COOL ADVERTISEMENTS

Train ride

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now…because this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train…because we’re going down the tracks.”

The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train…but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say…

“All passengers please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She heard her little darling continue…”For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..”

S I S T E R S

THREE SISTERS ARE LIVING TOGETHER IN A LOVELY RETIREMENT COMMUNITY. ONE IS 90, ONE IS 92 AND THE OTHER IS 94.

THE 94-YEAR OLD WENT UPSTAIRS TO BATHE. SHE DREW THE BATH , UNDRESSED, THEN PUT HER FOOT IN THE TUB. SHE SHOUTED DOWN TO HER SISTERS TO HELP HER AS SHE COULDN'T RECALL WHETHER SHE WAS GETTING INTO .OR OUT OF THE TUB!

THE 92-YEAR OLD WENT TO ASSIST HER GOT HALF WAY UP THE STAIRS. SHE STOPPED, AND SHOUTED TO HER OTHER SISTER IN THE KITCHEN TO PLEASE COME TO HELP ..AS SHE COULDN'T RECALL WHETHER SHE WAS GOING UP .OR COMING DOWN . THE STAIRS!

THE 90-YEAR OLD SAID TO HERSELF "I'M SO GLAD I'M NOT THAT OLD, KNOCK ON WOOD!", AS SHE KNOCKED ON THE WOODEN KITCHEN TABLE. SHE THEN SHOUTED "I'LL BE RIGHT THERE AS SOON AS I FIND OUT WHO'S AT THE DOOR".

The Secret behind the number 11

Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it’s actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:

“For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace.”

That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.

Unconvinced about all of this still ..?


Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers .
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

What do you think now?

BUSHHHH

BODY ART

FAT BABY

HEY LOOK

If LPG is acquired by Vijay Mallya ….the situation will be like this.
After the phenomenal success of Kingfisher Airlines. Have you ever imagined as to how will the Gas Cylinders be en delivered to your home. If Mr.Vijay Mallya ventured into the LPG Distribution Business in his own way of approach like this!!!!

Dog gives birth to mutant creature that resembles human being

Ice Hotel in Canada

Snowflakes: Miraculous creation of nature

Largest diamond in galaxy predicts future of solar system

Astronomers discovered the largest diamond of all times in space. The weight of the precious stone reportedly makes up ten billion trillion trillion carats or five million trillion trillion pounds).

The space diamond is virtually an enormous chunk of crystallized carbon, 4,000 kilometers in diameter. The stone is located at a distance of 50 light years from Earth, in the Constellation Centaurus.

Scientists believe that the diamond is the heart of an extinct star that used to shine like the Sun. Astronomers have already dubbed the space diamond as Lucy in a tribute to the Beatles song 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.'

“You would need a jeweler’s loupe the size of the Sun to grade this diamond!” says astronomer Travis Metcalfe (Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics), who leads a team of researchers that discovered the giant gem.

The cosmic stone completely outclasses all diamonds that have ever been found on Earth. The largest diamond weighing 546 carats was found in South African Republic. The diamond, The Star of Africa, resides in the Crown Jewels of England. The Star of Africa was cut from the largest diamond ever found on Earth, a 3,100-carat gem.

Lucy, also known as BPM 37093, is actually a crystallized white dwarf. A white dwarf is the hot core of a star, left over after the star uses up its nuclear fuel and dies. It is made mostly of carbon and is coated by a thin layer of hydrogen and helium gases.

The white dwarf is not only radiant but also harmonious. It rings like a gigantic gong, undergoing constant pulsations. “By measuring those pulsations, we were able to study the hidden interior of the white dwarf, just like

Dinner in the Sky

ALSO VIEW/READ MY PREVIOUS BLOG, WHICH MAY YOU FIND  BE INTERESTING

THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE ( funny)

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.

Editor: “Sir, It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?”

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: “We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?” .
She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”

Husband: “That’s it. We are happy ever after. ”

==========================================================

SOME GREAT RECORDS

Nelvin Feyzel Booz (Nelvin Feizel Boothe) from the city of Pontiac, Michigan, not strig nails 25 years, bringing the total length of 1910cm amounted to 931cm nails

Victor “Larry” Ramos Gomez, pictured in the photos, and Gabriel “Danny” Gomez (Gabriel “Danny” Gomez) (both from Mexico) belong to one family, consisting of 19 members, has five generations which are rare disease known as a common congenital Ray, and characterized by excessive hair on the face and Volvo. Traits cover women’s family can be described as a light or average, while 98% of men covered with thick body hair, except for the hands and feet

American Jackie Bibby (Jackie Bibby) was able to hold in his mouth without assistance 10 gremuchih snake tails for a period of 10 seconds on the Day Guinness World Records on November 9, 2006

One 1,790 needles for acupuncture was votknuto in the head and face Shengchu Chinese Wei (Wei Shengchu) on March 23, 2004 in the city of Nanking, China

The largest mirror ball is 5.01 m. in diameter. Imaginate Events. His boat Nigel Burrows  from the company Imaginate Events. Shaer was demonstrated in the city of Reading, England, October 13, 2006

The biggest hamburger weighing 35.6 kg. included in the menu bar grill Bob’s BBQ & Grill on the beach in Pattaya, Thailand on July 31, 2006

The heaviest weighing 18.49 kg apple. Chisato raised Iwasaki (Chisato Iwasaki) for its apple farm in the town of Hirosaki (Hirosaki), Japan, which was thwarted by October 24, 2005

The oldest person spustivshimsya a rope from a height of more than 30 metres. a britanka Doris Long (Doris Long), which on June 10, 2006 has descend from the building Millgate House-60 m. from the roof to the ground, at the age of 92 years and 24 days (she was born on May 18, 1914). The building is located in an area of St. George in the city of Portsmouth, England.

The highest attraction slow fall called “Sky Jump” (Leap from the sky) and is located in the tower and entertainment center crossovers Macau. Fall begins with a 61-level towers at a height of 233 m. over land, and continues for 17-20 seconds. Solemn leap committed A. J. Hackett (A. J. Hackett) from New Zealand on August 17, 2005

Ninety concrete blocks for one minute broke his arm Norwegian Narve Laeret on televisions transfer “Senkveld” television TV2 on November 9, 2006 in Oslo

The biggest leap riding on a lion to a distance of 2.3 m. Askold committed and Edgar Zapashnye (both Russian) - Russian State Circus performers, the circus scene Perm July 28, 2006

The quickest office is a table specially equipped to ride on the roads, and moving with a maximum speed of 140 km / h. His boat Briton Edd China (Edd China), and he also has held across Westminster Bridge in London on November 6, 2006 on the Day Guinness World Records.

Bob Chandler (Bob Chandler) from the city of St. Louis, Missouri. It was built during the summer of 1986, he is now permanently berthed in the city of St. Louis and occasionally appear on the local festivitiesHeight truck Bigfoot 5 is 4.7 m height tires-3 pm-weight 17,236 kg. This is one of the 17 pickups such established

On July 7, 2006 the smallest of the living horses were Tambelina (Thumbelina) , miniature mare, whose growth was 44.5 Bobcats see Her owners, Kay and Paul Gesling (Kay and Paul Goessling) live on a farm in Goose Creek the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Growth Radar (Radar) - Belgian upryazhnoy horses, has been measured with Horseshoe on July 27, 2004 and amounted to 202 see Radar owned firms Priefert Manufacturing Inc. city of Mount Pleasant, Texas. Both horses are brought together for a photo in the Guinness Book of September 3, 2006

Kim Gudmen the United States can vypuchit eye of the eye of 11 mm. This fact was recorded in the television show “Guinness World records : Praymtaym” June 13, 1998

Harry Turner from Britain could spread to the abdominal skin . This is due to a rare disease known as syndrome Elersa- Danlosa violation connective tissue, affecting the skin, ligaments and internal organs. Collagen, strengthens skin, and is responsible for its elasticity, damaged, which, among other things, is the weakening of the skin and joints razboltannost. In more severe cases, this can result in the destruction or rupture of blood vessels, leading to death

The longest dog ears and see the size 34.9 & 34.2 cm-right and left, respectively, measured on September 29, 2004 They belong Tiggeru (Tigger), Jr., whose owners Brian and Christine Flessner, lived in the city of St. Joseph, Illinois

Mike Howard from Britain walked the beam that can extend between two balloons at an altitude of 6522 m. near the city Yovil, County Somersetshir, UK, September 1, 2004 This feat was captured on videotape for the television show “Guinness records : 50 years, 50 of Records.”

Ilker Yilmaz (Ilker Yilmaz) from Turkey issued a strict eye milk Record was recorded on September 1, 2004 at the Hotel Armada Hotel in Istanbul, Turkey

====================================================================

                             BIG  BUBBLES

==================================================================

                                    DEEP IN THE WATER

                                    HIGH IN THE SKY

=================================================================

FAT FEAST FOR ANACONDA

==================================================================

ICC new rules

1) Ricky Ponting ' (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .


(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.

(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.

(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - “THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET” more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA

=================================================================

I Wish All my ILAND friends

          Happy New Year

====================

Laugh a while

An Indian, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

This time you need to scroll the page horizontally because I have posted a big unique picture, take some trouble by scrolling, beacuse it is worth, anybody needs this picture then leave ur email id or send me a email. Sorry for the inconvenience

Why Indian mom’s are the best in world

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
” That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

The Indian mother replies,

…
….
….
….
…..
..
..
..
..
.
…………
…………..
…
….
….
….
…..
..
..
..
..
.
…………
…………..
.


…………
…………..
…
….
….
….
…..
..
..
..
..
.
…………

” I don’t like her ” :-):-):-)

=====================================

Why Men can pee standing up

ZOOM first picture if u r unable to view second one

=========================

Funny Equations!

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don’t know enjoy = Donkey that work

************ ********* ********* ********* *
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys

************************************************
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don’t spend = Donkeys

************ ********* ********* ********* *
To Conclude:
* Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
* Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
* Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys!
** And the Donkeys lived happily ever after!

======================================

One Night

One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman
became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.

He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side,
sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and
the other.

His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left
thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the
bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.

He whispered back, “I found the remote.”

======================================================

Stuttering Cat

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well”, she began, “I was in the backyard with my kitty and the Rottweiler (black and tan ferocious dog) that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

“That must’ve been scary”, said the teacher.

“It sure was”, said the little girl. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff.’ And before he could say ‘F*ck,’ the Rottweiler ate him!”

==========================================================

THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE

Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster.

They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race.
The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time.
Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he thought he’d sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race. He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep.

The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champ.

The hare woke up and realized that he’d lost the race.
The moral- “Slow and steady wins the race. This is the version of the story that we’ve all grown up with.”

THE STORY DOESN’T END HERE

there are few more interesting things….it continues as follows…

The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some soul-searching.
He realized that he’d lost the race only because he had been
overconfident, careless and lax.

If he had not taken things for granted, there’s no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race.
The tortoise agreed. This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finish. He won by several miles.

The moral - ” Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady. It’s good to be slow and steady; but it’s better to be fast and reliable.”

THE STORY DOESN’T END HERE

The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realized that there’s no way it can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted.

It thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route. The hare agreed. They started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was a couple of kilometers on the other side of the river.

The hare sat there wondering what to do.
In the meantime the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking and finished the race.

The moral - “First identify your core competency and then change the playing field to suit your core competency.”

THE STORY STILL HASN’T ENDED

The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together.

Both realized that the last race could have been run much better So they decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time.

They started off, and this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back.
On the opposite bank, the hare again carried
the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. They both felt a greater sense of satisfaction than they’d felt earlier.

The moral - “It’s good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies; but unless you’re able to work in a team and harness each other’s core competencies, you’ll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you’ll do poorly and someone else does well.

Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person
with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership.
Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after failures. The hare decided to work harder and put in more effort after his failure.
The tortoise changed his strategy because he was already working as hard as he could.
In life, when faced with failure, sometimes it is appropriate to work harder and put in more effort.

Sometimes it is appropriate to change strategy and try something different.

And sometimes it is appropriate to do both.

The hare and the tortoise also learn t another vital lesson. When we stop competing against a rival and instead start competing against the situation, we perform far better.

To sum up- the story of the hare and tortoise has much to say: Chief among them are that fast and consistent will always beat slow and steady;
work to your competencies;
pooling resources and working as a team will always beat individual performers;
never give up when faced with failure;
& finally, compete against the situation - not against a rival.

========================================

Have a great day!

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work;
Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad;

Think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend;

Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;

Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror;

Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

========================================

To view Pictures of BONSAI and THINNEST CAR

CLICK HERE

GALAXY

This is real image size of world at night. ( if u r lucky u can view it or else view next image - which is sized to fit- u can see it by Zoom in to 200% on Internet explorer in XP2000)

(IF U VIEWED ABOVE IMAGE WHICH IS 20 TIMES BIGGER THAN THE IMAGE BELOW THEN FINE IF UNABLE TO VIEW VISIT AGAIN, OR ELSE I CAN EMAIL ITS A MUST SEE IMAGE- FURNISH UR EMAIL ID)

THINNEST CAR

BONSAI

DONT MISS MY LAST BLOG COLOR OF NATURE AND MINI GUN CLICK HERE