes
there is always a vacuum somewhere in my heart..that felt otherwise
or i am just assuming what is not really  in reality
sometimes more questions are left unanswered…or maybe
not the ones ive been wanting
not the things that i have been praying….maybe
they say …life is hard if u dont practice acceptance
then im learning to accept what is there…even with regrets?
happiness is always what we want in life is all about
maybe i will learn it sooner than i thought,,,,maybe…..because
as the saying goes”we may never pass this way again”

Posted in Life, Uncategorized.

Tagged with .

1 comment

By so lilia – August 29, 2011


THANKS

people i love

some short live …. some did last long

it really doesnt matter now

past is past…but deep inside only one have left its mark

deep inside only one i truly cherished…deep insideonly one is true

whatever the reason…the costs…whatever is left of that

i believed we only felt that once in our life

relationships do varies…intensity is what it differs

we play the roles we want to play

still we keep our own points of view

regardless if it hurts  either u or me

tears really fall each time i hear ur name

i felt the cold each time i long for your embraces

of all these years that u are gone…i still hope ull be back

even if it means im fooling myself…i know u will never come

how i wish ur still with me…giving me that strength…the genuine smile

even in times when i go out of bounderies..out of ur control

I MISS U MOM….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

Posted in Life.

4 comments

By so lilia – June 12, 2009


my goodbyes

i have come this far

i felt the pain

i tasted the good times

its not complaining…its reminiscing

i hate goodbyes

i hate adiu

i love to stay…yet i cant…life has to move on

to start again

to live again

i cannot be what i am not

i hate pretensions

i love to say what i feel

it gives me the strength….the courage to live a life

the feeling of waking up with a smile

because i made a mark

because i made someones happiness a reality…..

even if it means…i live in my own fantasy

the feeling of avoiding to hurt somebody

had made me vulnerable…….but its worth i guess

one may love too much

but it can only be once…so why not take the risks

sad that all things are not what they seem to be

all good things never last…but they remain as memories

i had my share of that…its all that matters

never regret ur mistakes….they help us recover the hurt…

i am saying my goodbye…..

TILL MY NEXT HELLO…….

NO KIDDING NOW!!~!

Posted in Life.

8 comments

By so lilia – March 28, 2009


PERHAPS

AS HUMANS

WE MADE MISTAKES…WE ARE BOUND TO ..SOMETIMES

BUT COMMITING THE SAME TWICE

IS IT NOT STUPIDITY???…..MAYBE NOT

PERHAPS WE ASSUME IT WILL BE' MUCH BETTER

PERHAPS WE WERE THINKING WE ARE A LITTLE SMARTER THIS TIME

PERHAPS…THE RISKS IS WORTH THE HAPPINESS

PERHAPS WE DONT CARE…..STILL

I BELIEVE THERE IS SOME TRUTH TO EVERY LIE

THERE IS A GOOD AND BAD IN EACH AND EVERY ONE

LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT

FOR WHAT IS HAPPINESS IF PAIN IS NOT FELT

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE IF WE CANT MOVE FORWARD

PERHAPS THIS IS REALLY A TRIAL AND ERROR ADVENTURE

NOBODY IS SPARED

NOT EVEN THOSE WHO HONESTLY BELIEVED

THAT WE MAKE OUR OWN DESTINY

WE ARE WHAT HAS BEEN PLANNED…LONG BEFORE

SO WHAT ELSE IS LEFT?

JUST BE READY FOR THE NEXT…..

COMMITING…THE THIRD MISTAKE~!

'''''JUST KIDDING!

Posted in Love.

7 comments

By so lilia – March 18, 2009


Untitled

here is my another once in a while


in my life there is always one


i cannot talk about others


so im taking notes of my own……



like those people i know


now only people i knew…they have forgotten me


but memories are still vivid


how could i forget …when they have played a big part


of my life…of my loves…of my adventures..of my fears


people i used to be with…talk and shared my secrets


seems they have their own lives now…without me


they became mere acquintances…no more my friends.


i feel like a parent whose children have their own lives now


still want to hug them…yet they are busy even to kiss my cheeks….



i feel like a shadow of a star trying to find the shrieking voices


of those who adored me


now finding them in the new faces they idolized



i feel like a lover who neglect the care…of those who needs me


only to be left alone with no one ..with nothing



i want to shout…im still here


yet no voice will come out


i like to get back and leave them also


but my feet wont let me.



i should have known better


that my opportunity has knocked on my door


but i was busy thinking of myself


busy having a life on my own.



its been quite a while now


all left are sad refrain..yet im seeing a rainbow somewhere


im finding a way …im not giving up


i need just to look at myself…..and maybe


start all over again.

Posted in Love.

3 comments

By so lilia – March 3, 2009


THIS IS FOR MY FRIEND HUSAIN

my life is not as easy

as people presumed that to be

for me it wasn’t hard either

its just full of complications

like we ordinary mortals are

there is always the ups and the downs

the happy moments…and the bad

i choose to linger on the good memories

and treat the bad ones as lessons so well earned.

i lived my life now as it comes

i felt sadness once in a while

but i prefer to take them as it is

its maybe the prize of this modern world

that happiness cannot be sustained……. sometimes….it has to rest.

i do find amusement in comparing me to others

without knowing its not even good to do so

whats better for them

might not be meant to be good for me…still..i do…..thats me.

i feel good with friends

whether i see them or not

just their thoughts…their perceptions

can make me a better person ..once in a while

i trust a lot

i really believe there is a good and bad in everyone

regardless of faith…of nation…of culture.

that there is no forever…and everything is temporary

i lived my life as i want before…i live my life as it is now

no more pressures…no more expectations

i believe everything has a reason

im learning acceptance..im learning it practically.

i do believe in the colors of our life

i have been to all of them

even my days are colored…ha ha

i know monday to friday is white

saturday is blue

and sunday is green…see….thats what i think since ……i can remember

i do categorized people

friends or enemies …no in betweens…ha ha

but that was long ago

now i can accept that not all i want to be with me

can stay with me forever

that everyone has a reason to leave as well

as i have….

that happiness cant be bought…it can never be

maybe some material things…but not everything….some happiness are priceless

and i do believe that no man is an island

they need some company…friends…

to be with them in happines and pain

in winning and losing…in joy and in tears.

my friend your prescence is appreciated.

this is for you.my thanks always.

Posted in Friends.

6 comments

By so lilia – February 13, 2009


the long and winding road

the long and winding road

the journey of my life

it seems has no end

it seems forever winding.

once in a while ..i do stop

find some solace in each corner

thinking on what turn to go

wishing im on the right path

the path where i want to go….still

loneliness always wanted to be by myside

seems he also needs a company

avoided him at first….then i found you

and sadness find his way to me.

i choose once in a while

to be by myself…and be happy alone

but sometimes i choose to be sad with you

rather than be happy with someone else

fools really fall in love in a hurry

as a song goes …they give their hearts too soon

without thinking they will walk a lonely path

leading to a lonely door

of heartaches and pains.

but…after a long rest

of self examination

of soul searching

of weighing things and matters

of accepting fate as it is

i may go back again….find my road again

never mind if it is still long and winding

im sure ill survive….i hope i will.

THIS TIME I WILL NOT WALK

ILL BE IN MY CAR…SO IT WILL BE FASTER.

just kidding!!!

Posted in Life.

1 comment

By so lilia – February 6, 2009


IF EVER

if i let you go

will the world stop ?

i bet it will not

if i let you go

im thinking of the easy way out

but it seems so hard

my mind says so

my heart says otherwise

if i let you go how will i know the warmth of your smile

if i let you go ..how can i see those eyes i long to see everyday

if i let you go..who will ever take ur place

once again im thinking

if i ever let you go

will you ever let me …..let you go too?

JUST KIDDING.

Posted in Love.

7 comments

By so lilia – January 31, 2009


mixed emotions

once in a while in my not so busy life

i think of not so important matters

that sometimes i myself wonder…why im giving it a thought!

like pretending to be laughing outside yet crying inside

is it not a sign of insanity??

like believing that there is really a forever

but in reality there is only “for the meantime”

like hoping against all odds

even if the odds are against you

i really cant understand why we wish so hard

when in fact we know they cant come true

im not being vain

im just wondering

maybe its human nature…maybe.

like pretending everything is alright

when in your heart u know its not

its like embracing life as it comes

but still fears of the consequences that may come along with it…

its not really an easy path

its always been complicated

its always decisionmaking…a very difficult one

its like choosing your happiness

and those who you wanted to be happy

its like all the whys and the who

the what and the how questions everyone is facing

its not really a struggle for me

its my everyday life…getting used to it….hmmmmm

it may take sometime…..it may take a long time.

IM NOT KIDDING

I SPEAK FROM MY HEART.

Posted in Books.

8 comments

By so lilia – January 16, 2009


MY LIPS ARE SEALED

FIRST THERE WAS THE HURT

THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE

THEN THERE WAS THE DENIAL

THE PRETENSIONS THAT U ARE NOT GONE YET

THEN SLOWLY THE ACCEPTANCE

THE LEARNING TO COPE WITH REALITY

NO MATTER HOW IT HURTS…….maybe

these are the stages i presumed everybody has gone thru

whether its a fact or a myth…i really cant say

but going thru these stages is not an easy path

its a long journey….a bitter one

its like living in a world of your own

nobody can understand…no matter how hard you try

its like a question where nobody can answer

its a lonely road…an empty space

its like making a drama…where everybody except you will laugh

its like singing a song out of tune

its like having a laugh…till you cry in pain….telling a story where nobody listens.

but losing hope is not the key

its waiting…waiting for the right time

to heal the wounds…to lessen the aches

then u will learn to accept

will learn to let go

of the pain …of the hurt

a scar may still remind u ..once in a while

but it will be bearable…much easier then.

im learning to believe…that the lesser

we talk….the more we can accept the truth

the lesser we blame anybody

the more we can bear the agony

im not afraid anymore

i have learned…the hardway!!!

Posted in Life.

9 comments

By so lilia – November 25, 2008