logikal’s blog

Dharabahik Momota

Momotar Rag Kyano Hoi

(Mamta ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai- What Angers Mamata)

Momota’s Rage, Part V

Pichchu was walking very fast- he was in a hurry- his Momota Didi was slapping people for being late-and he was late, standing at the pan (betel) shop in Esplanade, when he was summoned- by Didi! Unfortunately, he had also tripped over the tramline, damn that stupid Maruti driver who made him trip when he had taken a backward step, after misjudging the car's speed- and had inadvertently spread betel leaf-spittle all over his otherwise immaculate, "manja-fied" (starched) kurta (long shirt)! He was still to adjust to his new job, the timings not very suited for his style of functioning. He was a regular late riser, used to getting up at ten AM  BJ (Before Job), except when he was required to catch the occasional culprit- for collecting his hopta (hafta in Hindi-  protection money) from the errant milkman who was fond of using the Municipal water supply from the locality for enhancing his supply of the bovine elixir!

So Pichchu was thinking of a solution to the problem, when he was hit!

Hit by a woman carrying a load of "Daab"- those green owatarfool (water-full) coconuts that Bengalis pay Rs 25 per piece at Babu Ghat! Pichchu fainted!

Kolkatans are good Samaritans- they gather round to help the distraught (a secondary aim) and to have the "haatair shookh" (pleasure of the hand) by lynching the deemed offender, the primary aim, and their usual vent at the maladministration run by the Reds! So Ms Sukanya (aka Khenti) was suddenly in the midst of wrong kind of attention- more than that, the likely chance of getting beaten up (mercifully!) was absent, and she was being stared at too- she had herself fallen on the victim, and her clothes were ahem, a little in disarray! Enough to get remarks like "Magir uruta dekh sos kina, jeno momer moton!"-I am NOT translating this- at least not right now!

The falling soft coconuts that brought down Pichchu were a bit too uncouth- he was knocked out for the better part of four minutes, before he came to under the labored breathing of the lady, also knocked out, and in a position of virtual en flagrante, separated only by a weird distribution of the coired green softies! Pichchu, a wise street fighter knew that the odds were stacked against him, unless his breathing was labored, and this he managed under the gargantuan green orbs of the woman face down on him, and flailed his hands weakly, much like the 2003 Cricket World Cup version of "Mai Kahan Hoon" done by the Master Blaster himself in a Coke ad!

The public was moved

They hauled the woman up! And walked her to the foot path with tender grace- the woman resisted public assisted re-clothing and performed the act herself under the anxious public view- that hoped that the show must go on, but what a sport!

And they gathered the daabs, and reinstated the bridal dowry in the wicker basket, much as before! Khenti, quite dazed by her ill luck and bruised ego and odd pains to her massive body chose to just rest a little while

And then they turned their attention to the supine gentleman snoring mellifluously on the tar bed

Pichchu was crestfallen at the first question- "Aee, dekhta nahi toom kidhaar jata hai? Khali khali woman ko dhukkamaar kat bhagta hai?" (Can't you see where you are headed to, and deliberately hit the woman?) Bengalis speak a new version of Hindi always! "Opore thaykay nichay obdi bodmash, hotachhada, pan khaitechilay?" This, in Bengali implies "O good soul, you should have watched your step" etc, though it literally translates to "You rogue from top to bottom, ill lucked paan chewer!"

Pichchu assessed the situation. He was not the one to wait and get lynched- he stood up gingerly and took out his Rampuri switch blade knives in a flash and roared- "Shaala- (Dear brother in law!) loarbi naki aye na!" (Wanna fight?)

That took care of the onlookers' spirit- they dispersed without second thought, knowing that the knife wielder was well connected too, and instead it was all between Khenti aka Sukanya and our gallant Pichchu to resolve the matter amicably!

Pichchu took out his mobile- "Didi, I am a little busy- there was a minor accident- I have to take the victim, a dear old lady (wink!) to Bangur Hospital, I would send Kanu Sanyal to office in my place, is that Ok? No Didi, I have to go- the lady is bleeding badly "

"Ei, chowl, jabi? Eh, would you go?"

Khenti knowing the inevitable, surrendered to destiny!

Another day gone by! I am worried about the telephone guys eyeing my house frequently- have they come to trace the call physically- I have stopped picking up the phone anymore- I may hear the all too familiar shrill voice

Pichchu has had a good day- he sold the green coconuts at knife point! He has left his Railway service, though he has promised Didi that he would ring her up occasionally from Baruipur- of course Saurabh, the milkman is his neighbor- he sheepishly contributes the hopta to Pichchu and Mrs Pichchu, aka Khenti aka Sukanya!

It is fun to be in the AJ (After (=sans) Job) era- although Didi has refused him pension.

Pichchu writes terrible poetry too- but I have no intention of bringing in a competitor to my own blog!

To be continued…

(Momota Cholchhay Cholbay- Bangalir shesh obdhi buddhi hoyechhay- CPM bhagao!)

(Mamata for ever, Bengalis have finally understood, kick the CPM out!)

kbdgr8est

09 June 2009

Dharabahik Momota

Momotar Rag Kyano Hoi

(Mamta ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai- What Angers Mamata)

Momota’s Rage, Part IV

I am not responsible for translating Bengali words- ask Didi who lives in ur next flat!

Pichchu was trying to sing a Robindro Shongeet (Tagore Song). All Bengalis do! Some sing like the angels of Heaven. Some remind you that you need to remove your tonsils AND eardrums soon. It depends who the listener is. If you are a genuine Tagore lover, you may also miss the thorough bred strains of Shantiniketan music classes in the muktangan theatres.

In Kolkata, there are lover's groves etc rustling with the displaced birds struggling to keep their nests intact against the ardors of love, and the occasional refrain 'Ei Ki Korchho'- (Kim Karishyati:h*, kya kar rahe ho, what are you upto!!!) from the birds and the lady alike! I guess next it would the turn of coconut trees to support lovers ardors!

They all sing Robindro Shongeet! Bush whackers I guess!

Today was a special day! Pichchhu had a temporary job, likely to be confirmed after three months. He had realized his dream to be a peon in the Fairlie Place/Koilaghat PRS, kind courtesy Didi.

He also is getting a special set of monthly tickets for his family- his Jadavpur Voter ID card lists him as a BPL (below poverty level) guy, though envious neighbors hate his parking of a Suzuki Zen in the middle of the gally (lane).

Didi was back in Kolkata, having bargained for and got the Tramways Ministry of India. What an agenda- she was trying to avoid the swearing in Delhi, but failed as there is no provision for the president to swear in a Minister at her home constituency as yet! She has opened a branch office of the Railway Ministry in Delhi- and Rail Bhavan is to be transferred to the TC soon, as it's corporate headquarters.

Her main headquarters is to be in Fairlie Place- and she would soon inaugurate two thrice weekly trains- 10001 Up Third Class and 10002 Third Class Bheshtibooled Shooparphast trains that would carry her files and some key officers between Kolkata and Deelli, also known as Delhi! Needless to say that the trains would pass through, but not stop at Patna, Hajipur, and Gwalior - just to snook a thumb at you know who all! In fact the first stop would be at Jabalpur and then, Jhansi!

To book a seat on this prime train pair, you have to show a Party I Card, or a photo pass issued by the Tramways Ministry, located at present in Goder Maath (Rolling Fields, near Eden Gardens). No reds, pinks or stinks allowed! Bangladeshi's owe-el-come please!

I am reminded of my poem of May 1966, yes May 1966- I was almost 17 years, then a budding poet too, and well!!!

The Sad Poet from Ballygunge Lake on a Bad day!

Bonolata (Pronounced: Bow Noh Law Ta)

Bonolata Sen aar Romeo Lahiri,

Phagun maasei boadh hoi,

Doolchhilo lakay'r hawaaye!

Bonolata gaichhilo gaan,

Romeo petay chhilo kaan,

Kintoo baysooro mihi golaar gaan shunay,

Oothay cholay gelo kone khanay,

Amader cheero poricheeto ghoda mukho kobi!

Poet Horse-Face, our neighborhood one

Wrote poems under the evening Sun,

But one day, his pen went dry,

Sensing the presence nearby,

Of lovers in utter bliss,

Sen, Bonolata, forty, Miss,

With her handsome bashful beau,

Lahiri, Laltoo, the bald Romeo!

The breeze was so inviting

Wafts of tulips on the wing .

The duo, oblivious of all others there,

Broke status quo and shattered the air!

Bonolata did the banal thing,

Tone deaf, she began to sing-

But Horse-Face, the neighborhood one

Missing the point in his rhyming run,

The miserably irate bard skulked away,

Wishing the offenders would no longer stay!

Khonik pawray,

Gaanayr sheshay Bonolata shudhalo, "Kemon laaglo?"

Romeo oooodas bhabay Chaander paanay cheyo bollo, "Bhalo"

Kintoo bayshuro mihi golaar gan themechhe jene,

Taar purano porichito sthanay,

Eshe boshlo,

Amadayr chiroporichito ghoda mukho kobi!

Somewhat later, the said song waxed,

The duo appeared very relaxed,

Bonolata asked "How was it",

(Romeo says sadly, he liked a bit!)

Our Laureate offered "Horrible shit"!

A bit too loud, the lovers were hurt,

Disheartened by this ugly spurt,

Hand in hand they walked away!

Horse-Face finally had his day,

Reinstated in his regained seat,

Horse-Face was in domain legit!

Two seconds later he wrote an epithet,

A sob story- you can bet!

Ballygunge Lake,

May16, 1966

.

I see Pichchhu driving back from the office- I guess he has made Rs 5000 in bribes today! I know that smirk on his face when he does!

Didi is still looking for my phone Nombore- I gave her a wrong nombore!

To be continued

(Momota Cholchhay Cholbay- Bangalir shesh obdhi buddhi hoyechhay- CPM Bhagao!)

(Mamata for ever, Bengalis have finally understood, kick the CPM out!)

kbdgr8est

28 May 2009

* Thanks Dhaivat- for that… but let it be! I decline the declination of that verb- read what are you upto!

Dharabahik Momota

Momotar Rag Kyano Hoi

(Mamta ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai- What Angers Mamata)

Momota’s Rage, Part III

I have been singularly guilty of writing irreverently about Didi, but that's the way I am, a bit of a clumsy chutney taster, if you know what I mean. I assure you I am also her ardent admirer. Technically, I should be her Dada, for she is quite younger that me, but I am small fry. I have more episodes to write, and I will  do so soon- but only the title will remain the same- the content to my heart's content, deviant, irreverent and apolitical. I assure you I won't be writing poetry long live logikal- poetry is dead!

Once upon a time, someone asked me, "Is it true that you won a car in a lottery in Jabalpur?"

I said "Yes it is true, it is, (sigh), it is! But it was not Kanchan Bhattacharya- it was Gopal Das Bhuttalal Cutpiecewala, and it was not in Jabalpur, it was in Bhopal, and it was not a lottery it was while he was walking the roads of Shamla Hills, and it was not a car, it was his motor cycle, and it was not he who won it, but the four goons in the road who stole his motorcycle- it was they who won the lottery!"

You see my predicament- I cannot afford to be truthful- at least not too much!

I am afraid it if this is to be told to the powers that be they may take offence- at the poor voter (me) who went to Bhopal.

And Didi too!

(Momota Cholchhay Cholbay- Bangalir shesh obdhi buddhi hoyechhay- CPM Bhagao!)

(Mamata for ever, Bengalis have finally understood, kick the CPM out!)

Dharabahik Momota

Momotar Rag Kyano Hoi

(Mamta ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai- What Angers Mamata)

Momota’s Rage, Part II

"Hyal low Shourobh?"

Hello, Saurav?

"Hyan, ami Shourobh bolchhi, Baruipur thekay"

Yes I am Saurav, from Baruipur

"ORAY toder niye ar ami parina!!! Chaichhiloom Shourobh Gangoolir shongay katha ballatay, tora to Baruipurer goala-tar shongay kotha bolachchhis!!!"

O God! What can  I say to you imbeciles… wanted to talk to Saurav Ganguli, and you have connected me to Saurav, the milkman from Baruipur…

So begins the behind the scene preparation for Momotadi's call to Shourobh Gangooli. We should not bother about this talk very much, for he was as usual slow, making a Test Match out of a T20 thing! That the KKR won next day too was a matter of match fixing? Not at all. It was the cold!

-*-

"O ray Podi, shunchhis?"

Podi, are you listening?

"Hyan Didmoni"

Yes Didi

"Ektu Buddhodeb Bhattacharjeer shongay kotha bolbo want to talk to Buddhadeb Bhattacharya" (writer's note: CM, W. Bengal)

"hyallow, Ami Momota boalchhi" Hello, this is Mamata!

Momota? At midnight? How dare the maid ring me up at this ungodly hour- that too on my unlisted cellphone?

"Listen Momota, I pay you to work at my place, not to ring up in the middle of night"

"What! How dare you say that? I am Momota, Momota Banerji"

"So what? I did not know your surname who gave you the right to ring me up at midnight?"

""Look brother, if you keep talking in that tone, I would send Pichchhu to get you tomorrow"

"Oye Momota, how dare you talk to me like that yourself eh- I would fire you tomorrow- get lost . You and your bloody Pichchu Wait! Wait! Wait… you are the Momota Banerji? Jadavpur's  Trinomool Momota?"

"Who else do you think I am- Mr Budhdhodeb?"

"Look Momota, it would do you miles of good not to talk with me- and you are speaking to Kanchan Bhattacharya, not Budhdhodeb!!!"

But I was crestfallen at the foiled chance to befriend the powers that be!

"What? Wrong nombor? Wrong nombor not 92xxx xxxx0?"

"Look madam, whatever you have dialed, that is not the number you wanted, and my maid is called Momota goodnight!"

-*-

"Podi! Ei Podi! Toader buddhir bolihari e nomborta kotha thekay peli- amake ki opoman korlo minshayta bolto?"

Podi, eh Podi, whats wrong with your chicken sized brains, where did you get this phone number? Do you know that bum- he insulted me so much!

-*-

West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee skipped the CPI(M) politburo meeting in Delhi as he had to “oversee the law and order situation in the state”. Especially on the personal front, not the Left Front!

The move assumes significance in the wake of the Left Front’s debacle in the Lok Sabha elections in West Bengal.

Momota is looking up BSNL authorities to get full details of my phone number!

I am shifting house soon! and I am not comfortable about meeting Pichchu  the Terrible! He has a squint, I wear specs… he has muscles too!

And how can the Left be the Front?

To be continued

(Momota Cholchhay Cholbay- Bangalir shesh obdhi buddhi hoyechhay- CPM Bhagao!)

(Mamata for ever, Bengalis have finally understood, kick the CPM out!)

Dharabahik Momota

Momotar Rag Kyano Hoi

(Mamta ko Gussa Kyun Ata Hai- What Angers Mamata)

Momota’s Rage, Part I

Momota was busy celebrating her election win in Kolkata what an election it was! She was about to go in for dinner. Even now there was a huge crowd outside her gate, all wanting to look at Amader Priyo Didi (Our Dear Elder Sibling), now about to be called Kolkatar Masi (Kolkata’s Aunt)!

In came Pichchu, the cute local Trinomool Congress goon! "Didi, ekta kotha achhey- there is something I want to tell you". Didi, ever the populist one, and in an expansive mood today, nevertheless darkened her face "Bolna ki bolbi- say what you want to say".

Pichhu started wriggling his hands in shame, hesitating how to break the bad news to her- fearing another Singur like struggle ahead! What a campaign it was- he had to break so many jaws, arms and legs, lucky that he survived with just an eye permanently set in a squint- of course a small price for the awesome satisfaction of butt kicking some CPM cadres, now perhaps registered as CPM cadavers too!

"Keeray, bolbi na, takar dorkar achhay ki? What, why don't you say something- do you need money- shudhu shudhu taka-i chaas showb shomoi tui- you keep asking for money all the time"

"Na Didi, taka noi, ta to chai-i, kintu eta Shourobher kotha- no Didi, it is not about money, though I would need that too, this is about Saurav"

"Kon Shourobh, Baruipurer? Which Saurav- the one from Baruipur?"

"Na Didi, Kolkatar, Kolkata Nite Rider er, maanay oi Shourobh, Shorobh Gangoolir- It is about Saurav Ganguli from the Kolkata Knight Riders"

"Ki bolchhis tui? CPM takay meray phelaychhe? What are you talking of? Has the CPM killed him?"

"Na Didi, ta noi-kintoo No it is not that, but "

"Tobay kee? Bhonita korchhis keno? What then, why the preamble?"

"Didi, heray gechhe shesh match tao- lost the last match too"

"Lojja korayna tor, maajh ratay ei sobh baajey khobor gulo enay shonachchhis? Aren't you ashamed of yourself, telling me this bad news at this late hour? Kay hariyechhay takay- who has beaten him"

"Didi Gilchrister dol- Deccan Chargers- Didi Gilchrists Party, Deccan Chargers"

"Kee bolchhis tui- eta abar kon party, Telegu Desamer shongee naki- what are you talking of- is it a partner of Telegu Desham?"

"Didi, ta to amiiyo janina- I am not sure at all"

"Chhee chhee, Shourabher shongay phonay kotha bola, jaantay chai- what a shame, get Saurav on line, let me speak to him"

.

To be continued

(Momota Cholchhay Cholbay- Bangalir shesh obdhi buddhi hoyechhay- CPM Bhagao!)

(Mamata for ever, Bengalis have finally understood, kick the CPM out!)